story7457.xml

story7457.xml

born-digital

story

yes

no

2002-09-15

I am, and will forever be, a New Yorker at heart. And I have always had an obsession with the twin towers.
The morning of September 11, 2001, I was scheduled to work a 10:30 a.m. to 6:30 p.m. shift at work- pacific time. Before walking out of my door, I quickly checked my voice mail messages on my phone. There were several messages, the first being from my brother who lives in New York, then from a friend of mine also from New York who had moved here, and the third from my best friend who was out of town on business. My brother said he was alright, not to worry. I didn't know what he meant by that. My two other friends sounded astonished by an event that had happened, but did not verbalize what was going on. After hearing the messages, I simply walked out of my front door to work. I turned on my car stereo, and the radio stations were not playing music. They sounded like talk radio stations. One broadcaster was talking about a closing at a federal building. I still had no idea what was going on. My drive to work is a short distance, and I still had no idea of what had occurred. As I entered the employee's entrance I saw my supervisor who informed me that I would be very busy with guests. I overheard someone in the hall talking about a plane, still not getting any detailed information. When I arrived in my department- the lobby bar of my hotel, there were guests all around television sets. I work at the Beverly Hilton which was hosting many of the participants to the first annual Latin Grammys which were supposed to be held that night at a different location. There had been festivities to kick off the event just the night before. As I stepped behind the bar one television faced me and I watched that horrible sight as they replayed the first airplane crashing into the building. My body went limp. I stood motionless. I couldn't believe what I was seeing, and almost passed out when the second plane was being shown. I didn't lose my wits only because I knew that my brother was safe-thanks to his message which was now making sense to me. But I had many more friends, several who worked at the financial center, and some that lived in battery park, all of whose fate I didn't know of at the time. Shortly later my husband called me to say he had recieved other phone calls of friends and family saying they were alright. I still couldn't believe or understand what was happening. The day felt like an eternity as the events unfolded, and all I wanted to do was go home. I wanted to break down and cry, but I couldn't. I had people all around me who were expecting my service. I had to work, and had no time to myself to grief. I just wanted to walk out of that hotel, and go home and hug my husband, and cry. I needed to know about my friends working down there...where they alive? I desperately needed to talk with them, but how? With every replay of the planes crashing into the towers I felt more and more afraid. I didn't know if we would be targets too. I was, afterall, in Beverly Hills-Hollywood, a "target" in my opinion. When the first tower began to fall I felt part of me was dying. I held back tears and pain as I saw with my own eyes people dying, and one "of my boys" as I called the towers, disintegrating into the ground. You see, when I say I had an obsession with the towers, I meant it. I would walk down 6th Avenue just so I could see them as I headed home. At dusk was always my favorite time. They always looked so majestic, and mysterious to me at that time of day. In my heart they were my twin boys. They were everything New York City- America stood for, and they were breathtaking. And they were collapsing right before me, and the rest of the world. My pain turned to denial. I think I went into shock. I finished my day on what I now call "autopilot". I rushed home to turn on the television set. Now that I was at home, somehow I couldn't cry. Why? I didn't know. My husband called me from work to check on me. I was still in shock. Then I saw something that even now a year later, as I write this, brings tears to my eyes, and a profound pain to my heart. People jumping off the towers. I lost it. I dont'think I have ever cried so much, so hard, so deeply in my life. I cried for those poor people. I cried for humanity. I cried because I felt pained by all the hate in this world to have cause this to happen. And I will never be the same. It could have been me. I could have been any of us. All of us. I will never forget where I was on September 11, 2001. That was the day I lost my innocence. That was the day I saw pure evil.