nmah5250.xml

nmah5250.xml

born-digital

story

yes

no

2002-10-20

I'm in my pajamas. In the sunroom. In front of the computer. Hunched over my second cup of coffee. Checking my email.

I live in a small resort community on the Delaware coast and I'm thinking what a glorious day to take the dog for a walk on the beach.

My partner calls from the den and says, "Come see this." I walk in and over Katie and Matt's shoulders I see smoke billowing from one of the World Trade Center buildings.
"Some kind of freak accident," my partner says.

I'm trying to take this in when out of the corner of the TV, a smudge races across the screen and plows into the second WTC building. I sag onto the sofa. "Who is doing this?" races through my mind. "Who is doing this to my country?"

I remember the next few hours as a series of individual images i will live with till I die. People leaping from the windows. An immense shower of debris like some obscene piñata as one of the buildings collapses. People running in terror. Firemen crying, the tears cutting channels through their dust-covered faces. The Pentagon in flames.

My partner has cancer. I'm trying to figure out if this is the future, how can I possibly take care of him?

We didn't leave the house for two days. For two days we stayed glued to the TV, ate whatever we could find in the fridge, wondered what could we do to help. What got us out of the house finally was the blood drive at a local church.

I was amazed at the flags. Everywhere, flags. On cars, on lawns, on stores, on houses. We have a big flag in back of the house by the pool. I wanted a flag for the front of the house. After giving blood I hit every store on the way home. Big stores and small. All of them sold out.

It took us a week to get that flag. And to get some sense of perspective on what had happened.

I kept thinking of the anarchists at the end of the last century, whose only goal was to destroy. Bombs and pistols then.

Now, God only knows.

Yes, i think it has. We just went to New York, something we used to do four or five times a year without thinking about it except to eagerly plan on the shows, museums and restaurants we'd visit. Now, September 11th is in the back of my mind every time we travel anywhere.

I'm also much more mindfull of living every day as if it could be my last. And treasuring my loved ones as if I might never see them again.

The heroism of the firefighters, police and rescue workers who gave their lives to help people. As opposed to the terrorists who gave their lives to destroy.

Yes, we flew our flags after September 11th. Along with all our neighbors. Our feelings about the flag itself haven't changed. But I think we'll be displaying it at holidays more than we used to.