story2139.xml

story2139.xml

born-digital

story

yes

no

2002-09-10

It was the first day of my last year of college. Being a Nursing Student, I had become accustomed to a lot of terrible things ... but nothing as terrible as the events of September 11th. We had just come back from a break when a fellow classmate had rushed into the classroom. She stated that America was under attack and that the World Trade Centers were 'gone'. Our professor left the room to see what was going on. She came back with an email that had been sent to all staff stating that anyone who was directly affected by the events or persons who were unable to continue in class were to be excused without penalty. All but one person in the class stayed, I think because we didn't understand or really know what was going on. I logged on to cnn.com during lunch and saw some fuzzy pictures, but nothing prepared me for what I saw on the television screen when I got home that afternoon. The minute I walked in the door I turned the television on and was shocked. In a matter of five minutes I saw the first tower being hit, the people screaming, the second tower being hit, the people running, the pentagon on fire ... then the towers collapsing. I just sat there and a feeling came over me that I didn't know existed. I was scared and sad and angry. I stayed up all night watching the news, flipping from one channel to the next, trying to get different points of view of what had happened. I watched in horror as the screen showed people jumping. I cried a lot that night. The next day we were in hospital for our clinical placements and our hospital had been put on alert for victims ? but we learned that morning that there were no more victims so our alert was taken off. That was all people spoke about. On the way home, I heard someone complaining that they were ?pissed? off that they had missed their favorite TV show because of all the coverage. I wanted to say, ?Don?t you understand what happened? How can you be so selfish? All those people are dead, thousands of people are affected, millions of lives will be changed and you are mad that your TV show wasn?t on?? But I didn?t. Instead I stared straight ahead and tried to forgive their ignorance. That night I was once again glued to the TV, watching the families as they posted pictures of their loved ones and people who survived telling their story. I think by the second night I had seen the planes hitting the towers and them collapsing well over a thousand times .. not just on TV, but every time I closed my eyes. The shock wore off a bit that night and the reality hit me. Our world was very different. People suffered terrible horrible deaths that were unimaginable. I cried harder that night than I had ever cried before. I knew that for each tear I shed, millions more were being shed by people across the world. Even though I was an 8 hour drive away from New York, the events had affected me so hard. I can?t imagine the pain the people of New York and Washington must have felt. For days, weeks, and months afterwards, I because obsessed with what happened. I had to know everything. I had to know about how the towers were built, I had to know about Osama Bin Laden, I had to know about the people who died, the people who survived, the Pentagon, the families, the women who were pregnant, the planes that hit the towers, the town in PA. People became worried that I was spending so much free time on what had happened. They didn?t know why I watching the planes hit over and over or why I was torturing myself with it. I didn?t even know myself. Not until about a week ago. I realized that I was trying to understand. I thought that by informing myself about what happened, I could find reason. Coming upon the First Year anniversary, I know now that there is no understanding ? there is no reasoning. I don?t think I have come to terms with that 100%, and I don?t think I ever will. As a nurse, we look at why things are happening and understand the events behind it. I had to admit to myself that even though we can heal people through understanding, we can?t always understand ourselves. I?ve watched many of the specials relating to the attacks and they are the same. The same sadness, the same anger, the same heroics ? but each time I hear a new story, I am in awe. I have a new found belief that there are amazing people who would give up their own lives in order to save others. On September 11th, I will watch TV, reflect, love my family and friends and send thoughts of solace out to those who were affected so much more than I. I will know that no matter how hard it is for me, there are thousands out there who are hurting even worse. I know that the world is a different place than it was one year ago, and I know that many more changes are in store for the whole world. They say that love heals all, but I know that it takes much more than that. It takes heroics, courage, intellect, peace, war, love and so many more things combined to make our world a safe one to live in. Through high levels of alert that hang over us, there are high levels of feeling connected. The world was brought together through grief and tragedy. Everyone is scared, but we are all scared together. I wish to express my deepest of sympathies to all those affected in New York, in Washington, in Shanksville, and around the world. We will never forget. ?Just as I was getting used to yesterday, today happened.?