nmah5106.xml

nmah5106.xml

born-digital

story

yes

no

2002-09-18

Like many Americans, I watched the story unfold on TV while at work. In Michigan, it was a beautiful, September day just like it was in New York.

Even though I live in the Midwest, I grew up in New Jersey with Manhattan's skyline a frequent site from any Bergen County vista.

The punch in the stomach for me was when the first tower fell...for some reason it was a very personal connection. I had taken a class in the WTC as a teenager for a week one summer. My dad had worked up the street from there and took the PATH train in from Hoboken. NYC had always been a part of my life.

I remember being shocked and worried for at least a few days until I had determined that none of my friends, family or co-workers were in the city that day. Two of my co-workers, doing research in Washington at the time, saw the plane hit the Pentagon and had to drive back to Michigan from D.C. Luckily, they already had a rental car.

I felt this compelling need to go to NY but didn't know how I could have helped. When I tried to give blood here, I was turned down (even O-negative!) because they had too much and wanted us to wait. I felt helpless, in schock, and very sorry for those who had posted signs of their loved ones who were missing. I couldn't work at my normal capacity for at least 3 weeks because my mind was constantly distracted. I cried a lot. And I told myself I would get to NYC eventually to pay my respects at the WTC site. I visited Ground Zero in March 2002.

My life has changed in subtle ways that are somewhat combined with the aging process, I think. Mostly, Sept. 11 has increased my fear of flying, which was already on the rise because of my constant realization that it seems very unnatural for human beings to be in the air. It's like amusment parks....I used to go on the rides a lot as a kid but suddenly as an adult I realized it seemed risky to do that. Same with flying, although 9/11 has amplified that realization. While on airplanes I think about the last moments for those people who saw the WTC straight on before their plane exploded; or the ones who already knew about the WTC crashes and were trying to avoid further disasters by attempting to fight the hijackers. My previous desire to travel the world has suddenly shrunk to "just certain parts of the world". Would I have begun to felt that way as I aged anyway because of deeper understandings of politics and volatile environments? Maybe, but 9/11 has certainly influenced my wanderlust nature and reined me in. I'm more of a homebody, but I haven't turned travel down either because I agree with others who claim that that would be allowing the terrorists to "win".

And, I also feel slightly "on edge" all the time, perhaps like a combat veteran who associates certain times of the year with traumatic events, or sounds of nature or humankind (such as crickets, or gunshots) with events of war. I feel like we'll never be ready for the next terrorist attack. And I dreaded September--usually my favorite month of the year--this year because of the 9/11 anniversary. Will it ever go away enough to enjoy September again?

Tough to say.....so many things are significant; I'd hate to leave anything out. I guess we just have to change our mindset of conventional warfare and realize what our future holds. Even the Roman Empire didn't last forever; someone really wants to bring us down and we need to view Sept. 11 as a reminder to be wary.

I've always flown a flag on fair-weather days and I immediately hung one in my car the week of Sept. 11 last year. But I can't hear the Star Spangled Banner, America the Beautiful, or God Bless America without getting choked up anymore. I do view those songs from a different perspective now.