story1183.xml

story1183.xml

born-digital

story

yes

no

2002-08-19

I remember I was in college when the one of the twin towers was bombed. Like many college students, at that time and in that place it seemed that I lived in a bubble. College is funny that way; TV and, often, current events were replaced with social events and schoolbooks. I don?t remember feeling as thought that event was unbelievable and it did not have the power to overwhelm me. I resumed my common activities and never thought that the anger that created that bombing was not going to be a trend. Now that I think back on that day it should have been a wake up call to all citizens of the United States.
Years later that bombing became like a bad memory that you wish you could relive just so you could have tried using another emotion, or tried saying some other words that would satisfy you. But instead, you play that scene over and over again until you can let it go. I can?t let it go like thousands others, especially those pushing memos to the top trying to let ?them? know this bombing is a sign of something evil that resonates passed our timid escapism. We were silly to think that we were invincible that we could not bare witness to horror that our grandparents saw at Pearl Harbor. Instead, we choose to live our lives blindly in hopes that those memos were read and action was being taken.
Like the emotion of dismissal I used in college during the bombing, I did not want to believe IT could happen either.
On September 11th, I was working at the newspaper ?The Record? in Hackensack, New Jersey installing the software that would soon hold the stories that report the worst event of our nations history. My boss, Mike, liked to show up on time every day at 9 AM and put in a full day. In fact, Mike likes to do much of his daily routines as he did the previous day. We took the rental car from the hotel just a few blocks from the newspaper. I had noticed that the air was crisp and not a cloud in the sky, just like the perfect fall days I like to have in my small New Hampshire town.
Mike, another co-worker Marlene, and I often choose to use the side entrance into the building so as to avoid the bothering contact from the security officers. The side entrance to this four-story building has a glass front and had a clear view of New York City. Everyday, riding up that elevator, we would make small talk of the weather and often gaze out to the New York City skyline. New York was only ten miles away and on a clear day you make out the buildings that would make up that skyline. As a small town boy, I admired the skyline and thought to myself what wonderful things modern man can accomplish.
I remember I looked at my watch when I entered the elevator. It was 9:13. When the elevator reach the top floor I looked out to see the city and my eyes could not believe what I saw. My voice softened like I was talking to myself. I could barely say the words, ?One of the towers is burning!? My fellow workers looked out and Marlene put her mouth to her hand and said? Oh my god?. A huge range of smoke was piffling out of the top of one of the towers in a southerly direction. The elevator doors wanted to close again and I knew we should get off and go see what was going on in the newsroom.
My heart sped up as we briskly walked down the elevator hallway that led to the large newsroom of some three hundred desks of which no one was sitting at. It was still early in the morning, so I could only spot a few people. I noticed they were all clustered around one of three televisions that constantly is airing CNN. The people looked like eyewitnesses to a bad car crash. I saw one woman whose body was crouching under the duress of what see was watching and she was babbling a sound that sounded like ?No, no, no!?. Another person could not watch and turned away from the television towards a phone. At this point I still had no idea what had happened. My body seemed that it was in slow motion. Each step I took towards the television was happening in with each beat of my heart. I think I knew that my world was about to change.
I made a b-line towards another curious on-looker to the TV. I had to fulfill my need to understand what I just saw out on the elevator and asked, ?What is going on??. He looked white in the face as he told me. ?A plane has just hit one of the twin towers?. Seconds later I found out that it was no ordinary small plane, it was the same plane I commonly use every Monday and Friday to get to The Record and back home. My body started to shake as it does even when I write this story. I began to watch, like many other Americans, the newscasters telling viewers that a ?737 has just crashed into tower two?.? I sorted it out in my mind that this was happening just miles from me and I was not going to escape the events of that day forever.
After a few minutes, I went back to the office where my co-workers were busying themselves and by the time I got in to the room Mike had told a plane hit the building. I said, ?I know? and he restated ?No! Another plane had just hit the other tower!? I felt like a child awaking to a world that is not sheltered anymore. I ran back to the TV to resume my wide-eyed viewing. It all felt like a dream, like a movie. Reporters were coming into the newsroom at a steady stream by now and getting that sucker-punched announcement. I went to the window and could see fire ablaze those two mammoth-like structures that used to poke out higher than any other. Now, they were filled with hell. I thought of the many souls that must be lost in those buildings, the now parentless children, and the panic people still inside. I also remembered that New York was just a few miles away and that these people here at The Record must have relatives or friends in Manhattan!
I turned to look with my realization that many people darted towards phones and out doors to find loved ones. The world was spinning out of control and I felt like a wondrous onlooker and not a participant. It?s hard to gather concrete thoughts during times like this. I though, my wife! She was in New Hampshire and I knew she was alive, but she was not with me and I knew that was killing her. I called her and with a shaky voice I asked, ?Are you watching this?? I knew by the tone in her voice that she was and she was in the same state as I. Not much could be said between us. None was needed, we knew how each other felt and could not talk because we were so engorged on the events that were transpiring. We gathered millions who were able to view this tragedy from their workplaces, homes, and lobbies. All still, all trying to work it all out in their minds. I was able to view it out the newspaper?s windows. It was too close.
The window offered something I thought I could ever imagine. Suddenly, a plume of smoke blew out around all sides of tower one and then up suddenly. I could tell from my distance away that the building had fell. I turned to the TV and it was true. I went to the office to inform my other co-workers. Marlene jumped in her seat and made a low noise. Mike pretended not to hear. They both were taking this day of tragedy in their own way. Marlene turned shaken and said she was right there this time last year. I could tell she wanted to cry and had thoughts of her being down there now.
Slowly events came in and I returned to the office with more and more tragic news. I knew that my visit to the office was only going to deepen the cut for Mike and Marlene, but I want them to know what was happening. They seemed to hide their anguish and I was not doing a good job showing mine. I imagined myself back in college and thinking that the bombing event had made me, now, turn and look and not turn away.
I still can?t turn away. That day would last a lifetime. I could not return home for two weeks, since Newark Airport would not run flights. Me, Mike and Marlene had to go to Target just to get enough underwear to last us. This is not where I wanted to be during this time. I wanted to be in the arms of my wife. I remember I called my father the next day and all the pent-up emotions came out. He knew I toke it hard and I think I did because I soaked it all in being so close and seeing that sort of thing without the advantage of loved ones around to console you. Don?t get me wrong Mike is a nice guy, but getting a bear hug from him would not do the trick.
Today is almost a year later and still the images of that day burn like a light in my mind. I still feels like a dream, but it?s the nightmare that wakes you up. I will never forget that day and I hope every Americans never does. And when it comes to seeing the events around us, we should never look away.
Where were you when IT happened?