story2569.xml

story2569.xml

born-digital

story

yes

no

2002-09-11

I wrote this on September 12, 2001.

I love and live by music. All types of music. It's the first thing I
turn on when I get in the car. It's the first thing I turn on when I get
into work in the morning. Music is such an integral part of my life and
I can chart my life by different songs. A song will come on and it can
take me back to some of the happiest and darkest times. I talk to God
often by music and he definitely talks to me in the same way. There are
times when I feel disconnected and not whole and a song will come on and I
know it is his voice telling me what to do.

Yesterday the music went silent. I realized at one point that I had not
listened to any music since the events began to unfold on Tuesday. I
realized that I did NOT want to hear any music and it could not console or
comfort me in any way.

I grew up in and around NYC. I started the first half of my life in
Jersey City just across the river from downtown NY. My mom worked at 140
West street across the street from the WTC and she often took me with her
and I can remember when there was no WTC, just a really big empty lot.
Suddenly, it seemed that there were these two huge structures that began
to appear on the horizon, wrapped in neon red and orange tarp. It was the
towers being built and for years that was my memory and the view I saw
from my home. At the time, the building of the towers became the 8th
wonder of the world. How would they stand, who would have the nerve to go
to the top once they were completed? I remember all of the construction
work and dust surrounding the area.

The completion of the towers was just about the same time I guess you
could say that me and my generation was coming of age. I was a teenager
and the WTC was cool. Many of us would go there to hang out in and
outside of the WTC, to people watch, shop, to think that we were grown
because we were able to travel from Staten Island across the ferry to the
trade center without our parents.

You see, at 12 we moved to Staten Island, again just across the river from
downtown Manhattan. The new thrill was to see the NY sklyine, the towers
dominating the view as you crossed the harbor. I will never forget how
awesome and beautiful that view was and is. Even hardened New Yorkers are
affected by that view. Many try not to show it, but there was and is
pride there.

The main goal of many teenagers from SI was to work in the "City" once
your education was completed. That included seeking employment at the
WTC.
I know that there are many Staten Islanders who must be trapped in the
rubble.

I ended up working for many years in NYC, passing through the WTC as a
commuter, never thinking that it could ever be vulnerable to attack.

Yesterday the music went silent. At one point, I went to my car to get
some air and I opened the NY Daily News and I was reading, I turned to a
page and there was a picture of the towers with the caption "DEATH OF A
GIANT" and I turned on the radio and a song came on by Earth, Wind & Fire
called "REASONS". This was my absolute favorite song in high school and I
even listed it in my little bio in my yearbook. One of the lines goes
something like this, "The reasons that we're here, the reason that we
fear, won't disappear". The message behind the song is that the reason
that we are here is to love one another and sometimes love can be fearful
and painful, but the reason won't go away. You have to give in to the
love because it won't go away.

I broke down in tears for the loss of life; the loss of innocence; the
loss of our arrogance; the loss of a symbol that I thought would be here
forever and that I would be able to share with my son; for the pain that
so many families are experiencing now over the loss of a loved one; for
the loss of my mom several years ago to Diabetes and the pain I knew she
would have felt had she been alive to see the destruction; and I felt
devestated that more lives are likely to be lost because there will be
retaliation.

Today, I turned on the radio and a song came on by Rodney Jerkins called
"We fall down, but we get up". The song says that "We fall down, but we
get up, for a Saint is just a Sinner who fell down". The punch line to
the song is that "You can get back up again".


To me, that is God's way of saying that the music will be turned back on,
we will get back up again, we will survive and endure, that it is truly
darkest before the dawn. If we lean on him for understanding, his angels
will mount up on wings and we will experience his embrace.

I needed to get this out and I apologize if anyone is offended by this
message. I know that it has nothing to do with the purpose of this board.
I felt that you all would understand.

God Bless you all, remember to keep our country and the families affected
in your prayers. Finally, pray that our leaders will do the right thing
without malice in their hearts but will seek justice.