story4873.xml
Title
story4873.xml
Source
born-digital
Media Type
story
Date Entered
2002-09-11
911DA Story: Story
Dear Reader,
I wrote this article the day of and the day after the attacks on America. I wrote what I felt those two days in order that in the future my children and grandchildren would be able to understand the true emotional rollercoaster I, and every other American was on. History books can't describe everything. I just wanted to document how I felt. I have only read my writting once in the past year and don't enjoy reliving the memory. I hope you see that even across the U.S and down into the dessert of Arizona, we feel and still mourn for the deaths and I continue to be a proud American.
America Under Attack: A Youths View
I woke up yesterday morning with my same old? ritual. My little hand held alarm went off at around 6:00 am in the morning and being the lazy teenager that I am I hit the snooze button over and over again. I couldn?t get my naive little eyelids to open up and get ready for the world. I didn?t know then that the moment I got out of bed I would be startled and immediately wide eyed and horror struck. I also didn?t know then that my life would be forever changed and even now don?t know how it will change or to what extent. What I know now is what I feel and only at this moment; only at this time; only as a child could.
Our house phone was ringing off the hook. I thought why oh why are people calling when I am trying to sleep. I now of course consider my sleep a selfish act on that horrible morning. I finally rolled out of bed around 20 minutes till 7am. I answered my cell phone, which had been ringing for some time. It was a friend on the phone and just wanted to know if I could go out to eat with her after school. I said yes but was interrupted by her when she said something was happening and to go watch the news. I said okay and hung up the phone. I thought it was odd that my Dad was already up as I noticed my parents bedroom door was open and the room vacant. I rushed down the stairs to meet my Mom and Dad in the living room. I looked at both of them before I looked at the TV. My mom who was on the couch and my Dad in a chair turned and gave me the worst look one could get. The look of terror on your own parents face is something no one should ever see. My mom and I watched the news while my Dad talked to my Uncle on the phone. We didn?t know what to think but the terror wasn?t over. I heard my Dad on the phone say ?yes, yes I see.? And then his face went white. He looked over at my Mom and I an said ?they just hit the Pentagon, they just hit the Pentagon.? The warm fresh tears gushed down my face. My mom and I clenched each other?s hand as I sat down on the floor next to her. My mom and I then continued to mutter out prayers to God tears still covering my face and rolling down onto my pajamas. After talking to my Uncle a bit more my dad hung up. He looked over at my mom and I once again and in a low and horror stricken tone said, ?We are under attack, America is under attack.?
I sat with my parents for a few more minutes wondering what was going on. The weirdest things rushed through my mind but also the most common thoughts. What was going on? Who is doing this? And my main thought was, Is this the end of the world? I knew I had to get going and get ready for the day. Leaving my parents, ?my guardians?, and for a seventeen year old my ?soul source of strength? was difficult but I went up stairs to get ready for the day anyway. While in my room I turned on the TV and saw what I think will forever stay in my memory. The news coverage was very up to date and as I stood watching in my room they were interviewing over the phone an on the spot reporter. She was saying how horrible the crash was. At that moment she all of the sudden screamed and in a horrific voice said, ?oh my God it?s another.? At the same time I saw live on TV the ruble of the second crash into the south building rushing toward the ground. I don?t know why but my mind just went blank. I think I may have been in shock or maybe my fear was too great to even think. For a moment in time I Courtney Johnson thought of nothing, said nothing and felt nothing but blankness. Once I came out of my ?moment?, I scatted to the stairs and yelled down ?they hit us again, watch the TV.? By this time everyone on TV could only say, oh God, oh God!
After throwing on some clothes I told my parents good-bye and started toward the door. My dad didn?t know why I was going but I said it was only for 2 hours and I would be home. I had an early release day already so I wouldn?t be gone long. I was wrong. Those 2 hours seemed like an eternity.
On my way to school I listened to the radio. The DJs all sounded shocked and confused. Most were shaken and trying to compose themselves as they talked over the radio. My dad called to let me know that I shouldn?t drink the water at school just in case. When I hung up with him over my cell phone I wanted to turn and go home but I thought no keep going Court. I pulled up to school and rushed into my class. To my surprise no TV was on, no radio was on and school was going on as usual. I begged and begged to hear something but we couldn?t get anything over the TV. My teacher finally got through on the internet and we heard the latest. A plane had gone down in Pennsylvania. All I could think of was the dead, the families of the dead, and where my future was going.
Some students seemed to care while other obviously didn?t understand at the time what was going on and the reality of it. For some reason I felt such a strong pull toward my fellow classmates. I just wanted to embrace them all. Many boys in my psych class began to worry as talk of war came about. Being overly dramatic teenagers everyone thought oh no, they?re going to reinstate the draft. The look on the boys face was like nothing I have ever seen. They all of the sudden looked like men willing to fight but at the same time looked like young boys just fresh out of middle school. I wanted to just picture for a moment a good thought. Boys playing ?America?s favorite pastime sport? or coming up all muddy from the creek with smiles on their faces because of the days small catch. But my innocent mental picture was shattered at the voices of teachers (those who were talking about the tragedy) saying our lives are forever changed. Changed? I thought. What is going to happen?
I left school with a very uneasy feeling in my stomach. This was too much for a mostly cheerful youth like me to be going through. How selfish It thought I was to think of myself while people, my fellow Americans, and my friends? families where being torn apart. I barely remember the 20-minute drive home but what I recall seeing were all of our U.S flags flying at half mass. That is what did it for me. I broke down. The land of the free, the land where I thought I was safe, and the bubble I thought I had around me was now popped. Tears once again rushed down my young cheeks. The same cheeks tears rolled down over when I got a bad grade, or over a boy , or even a joke so funny I cried out of laughter. Never had those cheeks of mine been covered with tears of fear for our country. Never did I think they would.
When I got home my parents were in the same state as when I left. They were even in the same physical spots on the couch, and in my Dad?s usual chair. I had a bite to eat and sat down on the couch to watch the day?s events over and over on the news. I must have been so tired and so emotionally exhausted that I fell asleep. I know I dreamt about the horror but I don?t know what I was dreaming because I kept waking up to the sounds on the TV. When I woke up my dad was leaving for work. He seemed so sad, so lost, yet so strong and stable for my family and me. I was supposed to go into work that day but all Starbucks had been closed nation wide. I was relieved to hear that because I was in no state to go be ?Mary Sunshine? and act as though things were all okay. I kept watching the news that day and kept becoming more and more depressed. Finally that night I decided to go visit a friend. I knew she could cheer me up and we could forget for a moment what was going on and why our childhood was over. We lay outside that night looking at the stars and finally having a cheery ?girl chat?, but our innocent giggles ended when we noticed 5 or 6 planes in the air. They were moving very fast and we knew they must be the military. Once again the sadness just took over our hearts. I decide to head home.
When I got home I watched the news more but knew that I needed some sleep. I went up to bed to rest and prepare for the days to come. That night I slept with my door open so I could have the feeling of safety knowing my parents were just down the steps. As I laid in bed I couldn?t but feel upset that I was able to get a warm bed, I had a full stomach, and I didn?t have to get up that next morning and make decisions for our country as a whole. I didn?t have to worry about losing my mom, dad, or sisters. I was lucky. God spared me.
As for now the day after, I don?t know what to think or to feel. I wasn?t directly involved or hurt. I?m not even close to the horror. I just wish I could do something, as most people do but can?t. I can give blood I know and I will but what I know I can do is pray, and pray I will.
I really don?t know what will happen now. I keep wishing this wouldn?t have happened but that is denial and I won?t get caught up in that. What I will do is keep moving on with my life. I will keep going for the ones that can?t. I will be one of the many American?s who show the evil of the world that they may put a boulder in my path of life but I will climb over that boulder and keep marching on with my head high. I am seventeen and I have lived a short life. It has been sheltered and I am loved. I can?t relate to many experiences people have had and most would consider me a naive child. I don?t care. I know I am an American and I know I love my country. If I can get shivers every time I hear our National Anthem then I know I love my land. I don?t have the knowledge of many but I have the love and that is what will keep my strength and support of our country and government going strong. I end this with a Thank you to all our leaders working so hard and thank you God for wisdom to come. We will prevail over all.
I am and always will be ?Proud to be an American?
Courtney Christine Johnson
September 12, 2001
I wrote this article the day of and the day after the attacks on America. I wrote what I felt those two days in order that in the future my children and grandchildren would be able to understand the true emotional rollercoaster I, and every other American was on. History books can't describe everything. I just wanted to document how I felt. I have only read my writting once in the past year and don't enjoy reliving the memory. I hope you see that even across the U.S and down into the dessert of Arizona, we feel and still mourn for the deaths and I continue to be a proud American.
America Under Attack: A Youths View
I woke up yesterday morning with my same old? ritual. My little hand held alarm went off at around 6:00 am in the morning and being the lazy teenager that I am I hit the snooze button over and over again. I couldn?t get my naive little eyelids to open up and get ready for the world. I didn?t know then that the moment I got out of bed I would be startled and immediately wide eyed and horror struck. I also didn?t know then that my life would be forever changed and even now don?t know how it will change or to what extent. What I know now is what I feel and only at this moment; only at this time; only as a child could.
Our house phone was ringing off the hook. I thought why oh why are people calling when I am trying to sleep. I now of course consider my sleep a selfish act on that horrible morning. I finally rolled out of bed around 20 minutes till 7am. I answered my cell phone, which had been ringing for some time. It was a friend on the phone and just wanted to know if I could go out to eat with her after school. I said yes but was interrupted by her when she said something was happening and to go watch the news. I said okay and hung up the phone. I thought it was odd that my Dad was already up as I noticed my parents bedroom door was open and the room vacant. I rushed down the stairs to meet my Mom and Dad in the living room. I looked at both of them before I looked at the TV. My mom who was on the couch and my Dad in a chair turned and gave me the worst look one could get. The look of terror on your own parents face is something no one should ever see. My mom and I watched the news while my Dad talked to my Uncle on the phone. We didn?t know what to think but the terror wasn?t over. I heard my Dad on the phone say ?yes, yes I see.? And then his face went white. He looked over at my Mom and I an said ?they just hit the Pentagon, they just hit the Pentagon.? The warm fresh tears gushed down my face. My mom and I clenched each other?s hand as I sat down on the floor next to her. My mom and I then continued to mutter out prayers to God tears still covering my face and rolling down onto my pajamas. After talking to my Uncle a bit more my dad hung up. He looked over at my mom and I once again and in a low and horror stricken tone said, ?We are under attack, America is under attack.?
I sat with my parents for a few more minutes wondering what was going on. The weirdest things rushed through my mind but also the most common thoughts. What was going on? Who is doing this? And my main thought was, Is this the end of the world? I knew I had to get going and get ready for the day. Leaving my parents, ?my guardians?, and for a seventeen year old my ?soul source of strength? was difficult but I went up stairs to get ready for the day anyway. While in my room I turned on the TV and saw what I think will forever stay in my memory. The news coverage was very up to date and as I stood watching in my room they were interviewing over the phone an on the spot reporter. She was saying how horrible the crash was. At that moment she all of the sudden screamed and in a horrific voice said, ?oh my God it?s another.? At the same time I saw live on TV the ruble of the second crash into the south building rushing toward the ground. I don?t know why but my mind just went blank. I think I may have been in shock or maybe my fear was too great to even think. For a moment in time I Courtney Johnson thought of nothing, said nothing and felt nothing but blankness. Once I came out of my ?moment?, I scatted to the stairs and yelled down ?they hit us again, watch the TV.? By this time everyone on TV could only say, oh God, oh God!
After throwing on some clothes I told my parents good-bye and started toward the door. My dad didn?t know why I was going but I said it was only for 2 hours and I would be home. I had an early release day already so I wouldn?t be gone long. I was wrong. Those 2 hours seemed like an eternity.
On my way to school I listened to the radio. The DJs all sounded shocked and confused. Most were shaken and trying to compose themselves as they talked over the radio. My dad called to let me know that I shouldn?t drink the water at school just in case. When I hung up with him over my cell phone I wanted to turn and go home but I thought no keep going Court. I pulled up to school and rushed into my class. To my surprise no TV was on, no radio was on and school was going on as usual. I begged and begged to hear something but we couldn?t get anything over the TV. My teacher finally got through on the internet and we heard the latest. A plane had gone down in Pennsylvania. All I could think of was the dead, the families of the dead, and where my future was going.
Some students seemed to care while other obviously didn?t understand at the time what was going on and the reality of it. For some reason I felt such a strong pull toward my fellow classmates. I just wanted to embrace them all. Many boys in my psych class began to worry as talk of war came about. Being overly dramatic teenagers everyone thought oh no, they?re going to reinstate the draft. The look on the boys face was like nothing I have ever seen. They all of the sudden looked like men willing to fight but at the same time looked like young boys just fresh out of middle school. I wanted to just picture for a moment a good thought. Boys playing ?America?s favorite pastime sport? or coming up all muddy from the creek with smiles on their faces because of the days small catch. But my innocent mental picture was shattered at the voices of teachers (those who were talking about the tragedy) saying our lives are forever changed. Changed? I thought. What is going to happen?
I left school with a very uneasy feeling in my stomach. This was too much for a mostly cheerful youth like me to be going through. How selfish It thought I was to think of myself while people, my fellow Americans, and my friends? families where being torn apart. I barely remember the 20-minute drive home but what I recall seeing were all of our U.S flags flying at half mass. That is what did it for me. I broke down. The land of the free, the land where I thought I was safe, and the bubble I thought I had around me was now popped. Tears once again rushed down my young cheeks. The same cheeks tears rolled down over when I got a bad grade, or over a boy , or even a joke so funny I cried out of laughter. Never had those cheeks of mine been covered with tears of fear for our country. Never did I think they would.
When I got home my parents were in the same state as when I left. They were even in the same physical spots on the couch, and in my Dad?s usual chair. I had a bite to eat and sat down on the couch to watch the day?s events over and over on the news. I must have been so tired and so emotionally exhausted that I fell asleep. I know I dreamt about the horror but I don?t know what I was dreaming because I kept waking up to the sounds on the TV. When I woke up my dad was leaving for work. He seemed so sad, so lost, yet so strong and stable for my family and me. I was supposed to go into work that day but all Starbucks had been closed nation wide. I was relieved to hear that because I was in no state to go be ?Mary Sunshine? and act as though things were all okay. I kept watching the news that day and kept becoming more and more depressed. Finally that night I decided to go visit a friend. I knew she could cheer me up and we could forget for a moment what was going on and why our childhood was over. We lay outside that night looking at the stars and finally having a cheery ?girl chat?, but our innocent giggles ended when we noticed 5 or 6 planes in the air. They were moving very fast and we knew they must be the military. Once again the sadness just took over our hearts. I decide to head home.
When I got home I watched the news more but knew that I needed some sleep. I went up to bed to rest and prepare for the days to come. That night I slept with my door open so I could have the feeling of safety knowing my parents were just down the steps. As I laid in bed I couldn?t but feel upset that I was able to get a warm bed, I had a full stomach, and I didn?t have to get up that next morning and make decisions for our country as a whole. I didn?t have to worry about losing my mom, dad, or sisters. I was lucky. God spared me.
As for now the day after, I don?t know what to think or to feel. I wasn?t directly involved or hurt. I?m not even close to the horror. I just wish I could do something, as most people do but can?t. I can give blood I know and I will but what I know I can do is pray, and pray I will.
I really don?t know what will happen now. I keep wishing this wouldn?t have happened but that is denial and I won?t get caught up in that. What I will do is keep moving on with my life. I will keep going for the ones that can?t. I will be one of the many American?s who show the evil of the world that they may put a boulder in my path of life but I will climb over that boulder and keep marching on with my head high. I am seventeen and I have lived a short life. It has been sheltered and I am loved. I can?t relate to many experiences people have had and most would consider me a naive child. I don?t care. I know I am an American and I know I love my country. If I can get shivers every time I hear our National Anthem then I know I love my land. I don?t have the knowledge of many but I have the love and that is what will keep my strength and support of our country and government going strong. I end this with a Thank you to all our leaders working so hard and thank you God for wisdom to come. We will prevail over all.
I am and always will be ?Proud to be an American?
Courtney Christine Johnson
September 12, 2001
Collection
Citation
“story4873.xml,” September 11 Digital Archive, accessed January 7, 2025, https://911digitalarchive.org/items/show/3876.