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2004-09-11

September 11, 2004--In Rememberance

I woke up that morning and got ready to go to school. I was a junior in high school, and the 11th was picture day for the students--just imagine how hard it was to find something to smile about that afternoon. I said goodbye to my mom and sister and left for school, no one had turned the television on that morning because we were all in a hurry to get going, so there just wasn't time to watch anything. I got into my car and headed toward school. If I would have had my radio on in the car, I would've known about the attacks but instead I was listening to a cassette tape and just thinking that it was going to be a good day today. I was late for my first class, US History, so I quickly hiked up the stairs to the classroom. I remember that as I entered school, the staff who check I.D.s and check visitors in and out were talking about attacks somewhere, but I didn't pay too much attention. Once I got into class, the teacher was talking about what had happened and what this might mean for our country. I didn't cry, not because I wasn't affected, but because I was in shock. After the teacher finished talking, she turned on the television that was in our room so we could all watch what was going on. I don't really remember too much, but I remember that I just felt sick to my stomach and really confused. After class had let out, the hallways were unusually quiet and everyone just kind of wandered their way to their next class. Once I got to second period, which was a study hour for me, I got on my cell phone and called my mom. We talked for about an hour, and that's when I finally broke down in tears. Once she had to go, we agreed to both leave our phones on all day and to call each other if anything else happened and to just check-in once in awhile to make sure we were doing okay. Again, at the end of the class time, the teacher turned on the t.v. so we could get updates on what was happening. At lunch time I just went outside of school and sat on the steps and talked to my mom again. She said that she had gotten a hold of my sister to see how she was doing and what time she would be home. I don't think there has ever been a day before or since when all I wanted to do was go home and never leave again, especially not without my family.
Being home at night was even more surreal than what had happened during the day. See, we live by the airport in Minneapolis, just about a 5 minute drive, so it was eerily quiet that night with the no-fly orders in effect. The only sounds you could hear were the usual night-time crickets, the freeway traffic, and the fighter jets flying in huge circles over the metro area. That no-fly order went on for a few days, but seemed like much longer. It was so bizarre to not see any planes in the once busy skies, and not even hear any at night.
What brought tears to my eyes that day, and what deeply affects me still on the anniversaries, is when flags and signs are hung on bridges and walkways over the freeways throughout the Twin Cities. Just today, on my drive to work, there were 3 flags and a sign that read "We Will Never Forget" on a bridge; these are always little reminders of the fear that will always live within me because of September 11th. There are in fact times when I will forget what happened, and live life as though nothing can touch me or harm me, but I am always reminded by the flags raised at half-mast.
I had always hoped that my generation would have been the first to not have to grow up with a war going on, but that is obviously not the case, but I will hope for peace for my future children and will continue to hope for every generation after that until there is finally a child who does not have to grow up with fear in their hearts and the memory of complete chaos and disbelief--for that is what I wish for myself as well.
To this day whenever I drive by downtown and look at the skyline, I cannot fathom what it would have looked like in New York that day. I hope to visit Ground Zero and Pennsylvania one day, just to get some more closure and pay my respects, and because I feel that every American should go to both of those sites.
I sometimes wish that I didn't have a memory of those events from 3 years ago and I wish that I didn't have to have lived through that, but I also do not mind that I still vividly remember because with those thoughts comes the recollection of the connection that brought every true American together in the days, weeks, and months that followed. I would use the word patriotism to describe it, but that gets over-used and thrown around too much now; what we all felt was deeper than that because we all lost something that day (in addition to the lives that were lost). Our country and the people who call America home lost the sense of innocence and security that we used to feel, and though I have moved on and lived my life just as before, I will never feel as safe or protected again as I did prior to 9/11/01. And I guess that is just a fact of life now.