story9533.xml

story9533.xml

born-digital

story

yes

no

2003-09-10

I was in my office hard at work on the 11th and like many other people I experienced the tragedy in a number of ways. TV, radio, through the stories and frantic anxiety of others and my "commute" home that day. It all provided an emotional overload. The tremendous amount of loss and grief and the sheer unfairness and lack of sense of it all contributed to a feeling that I needed to write about it. What follows is a story, not necessarily of my experiences but of thoughts that were ?and still- go through my head.
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Lightning

The alarm sounds and Murphy pulls his boots on and grabs for his hat. Something about a plane crash at the WTC. ?How the hell did that happen?? ?Lets Go?. The fire truck busts out of the station. The siren screams and the truck weaves through the Manhattan traffic ?nothing new for Engine Co. 54, the pride of midtown. 1st lieutenant Murphy, on the job for 8 years now, looks out at the steady stream of commuters, with their briefcases and pinched up faces ?focused on the daily tasks that wait upon their desks. Past the reluctant cabbies and bike messengers and the occasional nameless, faceless bum, psycho or addict. He thinks about the softball game he has scheduled for later that night and the next four days off duty. About six days of things to do stuffed into the four day down time. A smile crosses his face as he thinks about walking his daughters, 8, 7 & 4 to school tomorrow and then picking them up for a special lunch at Burger King. ?What a beautiful day, how do you fly into anything on a day so clear?? ?Murphy, how?d your daughter?s soccer team do last night?? yells Santiago ?one of the few in the company with a longer tenure. ?Great, we won again? Murphy answers through a big, easy smile that seems to make his bushy fireman?s mustache almost invisible. The sound of other sirens, police, EMS and other fire companies reel his mind back to the task at hand. By the sound of it, this is something big. Everyone in Manhattan is being dispatched downtown. Smoke billows from one of the towers, now in view. A stark contrast to the bright blue, cloudless sky. The sun beats down hotly on the truck as they near. The mental checklist of equipment and responsibilities complete as Murphy & Co arrive at the scene and jump off the truck. As they rush towards the entrance ?Santiago is taken?..he is gone.
Murphy gets a quick, terrible feeling in his gut ?this is wrong?. Instinct takes over and gets him in the building before he realizes what is raining down from the sky. The men, though shocked, know they have a job to do. They split up into groups of 4 and head for different stairwells. Running a long side other fire fighters, and against a steady stream of horrified office workers, they start their climb. Murphy feels the effects, the vibrations, of what must be a distant explosion. Nothing on the radio, ?We?ve got to get these people out?.

Deeply disturbed by what he has just seen, he fights his way upstream with all his gear through the black stairwell. He realizes there were other heaps outside on the ground and gravity was pulling more. ?There is death here?. All fires are dangerous but the ones where death have surfaced are the worst -death always wants more.

Murphy thinks about his father, a retired firefighter out of Brooklyn. The old man would?ve never thought that firefighting in NYC would mean extinguishing flames from a Cessna half a mile up in the air? Come to think about it, who would have?
Murphy knows that this is a big one, it?ll probably be all over the news and he?ll have some stories to tell back home. The guys on the softball team love to hear the war stories, like the time he was at the warehouse fire and a falling brick narrowly missed his head and crushed his hand. He also knows that he is needed here. His training and physical conditioning will make the difference between someone upstairs living or dying?.. ?got to get there? ?? ?Santiago? ?.. ?What kind of hell must it be for people to launch themselves from 100 up?? ?. ?keep climbing? ?Life for Murphy is moving fast now yet the anticipation of the unknown seems to have suspended time. Murphy?s mind drifts for a moment as he times his heartbeat to one for every 3 stairs. Even so, he knows that he is now on floor 42. He thinks about Santiago?s rocking chair at the firehouse and his spot at the dinner table. Murphy notices that there are no longer people going down the stairs ?good, they should all be out of harms -WOW! A very deep, muffled rumble takes hold ?it shakes the building and stops Murphy for the first time. The 3 other firefighters stop with him. They hold on and listen through their fast, deep breathing. The shaking and rumbling subside. The 6? 5? black firefighter, known as Frenchy back at the firehouse for his love of French Fries, suggests that a ?transformer musta blown above?. The other 3 mumble or grunt in agreement, almost trying to convince themselves. Murphy goes for his radio but it is still overwhelmed with static and broken, choppy transmissions ?been that way since they entered the stairs. He hears ?it fell? but that?s all he can make out. Just more incoherent noise. They continue their ascent towards the sky. ?There is death here? thinks Murphy again, ?BE CAREFUL?. At floor 77 Murphy is physically exhausted but mentally firing on all cylinders?he continues. At 91 he smells the burn for the first time and gets a kick of adrenaline that could make him rip one of the stairwell doors off of its hinges.

At 92 another rumbling stops them again. This one is different, not as violent as before?but it seems to be growing?. Suddenly, it opens up ?it?s everywhere. Upside down, backwards, inside out. His flashlight is useless, Murphy doesn?t even know if it?s still in his hands. He covers up and grabs onto?something?he?s falling, twisting like a bug in a tornado??.Murphy knows he is dying. In an instant, like a crack of lightning, he sees the faces of his beautiful children. He sees their smiles and, oddly, he sees there voices. His heart breaks?.His wife ?he misses her. They have built so much together. He hopes she knows the love he has for her. His mother, his brother and sister, his friends. How can he go on without them -or them without him?.his kids?.
The instant is up,
the lightning is gone.
darkness?
quiet..
nothing.