story5981.xml
Title
story5981.xml
Source
born-digital
Media Type
story
Date Entered
2002-09-12
911DA Story: Story
We woke up from sleep and Jim my fiance went down to make the coffee and I turned the TV on it was sometime five in the morning or so... I saw the first plane hit the first tower and I couldn't believe what I was actually seeing and then the next thing I knew the next plane hit the second tower. I was in total complete shock from watching it live on TV. Jim came out of shower and watched with me and we were in complete shock. I started crying. He started crying too. We just couldn't believe what happened. After seeing over and over again on the news we realized it was for real.
We had been hit by terrorist. At first we thought it was an accident that someone made a very serious mistake. It wasn't in till the second plane that I realized this was an attack on America.
We held each other and talked about what we should do.
We decided that it was best to go to work.
We went to work. We came home and we were still in complete state of shock. We function like we were just machines. We were on auto pilot. We had the TV on that night watching the news as to what had happened and who was responsible for this act. We felt a tremendous amount of hatred for these people and their country. We wanted revenge instantly. As far as we were concerned a nucelar attack on the whole country was fine with us. We wanted complete devastion of their entire culture. A wipe out.
That is how intense this hate was... I didn't want to hear about their problems, their reasons, their defense, their story to justify their actions against us. There wasn't any justificaton as to why they attack us. There still isn't.
I no longer feel I want their culture wiped out. Though I do feel we need to take action and stop them how ever we must stop them without having to wipe the whole culture and without killing the innocents. The most dangerous enemy is someone who nothing to lose. They having nothing to lose.
In two weeks Jim lost his job. An Hi tech engineer for a electronic company that took a dive after the attack.
He never found another job. All that year he went to every company looking for work. He lost his home, his dog his life. He lost his car. We moved into a rental. His kids lost respect for him and his depression took a very deadly turn. As I lived with him and not being able to convince him he needed to see a Doctor for his depression. At the very end he took his life by using a hand gun. His depression complicated by drinking killed himself in the garage with a deer rifle. His son found him that night when he came home from work. I wasnt' living there at that time because I left the week early to protect myself from his rage from all his losses.
I think about this year. I lost not only the man I loved him heart and soul and I lost my Mother due to an illness that took her life. I lost my future with Jim.
I feel Jim is not the only casuality in this war. This act destroyed our country on every level. Some of us are not going to make it because we just aren't getting the support wether it is from the work place, family, ect. There is help out there who ever actually seeks it and admits they have a real problem. Jim was not one of those people.
I have lived through many wars. I am only forty eight and I talked with my Father who is seventy seven. He fought in WW11 and he even says this is the worst hit for our country he has ever lived through and has seen what is has done to us.
We will get over this and we will prevail and be stronger,but are we any wiser? I haven't flown on a plane and I still do not feel good about flying. I am not willing to go through all the hassels. Driving is my gig. It is my car, the road is mine and it's all about freedom. I don't want to be search like an animal and treated like animal and I certainly do not like someone touching me in the process. I really don't care about the reasons. We lost that freedom to fly with out the bullshit. Till they get a handle on the technology of dealing other people luggage and I don't have to deal with invasion of privacy I will continue to drive in my car on my roads that my tax payers money which pays for the roads then that is just the way it will be, I have done enough traveling that there is a whole lot of USA I haven't seen and I am happy to be here till I feel good about flying again. That day will not be in my life time.
Antoinette M. Wardell
We had been hit by terrorist. At first we thought it was an accident that someone made a very serious mistake. It wasn't in till the second plane that I realized this was an attack on America.
We held each other and talked about what we should do.
We decided that it was best to go to work.
We went to work. We came home and we were still in complete state of shock. We function like we were just machines. We were on auto pilot. We had the TV on that night watching the news as to what had happened and who was responsible for this act. We felt a tremendous amount of hatred for these people and their country. We wanted revenge instantly. As far as we were concerned a nucelar attack on the whole country was fine with us. We wanted complete devastion of their entire culture. A wipe out.
That is how intense this hate was... I didn't want to hear about their problems, their reasons, their defense, their story to justify their actions against us. There wasn't any justificaton as to why they attack us. There still isn't.
I no longer feel I want their culture wiped out. Though I do feel we need to take action and stop them how ever we must stop them without having to wipe the whole culture and without killing the innocents. The most dangerous enemy is someone who nothing to lose. They having nothing to lose.
In two weeks Jim lost his job. An Hi tech engineer for a electronic company that took a dive after the attack.
He never found another job. All that year he went to every company looking for work. He lost his home, his dog his life. He lost his car. We moved into a rental. His kids lost respect for him and his depression took a very deadly turn. As I lived with him and not being able to convince him he needed to see a Doctor for his depression. At the very end he took his life by using a hand gun. His depression complicated by drinking killed himself in the garage with a deer rifle. His son found him that night when he came home from work. I wasnt' living there at that time because I left the week early to protect myself from his rage from all his losses.
I think about this year. I lost not only the man I loved him heart and soul and I lost my Mother due to an illness that took her life. I lost my future with Jim.
I feel Jim is not the only casuality in this war. This act destroyed our country on every level. Some of us are not going to make it because we just aren't getting the support wether it is from the work place, family, ect. There is help out there who ever actually seeks it and admits they have a real problem. Jim was not one of those people.
I have lived through many wars. I am only forty eight and I talked with my Father who is seventy seven. He fought in WW11 and he even says this is the worst hit for our country he has ever lived through and has seen what is has done to us.
We will get over this and we will prevail and be stronger,but are we any wiser? I haven't flown on a plane and I still do not feel good about flying. I am not willing to go through all the hassels. Driving is my gig. It is my car, the road is mine and it's all about freedom. I don't want to be search like an animal and treated like animal and I certainly do not like someone touching me in the process. I really don't care about the reasons. We lost that freedom to fly with out the bullshit. Till they get a handle on the technology of dealing other people luggage and I don't have to deal with invasion of privacy I will continue to drive in my car on my roads that my tax payers money which pays for the roads then that is just the way it will be, I have done enough traveling that there is a whole lot of USA I haven't seen and I am happy to be here till I feel good about flying again. That day will not be in my life time.
Antoinette M. Wardell
Collection
Citation
“story5981.xml,” September 11 Digital Archive, accessed December 28, 2024, https://911digitalarchive.org/items/show/3923.