story4768.xml

story4768.xml

born-digital

story

yes

no

2002-09-11

I woke up around 6am Tucson time (9:00am east coast) and reached for the tv remote. I don't know why, I never wake to the television. Yet for some reason that morning I did. In my bleary eyed state I heard Peter Jennings say: "The attack on the World Trade Center" and I thought hazily it must be the anniversary of the 1993 bombing. After another moment he spoke of planes. Awake then, I watched in horror as the events unfolded. I heard the live feed about the Pentagon and the plane in Pennsylvania. I watched the towers collapse. I had lived in New York City for 17 years of my life and watching the collapse was the hardest. As each tower fell, I felt something in myself crash with it. I felt myself shaken to the ground. I have no idea what the weather was like that day. At some point I opened my door, let the cats in or out, breathed some air. The most awkward, odd experience was the most mundane. I had an appointment with my auto mechanic set for later that morning and I couldn't figure out if I should keep it or not. What was the right thing under the circumstances? Would they be open, should I move around, could I even drive? The events were so shattering it didn't seem possible that the mundane could continue. When the time came, I took my car in. The mechanic's radio blasted the news and around me people proceeded with routine tasks but with shocked looks and anger and hurt. I walked the half mile home. I remember the sun blazing hot and the sky empty of the constant planes that usually flew from the nearby Air Force base. No one was out. At home, I became glued to the television and stayed that way until the speeches started. Then, I couldn't take any more. I spent most of the days that followed alone until some friends came and got me and took me out It took me two weeks to track down all my New York friends and connections and they were all safe, all with stories to tell. I tried to write and tried to cry but only a few lines and a few tears seeped out. In the end I sat and watched - first tv and then the desert sky- wondering what the answer was.