nmah5637.xml

nmah5637.xml

born-digital

story

yes

no

2003-09-05

My mother called and woke me up to tell me that a plane had crashed into a building in New York. I flipped the tv on to see the first tower burning, and watched with my eyes pealed, trying to figure out what was going on. It looked like it was probably an accident. I was watching the newscasters give their opinions over a live shot of the towers.
As one of them was talking a second plane slammed into the second tower. My heart dropped and I realized this had to be an attack. Another newscaster interupted the first to say that he thought he saw the second tower struck by a plane.
The feeling overall was of confusion. I never realized just how reassuring the scripted opinions and words of people in the media was until I saw all of that break down into chaos and could see the same confusion and doubt coming from the tv that I felt in my own heart.
As the two towers burned I thought, "there is no way they are going to fall. Huge modern buildings. They are designed to take the impact of even the largest commercial jet."
To be honest, at this point, the whole thing was a matter of curiosity. Like slowing to watch a car crash. Despite the confusion and doubt, the television still acted as a filter. The thing that was going on would not affect me in any immediate material way. I was safe, as always, on my couch and in my normal everyday life.
Then the Pentagon was hit and that filter began to break down. My father called and told me we are at war. I guess he didn't know what else to do. I began wondering what was next and started going over different situations in my mind. I took mental stock of my food supplies and started filling up jugs of water and getting candles out in case the utilities went offline. I know that might sound ridiculous but I really wasn't sure what was going to happen next.
When the south tower collapsed, the reality of the situation really hit me. I felt sick. I am not a squeemish person and even watch things like "realtv" and tend to enjoy action and violence in movies and on tv. But this was different. I felt personaly hurt in some way.
The live scenes of people running from the falling tower, debris and ash affected me deeply.
It was at this point I shed my first tear and the anger began to well up.
I live in Pittsburgh so when Flight93 crashed it seemed to me that every city in America must be targeted. On the news they said the USX Tower (in Pittsburgh) was a target.
Then the second tower collapsed and now tv as a filter was totaly gone. It was stark reality, and as it set in, I cried more. I wanted to help. It is something how people that lived through the Depression tell you how they felt and you understand but you never quite get it. I know the way I felt is something I will never be able to truely relate to anyone with any real clarity.

As the day, afternoon and evening wore on, the scenes changed. No more crashes or attacks. Mixed in with all of the anger and hurt and feeling of helplessness was something I had never truly felt before. I felt a part of America. Not America as a symbol or a set of ideas but rather as a people. Never before had the simple phrase "I am an American" meant more than some political ideas and a comparitively dull glimmer of patriotism.

The thing I remember most about sept 11 are all of the people who had missing loved ones standing outside the armory with pictures, begging for information. I never shed so many tears. The most intense feeling was the need to help. What can I do, what can I give?

AS crazy as it sounds from someone who lives so far away I felt like I needed to be at ground zero in NYC, I NEEDED to be in there helping to rescue people and find the missing and the dead. I NEEDED to do something. I called the redcross and asked where I could donate blood. They told me that they currently had more donors than they need but asked if they could call me if they needed more. I gladly gave them my number and name. It wasn't enough. Not nearly enough.

Things were so much different with the people you see on the streets, immediately following 911. I felt a connection with all of them. Totaly aside from anything you've seen on the news or in the books, there was a sense of unity. The stranger in the street wasn't just another guy or lady, they were Americans, like me. They were affected to. Everyone was alot more kind and helpfull to one another.

Yes, but it is hard to say exactly how. I have always been patriotic, but 911 changed the way I feel about America. It really made me feel that America was so much more than ideas and politics, that America is a people. All in all, it has made me more aware of how my actions might affect strangers, and just because I don't know someone, doesn't mean they don't matter.

What I think should be remembered about September 11th is that it was the time when America showed its true colors. From the heroic defiance of the passangers of Flight93, to the grave and essential sacrifice of the firefighters and lawenforcement who died at ground zero, to those who worked free of charge in the rubble, to the millions of volunteers offering a helping hand in a time of need and to every one of us being more kind to one another, America showed what it is really all about- beyond all of the politics and ideology, beyond the commercialism and capitalism, we are a loving, caring, brave, defiant and heroic People. More than anything else, what should be remembered about September 11th is that America stood strong and united in the face of hellish catastrophy.

Yes I did, and I still do. Though I have always been a big advocate of the principles behind America and in that sense a patriot, my love of the flag as the symbol of our People has been bolstered a thousand fold and I will fly it every day for the rest of my life.