story408.xml
Title
story408.xml
Source
born-digital
Media Type
story
Date Entered
2002-04-14
911DA Story: Story
At the continued insistence of my sister, I wrote my recount of 9.11 a few weeks after that day:
On the morning of 9.11.01, I left 10 minutes late to listen to an elderly woman on the Today Show give advise on how to live a full life. Had I not dawdled, I would have caught the earlier bus that would be crushed in front of Century 21 within a few hours.
My daily commute to Manhattan is on an Express Bus that takes the Laganus Highway to Brooklyn Battery Tunnel. I sat in the second row, as I usually do, and looked up from my reading to see the beautiful late summer day with a wonderful blue sky, and was alarmed to see a large dark cloud at the top of Tower 1. I looked around the bus and no one was panicking or even looking up so I thought I must be crazy and that this was just a dark cloud. Odd, though, with the sky so blue everywhere else. As we got closer to the tunnel, I continue to gaze at the Towers and noticed small silver particles in the air, and thought this must be some sort of illusion. I realized later these were specks of the plane or the WTC building - reaching all the way to Brooklyn.
As we approached the entrance of the BBT a broadcast message came on in the bus. It said a small plane had hit the WTC and that we would be rerouted to the east side of Manhattan. We entered the east side of the tunnel. Traffic slowed to a crawl in the tunnel. A passenger in the first row had a radio-walkman and told the bus driver of the unfolding events. The driver stood up and reported that a second plane had hit the Towers and that Bush had declared this a terrorist attack. He then received a call directly on his bus phone and announced that we would be immediately rerouted to the west side of the tunnel once we arrived in Manhattan to return to Brooklyn. The full bus collectively began to grow nervous and to speak with one another. A woman in front of me worked on the 34th floor of the WTC, she had managed to call her co-workers on her cell phone. The caller on the other end told her they were fine and were beginning to evacuate the building. This was the only call that managed to connect despite the frantic attempts of many passengers. Another woman across from me worked on the 39th floor of the other tower and began to quietly cry. I thought she was being overly sensitive.
It took about an hour for the bus to inch its way through the tunnel. Unbelievably, passengers in other vehicles became impatient and began to walk out of the tunnel on a side partition towards Manhattan. I thought surely it must be illegal to walk through the BBT, and wondered what could possess these individuals to walk towards what must be a disaster site. A passenger in our bus walked up to the bus driver and asked to be let out. He refused and asked everyone to remain calm. As we neared the end of the tunnel, the lights suddenly went out, but an orange reflective light gave some visibility. A man on the bus said that this must be serious because he had never seen this happen before. I was glad to be on a bus with interior lights.
Finally we could see daylight at the end of the tunnel. I was relieved because we were all becoming claustrophobic in the tunnel. (The tunnel exits at Greenwich and Edgar Streets, about 3 blocks north of the WTC) As we came out of the tunnel I looked up and screamed at a sight I will never forget. Coming at us, at an unbelievable speed, an enormous gray cloud full of debris. It is insignificant to call this a cloud, it appeared as a massive and thick wall of smoke and pieces of debris, some of which were obviously very large - I distinctively saw a large piece of metal flying high in this "cloud." Those who had previously walked out of the tunnel were now running at breakneck speed back towards us, dwarfed by the cloud, and very quickly disappearing as the cloud overtook and swallowed them. I did not know what was coming, but the thought that this tunnel was a refuge to them terrified me. Daylight was immediately disappearing. I always thought I would be the sort to stare at such a sight, but I was so obviously in harms way and immediately terrified that I had to look down and into the bus - I could not look at what was barreling towards us.
I experienced an incredible rush of adrenaline. I knew for certain that I would die. I did not know what had happened, but that cloud rushing loudly towards us was so enormous and horrific I thought the island itself was crumbling into the ocean. Trembling, the world became surreal, images and colors were more starkly real, my reality slowed. I quickly told myself not to panic and not to think about what was coming but to focus on surviving. I had to make the right decisions or I would die. A man running towards us was bleeding profusely from his head. I looked down at my fragile body, and quickly weighed my options - did I want to risk being crushed or thrown in the bus or did I want to risk my exposed body being hit by debris or crushed in the tunnel. My flight or fight response kicked in and I yelled at the bus driver to open the door. With a very uncertain voice he screamed no, it's safer in the bus. A man in the back of the bus threw open the emergency door and passengers rushed each other to get out. Everyone began screaming, go, go, go! The bus driver opened the front door. The woman beside didn't want to move, she said "No! It's safer in the bus." I almost climbed over her when she finally got up. Pushing one another we very quickly piled out. I left my laptop in the bus without a second thought - I did not want anything to slow me down. Time was obscured, but I believe it had been only a few seconds since I first saw the cloud. We all very quickly turned into panicked individuals, each on our own.
As I stepped out I tried to bolt into a run but almost immediately could not see nor breathe. The cloud had overtaken me. I was completely enveloped in a dense, heavy, indescribable substance. There was no way to get air in your lungs. I willed myself forward. I realized I was still trembling and knew again with certainty that I would die. In an intense inner voice I made a wish that I would die from suffocation - I feared the tunnel, would crumble, and imagined a very painful death, drowning or being hit by concrete or the silver beams I had seen in the cloud. I again willed myself forward. My mother, a survivor of WWWII, had always drilled into us that when something terrible occurs, such as a fire or a bomb, to run like hell and to make it out no matter what. My mother had experienced the bombings of Berlin at a young age and she had considered this absolute critical advise. I repeated this to myself - get out, get out. People were screaming all around me. "Go, go, go." "I can't stop and help, I'm sorry I can't." In their rush some people must have stumbled over one another and I jumped over the legs of someone on the ground. It was almost pitch black in the smoke, and I didn't see them until I was almost on top of them. I did not want to be trampled, nor to trample anyone. I am very courteous person, but instinct was carrying me forward and I could not stop to help. I cursed the length of the tunnel, which I now know to be 1.7 miles, the longest underground vehicle tunnel in the world. The car lights provided some light. I could not breath - I pulled up shirt over my face. It didn't help. Somehow I wasn't breathing but felt I was moving very fast, but on very wobbly legs. I thought of my mother, brother, my boyfriend who I had just said good-bye to. I thought of my sister with whom I should be closer. I thought I would never see anyone again - I was going to die alone, they would not even know just how I died. I couldn't believe this was how I would die, I didn't think it would be like this. I kept going, trying not to bump into the cars I could not see.
I very distinctly felt a new wave of smoke and it became darker again and the air more dense. The second tower had fallen - of course I didn't know this at the time. I passed a man helping another man out of a car and into a wheelchair. They were obviously having difficulty. I desperately wanted to be the person who would stop and help. This will haunt me forever. I knew with some certainty that these were people who would not make it. But it did not occur to me that I would, this was a marathon that could not be won. Still I marched on.
I do not know how to describe the different levels of smoke, but it did clear very slowing as we made our way through. I later found out that the tunnel has an air exchange system, but the smoke got trapped in that tunnel.
I twice climbed onto a narrow side ramp, thinking it better than bumping into the cars. It was single file only and people began to push one another and to scream, go-go-go! I climbed back down. Frightened children were being helped along by their parents. I noticed women in their bras only and realized they had completely taken off their shirts and tied it around their heads. Breathing was so difficult, I put my hand to mouth. I realized the inside of my mouth was full of black soot, I tried to clean my tonnage and teeth on my shirt, but it didn't help so I preoccupied myself again with moving as fast as I could. As I walked I too took my shirt off and tied it around my head. It didn't seem to help. There was a door on the side that people were rushing into, I climbed back up the ramp, but already they were rushing back out because it was locked. I later found out that door led up to Battery Park. I climbed back down, very disappointed at my false hope for some sort of escape route.
I became dizzy and light-headed. People had left cars on in their rush to get out and I smelled the carbon monoxide distinctly from the other hot, heavy smell. I started to slow down and felt faint. Like a miracle I passed a bus that had been left on and felt a rush of cool air. I looked at the bus and realized the air inside was clean. I stumbled on and collapsed in a seat. It was heaven, I could breath in here, unimaginable. I tried to take a deep breath but it was impossible, I had to take quick shallow breaths. I thought now I could help and screamed out in a weak voice at the door of the bus, "There's air in here, there's air in here." A few women climbed in after me and sat down. We said not a word to one another. I was very dizzy, I didn't know if it was 2 or 4 women who got in after me. I tried to take some deep breathes, it hurt. I climbed back off.
Eventually the smoke thinned out some. I could see and breathe more clearly, but people were noticeably slowing down. Some sat at the sides, unable at that time to continue. The two lanes of cars ended and the road in the tunnel was open. We had been part of the last vehicles allowed in. I walked as fast as I could, I remember thinking suddenly that I might make it. A man was yelling at people to go through a side door. This door looked like the other one I had attempted to go through so I was suspicious, but climbed up the side again and walked through with no idea to where it went. It opened to the other side of the tunnel, which didn't have nearly as much smoke. That side of the tunnel opens to Manhattan more to the West side, and didn't get as much smoke. This was the last leg of the tunnel.
We came out of the tunnel as refugees, covered in dust and gasping for breath. A woman passing me kept mumbling, "Our lives will never be the same again." I put my shirt back on. I can't describe the relief I felt. It had taken me nearly 2 hours to get out - which is damn good time considering the circumstances. A man with a notepad took my name and date of birth. There was another man taking names and social security numbers - I didn't know why. There were 3 small EMS vehicles with beds and oxygen. I wanted to get oxygen but went instead to the back of a pick-up truck with men giving out water. I washed my mouth out and spit out black soot. I thought I would throw-up but I steadied myself leaning on the side of the truck. I took 2 cups to wash out my mouth and a third to slowly sip. I was dizzy and sat down at a tollbooth. Smoke was funneling out from the east side of the tunnel and people continued to stream out. Smoke was also coming from across the river and the air was misty. I looked at Manhattan, and thought there is so much smoke over there that I couldn't see the towers - then realized they were gone. I heard the news from others sitting on the tollbooth. The towers had been hit by commercial passenger planes and had both fallen, the Pentagon was also hit. I still had the urge to flee but was feeling much safer. I was alive! I sat there and it began to snow a dark gray ash. I sat in disbelief and almost burst into tears because now my precious cup of water was littered with ash. I was obviously irrational. I got another cup and carefully covered it with my hand so that ash would not get in.
I sat for awhile. Time was completely lost to me and I was very much in shock. I wanted to see if the people would had been bleeding would come out, or the man in the wheelchair. People slowly streamed out, I was one of the last because I was at the front of the tunnel. I did not see those I looked for. There was, I believe, a policeman standing at the highway behind the toll booths. I saw no rescuers entering the tunnel and realized they were all in Manhattan. The highway was empty as far as I could see, and I became angry that they had let us in the tunnel when a few minutes later they must have stopped traffic and directed everyone off the highway.
There were people all over just sitting on the toll booths, talking to one another, in shock, trying to get through on their cell phone. I asked a woman if I could borrow her phone. I couldn't get a signal. I was quite upset and a man told me to try his cell. I couldn't believe it but I got through to my boyfriend. He was frantically crying and I could tell he thought he would not hear from me again. It was about 12pm - he had not spoken to me me since I left home that morning. He wanted to come and get me, but I told him it would be quicker if I found my way home. Hearing his voice made it somehow real, I didn't realize the gravity of the situation just yet.
When noone had come out of the tunnel for awhile I decided to head home. The BBT opens into Red Hook, which is far from my home in Bay Ridge. I started walking, as we all did, heading home. I came upon a kitchen modeling store and knocked on the door. They let me in to use the bathroom and wash up. My hands were completely black and I was covered in dust. I looked at myself in the mirror and was surprised at just how dirty my face and hair were. The owner gave me a bottle of water and I continued on my way walking. I passed a prison, there were many policemen outside the prison instructing us to cross the street, away from the prison, and to walk under the overpass. Someone said one of the terrorists convicted from the '93 WTC bombing may be held in there. I was 2 blocks from the WTC in '93 - I began to think it may be time I left this city.
I walked quite a long way and finally managed to catch a ride. Everyone seemed to be outside - people were all over the street talking with one another. The roads were crazy and it took a long time to get home. On the drive home, passing 86 Street in Bay Ridge, I was saw a man lying in the intersection and a car stopped next to him. He had just been hit by a car - unbelievable that I would see this after everything that had happened. I couldn't see what shape he was in, but I wondered how long it would take for an ambulance to arrive since they must all be helping those at the WTC.
On the morning of 9.11.01, I left 10 minutes late to listen to an elderly woman on the Today Show give advise on how to live a full life. Had I not dawdled, I would have caught the earlier bus that would be crushed in front of Century 21 within a few hours.
My daily commute to Manhattan is on an Express Bus that takes the Laganus Highway to Brooklyn Battery Tunnel. I sat in the second row, as I usually do, and looked up from my reading to see the beautiful late summer day with a wonderful blue sky, and was alarmed to see a large dark cloud at the top of Tower 1. I looked around the bus and no one was panicking or even looking up so I thought I must be crazy and that this was just a dark cloud. Odd, though, with the sky so blue everywhere else. As we got closer to the tunnel, I continue to gaze at the Towers and noticed small silver particles in the air, and thought this must be some sort of illusion. I realized later these were specks of the plane or the WTC building - reaching all the way to Brooklyn.
As we approached the entrance of the BBT a broadcast message came on in the bus. It said a small plane had hit the WTC and that we would be rerouted to the east side of Manhattan. We entered the east side of the tunnel. Traffic slowed to a crawl in the tunnel. A passenger in the first row had a radio-walkman and told the bus driver of the unfolding events. The driver stood up and reported that a second plane had hit the Towers and that Bush had declared this a terrorist attack. He then received a call directly on his bus phone and announced that we would be immediately rerouted to the west side of the tunnel once we arrived in Manhattan to return to Brooklyn. The full bus collectively began to grow nervous and to speak with one another. A woman in front of me worked on the 34th floor of the WTC, she had managed to call her co-workers on her cell phone. The caller on the other end told her they were fine and were beginning to evacuate the building. This was the only call that managed to connect despite the frantic attempts of many passengers. Another woman across from me worked on the 39th floor of the other tower and began to quietly cry. I thought she was being overly sensitive.
It took about an hour for the bus to inch its way through the tunnel. Unbelievably, passengers in other vehicles became impatient and began to walk out of the tunnel on a side partition towards Manhattan. I thought surely it must be illegal to walk through the BBT, and wondered what could possess these individuals to walk towards what must be a disaster site. A passenger in our bus walked up to the bus driver and asked to be let out. He refused and asked everyone to remain calm. As we neared the end of the tunnel, the lights suddenly went out, but an orange reflective light gave some visibility. A man on the bus said that this must be serious because he had never seen this happen before. I was glad to be on a bus with interior lights.
Finally we could see daylight at the end of the tunnel. I was relieved because we were all becoming claustrophobic in the tunnel. (The tunnel exits at Greenwich and Edgar Streets, about 3 blocks north of the WTC) As we came out of the tunnel I looked up and screamed at a sight I will never forget. Coming at us, at an unbelievable speed, an enormous gray cloud full of debris. It is insignificant to call this a cloud, it appeared as a massive and thick wall of smoke and pieces of debris, some of which were obviously very large - I distinctively saw a large piece of metal flying high in this "cloud." Those who had previously walked out of the tunnel were now running at breakneck speed back towards us, dwarfed by the cloud, and very quickly disappearing as the cloud overtook and swallowed them. I did not know what was coming, but the thought that this tunnel was a refuge to them terrified me. Daylight was immediately disappearing. I always thought I would be the sort to stare at such a sight, but I was so obviously in harms way and immediately terrified that I had to look down and into the bus - I could not look at what was barreling towards us.
I experienced an incredible rush of adrenaline. I knew for certain that I would die. I did not know what had happened, but that cloud rushing loudly towards us was so enormous and horrific I thought the island itself was crumbling into the ocean. Trembling, the world became surreal, images and colors were more starkly real, my reality slowed. I quickly told myself not to panic and not to think about what was coming but to focus on surviving. I had to make the right decisions or I would die. A man running towards us was bleeding profusely from his head. I looked down at my fragile body, and quickly weighed my options - did I want to risk being crushed or thrown in the bus or did I want to risk my exposed body being hit by debris or crushed in the tunnel. My flight or fight response kicked in and I yelled at the bus driver to open the door. With a very uncertain voice he screamed no, it's safer in the bus. A man in the back of the bus threw open the emergency door and passengers rushed each other to get out. Everyone began screaming, go, go, go! The bus driver opened the front door. The woman beside didn't want to move, she said "No! It's safer in the bus." I almost climbed over her when she finally got up. Pushing one another we very quickly piled out. I left my laptop in the bus without a second thought - I did not want anything to slow me down. Time was obscured, but I believe it had been only a few seconds since I first saw the cloud. We all very quickly turned into panicked individuals, each on our own.
As I stepped out I tried to bolt into a run but almost immediately could not see nor breathe. The cloud had overtaken me. I was completely enveloped in a dense, heavy, indescribable substance. There was no way to get air in your lungs. I willed myself forward. I realized I was still trembling and knew again with certainty that I would die. In an intense inner voice I made a wish that I would die from suffocation - I feared the tunnel, would crumble, and imagined a very painful death, drowning or being hit by concrete or the silver beams I had seen in the cloud. I again willed myself forward. My mother, a survivor of WWWII, had always drilled into us that when something terrible occurs, such as a fire or a bomb, to run like hell and to make it out no matter what. My mother had experienced the bombings of Berlin at a young age and she had considered this absolute critical advise. I repeated this to myself - get out, get out. People were screaming all around me. "Go, go, go." "I can't stop and help, I'm sorry I can't." In their rush some people must have stumbled over one another and I jumped over the legs of someone on the ground. It was almost pitch black in the smoke, and I didn't see them until I was almost on top of them. I did not want to be trampled, nor to trample anyone. I am very courteous person, but instinct was carrying me forward and I could not stop to help. I cursed the length of the tunnel, which I now know to be 1.7 miles, the longest underground vehicle tunnel in the world. The car lights provided some light. I could not breath - I pulled up shirt over my face. It didn't help. Somehow I wasn't breathing but felt I was moving very fast, but on very wobbly legs. I thought of my mother, brother, my boyfriend who I had just said good-bye to. I thought of my sister with whom I should be closer. I thought I would never see anyone again - I was going to die alone, they would not even know just how I died. I couldn't believe this was how I would die, I didn't think it would be like this. I kept going, trying not to bump into the cars I could not see.
I very distinctly felt a new wave of smoke and it became darker again and the air more dense. The second tower had fallen - of course I didn't know this at the time. I passed a man helping another man out of a car and into a wheelchair. They were obviously having difficulty. I desperately wanted to be the person who would stop and help. This will haunt me forever. I knew with some certainty that these were people who would not make it. But it did not occur to me that I would, this was a marathon that could not be won. Still I marched on.
I do not know how to describe the different levels of smoke, but it did clear very slowing as we made our way through. I later found out that the tunnel has an air exchange system, but the smoke got trapped in that tunnel.
I twice climbed onto a narrow side ramp, thinking it better than bumping into the cars. It was single file only and people began to push one another and to scream, go-go-go! I climbed back down. Frightened children were being helped along by their parents. I noticed women in their bras only and realized they had completely taken off their shirts and tied it around their heads. Breathing was so difficult, I put my hand to mouth. I realized the inside of my mouth was full of black soot, I tried to clean my tonnage and teeth on my shirt, but it didn't help so I preoccupied myself again with moving as fast as I could. As I walked I too took my shirt off and tied it around my head. It didn't seem to help. There was a door on the side that people were rushing into, I climbed back up the ramp, but already they were rushing back out because it was locked. I later found out that door led up to Battery Park. I climbed back down, very disappointed at my false hope for some sort of escape route.
I became dizzy and light-headed. People had left cars on in their rush to get out and I smelled the carbon monoxide distinctly from the other hot, heavy smell. I started to slow down and felt faint. Like a miracle I passed a bus that had been left on and felt a rush of cool air. I looked at the bus and realized the air inside was clean. I stumbled on and collapsed in a seat. It was heaven, I could breath in here, unimaginable. I tried to take a deep breath but it was impossible, I had to take quick shallow breaths. I thought now I could help and screamed out in a weak voice at the door of the bus, "There's air in here, there's air in here." A few women climbed in after me and sat down. We said not a word to one another. I was very dizzy, I didn't know if it was 2 or 4 women who got in after me. I tried to take some deep breathes, it hurt. I climbed back off.
Eventually the smoke thinned out some. I could see and breathe more clearly, but people were noticeably slowing down. Some sat at the sides, unable at that time to continue. The two lanes of cars ended and the road in the tunnel was open. We had been part of the last vehicles allowed in. I walked as fast as I could, I remember thinking suddenly that I might make it. A man was yelling at people to go through a side door. This door looked like the other one I had attempted to go through so I was suspicious, but climbed up the side again and walked through with no idea to where it went. It opened to the other side of the tunnel, which didn't have nearly as much smoke. That side of the tunnel opens to Manhattan more to the West side, and didn't get as much smoke. This was the last leg of the tunnel.
We came out of the tunnel as refugees, covered in dust and gasping for breath. A woman passing me kept mumbling, "Our lives will never be the same again." I put my shirt back on. I can't describe the relief I felt. It had taken me nearly 2 hours to get out - which is damn good time considering the circumstances. A man with a notepad took my name and date of birth. There was another man taking names and social security numbers - I didn't know why. There were 3 small EMS vehicles with beds and oxygen. I wanted to get oxygen but went instead to the back of a pick-up truck with men giving out water. I washed my mouth out and spit out black soot. I thought I would throw-up but I steadied myself leaning on the side of the truck. I took 2 cups to wash out my mouth and a third to slowly sip. I was dizzy and sat down at a tollbooth. Smoke was funneling out from the east side of the tunnel and people continued to stream out. Smoke was also coming from across the river and the air was misty. I looked at Manhattan, and thought there is so much smoke over there that I couldn't see the towers - then realized they were gone. I heard the news from others sitting on the tollbooth. The towers had been hit by commercial passenger planes and had both fallen, the Pentagon was also hit. I still had the urge to flee but was feeling much safer. I was alive! I sat there and it began to snow a dark gray ash. I sat in disbelief and almost burst into tears because now my precious cup of water was littered with ash. I was obviously irrational. I got another cup and carefully covered it with my hand so that ash would not get in.
I sat for awhile. Time was completely lost to me and I was very much in shock. I wanted to see if the people would had been bleeding would come out, or the man in the wheelchair. People slowly streamed out, I was one of the last because I was at the front of the tunnel. I did not see those I looked for. There was, I believe, a policeman standing at the highway behind the toll booths. I saw no rescuers entering the tunnel and realized they were all in Manhattan. The highway was empty as far as I could see, and I became angry that they had let us in the tunnel when a few minutes later they must have stopped traffic and directed everyone off the highway.
There were people all over just sitting on the toll booths, talking to one another, in shock, trying to get through on their cell phone. I asked a woman if I could borrow her phone. I couldn't get a signal. I was quite upset and a man told me to try his cell. I couldn't believe it but I got through to my boyfriend. He was frantically crying and I could tell he thought he would not hear from me again. It was about 12pm - he had not spoken to me me since I left home that morning. He wanted to come and get me, but I told him it would be quicker if I found my way home. Hearing his voice made it somehow real, I didn't realize the gravity of the situation just yet.
When noone had come out of the tunnel for awhile I decided to head home. The BBT opens into Red Hook, which is far from my home in Bay Ridge. I started walking, as we all did, heading home. I came upon a kitchen modeling store and knocked on the door. They let me in to use the bathroom and wash up. My hands were completely black and I was covered in dust. I looked at myself in the mirror and was surprised at just how dirty my face and hair were. The owner gave me a bottle of water and I continued on my way walking. I passed a prison, there were many policemen outside the prison instructing us to cross the street, away from the prison, and to walk under the overpass. Someone said one of the terrorists convicted from the '93 WTC bombing may be held in there. I was 2 blocks from the WTC in '93 - I began to think it may be time I left this city.
I walked quite a long way and finally managed to catch a ride. Everyone seemed to be outside - people were all over the street talking with one another. The roads were crazy and it took a long time to get home. On the drive home, passing 86 Street in Bay Ridge, I was saw a man lying in the intersection and a car stopped next to him. He had just been hit by a car - unbelievable that I would see this after everything that had happened. I couldn't see what shape he was in, but I wondered how long it would take for an ambulance to arrive since they must all be helping those at the WTC.
Collection
Citation
“story408.xml,” September 11 Digital Archive, accessed December 20, 2025, https://911digitalarchive.org/items/show/4523.