story10186.xml

story10186.xml

born-digital

story

yes

no

2003-11-10

I was on a Hundertwasser bus-boat tour of the city when the first plane struck the World Trade Center. I will never forget it, as long as I live. I had just gotten off the bus and was told to be on the boat by 4PM. I checked my watch, and it was 3:45PM. That was 8:45AM in New York City, the moment the first plane struck the first tower. I felt my late Uncle Felix Taube's spirit, almost as if he was standing right before me, though he'd been long gone, by then. And he said that he knew how to make money, but he wasn't happy, and I'm smart to want to seek enlightenment. I had just gotten off retreat with the venerable Zen master, Thich Nhat Hanh, where I took the five mindfulness trainings, for the first time. They include a commitment not to kill, for one, which I believe is very pertinent. I have since been on retreat again with him, last summer at UCSD, and this year, I've done "trial residencies" no less than three times at two of his practice centers, Deer Park Monastery, in Escondido, and Plum Village, in France. I am planning, tentatively, to return to France for an extended stay, as before, my plans were thwarted by my mother, who just had breast cancer and did not want me to return there. But she and my father are getting used to the idea that I am seeking enlightenment and that this is the way to do it, for me, it seems.
I have had other teachers, such as Amma, "the hugging saint of India," and Jennifer Berezan, from the California Institute of Integral Studies' women's spirituality degree programs, but I believe that the practice of mindfulness "speaks to my condition" best right now.
By the way, though I was stuck abroad in Vienna, since my flights home via London on Virgin Atlantic and British Airways were canceled on the 14th that September, but I was never "recognized" as a survivor, since I suffered no injury or loss of loved one, and therefore, never compensated. The federal government as vast quantities of money for victims, but since I'm not seen as one, I get none of it, as do the thousands of others like me, no doubt. It is not fair. I feel betrayed by my government.