nmah6264.xml

nmah6264.xml

born-digital

story

yes

no

2003-09-14

I live two hours from NYC, out in the country in a small town named Westtown. At the time I was a student at SUNY Orange in Middletown, NY finishing my last semester. But I was not in college that day. I was already home in mourning for a young college friend of mine who had passed on the 8th. I didn't hear about it until the 10th, in the cafeteria where I bawled in front of the entire room. It came as a shock since he was only 19, lived through leukemia, beat cancer but died from a weak heart. He had been in NYC for test and treatment but was allowed to be home in the end thanks to Hospice. So even though on the 10th people thought it strange to see someone sobbing uncontrollably and sinking to the floor, I can imagine a day later they didn't think it so strange.
I had gotten a ride home, where a friend stayed with me until my family got home. I was staying home, by myself on the 11th when I got a call from my mother that I couldn't figure out. In my weary state I couldn't understand what she was saying about the news about a plane, and she mentioned the White House for some reason, told me not to be scared. So I tried to figure out what she said, and turned on the TV. I curled up on the couch just as the second plane hit. It didn't make any sense. I spent the rest of the day alone on the couch watching everything as it happened. I wrote a journal entry as I watched and took a picture of the TV screen, after towers fell and all of Manhattan was a dust cloud. I guess I was hoping I could better understand it at a later date as it wasn't hitting me yet, my heart was too heavy already to take all of what I was seeing and hearing as it progressed.
Later I dressed with a long black dress coat for the viewing of my friend, showing no emotion or apparent knowledge of the events of the day. I was there to comfort my friends, his fiance, his family, to pay my respects. Wednesday a friend drove me to the funeral, then to the graveside burial. I remember so clearly, looking up into the sky. You normally have a break in the silence at these things, a break in the painful loss, but there was none. There was nothing but bright blue, sunny, cloudless sky. Not a plane, not even a bird flew through the air. It was so strange, the air so lifeless.
The days folwing after, when I returned to classes with everyone else, we all had our stories, thought to share. When I told them I was already in mourning that day they just nodded. Everyone walked around slower, things were much quieter on campus. A lot of people were effected personaly in our county with friends and family working in or near the World Trade Center. We put up a memorial board outside with artwork, poems, and [yellow, red/white/blue, as well as black]ribbons were put out for the students. I posted a short poem I'd written earlier, "Goodbyes are hard to say, to the ones we care about. But Goodbye is not forever, you are always in my heart". I was a student aid so I recieved a patriotic ribbon that I still have and wear, though it has needed cleaning and shows the 2 years of worn edges. But the thing that I found helped me through my friend's death and my final realization of the attacks was a quote of Josh's that can be found on his headstone, "Never give up, it's only a bump in the road". And I pass his advice to everyone. If he could do it though all he went through, we must have as much strength and determination.

I was always patriotic and even though I don't live in the city it still hit close to home. At only 2 hours from the city, my mother grew up in Manhattan, and Orange County alone lost 40+ souls that day, one of them a younger friend's father, who was a firefighter. The events just reminded me of my love for my country and this state that I have grown up in.

That we can get though anything. As Josh always said, "Never give up..".

I've always loved and honored the flag. But, I did add more to our property and our cars.