story4864.xml

story4864.xml

born-digital

story

yes

no

2002-09-11

I was halfway between Bangor and Portland Maine to attend a 10 am meeting when I got tired of the tape I was listening to and turned on the radio. Of course I was plunged right into the horrible news, and immediately was in shock; I could barely see to drive safely and wondered what the other travellers knew. As the horror continued to unfold, I thought for sure the end of the world had come, that radicals and militants all over the world and within this country would seize the opportunity and we would be plunged into a world war.

When I reached Portland I was so upset and confused I took a wrong turn and somehow ended up inside a square that was cordoned off by police and firetrucks. I don't even know how I squeezed in! I was quickly escorted out.

At the meeting, one woman confided that she thought that maybe it was about time "Arrogant America" got dropped down a peg. I was absolutely horrified! I've thought about that comment a lot and wonder if perhaps I misunderstood, or, if perhaps there was a grain of truth to it. Had we become complacent? And I don't just mean against terrorists.

On my way back to Bangor, I learned that the commotion in Portland was just kids setting off firecrackers in an alley. It says a lot for the (lack of) common-sense of the children and quick response of Portland, so I was both frightened and comforted.

Once home, I called around to area hospitals, nursing homes and schools to see if they needed any volunteers to comfort what I assumed would be grief-stricken people and children, or just help out somehow. Boy was I wrong! Most people who answered the phone sounded almost annoyed at me for calling.

I felt so lonely and helpless. I can't donate blood (not that they needed any), so I did donate money, which I HOPE was put to good use, despite the ugly rumors about people's donations being misappropriated.

Weeks later I would learn from friends that they had family members or friends lost in the Twin Towers. They seemed to be taking it even better than I was. One friend had pictures taken from his apartment that clearly showed a man falling down from high up one of the towers.

I went out for a boat ride in Casco Bay a few days later, and a cruise ship had been diverted there from NY. The harbor patrol and Coast Guard was keeping everyone away from it, which I guess was a good thing. But I was honestly afraid to look at it for fear that as soon as I did it would suddenly explode in my face.

In the first few weeks I heard so much about how the nation would pull together and people were treating each other differently and how proud everyone was to be American. I was very optomistic, because I am constantly reflecting on these issues. I even bought a flag to put on my car and a Proud to be American t-shirt.

But it has been a year, and in my personal experience, no one has changed. We are just the same. Except for increases in security against attack, a lot of flags flying and patriotic music and mourning for the lost as well as the survivors (and I did much of this mourning myself, still do everyday), no one in my acquaintance deeply delved into what it means to be American, what it means to be human, what tolerance means, or how to truly better ourselves, America, or the World.

Are people still donating blood? Giving money? Would they help their neighbor if it weren't for such an immensely dramatic catastrophe? It is like the puppy that gets adopted because it makes the newspapers: what about all the other orphans that remain locked up because they don't make the news or the headlines?

I am still very scared and very sad. But it is not too late. Hopefully at least some of the flag-waving and grandstanding will trickle down into people's souls and we can truly become a more humane race. I'm just not sure that 9/11 was the catalyst for it. It shook us up, some more than others. But has it really changed us?