nmah6410.xml

nmah6410.xml

born-digital

story

yes

no

2004-01-18

I wanted to add some things to my earlier, longer entry today, if I may.
For one, I have come up with the Voting Duty Act, which I think should be passed by Congress. In it, everyone eligible would have to vote in a modernized system, such as the one we have here in Marin County, using automatic ballot counters and felt-tip markers with three ballots in all, in case we make a mistake or need to do "research." And since candidates rarely give full profiles of their views, it will be mandatory that everyone running state how he or she feels about the issues and this cannot change, without good reason. Same goes for ballot measures. Unfortunately, when I emailed Senator Feinstein about this act, which has not been introduced to Congress, yet, though I'd like for it to be, she did not get back to me in a very positive way about how to do that. In fact, she did not get back to me at all about that particular issue, and merely had a staff person, no doubt, write, at first, that it will be "kept in mind," or something like that.
I also wanted to write of the wonderful film, "9/11," which I'm sure you've heard of by now. It was filmed on location, as firefighters fought the terrorist attacks at the World Trade Center--originally, it was to be about a rookie fireman, but that, obviously changed. In the DVD version, further interviews were conducted with firefighters, and "surprisingly," or maybe not so, they began to sound like me, saying things like it's more important to be happy and things like money aren't as crucial, and that spirituality may enter into their healing processes. I forget the exact quotes, but it's interesting--you should check it out, if you have not, already. Your local library should have a copy, as mine does.
Another point I wanted to add was that in the fall of 2002, Coretta Scott King received the Circles of Hope 2002 Award from the Metropolitan Community Foundation in San Francisco. It houses, among other things, one of the two local soup kitchens where Amma devotees volunteer. I was, at the time, the only one who volunteered at both. Amma, who had just won the Gandhi-King Award in Geneva, Switzerland, was at her ashram about an hour away by car, giving her retreat, and I thought, as did another devotee named Daya, that they should meet. Only it wasn't to be that night, since Mrs. King left for Georgia right after her wonderful speech on Civil Rights, focusing on the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender community, since the MCF is one of the oldest church organizations for that in the country. I later wrote her letters at The King Center that didn't get through. I regret that I didn't fax a copy of Amma's Gandhi-King Award speech, as her assistant requested, when I was put through to her on the phone, one day. Later, when Yolanda joined "Amma-ville," as one devotee has put it, rather jokingly, I told her, when she turned up for Devi Bhava night the following fall at the ashram, of this story, never minding Dayamrita's not observing her father's birthday in the temple earlier that year. I didn't want to "embarrass" him, but I now regret that, as she would most likely have been helpful in this, and not just let it be a "last minute" thing he put together without Amma's help. To be on the "bright side" of this issue, devotees decorated an elaborate poster, asking Amma to come to Atlanta, and that was my idea last year, already, when I had trouble getting Dr. King's birthday observed in the temple that year. Hopefully, that will come about--most likely, at some point, but I won't get any credit.
One "last story" I'd like to tell, regarding Amma, and then I'll really quit, for now. I confess I do like the on-going nature of this archive, as it is helpful for to me put my experiences into perspective. So here goes:
In the summer of 2001, I began to practice the "new moon sadhanas," which Bri. Maya Tiwari wrote of in her book, "The Path of Practice," out in 2000. Originally, we women menstruated with the new moon, and the ancient Vedic texts say that is central to our good health. By Mother's Day of 2002, I was menstruating with the new moon, almost to the hour the day began at midnight. I was excited, as I thought I'd finally be healthy, because of this phenomenon. The following month, however, Amma returned to her ashram in San Ramon, and I menstruated with her arrival there, totally throwing my cycle off. It had always been short, since childhood, when I had amenorrhea, due to a case of anorexia nervosa I suffered as a ballet dancer. I forget how short it was that June when Amma returned, but it was definitely shorter than 29 1/2 days, which is how long the moon's cycle is.
I went on tour with her for the first time that summer--7 out of 11 cities in the US--and during that time, I gave up the new moon practices almost altogether, except for full moon bathing, which I still like to do, sometimes. I had trouble that tour, as you may guess, with a full-blown case of PTSD and many traveling companions, some of whom can be grouchy and mean, too.
At the end of the summer tour, I flew home to the Bay area, back from my parents' house in suburban Maryland, where I'd spent a few days after the tour. In the lavatory, I asked myself, off-hand, if Amma is really my teacher, and I beagn to menstruate at that moment. So I took that as an answer, "Yes." One trouble I had on tour was being "randomly searched" every time I bought a one-way airline ticket at the counter. I'd freak out and say things like I didn't vote for Bush and we didn't elect him, which is true. He and his administration knew, apparently, ahead of time about the terrorist attacks, as had Clinton's, but that is downplayed in the press, now that he is up for "re-election." War sells, and that is what the mass media cares about--nothing else, practically. You are lucky if you read anything worthy in it, which is another reason why I loved France so much--the mass media there was not in favor of the wars and not afraid to print the truth. I really hope I don't get investigated just for writing relevant details of my experiences since 9/11, because freedom of speech is still a Constitutional right, is it not? Bu that's the kind of fear I live under, now. I fear my own government more than any other, just about, and that is the truth.
Now, back to my story--I had, originally, been in a van, that left for LA without me, since I didn't have the proper insurance to drive a rental and needed to get some. But the long, dangerous overnight drives were too much for me and many of my companions, and I got out after we got to Santa Fe and began to fly and skip cities inbetween, staying at a devotee's house there, and so on.
After I got back to Muir Beach, I began the new moon sadhanas, once again, because I didn't want to let Amma's presence "throw me off" my cycle. But in the fall, when she returned that year, I began to menstruate the third day after her arrival at the ashram, so I "gave up" on those. Since then, I've menstruated intermittently. I can never be quite sure when I am going to, and it is disconcerting, to say the least. I wonder, then, if Amma really IS for me, since this happens.
For instance, last June, I menstruated not with her arrival in San Ramon, but a day or two "early," after I got darshan from her in LA the night of the Reef Check event, where Leonardo DiCaprio didn't show for his own benefit, and his mother flew her own mother home to Germany that very night, skipping the VIP party after the premiere MacGillivray Freeman film, "Coral Reef Adventure."
And then, in November, before Amma was here last, I told an intern named Massey Burke at the Solar Living Center in Hopland, where I happened to be helping her build a teacher's hut out of sustainable materials. I said how I "resented" menstruating at "auspicious times," when Amma's here, and not with the new moon, which I'd practiced to do for over a year. I was four or five days "later than usual," and I suspected I'd menstruate really late--the following week, with Amma's arrival at the ashram in San Ramon. But that night, I menstruated after a film we saw in Ukiah, called, "Winged Migration." I took that as a sign, too. Earlier in the year, I'd gone to Mono Lake for the first time, in the Eastern Sierras. I find it a very peaceful, serene place--home to millions of migratory birds, to boot. It is endangered, since the LA aqueduct has been diverting water from it since 1941, and only in 1994, after a 16-year court battle, did the Mono Lake Committee win an agreement with the LA DWP to "replenish" 20 of the 40 feet that have been taken off its surface since then. Either that, or it's just a "coincidence," but I sort of doubt it, considering everything. By the way, I'd returned to Mono Lake--or tried to--for a benefit dinner thrown by the American Legion at the Lee Vining Community Center there. Only I didn't quite make it all the way, and I ended up spending the night for the first--and only time--on Yosemite Valley floor, at Camp Curry, in a tent cabin, protecting my edibles in "bear-proof" boxes and so on. I did, however, make it back to Mono Lake for the Committee's 25th anniversary field trip, led by Sally Gaines, who is David Gaines' widow. David started the Mono Lake Committee in 1978, when he realized it was endangering his beloved birds he loved to study. Most people here seem to have forgotten 9/11, already, as that was one of the few events commemorating it I saw in the area, and Mono Lake is about 7 hours away, by freeway from here. I still see an occasional sign, that says "We'll never forget," but they get fewer and farther between all the time.
I really will go now. What more can I say? I feel a bit like a failure when it comes to this, "life's highest goal," but there is always time for growth, no?
P.S. I don't mean to sound "hard" on the satguru--I'm just telling it like it is...