nmah643.xml

nmah643.xml

born-digital

story

yes

no

2002-08-30

My husband, adult daughter and I were staying at a cabin on the Gunflint Trail in northern Minnesota, and were looking forward to canoeing. It had been rainy the first few days that we were there. Finally the sun came out and my husband and daughter went down to the lodge to rent a canoe. When my husband said to the young man at the counter that it's a beautiful day, and the young man looked confused and said "yes, here it is.." and my husband and daughter then looked confused, the young man said "you don't know, do you?" and he proceeded to tell them what had happened a couple hours earlier. We did take out the canoe, and it was the strangest bittersweet feeling, to be out in that canoe, enjoying God's country, the peacefulness, the quiet, the only sounds being the water lapping on the side of the canoe. We felt so many feelings, guilt for feeling safe in this place, shock that this could happen, deep sorrow for the lives lost, but I think mostly we felt guilt, like who were we to be enjoying this when other's lives are totally shattered.
We did have a CD player with a radio, so we listened to the radio accounts of what was happening, but it was not as riveting as sitting in front of our televisions would have been. Of this, I am thankful that we did not have a television.

All of our lives have changed because of September 11, 2001. We cannot deny that. In every way, some good, some bad. As Americans, I believe that we are working hard to make something good of every aspect of the attacks. I have tried to embrace the positive aspects, the ways that we Americans have come together working for the common goal of Peace. But just recently, 11 months later, something on the news (about the poison gas tests on dogs) made me fill with such hate, such ugly feelings, such rage, I could not believe it was me feeling this way. I wanted to kill, just one terrorist, even if I would havce had to spend my life in prison, or die for it. Then I knew I had played into the terrorist's hands and become as ugly and hateful as the terrorists. I would never, could never do anything like that, but for a moment, all the hate, fear, ugliness in me reared it's head. Thank God he keeps my heart and mind in his hands and I can let go of the bad feelings.

I like most to remember the immediate victims, the firefighters, the policemen, EVERYONE who worked so long and hard to find people who had been in the towers and the Pentagon, and the people who were passengers on the hijacked airplanes, but especially the victims themselves, the people who worked in the Towers and the Pentagon. We must never forget them, just as we must never forget the soldiers who have died in wars, the Jews and everyone who died in the Holocaust.

Yes, I bought a American flag with a holder from the American Legion, had my husband install it on the front of our house, and fly it proudly. I grew up knowing that my parents and grandparents would always fly the American flag on holidays like Veterans Day, Memorial Day, Fourth of July, anytime that was appropriate to show our pride in our flag. And now my husband and I will continue the tradition.