nmah463.xml

nmah463.xml

born-digital

story

yes

no

2002-08-28

Because I live in Tucson, Arizona, and we are three hours behind New York City the first plane had hit the first tower when I woke up for work and turned on the TV to the Today show at about 6:00 am. At that time our local morning show is usually on so I immediately knew something had happened because Katie Couric and Matt Lauer were on the screen. What first came to my mind was Oklahoma City and the Federal Building because I awoke to see that tragedy on TV also. I just remember Couric and Lauer talking about a terrible accident at the WTC and there seemed to be confusion as to what had happened, and then suddenly they told us that another plane had hit. The incident I remember the most is the collapse of the first tower - they were burning in the background of the news coverage when suddenly, I think it was Lauer, said something like "folks, something is happening - we believe the tower is collapsing." I sat on the end of my bed with my two dogs and I cried and hugged them for comfort. I felt frightened. I remember doing a very odd thing, I got up and walked to my living room and closed all my curtains. It was a sunny day, and I live out in a rural area north of Tucson. But, I suddenly realized that the reason I had done this is that I felt violated, and frightened and wanted to close myself off from whatever was out there. How many others did similar things? I've often wondered this.

I have been much more focused since then. The world is out of control and I have focused much more on my life and those things in my control. At the time I was on a Weight Watcher diet and a fitness training program to powerwalk a half marathon in December. Both programs became much easier as I put all my energy into those activities. I think this helped me handle 9/11 because I had something under control to focus on. In June this year I took an eleven day rafting trip through the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge - this had been a 15 year dream. I decided to do it after 9/11. Fulfilling it became much more significant.

The goodness of people - the families, the survivors, the rescuers, the little unknown people who baked cookies, served meals, offered to help in small ways. The love that has been exhibited. I have enormous respect for the firemen, the police, the paramedics, but what most impressed me were the ordinary citizens in the WTC who helped others and gave their lives to be with a friend. I also think that this tragedy is a reminder of how dangerous people are when they fight for a cause and feel that they have no power and they feel that they have no voice that is heard - they then follow despicable leaders like Osama bin Laden. The German people followed Hitler because they had been humiliated, lost all respect for themselves, and needed a common enemy - not that different from the current Arab terrorism. The little people must be heard - we cannot kill them all, we cannot wipe out terrorists and terrorism, someone is there to replace each one who dies. We must learn something from this senseless, brutal, horrible act.

I immediately flew my flag, and I'm not a big flag waver. But then after a few weeks I took it down. I didn't like what I was beginning to see - it started to feel like the 60's where if you didn't have a flag on your car, or if you voiced any criticism of the country or President you were almost seen as traitorous. I got a little frightened of our own zealots. I hate that about this country. It's inopposite to the liberties of our founding fathers and our whole notion of democracy and freedom of speech. I will not flag wave over that.