nmah1612.xml

nmah1612.xml

born-digital

story

yes

no

2002-09-09

Like most other mornings before September 11th, I loaded internet news onto my pocket pc to read on the bus on the way to work. Not knowing yet what had happened in the past few hours, I remember thinking as I walked to the bus stop what a beautiful morning it was. I even stopped to admire a spider web decorated with dewdrops.

While on the bus going into downtown Seattle, I casually began to read the news. The lead headline was something like "Second plane slams into World Trade Center." Ever see a movie where the character gets an inkling that disaster is imminent? That was me. As I read the story, I glanced up repeatedly to look at the faces of the other riders; all were impassive. I wanted to shout out to them "two planes have hit the World Trade Centerthis is not an accident!" but I guess decorum and a sense of unbelief prevented me from doing so. I knew this was going to be big, and my life and the lives of these unsuspecting people were going to change. I just didnt know how much.

As I got to work, a coworker got on the elevator with me; she was crying. I tried to console her, and she told me she had family members working at the Pentagon. I had no idea the Pentagon had also been hit. The office was strangely quiet. My assistant came in, we talked and he told me an airliner had crashed in Pennsylvania. It was like a sucker punch. My feelings were a strange mixture of fear and confidence born of righteous anger.

We were all over the internet looking for news. Within an hour we got an email telling everyone to go home. There were a few people who chose to stay and get some work done. Although I didnt think we were in imminent danger, I still thought they were crazy to stay. Looking back, I wonder if they were in denial or maybe wanted to be alone in their grief.

While doing a few errands, I noticed the local mornings newspaper with routine headlines that knew nothing of what had happened. It was like the last vestige of innocence on display, with the knowledge that it too would disappear with the next edition, crying out about the horrors unleashed on our country.

Later, I picked up my then eight-year-old daughter from her school bus stop. I wasnt sure how to broach the subject of the days events, but I neednt have worried. After the usual hug, she immediately proceeded to tell me what happened. I kept asking her what else she knew before filling in any gaps appropriate for a child.

As we were almost home, she said Daddy, the terrorists thought they could hurt us by destroying our buildings, but America is people, not buildings. From the mouths of babes...I nodded and as we walked, she didnt see the tears streaming down my cheeks.

I constantly remind loved ones that I love them. Compliments and uplifting talk flows freer, anger and resentment is just not worth keeping in my life. I embrace life for what it is, right now, and I try not to put off the important stuff until someday--someday may never come.

I know it's cliched, but the heroes. Not just the emergency personnel, but the everyday heroes. And we should also remember that although America lost her innocence that day, she grew up fast, got much stronger. I look at the faces of those who were there and see a steely resolve in their eyes. I feel the same thing three thousand miles away.

I've never been a pacifist, but was never a flag-waving patriot...until this. When I finally remembered where our flag was (folded up in the closet), I flew it. I'll take it down after the one-year anniversary. After that, it will fly every Flag Day in June, July 4th and September 11th and Veteran's Day.