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2006-09-11

I watched a small part of the 9-11 rememberance ceremony 2006, and NYPD Officer Moria Smith's husband and fellow NYPD officer really did her, his beautiful daughter, the NYPD and the City of New York proud with his powerful words on this anniversary of 9-11.

The FDNY, NYPD, PAPD, and EMS did not hesitate to sacrifice literally their all Sept. 11 yet the City, Federal Government and the LMDC hesitated to give them the simple honor and respect due of their name, rank and dept. with a seperate sign at the WTC site all these years there by making them invisible. Their reasoning and concern was this might make them some how special but this is "spiritual paucity" poor city to think this way rather than recognizing a heroic fact of history that the City of New York should be proud of although it is also heart breaking.

This was the largest loss for the FDNY, NYPD, PAPD and EMS for each dept and for Our Nation's history. Many were highly decorated serving Our Country in the military and with in their dept. yet on the darkest day I witnessed and I can still remember the smell in the air -- the death dust -- people walking up from the WTC with death dust all over them and still our first responders and all those that volunteered that have illness fight for medical support and to pay medical bills and some have died a slow heroic death in the line of duty post 9-11. There are all kinds of illnesses related to inhaling the death dust from all the destruction and death from the olympic endeavor and team work of some many great souls that felt compelled to help from all over.

Firehouses were closed including Engine 212, a small beautiful firehouse closest to the 10 alarm fire that destroyed historical Greenpoint. The firehouses were all pieces of history and living memorials.

The NYPD's salary was lowered and still I think to myself, NYPD, thanks more than ever for protecting us.

I think of a fireman that made me feel so loved and appreciated when I would occassionally see him around the neighborhood and what a humble man. It is sad his and so many first responders were made invisible so it is a comfort to visit the beautiful and powerful frieze on the side of the firhouse closest to the WTC site.

The darkest day I every witnessed overwhelming goodness and generousity prevailed which is a testament to New York and to humanity and that is a great comfort.

Memories come back of the terrible smell, the enormous amount of trucks sent down to pick up the dead, the bus loads of young police officers still in training and even buses of firemen all covered in death dust coming out. I remember seeing Rescue 1 every day driving up the West Side Highway. People donated anything and everything. I remember hearing how boots would melt from the heat still coming up from the smoking rubble. The lines where so long to donate blood Sept. 11 people were turned away. I remember when the FDNY firetrucks going down to pick up one of their own.

I wish it hasn't turned into a struggle for medical care, for firehouses to stay open because they mean so much to the community, the NYPD's starting salary would be raised and all those with 9-11 illness get the medical and financial support they deserve.

If I died down there I would have wanted people to remember all I achieved with my life not how I died but I do hope the memorial is powerful and respects everyone rather than making our Fire, Police and EMS that died in record number invisible. I want the memorial to have order because I remember so much chaos the days and weeks following with photos every where including St. Vincents Hospital, Union Square and it felt like every where. I remember NYU Medical and the morgue and the amazing dedication of our NYPD detectives as they worked around the clock like guardian angels for people that took the Express to Heaven that day, even if it was the smallest piece of DNA.

I am proud I have had letters published in The New York Times, The Wall St. Journal, The New York Post, The New York Daily News, Newsday, and AM New York for our FDNY, NYPD, PAPD, and EMS and I hope that anyone who makes profit from Sept. 11 donates money to help out -- especially right now for the medical support and bills so more don't die because again -- they did not hesitiate yet their has been too much hesitation in return. It is nice Oliver Stone's flm is bringing attention to the role of rescue workers but I would like to see a large percentage of the films total profits including DVD sales to go to pay medical care and bills.

I remember the terrible smoking massive wound that some many brave souls worked day and night on and slowly it looked like a plastic surgeon came but the progress is too slow and as slow as it is time will not wait so I wish we would make important steps forward on all fronts from rebuilding to supporting those that are sick from the death dust to honoring our FDNY,NYPD, PAPD, EMS and all uniformed rescue workers.

I still think this is a bad dream sometime...and one unlikely source in my neighorhood really helped me by inspiring my art and writing so I think of them today with gratitude. As an artist you need sustanance and it is funny but a couple of years after the fact they were my muse-art life force.

Again to all that helped in any way -- any size -- gave a prayer -- thanks and gratitude with New York attitude!
Suzannah B. Troy
*As usual I am too tired to proof