nmah6560.xml

nmah6560.xml

born-digital

story

yes

no

2004-07-21

I live in New Castle, Delaware, so I watched the events unfold from a distance, although the television coverage and camera angles made the devastation seem much closer.

September 11 on the eastern seaboard was one of the most beautiful days of the late summer. The sky was clear blue, hardly a cloud, warm but not hot or humid. I remember playing with my 23 month old son in our den, watching Nickolodeon, when my husband called from work. "Turn on CNN," he said. "The news websites have all locked up; but we've heard that an airplane hit one of the World Trade Center towers."

Depite my son's protests, I changed the channel. It was about 8:50am. What I saw was shocking -- it was being reported as an airplane that could be commercial, could be private, slamming into one of the towers. As I described the scene to my husband, lamenting the poor people in the aircraft and in the tower building, we wondered how any pilot, on such a clear, beautiful day, could make such an error and hit the building.

"What is that plane doing there?" I asked. The camera angle showed the first tower burning, and another airplane curving around and slamming into the second tower. "Oh My God!" I shouted. "Another one! It's exploded!" I don't think my husband really believed me at first. Such craziness isn't easy to accept, or understand. But that's when it started to be clear that this was no mere accident, that these planes were flown intentionally into those towers.

I watched in stricken horror as the TV played the devastation. Saw the people jumping from the upper floors of the buildings, speeding their death instead of waiting for the inevitable. In my mind's eye I pictured panicked people trying to exit, and the ones above the crash sites having little hope of getting beyond the flames.

Then my thoughts turned. My brother and my brother-in-law both travelled frequently for business, and my brother-in-law was actually from NY area. Could they have been on one of the flights? Details of the flights that had crashed were still sketchy, presumably to give the airlines time to speak to families calling about concerned relatives. I called my mom -- she hadn't been watching tv; her & my dad turned on the tv at my call and began watching. She called my sister-in-law; my brother wasn't travelling. We couldn't get calls through to my sister, because calling anywhere in NY state yielded a "Circuits Busy". It was several hours before we were sure he was, thankfully, safe.

The day from that point was a nightmare image of television reports. The Pentagon had been hit. Reports of another missing flight, possibly over Pennsylvania. Although physically not close to the danger, I worried over my daughter in kindergarten. By the time I had to pick her up - 11:20 -- both towers had fallen, the plane missing over Pennsylvania had crashed, and the pictures of carnage at the Pentagon were showing up. Every where I went, people were white lipped, pale, quiet. Who would do such a thing? Who could be so cruel, so maniacal, so bloodthirsty and so lacking in humanity, to attack innocent people that way?

Friends called, and we talked about what was going on. We had an overwhelming need to try and make sense of what was going on, try to assign blame. We all felt very powerless -I wanted to help those who had lost so badly, but had no immediate way of helping. It was a trapped, lonely feeling.

By 2:30, I couldn't watch any longer. My husband's company shut down early - I think I remember Delaware declaring a state of emergency so that businesses could close and people could go home to their families and start sorting through the news. At one point I was beyond tears - it felt like the aftermath of a close family member died, although we'd personally lost no one. My then 5 year old daughter asked for explanations, and I didn't have any to give to her.

That night, we went to Mass. I don't even know how we knew there was a Mass at our church - did someone call? I just know that we went, and that the church barely had standing room available it was so crowded. I remember the pastor in tears during most of the service, trying to sort through the horror of what had happened, and what was still happening as people searched for survivors in the wreckage, searched for loved ones, called cell phones and tried to make contact.

I think our lives have definitely changed. We're more cautious, now, and less likely to shrug something odd off as a fluke -- if I were to see someone acting suspiciously, instead of thinking my imagination was playing tricks, I'd tell someone. I'm not stopping my regular activities because of the day - I'm not a big traveler, but I certainly am not going to let the threat of terrorism keep me hiding in my home, fearing the worst. Most people, I think, found where their altruism lies -- not everyone is more considerate, but more & more people seem willing to be helpful, to lend a hand.

I think we should always remember the lives that were lost -- both the innocent victims of the terrorists, and the brave men & women who lost their lives trying to help those victims to safety. I think we should remember all of those who worked at the various sites, because they've seen horrors that most of us can only imagine. We should also remember all those who have gone on to fight terrorism in Afghanistan and Iraq - living and deceased. Never forget the lessons learned that day, never forget the people the have worked to bring justice and closure to the day.

Yes, we fly the American flag. While I was raised with respect for the flag, I now have reverence for the principles it stands for. I feel a much deeper commitment to the flag as our national symbol.