story388.xml

story388.xml

born-digital

story

yes

no

2002-04-12

I woke up to one of the most beautiful days i had seen in the month of September.I live with my widow daughter and her six children,so as usual,after she left to drive the four youngest one to school..i went up to my tiny room,coffee mug in hand. .. My room has one window only and it faces Manhattan.After each school morning rush,it was my custom to sit on my stool in front of my computer,sip my coffe and look out towards the city.On a clear day,i could see forever...the Twin Towers,a bridge,the Empire State Building,etc..My eyes were focused towards my right,looking at the E.S.B...when the phone rang and my daughters voice,loud and agitated,came through,,screaming.."Are you in your room looking out?I said yes"Why"She responded."look towards the Towers!!"Something happened because as i was driving back on Metropolitan ave.,i saw a big fire on one of the Towers!" I said..ok...bye.I turned to look at the Towers and saw the fire on the Tower on my right.I was calm,i thought it was just a fire and the fire dept. would be there already handling it.I then saw a jet plane,flying a bit too low and suddenly..it went right into the next Tower.It exploded,kind of...so did my emotions..i could not beleive it.I turned on the tv and there it was..all over the news..no one knew yet what had happened. . I had always felt blessed,to have this little room with the view of the city,that even at a distance,i couls see so much!Sitting here each morning,was a way for me to unwind,to relax and meditate and at times..have a pity party when i felt low.Wich was once in while.I lost my 32 year old son in 1994,to AIDS,lost a couple of close friends to cancer and in the year 2000,lost my only brother.Staring at the city reminded me of my son and my brother because they just loved Manhattan,had worked and lived there ,years ago.The sun always goes down in that direction and i have seen the most beautiful sunsets from here. . . Because i like to draw and paint,it never ceases to amaze me.."What an artist is our creator to create such gorgeous colors on the horizon!My thinking has changed since that tuesday morning.I have cried for weeks,in my solitude...for the enormity of it all,for the fear that those people felt as they knew that they were going to die!This is one thing that never leaves my mind.I have flown,many times and i have had fearsome experiences during a bad weather flight...so i know what it is tofeel hopelessly fearful when you are all the way up there on a plane.As a mother and grandmother,i know how we do our best to protect our children,but to know that in a case like that,there is nothing one can do..this is the most horrible feeling i can think of! . I have prayed each day for the families of those victims.I have prayed for myself so i can accept that this tragedy happened and there is nothing i can do about it.Because it bothers me,to see people at times,going on with their lifes,without a "new" attitude.I never stop reminding my grandchildren about how these people lost their lifes.There is a lot of talk about getting emotional support for the children,because they might be suffering from emotional distress after this tragedy.Yes..i agree that a lot of kids feel very bad about what happened on 911.But,because they are children ,they will forget and kep busy with whatever.I beleive that us,the adults,have a tougher time dealing with these emotions of sadness,anger,frustrtion,etc.It should be easier for us,after all,we are adults. . . Well ,i was a child,living on a beautiful island,when the Nazis killed millions of jews.I came to this country when i was 12,started school and it was then,that i learned about those "horrific" crimes agaisnt the jews.Iam now 64 years old and you know what?I feel for those people like if i was there myself!I have read all i could about that tragedy and i will never ,ever forget what the Jewish people went through.We are supposed to be created equal.But we do not think and feel"equal.I pray that this Nation ,never ,ever forgets these tragedies.I don"t want my grankids to forget.If they get teary eyes as i remind them?Well..that is ok,because 911 is something to get teary eye about,something to keep in your heart and memory.Feeling sad can help some of these hard-headed kiss to stop thinking that life is ..toys,good times and to stop taking life and safety for granted.To be cautious,alert.. . . I hardly ever look across my window towards the city.Sometimes i glance just to make sure the E.S.B. is still there.To me,this view is a constant,solenm,silent reminder of those lost lifes.And my heart feels so saddened by it..as i think of the families of those victims...