nmah5214.xml

nmah5214.xml

born-digital

story

yes

no

2002-10-07

My computer was connected to the internet via the phone line unknown to me while I slept in quite late. I worked second shift and didn't have to go in until 4pm. I had stayed home on monday because I felt ill but I was going to go to work that day. I live far from NYC but only miles from Somerset County, PA. Anyway, my mother was scared that she couldn't contact me because my computer. I woke up to the sound of her knocking on my apartment door. I groggily opened the door to find her frightened face and I was instantly awake. "Have you seen what's happened?" It was about 12pm when she came.. She sat on my couch and told me to turn on the television. I did and what I saw was so beyond my fathoming that I was in denial but those images could not be reckoned with. I saw a world in panic and I got mad. But most of all, as I watched people jump from the towers, I was sad. I was more than sad, I was depressed. I was every emotion I knew but I hadn't cried yet. "I called your work and they said that they tried to call you but your line was busy," mom said. "Your supervisor said not to come in and that everyone was going home because what's happened."
Where I work was a risk in itself. I work on the 3rd floor of the 'Administration' building. It's leased space for a document conversion company. The space was provided by U. S. Navy/ Military. A Tactical Systems Company where they manufacture rocket motors is hardly the place to be on such a day of terror and a risk to national security. I didn't go in that day. They also heard that a plane was on its way to the plant. Little did they know at the time that it would never make it there but had it been in the air a few minutes more, there would have been a lot more to clean up.
I spent that afternoon with my mother as she wanted me near her to know that I was alright. God bless her. I did stay with her at her apartment for a while. Her friend was there and we were talking about it. The day was already consumed by tradgedy. My friend Missy and another friend, Lidnsay were coming back from college. They had to watch the morning unfold during class and they both had said they worried about me going to work. Lindsay's father also worked at the 'compound' but he worked for the Navy and had a best friend at the pentagon. Lindsay's father had the day off, I believe. Missy picked me up at my mother's and that was when I cried; sobbed. I can and will always choke up when I remember that day or see the images and realize the loss. We went to Lindsay's place where we watched the day unfold in disbelief no matter how many times we saw the footage.
Later that night, Lindsay and I went to Missy's home where we made a video commentary/ montage of the day's events. Jimi Hendrix just seemed appropriate as background music to the montage. It is truly a sight to see even if all we did was film the television and turn on the stereo.
I was always a patriot at heart. I remember being a very little girl and feeling like I wanted to cry from pride everytime I hear as strong solitary voice singing the Star Spangled Banner.

To say that my life has not changed would be a lie but life goes on. While life in the country seems to go back to 'normal,' it will never be as it was. A new sort of complacency will evolve just as those who live with terrorism learn to live with bombings daily. I hope we never have to live with that but the way things happened was such a shock that it has made us better aware of everything. As a country we have never had to look out for trouble like we do now. That is different. My life has changed in the respect that I am more opinionated about politics and more aware of the extent that politicians are willing to go to make our country safe. What bothers me is that we cannot make miracles and to think that we can prevent every attack on our homeland is bull headed. Never get bull headed but be optimistic. The middle east, I beleive, never sees us as being a humble nation. They saw us brought to our knees on that day but we got right back up. It is my hope that our international policy is to appear more humble because any other way would be appear to be bullying.

I want everyone to remember that every nation has people who hate the very nation in which they live. There will never be a way to please everyone all of the time but it is important to take dangerous weapons from these people. There will always be a nation who hates us and there will always be wars for one reason or another and the reason we get into wars, ironically, is to reach that ever elusive utopia. Airport security is more important than ever; harbors are protected; government facilities are on constant alert.
And some believe that if we just kill a few people who want to kill us will make everything alright. They want to drop leaflets on the country which wants us dead but what do the leaflets say? They make demands. Information is key. Knowledge is everything and feeling is essential.

I didn't fly a flag for a couple of reasons. A part of me felt that I didn't before that day and didn't feel I should because I might be hypocritical. Another reason is that I was totally amazed at everyone else's flag frenzy. But the flag became a flag again and not just a symbol that meant 'America' the country. It became America, the land of liberties. I guess I was just too humbled. But I was also very awe struck and proud that we responded the way we did.