story10553.xml

story10553.xml

born-digital

story

yes

no

2004-04-23

I listen to the radio at night while sleeping. I was half awake on that morning, laying in the darkness listening to my little daughter breath and the soft jazz from the station. My daughter was born 8/29/2001 with a reflux problem so I was never really alseep for long anyway.

I remember the announcer saying that there had been a plane crash in New York. It sounded like an accident but I couldnt sleep anyway so I got up and went into the living room, taking my little daughter with me. She cried alot, at the time, because of the reflux and I didnt want her to wake my fiance.

I sat down and turned the tv on CNN. I think my heart just stopped. I was so shocked. I saw the whole in the side of the tower and I knew it wasnt an accident. Then the second tower was struck. I sat there stunned for maybe a minute before I ran into the bedroom and woke up my fiance. It ws impossible for me to imagine anyone sleeping through this.

I was so shocked I didnt cry right away. I watched and watched and then as we were sitting there I saw this huge cloud of smoke forming and I told my fiance,

"It's gone honey, that building is gone!" I still wasnt crying, I dont know why. My heart was beating so hard, on the bottom of the channel I saw the news ticker saying that there were other crashes at the Pentagon, in Pennsylvania. I thought, "This is it!" I really thought that this was going to be nuclear war.

I just sat there all day holding my tiny baby so close and I was so scared, I was in shock I know that now. I didnt call anyone. I didnt go anywhere and I dont know why. I think I was literally terrified.

Later that day I was in the living room again and there was this young female reporter and she was talking with this crowd of people on the street near Ground Zero.

She was really trying to be so strong but there were people all around her sobbing and telling stories about people they were searching for. She was repeating the information to the camera and showing the photos of these people's missing loved ones.

She tried to be strong but eventually she broke down and for whatever reason I broke down with her, I sobbed for so long just knowing how she was feeling. That feeling of helplessness and the ability to do nothing really except listen and be a witness.

I have never seen her on TV again after that but I will always remember her face and her tears.

I developed a heart condition shortly after 9/11, and there was no medical reason for it. It was due to stress, from the baby from the world, from everything. Goes to show you that this thing changed people the world over.

I dont know what to say to the families of the people that left us that day except that I am sorry for their loss and that I am thinking about them, they are never alone.