nmah54.xml

nmah54.xml

born-digital

story

yes

no

2002-07-04

I am a British Citizen and with my partner, this was my first ever visit to NYC. It was September 7th, I met a new freind for the very first time, stayed for the weekend and was to fly back to the UK on September 11th. I didn't.

I had finished breakfast and a waiter told me, a plane has crashed into the WTC. Good G-d, I said to my partner, some airtraffic controller will be in trouble, or as the Americans may say "get his *** kicked big time"

I walked into the foyer of the hotel, and glanced at the TV .
And there was the tower, on whose roof I had spent a lovely sunny afternoon only yesterday September 10th, ablaze, with smoke both, engulfing it ,and pouring from from its higher orifices.

I retreated to my room and watched CNN numbly telling of the events which were happening only a few blocks away downtown.

My friend called and told me to get out, called again and told me to stay put; I was supposed to vacate my room.

I stayed put. And moved a few possessions in to my bag in case we had to evacuate. I kept the film from the weekend, my passport, credit cards, mobile phone, and a few personal items.


After a while I thought what can do. The TV told us nothing, stay away, or give blood. Blood thats it, thats what I will do. So I joined, and rejoined blood queues. and went back the next day.

I went to the British Embassy offering help, they took my details, probably the thousandth of that day.

I walked downtown taking a few pictures, the atmosphere was one of shock, numbnes, bewilderment, and dignity.

Sudenly a plane was heard over head, the whole Avenue froze, and looked solemly upwards, and waited.

It was a USA plane. People then just walked on.

I went to the Central Synagogue on Lexington, it was closed. And Guarded. So I stood outside and thought some prayers.

In the evening the President was due to give his address, I went to the Hotel Foyer to listen, I wanted to be with a crowd.

There were two guys on a couch behind me talking. I let rip.
Excuse me I said "would you mind being quiet, you know just button it"

I turned away to the TV in tears again, for I do not know how many times that day.

We watched the President in Silence, at the end many people were in tears; the man to whom I had let rip earlier came up and shook my hand and apologised.

I had now been able to contact people from the UK, and let them I was OK. A friend of my Partners' managed to get a text message out too, so I was able to reply in text.

I took a glass of wine and went back to my room. I called my friend and chatted for a while breaking in to tears from time to time. I then went to bed, a restless night interspersed with the TV.

Here are some other things I remember:

* What happened to the very funny guy from the WTC express lift.

*What happend to the guy who told my partner "no drinks on the roof sir" as we took the escalator to the roof on 8/11


* In Penn Station a fireman passed me, he was white with ashes and dust, exhausted, dragging his equipment along the ground, eyes red with all of the above and tears, thought not seeing.

*In the Street at a crossing; Police blowing whistles, stopping traffic and people. A large grey souless truck lumbering up the street, rendering its way relentlessly onwards. It passed us solemly. Someone asked " did it contain bodies? "Yes" the Policeman replied and he let us cross the road. And Parts some whispered behind me.

* The silence and emptyness of 5th Avenue at 4pm

*The Silence and emptyness of Grand Central at 5pm.

*The beginnings of the hopeless, almost, poster
displays, have you seen , do you know, have you seen?

*The beginnings of the memorials, candles on sidewalks, flowers in fences.

*The smell, the smoke, the dust, the beautiful late summer days destroyed. People wearing masks.


*Travelled to Boston on Amtrak on Friday 14th. Armed guards on the train saying to them "I am so pleased to see you". "You are welcome M'am."

*Going to the Synagogue in Boston on Friday evening a man sitting outside waiting for the service to start.
I had some pictures from 8/11 and 9/11 I shared these with the people there. Got talking to the man he was a Pilot, he was unsure what to do, so I guided him.
He was a pilot from an American Airline. Shocked and distressed verbally, though maintaining his dignity.
He was due to fly again the next day.

The Rabbi broke the traditional service and gave people a few minutes to speak, The Pilot told us that Pilots only had minimal training in what to do in the event of being Hijacked or attacked by passengers. He felt that intruders into the cockpit should be removed.

He left early and said I am so glad I met you and shook my hand. I never saw him again. I hope he is OK.

*Sitting outside the hotel in the evening eating a light meal, feeling waves and waves of guilt washing over me.

*Having a call with a friend in NYC and not remembering a thing about it.


*Flying from Logan Airport to NYC, happy that my luggage was searched. Thinking did Mohammed Atta walk here? Did he walk over there?

And finally, although it is not really final as this will never be forgotten,

** I still have a half drunk bottle of water which I bought from the tower roof cafe . It is in my study in the UK.

*Realising that I have no-one with whom I could make my last phone call, should I ever need to.

*Being more brave, and accepting less excuses.

*Becoming an Americanophile.

* Evil exists and evil will be crushed.

*The bravery, dignity, and care of each other, of everyone who was there.

*An inter faith inter service memorial needs to be built on the site, and an inter-faith service held each year.

*Where there is such a crisis how people need leadership, and how powerful a leaders' words can be. I was in a total state of shock, numbness, and being told what to do , how to cope, what to think, how to overcome was very important. I remember responding so positively to words of encouragement, turnign a spiral of depression and PTSD, in to Oh yes I can do that.

*I bought some flags when in Boston and placed them in two vases with flowers and candles in the room. The hotel staff commented it was alovely thing to do.
The two flags are now in my sitting room window in the UK.

*I visited the US a few times after 9/11, and each time I see the flag flying I feel this life of Joy and Hope rising in my heart.

*I have a flag in my study at home, and one in my sitting room, as a blanket on the back of my sofa. When I lean against it I feel strength.

*I have an official memorial calendar in my kitchen together with a piece of paper from my hotel on 9/11.