story4200.xml

story4200.xml

born-digital

story

yes

no

2002-09-11

I landed on a red-eye from San Francisco at about 6:30 that morning. I came home, had a quick conference call with a client and hopped in the shower before heading down to a 9:00 AM meeting at Sears Tower. I flipped on the TV to watch CNBC while I got dressed and the first plane had just hit. I remember how small it looked. People were speculating that it was a private plane of some kind. I remember thinking 'what kind of idiot flew into that building' and 'i wonder how far the market will go down because of this stupid thing'. How wrong I was. I saw the second plane hit live, like so many of us. Total shock. I couldn't stop crying. And I still cry a lot now. Whenever I think of the magnitude of it all.

I spent the next 48 hours glued to the TV, phone and internet. Any means possible to get more information. Most of my family is in New York and my brother is in Boston. The phone lines were all down out there. Somehow we all had the same inclination -- if we can't make long distance calls, at least we can get on line. And slowly slowly slowly we all found eachother. By two or three that afternoon we had accounted for the immediate family. With each hour after that the circle would expand a little further, as news of safe friends and family members and loved ones trickled in. By Wednesday morning I was breathing a huge sigh of relief. "At least we are the lucky ones. All present and accounted for". I spoke too soon. Several hours later I received a call from a friend in Seattle telling me of another friend who had just started working for Cantor several weeks earlier. "Carl's not accounted for", he said.

The next phone call was from my five year old niece. The F-14's were patrolling near their house in Riverdale, the sirens were non-stop, the ash was blowing as far North as 235th Street and she wanted to know where I thought the rest of the bad guys were. I lied. I said they were all dead.

That night I tore myself away from the news to run to the supermarket. My meeting had been rescheduled for Thursday (the first day that Sears Tower would be re-opened) but I told my clients that I did not intend to be there. Everyone wanted to meet at my loft instead. I figured it would be nice to have some pastry and stuff to serve them. I'll never forget the scene at the store. Everyone so subdued. Looking at eachother -- are you okay? Yes, I'm okay, are you okay? And so on.

Like everyone else, my life has changed dramatically since September 11. I got divorced. I got a new job. I tell my family and friends how much I love them much more often. I don't worry about the little stuff anymore. I'm more measured in what I do. I still fly a lot. I'm a little more aware of what's happening around me when I travel. I cry much more easily. And don't laugh quite as hard or quite as often.

And I'm much more honest with people about everything. Even my niece. I told her the truth. The bad guys are not all dead. And there are lots of them. But you have your family and a country full of people who are going to do everything in their power to make sure none of those bad guys ever do anything that will hurt you.

My thoughts and prayers are with everyone who lost family and friends on that terrible day. They will never be forgotten. God Bless America.

Deborah Klawans Fiedler
Chicago, Illinois