nmah445.xml

nmah445.xml

born-digital

story

yes

no

2002-08-26

The following is extracted from a letter I wrote on September 12:
September 12, 2001

Dear Ann,
It seems like a lifetime has passed since Bonnie and I were with you in Cambridge last Saturday night. I had wanted to thank you for that evening and especially for the kindness you showed Bonnie after her late and, I understand, somewhat slapstick, arrival, but in this busy week that suddenly seemed to stop yesterday morning I had not gotten to it. Then tonight On the Morning of the Unthinkable was in my e-mail and after twenty-two years, I have yet another gift to thank you for.

Bonnie is in Florida. She was supposed to be home tomorrow evening but air traffic will not resume by then. She and my mom are not getting along very well, which is not surprising, since my mom is very difficult.

I got the news yesterday when I walked into my office a few minutes after the second plane had crashed into the World Trade Center. Many of my co-workers had watched it happen. At about 10:30 we were told to go home. I like you knew that it was a day for prayer, but I was stopped first by a reporter from the Hartford Courant. I talked with him for a while.

I arrived at my church at the same time as a well-dressed young man who was very distressed. He knelt in prayer in the front pew, but answered his cell phone several times. Later my sister Jane told me that she had seen the same thing, people answering their phones in church. I stayed through the noon service. A friend of mine, Rosemary, was there. She is one of the finest, most loving people I have ever met. Sometimes I give a little money to the homeless. Rosemary buys a meal and then sits on a bench and eats with them. Rosemary has MS. She hugged me and sobbed and I just held her, as she cried, until she touched my check with the gentlest kiss.

I came home and stopped and talked for awhile with our concierge who is a minister as well. Then on the elevator the thought came that I must call my cousin.... She is in very early recovery from addiction. Her husband, ..., works in the Pentagon. As [she]detoxed, she became angry with everyone including Bonnie except me for some reason. There was a message on our machine. [My cousin] had called before the Pentagon was hit to talk with Bonnie because she was so afraid. I reached her after a few tries. [Her husband] was safe, working from an alternate location.

Each Tuesday evening for the past few months, I have been marching with other Christians to carry a message of peace and love into our citys neighborhoods afflicted by drug related violence. Last night we assembled at the parking lot of Asylum Hill. Gary Miller joined us and offered prayer. An associate minister named Sarah has been with us every week and Beth has joined us several times. We marched to, then around, Sigorney Park. We formed a circle, lit candles and prayed. Some of the black ministers used the opportunity to preach the need to be saved. Its not my theology. It makes me uncomfortable. On the way back, we sang for the first time. First, We Shall Overcome. Then I somehow was leading the group in Amazing Grace. The only problem is, with my sarcoid, I cant walk and sing well at the same time. Back at the AHCC (I never noticed the initials before) parking lot there was more prayer. I took the microphone to share my thoughts about addiction and terrorism that they both fill their victims with fear, but that my recovery began when God lifted my fear. Jesus said, Fear is useless, what is needed is hope. I wept and offered prayer for hope for Hartford and New York and Kabul.

Today I worked very hard. We have fallen behind on our project. I was supposed to take Friday off, but since Bonnie won't be here anyway Im going to work. At noon, I went to the Catholic Book Store, where my small community prays each Wednesday. It was our first meeting of the new year. Our priest, Ed McLean, takes the summers off, mostly to lead retreats. Usually coming together again in September is such a joyous day. As Ed said today we had that joy but it was just below the surface of our grieve. Ed and Michelle, his associate, had chosen scriptures very carefully and after Mass copies were passed out.

I left work a little after eight tonight. I missed the bus, but it was a beautiful night so I didnt mind walking. In front of the Federal Court House a committed group stood, with candles, in a circle praying for peace everywhere. Among them were Catholic Workers, Quakers, and Islamic believers. I stood just outside the circle. From time to time, a person would step into the circle to share or pray. I remembered the paper in my pocket, so I entered the circle and said, I was just walking by, on my way home, but I had this in my pocket and I read:

Bless those who persecute you: never curse them, bless them. Rejoice with those who rejoice and be sad with those in sorrow. Treat everyone with equal kindness; never be condescending but make real friends with the poor. Do not allow yourself to become self-satisfied. Never repay evil with evil but let everyone see that you are interested only in the highest ideals. Do all you can to live at peace with everyone. Never try to get revenge; leave that, my friends, to Gods anger. As scripture says: Vengeance is mine I will pay them back, the Lord promises. But there is more: IF your enemy is hungry, you should give him food, and if he is thirsty, let him drink. Resist evil and conquer it with good.
Romans 12:14-21

A television reporter asked for an interview. They didnt use it. I talked with a few of the people and came home.

I don't think so. I was of course deeply affected by the horrific event, but I also saw in the rescue of so many a great sign of God's love and healing. I was and continue to be disappointed in the war and in the loss of civil and human rights in this country, but I still have a strong and abiding faith that America will emerge from this a better society.

The lives lost -- but also the lives saved. The heros.

I still have a small flag on my desk. My feelings have not changed.