story8034.xml

story8034.xml

born-digital

story

yes

no

2002-09-21

I remember sitting in my living room watching "Good Morning America" with my newborn in my arms. God, I wish we could go back. The attacks had begun and Diane Sawyer cut to the breaking news. A plane had hit the World Trade Center. At this time, no one knew if it was a small plane or a commercial airliner. There were a few eye-witnesses on the streets below the towers, but none were sure of what they saw. Shortly after this, if I remember correctly, Dan Rather was talking to us (I may have changed the channel) with the Towers in the background when the second plane slammed into the South Tower. Right before our eyes, our lives changed forever. I just knew, as I'm sure everyone else who was watching did, that this was something horrible and incomprehensible and it definitely was no accident. From there I grabbed the phone and called my mother. I knew she didn't know. I told her what I knew, but then I had to hang up so that I wouldn't miss anything. I had a three year old and a 10 month old at the time and I remember feeling really guilty because I couldn't entertain them or even care for them because I couldn't take my eyes and ears away from my television. I remember that part really well, the feeling of guilt, of feeling so small and worthless, like so what if my kid's diaper hasn't been changed in four hours and how dare I worry about that at a time like this! I just couldn't possibly play with them either, because I could not fake the happy, silly emotions that it would take. When the first Tower began to fall, I was standing in my kitchen and my hand went immediately to my mouth. I started saying "Oh my God" over and over and over- I couldn't stop. I continued to watch through pouring tears, and continued to chant my "Oh my God"s for what seemed an eternity. I couldn't imagine who would want to do this to "us". Throughout the course of the day, and the following days and weeks, I was glad to be living where I do. The Midwest seemed somehow safer than alot of other places, and it still does. September 11th changed me forever, in more ways than I could ever imagine it would, and in some ways that I would not like to admit.