story1017.xml

story1017.xml

born-digital

story

yes

no

2002-08-14

For the previous five years I had been working with a woman; the last two defined as pure hell. She was making my life so miserable and unbearable that I was thinking of suicide. Being a single mom of one child, I have tried my best to make lemonade from lemons many times in my life. But this was a situation that I had lost total control of. The woman was controlling every aspect of my life--what to wear, who to talk to, my after-work hour activities; my weekend activities, etc. She criticized my lifestyle, my home, my child, my family and my culture. Her choke-hold was that I had no where to go from this job--no possibilty for advancement and if I left this job, I would be unmarketable. Nevertheless, she instilled this incredible fear in me. Going to work was no longer enjoyable. Everything I said and did was criticized--I wasn't even allowed to speak to clients (I was front-office!) unless she gave me permission. Well, on the morning of 9-11 I woke up literally sick to my stomach--a burning sensation in my gut has worsened over the past month. I was convinced I had cancer. I called in sick at 6 a.m., then turned the tv on. When I first saw the news it didn't sink it--like any other day of "bad news". But as the minutes passed and I sat there and watched the horror of the morning unfold, I wondered if somehow I hadn't sensed the tragedy of the day.
Even though I called in sick, she called me and yelled at me for not being at work--I told her I just couldn't be at work and my stomach was "on fire" and I was going to see the doctor. She called me a liar and said I wasn't sick and she'd deal with me later. I felt sicker and I cried the rest of the day. I watched tv all that day and that night into the wee hours of the morning, crying--but not knowing if I was crying for myself, my stomach pain or for the country. I felt dizzy and out of control. With little sleep I went to work the next day and she came in with the face of a demon, ready to fire me. I took control and told her that I could not and would not deal with her pettiness for the day--I was too consumed with our countries' tragedy.
I walked out of her office and proceeded to work. She kept bitching and nagging and again, I felt dizzy and started to hyperventilate and ran to the bathroom to gather myself. I came out and sat at my desk and typed a resignation. The country was falling apart, my child was in shear panic and I was losing my mind too--but I had to try and save what was in my control.
When she went to thr bathroom, I put the resignation on her desk and went to lunch. Unfortunately, I had to give 2-weeks notice to save my vacation, sick pay and retirement payout. It was the longest two weeks of my life, but at least I could see some light at the very, very, end of a long, dark tunnel.
It has taken me almost the full year to recover from the lack of self-esteem, depression and unemployment, but I am coming out a better person. I started my own business, which has been slow, but steady and enough to keep bills paid and food on the table. I re-united with an old boyfriend I had lost track of back in the 80's and we are engaged to be married next summer. He has been a great supporter and healer! Most of all, my daughter is happy and she says I am happy and much easier to live with. It hasn't been easy and I sometimes feel depressed, but I am able to snap out of it when I think of all the positive stuff that came out of this.
I believe everything happens for a reason. I still can't believe what happened on 9-11 and I don't feel "if it weren't for 9-11". But that days opened my eyes to reality--life is too short to waste time and energy and emotion. It helped me make a life-saving decision. It wasn't all about me--it was about the need and the instinct to preserve my life, my daughter's future and my sanity.
I still mourn the events of 9-11 and I still fear the future of our country's safety. I pray that God keep us and never allow it to happen again.