nmah596.xml

nmah596.xml

born-digital

story

yes

no

2002-08-30

I'm very grateful that I did not witness the attacks live, but in televised playbacks. As I watched the tape of the horror that had just unfolded in NYC only minutes earlier, it became apparent that planes from American & United Airlines had been used. My 7 year old son's father was working for United in Boston, & I immediately attempted to call him for details. But all the phone lines were down, so all we could do was watch the television & get any information from there. Like millions of others, I was glued to my television set, shocked at what I was viewing, but anxious for any updates, or explanations.

Then, after having watched this horror unfold again & again through replays, my telephone rang. It was United Airlines! As my son's father & I were seperated, I wasn't aware of the trip he'd planned with friends on that September day - but the United representative filled me in: my son's father was a passenger on United Airlines flight #175, the 2nd plane to hit, the one that flew into the South Tower of the World Trade Center. He was gone!

After that, it was extremely difficult to watch any of the news telecasts. No longer was it just a horrible event happening in another city; it was personal. To watch the footage of the United plane hitting the South Tower would be to watch the exact moment my son's father died - & knowing this moment of death was being viewed by millions of people through televised newscasts. To watch this happen to someone you've cared about, & not be able to stop it, but - like so many others - just stare at your television in total shock & disbelief, feeling completely helpless!

My life has changed in so many ways. I remember the first way I felt changed was that everything I enjoyed or cared about suddenly had no meaning anymore. Favorite television shows; favorite foods; personal interests; even friends.

I had to force myself to get out of bed everyday, only because I still had a small child who'd just lost his father, & now depended solely on the surviving parent - me!

I also work for the airlines in Boston, so I was seeing this tragedy from both sides: as a family member, & as an airline employee faced with public outcries & drastic security changes. As an airline employee, I wanted to know how this had been allowed to happen. And as a 9/11 family member, my only thoughts were of how this wonderful man was gone, & how was I going to help my 7 year old child get through this? How to help him deal with the loss of his favorite person in the world....his daddy?

Now, it's 11 months later, & we're basically ok! After weekly therapy & love & support from close friends, my son is less anxious; less angry; less sad.
I'll never look at a tall glass building the same way anymore. Or at a United plane; or a fireman. Flying now makes me anxious & alert. I find myself scanning faces. I close my eyes at every takeoff, & thank God & my pilot when we land! My son & I both still have nightmares, but one day this will stop. (Right?)

How have our lives changed since September 11th? Think of having a huge hole in your stomach, & nothing can ever fill it in! It's a part of you that is forever gone - & can never be replaced! You go on, you work, you play, you get back to your daily lives...but the hole is always there.

I think it's important to remember those who have died, but also to remember what happened after the attacks: the patriotism around the country. The country coming together in unified solidarity. The outpouring of humanity, goodwill & support from both the business world, & the general public. We need to remember the flags everywhere; the candlight vigils; the solidarity shown by other countries; the 63 babies born after their daddies died; the 343 firemen who told each other goodbye BEFORE they went into the buildings; the beam in the shape of a cross; the 3 firemen raising the flag at Ground Zero; & Rudy Guiliani!

And though this view is not supported by everyone, I think we also need to remember the song by Toby Keith, titled: "Courtesy Of The Red, White, & Blue". God Bless America....& God help those who have messed with America!!!

No, I did not! In the beginning, listening to all the patriotism & flag waving, it was hard to latch onto that, as we were still in the early stages of our mourning.

But as our initial tears dried, & we began to see all the flags - everywhere - they took on a new meaning. It wasn't just "USA", it was more like, "USA together all the way" !

We saw how this horrible tragedy brought people together & inspired the poets & artists. We heard the beautiful tribute songs, watched the heart tugging memorials, & stood & cried together - as a Nation! It reminded me of the last scene from Sally Field's movie, "Not Without My Daughter", in which she & her daughter escaped from Iran. As they walk down the quiet street towards the American Embassy, all you hear is a "flap, flap". Then you see where this is coming from: the American flag inside the Embassy gates! And in that one moment, you feel what they were feeling - a surge of pride & relief! That American flag represented freedom at last; comfort & safety guaranteed; & of finally "coming home". The American flag will forever mean "home" to me.
My son, Marc Antoni, was born on the 4th of July, so he looks at every flag as a celebration. As it should be!!!