story20683.xml

story20683.xml

born-digital

story

yes

no

2006-09-11

5 years later;

approximately 1-1/2 years after 9/11, i became divorced from my wife and left my home and three children behind.
my relationship fell apart as i steadily spiraled into alcoholism and addiction. i was an addict from the start and in hindsight i think my inability to cope with my feelings was impacted negatively by that day -how could it not?
i found myself tired all the time, no doubt the result of depression, without the will to do much of anything except self medicate.
today 9/11/06, i am nearly a year and a half sober, having begun a new life. i have come to terms with my feelings and recieved counseling on the matter.
i spent the morning reflecting, reliving the horror i witnessed. emotionally i was upset, and made a few phone calls to get out of my head.
in particular i called 3 other men i endured that day with.
a fourth i have lost contact with.
i recalled how we seperated in full flight for our lives.
i felt guilty recalling how i flew passed an older woman as i was gripped in fear.
i think i will make that a tradition in years to come, calling those fellows to say hi.
i dont often talk of the experience, downplaying it, knowing others had lost much more or had endured much more.
i choose to keep silent, somehow i feel my story isnt that valid.
i am grateful for this site, it provides a kind of anonymous dumping ground, sort of like writing a message in a bottle. thanks.