nmah5283.xml

nmah5283.xml

born-digital

story

yes

no

2002-11-12

I was standing on the corner of Gold and Fulton Street waiting for the light to change and though the street is one way going the opposite direction the need to look both ways caused me to turn my head at the eact moment of impact of the first plane. I wailed into the sky as people all around me stared at me then follwed my gaze up to the Towers as the floors blew out from one side to the other. I stood ther and screamed "Those poor people those poor people" I was sure it was a bomb. I decided to run home and get my camera and go over there. This is my home and though I always make sure I head in the opposite direction of a disasater in NYC, that day I changed my own rule. On the way I heard a young man tell a friend "I saw a plane fly into the building" and I grabbed him and pushed him toward a cop taking eyewitness accounts and said GO TELL THEM WHAT YOU SAW!!!!!. Secretly I was relieved, just a tragedy not a bomb
Thinking it a tragic accident , I ran home to the corner of John and Nassau St. seeing neighbors and people standing around talking crowds began to gather. I rushed into my place and ran the 2 2short blocks to the corner of Dey and CHurch. Standing there infront of the Millineum Hotel I started to shoot some pictures with the debris raining down when people started to jump from the windows and I could not take the shots. I got one or two but it was before I realised what was happening. WHile we were all packed onto the streets under Tower One, I heard an unmistakeable crack and looked up to see the second Tower explode over my head and the building exploding above us all. People started to scream "it's a war- we're under attack" and I took a girls arm and pulled her with me as Iducked into a doorway of the Kallikow Building with the huge pillars which protected us. People squashed into the space and remember looking down into this young Asian American womans face as she cried to me "what have we done? WHAT HAVE WE DONE?"
As the largest pieces stopped falling people started to run and so did I, back to my home. When I got inside the phone was ringing and people I never had a call from before were ringing me up. I was petrified. Just me and my two dogs standing in the Living room looking out my 8 foot windows down on the street when the world went black. Unbelievably black and angry swirls of minute matter swirling in tiny pinwheels against the windows, pushing and scratching the glass and walls. the first time was horrifying the second time I thought I was going to die and raan into a closet with my dog and hid till the rumbling stopped. Later that day I was evacuated by the National Guard and forced to walk through the streets and breathe the ashes of death with my dogs a few belongings. Miles we walked, misdirected to unfunctioning subways, down the stairs throwing out my hip. Constantly looking back to the smoke and ash flying thorugh the sky on the wind

I will never be the same. I threw everything out of my apartment and replaced it. I have worn only black for over a year now.

Everything changed, mostly because as a seperated working mother, alone for many years mentally but separated for barely 2 years, I met an ironworker in the subway a week afterthe attack who has become my dearest friend and protector. We are engaged and plan to marry when my divorce is final and we buy our own home.

We would never have met if it hadn't have been for this and I think I might have gone mad without his love and care. Everyday for 5 months, I woke up with him at 5 a.m., and went to breakfast before he headed back to the "Pit". A kiss at the check point as I waved goodbye wondering if he would be coming out again. Miraculously, he stayed on with very little damage done to him except to his lungs and a tooth cracked when a Man Basket he was in was whipped against a wall. His partner dislocated a shoulder.

He is snoring in the next room as I write and we have been together ever since. The story is as good and as bad as it gets. We held each other up then and now. We share something no one else understands. He watched from the other end of Nassau St on the roof of a building he was renovating. We had been existing 4 blocks from each other for many months but never met till I saw him covered in dust in his hardhat ,falling out of his seat from exhaustion. I went over and sat next to him and held his hand to say thanks and give him some kindness.

The courage of the those who came to help

How hard the people worked to save who could be saved. clean up and clear away the debris. Sacrificed their health and lives.

The absolute innocence of those who died.

The waste of human life and their terror.

The absolute guilt of those who planned and reveled in it

The American disregard for other cultures and lack of freedom

The view I will never see again from the "TOP"

I put decals on my windows, stickers on my work kit and wear a red white and Blue ribbon on my hat.

I feel it is a badge I earned to wear to bear witness. I dislike sharing it with thrill seekers and tourist who cam to hawk quietly at first now impudent and rude.

The flag has mixed feelings for me the closer to war we get.