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story1458.xml

born-digital

story

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2002-08-25

My diary entry of Sept. 16, 2001:

On Tuesday Sept. 11, 2001 at 8:45AM and again at 9:03 AM two planes were crashed into the WTC- first building 1 then building 2.
I worked in building two on the 25Th floor. I sat in a flexible office space in the
SW corner of the building.
It was a beautiful but an odd day. I didn't get my usual morning nap since I had a rude seat mate who kept bumping me while he read his morning paper. I remember being a bit cranky and annoyed. It seems so petty now.

I was in the office at around 8:20 am, Like most mornings I had stopped for my pineapple
orange juice and buttered bagel, something I did regular as clockwork every morning I was a residents of the WTC.

I was logged into my system at work and was just finishing up reading e-mails. The last one I was reading, probably because I was a bit cranky was annoying me. I was almost done and about to start work on a large inventory project for one of my customers before I had to head off to a half day of training at a class call Trusted advisor. How that name seems to me so silly and odd for what happened next.

The lights for a blink of a second dimmed and a large explosion sounded, I thought of a
large electric transformer had blown and remember thinking I shouldn't have been able to
hear that from our roof. Then a large rumbling sound like a large empty street dumpster
being rolled over rough roads causing the lid to rattle and make a large noise It was odd
what my brain identified the things happening around me and how wrong those guesses were.

I got up from my desk and walked toward the window area and saw all this debris falling past the window. It was papers, and large shingle like items. There was smoke and things on fire. Fire balls the size of basketballs were falling down and some had landed on the roof across the way from us. I remember they looked like campfires set up all over the roof.

I saw Bob & John in the next hallway and we all seemed surprised. Another co- worker Dan came from behind me. I remember asking if we should call down to the front lobby so they could call the fire dept. and tell them that the roof across the way was on fire. We couldn't find any emergency number. I don't remember thinking of calling 911, how odd to forget that information.
In seconds we had walked back to our desks had tried for an emergency number, tried our
receptionist desk and finding no answer Dan suggested we evacuate.

I grabbed my knapsack, eyeglasses looked at my office and left things as they were, email
waiting to be sent, breakfast unopened and not eaten, some pictures from my recent vacation ready to be mailed to my family and the customer inventory documents. I can see this all so clearly.

Dan and I went through the front desk area to the stair case. I knew I didn't want to use the elevator and the final decision to go down was based on finding the stairwell already very full of people already exiting down. Things were orderly and yet with the crowd all were letting others join the crowd going down. It was calm pretty quiet, little conversations and murmurs going through the crowd.

I remember the lady walking down the stairs in front of me with no shoes on, she was holding her heels in her hands. A lady to the side of me , we bumped into each other as sometimes happens in a crowd as you get into the pace. How we both politely excused ourselves and not being sure who bumped who. I also remember the few doors as we were going down with the doors propped open and the urge to close them in case of a fire but yet unable to lift my arms and do this as I went by. I just kept going down. It went very fast. I remember seeing floor 10 then floor two and we were exiting the stairwell.

We exited the stairwell to the mezzanine level looking right out on to Liberty and I could see up the street to the Battery park Garage sign. Dan was there and at some point another
coworker Beth joined me at the window. I saw more debris and things on fire. I saw the cars in the parking lot across the street on fire, more campfire size fires on the roofs.
I remember thinking if there were any hurt people on the street and didn't really see any
one but did see lots of debris. I then turned behind me and looked across the way to the
side that exited to the courtyard area of the WTC and seeing even more debris and balls of fire falling and deciding i couldn't go out that way It wasn't safe. I remember hearing the first building announcement I was aware of that said ?there was a fire in building one and the fire department had it under control. You do not have to evacuate and you could return to your office.?

I remember saying to Beth that I wasn't going back upstairs I was going to do some errands and come back. I stepped away from the window and looked over the railing and could see into the promenade area and it was very full of people all calmly but quickly heading toward the #1 subway and the exits. I don't like crowds and seeing a orderly line of people at the escalator going down to the crowded promenade area I decided to head through the lobby toward Broadway and saw an exit across the lobby.

Dan rejoins us or was there all the time and we go through the security turnstiles through the lobby of building four and out into the street. There is a man who by the uniform I knew was a WTC security staff who was calmly telling us to quickly move away, don't run, don't look up because debris is falling. I cant seem to do much but walk and follow instructions. The ground is littered with paper and tufts of foam? plane boarding passes and I remember thinking I didn't know there was a travel agency so close by, that was where the bomb went off, for at this point this is what I had believed happened. What I am seeing doesn't make sense and I can feel my brain taking the information in but yet not able to process and identify what happened. I almost fall over a man who stops in front of me to pick up one of the boarding passes another odd thing I think but I keep moving. I hear the security guard calmly and very soothingly repeating instructions.
I also start hearing another voice in my head that is saying I am not safe and I must
go home.

Its strange some people are moving away from the building others are looking toward it.
I pass another odd thing, a man photographing behind me, at least it seemed odd at that
moment. I cant stop and I don't look back I just keep moving ahead. I see Beth and Dan walking together. The street is full of people mostly walking away from the building people are upset crying huddled together. I keep moving forward. I keep hearing that voice in my head telling me to go home, I am not safe here.

They are okay but with walking down twenty five flights and what's going on my pace is
slower then theirs. I try and figure out where its safe to stop and call my partner CAF.
I am scared but calm. I don't remember any noise but what I thought was a helicopter and
thinking they are going to rescue people who have gone up to the roof. I think that's good
it gives me comfort. I can't look back, I look forward and the street is empty of traffic.
Its odd, its full of people. I pass a coke truck stopped in the middle of the block,
emergency lights blinking, door open. Another odd thing,
I walk another half a block and see a doorway that seems safe for me to stop and call
Carol. As I am trying to get my cell phone to work the call time says 9:03 and another
explosion. Call doesn't go through I don't know if my knees buckled or I am knocked down by something but I find myself on my hand and knees. My left palm hurts, I think I have scrapped it I have no scrape mark on my palm or knees. In trying to get up and I look back I see the crowds behind me start to run. It is like a godzilla movie and the monster is coming. Being in the doorway keeps me from being trampled as I am still down and then I see the large hole in tower one. From this angle I cant see my tower 2. Its burning Its got a large hole. I now see the people trapped. waving, the people falling, most I believe already dead as they roll down like rag dolls, I think not at all like you see in the movies. Its so horrible, its so sad, so painful, I feel helpless.
I start to cry and shake and in seconds I am trying to decide what to do and how I can get
up. and then I get up and hear that voice again this time shouting about going home and not being safe. This would be all I can hear till I get home. I start walking toward the seaport to an unfamiliar section of the city. I am still crying and trying to get my cellphone to work to reach carol, need to tell her I am okay. I keep walking and then change direction to head uptown and to Penn station to get a train to come home. I am still not aware that the hole I saw was from a plan and the second explosion was not another bomb. The crowd was blocking the street a bit as rescue vehicles are trying to get through.
I walk past people stopped on the side hugging each other crying, people looking confused not knowing what happened. I am walking, I can feel I am thirsty and getting dehydrated but I cant stop for the bottle of water in my knapsack on my back. I am not in control of my walking I can only move forward. I see empty stores, closed stores. and then ahead I see a clump of trees like a park. Its the open area in front of pace university and there are large crowds of people. I finally can stop to rest a second. Get some water and try the cell phone again with no luck.
I decide to try to find a real phone. I go into pace university lobby and with many others
try and get a phone, security has hands full and I leave and see a subway with people
with a surprised look on faces leaving the subway. Its the #4 I don't know where it could
take me but If I head uptown it can get me out of here and close to home.
I go down, I am scared but that voice is still telling me what to do. I don't know where I
am going. I go up this long hallway and my legs feel like I am going to collapse. I have to
keep going or I will drop here. I cant seem to stop crying. I get to the turnstile and my
metro card I realize was in my pants pocket and I am grateful I don't have to dig in my
knapsack for it. I left it there from my commute this morning another odd thing, I am such a creature of habit. I don't know why I had not put it away that morning.

I get on a train that seems to just pull in as I get there. I get in the car and people seem to be looking at me oddly, despite this being NY a crying women must seem odd. These people don't know what has happened yet. I have trouble speaking when someone talks to me. I said something but cant remember what.
At the first stop two men get on and they say that a plane has hit the WTC.
This is the first time I know what happened but they seemed to think it was small private
plane. I feel sad, I think someone had a heart attack or something and didn't mean to hit the building. I get off at 42nd street and get out see a pay phone and try to call home but
its dark and I cant read my cell phone to get the number to call carol. I reach her aunt
who I tell her to call Carol and that I am okay and am going to Penn station and I don't know when I will be home. I think I am calm but they say I was pretty hysterical.

I am now trying to think which train will take me to Penn station and someone stops
me to see if I need help I tell them I need to get home and they ask me where home is I
remember saying Penn station. How strange the way the mind functions. I don't live there but someone in the city wouldn't know my town and how I could get there.

I am pointed in another direction walk that way and again as get to the platform another
train shows up. no waiting. I get to the next train and again cant figure which direction
and another person asks if I need help and again I am pointed to which direction and the
train appears.
I finally get to Penn station and seem I have to wait till 10:14 for my train. 20 min. wait.
I get a seat in waiting room. People see not to know anything. Its just over an hour since the first explosion. How fast things went.
I get on my train its packed full and I am still shaking and crying a little and someone gives me their seat. I remember many people trying to comfort me and calm me down and the wait to leave. Then the announcement that the train is going out of service and Penn station is being closed we need to evacuate. I cant leave, I want to make that conductor drive this train. I have to go home I am not safe. That voice is screaming in my head again that I am not safe here and to go home. I cant get home.

The other passengers get me off the train and up the stairs but I cant go any longer the
train staff come over and bring me to the police where I sat and keep begging to go home.
Its in here I find out more details about what happened I hear the police report that a tower has collapsed. Then the second one. I want to go home and cant. I hear them close the city bridges and road. The dogs that come through I want to pet them and cuddle and hide but I cant move, something tells me they have a job to do. The reports about the tunnels being cleared of bombs. The report of a person in the path tunnels. And then the report that this was false. Every time I hear something more I get upset and just want to go home. I cant stop crying. Another passenger having a health problems try's to calm me down and helps me call and finally reach Carol. I talk with her she has gotten my earlier message and has called my family. They know I am alive and okay?? I tell her I want to go home. I am not safe here I am trapped in the city Its closed off. She says something and I calm down but I cant remember what it was. Soon I hear that they are going to open the trains again. The police officer on duty asks where I live and find's out what track my train is on. I am lucky its the first train called and they escorted me to the train. I sit and watch the train fill so slowly as they let people back into the station.
Hurry we have to leave. We leave and I start to calm down and despite the packed train and the conversation someone plays a radio and says there are more down planes and many unaccounted planes. The rumors and stuff is terrifying. I start to panic but fight it I am going home and I will be safe there. I want to yell at these people to stop talking about
it to stop they don't know what I have just been through.

We get to Jamaica and the station is packed and people still try to get on a packed train.
It feels like they are going to push the train over trying to get on. why did we stop here?

Finally we get moving each station we pass brings me close to home. I manage to call carol again and tell her I am on a train home and should be home by 3PM. I ask her to have her father to come get me in Bethpage. I am thinking she has to stay at work till 4:30 and cant leave. I am not in any shape to drive.
Finally I am in Bethpage and I manage to walk off the train, I finally have stopped crying
I see carol and then her dad. I am glad to be home. We do go and get my car. I am calmer now but I need to bring my car home. I get home I then start to find out what happened. despite the good advice I need to watch to verify that what I just went through happened that I am not crazy, this isn't a dream. the feelings that have come are too much I cant describe

My journal entry end there I don't write again for a few days mostly about the odd things
that happened, the people always there when I needed the help and guidance.

This is my view of what happened to me on September 11, 2002. I survived