nmah4363.xml

nmah4363.xml

born-digital

story

yes

no

2002-09-11

I was a 3rd grade teacher in Frisco, Texas, on September 11, 2001. I was actually in a workshop that morning and not with my students. I was also four months pregnant with my first child. Another pregnant teacher and I had just come back from a break when one of my co-workers met us outside the room and told us that something bad was going on. She told us that the WTC had been hit by two airplanes and that the pentagon had also been hit. I cannot explain exactly how I felt because I think I went into mild shock. My husband had been working in New York at One Liberty Plaza (directly across the street from the towers) six months earlier. He had lived at the Millenium Hilton, where I had stayed with him in the summer, and also at the Mariott World Trade Center, where I had also stayed. He had been laid off from the company who had staffed him in New York right after we had moved into our dream house. It was awful timing and we weren't too sure if we would be able to stay in our house. So I think that my initial feeling was one of utter relief. I remember thinking that I was now overjoyed that he had been laid off and that God has a plan and purpose for everything that happens in our lives. I called my husband, who also seemed in shock, and we told each other that we loved the other. I asked about his friends that he had worked with at Goldman Sachs and he said that he hadn't heard anything yet, but that he was trying.

We went on with our workshop, although no one could actually concentrate on what was going on. I do remember looking at my other pregnant friend and uttering that we were now at war. Her response was that it didn't feel good to be bringing a child into this now very uncertain world.

Like a disruptive student, I kept checking my cell phone since it could link to the world wide web. I was giving quiet updates to the other teachers around me. Finally they let us go back to our schools to be with our students.

I returned to school and decided NOT to tell my students what had occurred. I felt that it was best that their parents tell them what was happening due to the fact that I didn't know if any of them had relatives or friends that could have been hurt. However, the next day, I brought in the Dallas Morning News and we discussed for almost two hours what had happened. The students were surprisingly mature and well informed, but I could tell that they did not grasp the gravity of our country's situation. But to be honest, I was somewhat glad that they didn't. I didn't want them to feel the uncertainty and fear that I was feeling.

Of course my life has changed greatly because of 9/11. I now pray every night next to my daughter's crib. I hug my husband and tell him to be careful every day that he leaves for work. I am scared to fly. I do not want my husband to travel anymore because I don't want him on a plane. Now that I am a mother, I don't want our country to go to war, although I am fully supportive of President Bush. The thought that anything can happen is always in the back of my mind, especially when we go to large events such as football games, concerts, etc. I cry easily when I hear about the children and families of those who lost someone. I question whether I would have been able to do what the people on Flight 93 did. I look at our pictures from New York more often. I thank God everyday for my husband, daughter, and family whereas before I think I took it all for granted.

The bravery of the firefighters, police officers, and especially the passengers on Flight 93 should be forever remembered. I also think often of the families who talked to their loved ones for the last time on Flight 93. I couldn't imagine knowing that I was talking to my husband for the last time and being coherent. How brave and courageous is that?

We did not fly a flag at our home, but my students wanted to make flags all the time in class. They would often make a flag in their free time and then ask for tape so that they could tape it to their desk. So, yes, I do think differently of the flag now. Before when we sang the Star Spangled Banner, I would often look elsewhere or not sing. Now, I sing every word with my hand over my heart and my eyes where they should be.