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2002-08-22

This is an e-mail that I sent to my family and friends on Sept, 21st, 2001 concerning the events of 9/11 and what they ment for me:

Dear Friends and Family,

For those of you that are taking the time to open this up and read it...I wanted to say thanks...thanks for letting me have my "time". I am sure that everyone is wondering why I have a "personal account" and I am sure that by the end of this some of you might be questioning my sanity.

For those of you that have known me for any length of time...you know that first of all I spent 2 years as a vol. firefighter while in high school, 7.5 years after high school as a paid professional firefighter down in Virginia as well as short stints in the vol. fire service past that. I am also a photographer that specializes in fire/emergancy scenes.

I have a fondness for the NYC skyline...I spent a few years living across form it in Northern NJ. I always loved looking at the WTC..and it was a frequent subject of my camera lens from all angles across from NJ......several tour helicopter flights where I took aerial shots....shots from around the city itself...and shots from a 1997 visit where I stood on the roof of Tower 2 and walked around the observation deck just below that.

I also have a fondness for the New York City Fire Dept. During numerous trips in to the city over the years I have come into contact with too many FDNY firefighters to even count...both at emergency scenes and stops at their firehouses. I also had the privilege of spending a day tour riding with Engine 3 in Lower Manhattan and a night tour at Ladder 40 in Harlem where I spent that time in the firehouse and rode on calls with the firemen.

Sept. 11th was just going to be a day where I was watching my daughter Lexi. I believe that my wife Jo told me the night before or that morning that it was "National 911 Day"...pretty funny since I am a 911 operator.

It was my buddy Randy that tipped me off to the terror at the WTC...he is a federal firefighter down in Maryland. I was on the computer and had no clue what was going on until he told me. I turned my tv on and was shocked at what I saw. I made the decision to head to the area, but did not leave until the 1st tower had collapsed. I had thought as I watched it that only a part of the tower had collapsed....I fully envisioned getting up there and seeing a part of that tower as well as the other one still standing...but as I crossed the PA/NJ line, I heard that both towers had totally collapsed. What a shock to hear that. After making sure my mother-in-law could watch Lexi, I grapped my camera bag and off I went.

I made good time until I reached the Newark Airport area on the NJ Turnpike. I shot some images from the turnpike of the smoke column and even stopped to get out of the car and take some like that. I also watched/shot several convoys of ambulances heading north into the area.

I exited the turnpike and made my way through Jersey City until I had to park and walk, I had heard that Manhattan was shut down so...I could not even attempt to get into there. I made my way down to the Jersey City waterfront in an area called Exchange Place...this is where a lot of the big office buildings are located. As I walked towards there...it was a weird feeling to watch Air Force F-15 Eagle fighters flying combat air patrol sweeps overhead. It was also surreal looking at the smoke column rising from Manhattan-looked like something out of a bad movie.

I arrived at the waterfront area...and shot from different perspectives in a several block area. The police presence was large and there were lots of onlookers. I was able to make my way down to an EMS triage area right on the waterfront where people being evacuated from Manhattan were coming. There is a pier there and tugboats as well as other types of boats were being used to ferry people across. All of a sudden there was a police boat that came tearing across the Hudson and when they pulled up to the pier...I heard yelling that there was a "injured firefighter on board". A stretcher was rushed down and the F/F was removed from the boat and brought to the triage area. He was checked out...put on a?heart monitor and then removed to a waiting ambulance. (I would later learn that this firefighter was Bill Butler of FDNY Ladder 6 who was one of the firefighters that was trapped in the stairwell as the North Tower collapsed-the story of F/F Butler and his company and the others that survived in that stairwell after the collapse is nothing short of a miricale). There were people around me...some had witnessed the jets slam into the Twin Towers...some had been in them and had escaped...I just listened to their stories.

Although I was standing there watching that ugly column of smoke rising from Lower Manhattan...it was finally beginning to sink in as to the magnitude of what had happened. It started to sink in that there were perhaps hundreds or perhaps thousands trapped, dying or already dead about a mile from where I stood. I started to get a sick feeling in my stomach. I headed home and had to stop to get some baby food for my daughter and it was then that I almost lost it...almost broke down right there in the store.

Work the next two days was hard....Wed. we fielded numerous phone calls in the morning about "aircraft flying" from a now paranoid public. Some of the callers reported seeing aircraft heading towards the NYC area. I have since learned that this was common across the country....there were military jets as well as civilian cargo planes, etc that were flying. I spoke to the FAA's NYC area office twice that day personally.

Thurs. was a bit rougher for one obvious reason. The county I live in is actually not that far from NYC (I think about 70-80 miles). We have a number of people that are missing from the county that had been commuters that were working in the WTC and are now missing and presumed dead. This point was brought to light when I answered a 911 call from a family who has a missing father/husband. They had just taken a call from his cell phone and heard nothing on the line except banging. He had been working on the 98th floor of the Tower 1 which was the 1st tower to get hit. I took the info and then immediately called 411 to get a number where I could talk to the NYC Fire Dept. I was given a # for HQ, who transferred me to the Brooklyn Fire Dispatch. I was given a couple of numbers from there to get a hold of Manhattan Fire Dispatch...turns out the only one that I could get through to was the 2nd number and that actually went to the FDNY Mobile Command Center right there at the scene. I relayed the info to the dispatcher that fielded my call and then after we were done, called the family back. Turns out that the family had realized that the cell phone # had come from the cell phone that the missing father had been letting his son use...and the son was not at the WTC site. So..I had to call the FDNY Mobile Command Center back and let them know that the info that I had just given to them was not good. What a letdown....

As I was leaving work that night, I heard something that went along with the cell phone thing...a woman that I was talking to from the District Attorney's Office told me that there is a woman that works in the office is married to an FBI agent that is up there in Manhattan. He told her that they could see bodies in the wreckage that could not be reached yet and cell phones could be heard ringing and ringing and ringing. A few days later this finally made it into the news...what a sad thing to hear.

Thursday night my one best friend Jeff called me from a hotel in Times Square. Jeff was my best man at my wedding two months ago and he is a firefighter/paramedic in the Chesapeake, Va. Fire Dept. He and a contingent of his fellow firefighters that had made the trip north to help. I talked to him again on Sunday (the 16th) and he and some of his F/F buddies made it in to "Ground Zero" during the night when it rained and had been in the bucket brigade removing the bucket fulls of rubble.

Sat the 15th, I went to Manhattan with my buddy Randy who I have mentioned before. Our first stop was in Jersey City to take some skyline shots. There were numerous military helicopters flying about....incl. a US Air Force MH-53 PaveLow...typically seen in the company of some kind of special forces team. I can only assume since they were flying circles over Lower Manhattan that they had some sort of team onboard for a quick response should there have been an attack. There were candles that people had left...as well as a small crowd of people just staring over at the still rising smoke from where the WTC had once stood.

We drove into Manhattan via the Lincoln Tunnel. I had several goals to accomplish...I wanted to visit a couple of firehouses to pay respects and photograph the memorials for one. I also wanted to go to the Armory which has become the HQ for "missing persons" as well as Union Square where the main gathering to leave candles, etc is. Randy had a goal-to get to Staten Island to see his buddy that is a member of FDNY EMS. Randy had spoken to his friend several times since this began...the friend actually say that 2nd plane hit and then had been busting his butt like all of his FDNY brethren trying to dig people out. We were going to take him a pizza and a 6-pack.

We fist stopped at Rescue Co. 1. Randy had spent a lot of time in this firehouse and riding with the firefighters and at one point he literally broke down in tears. We next stopped at Engine 54/Ladder 4 which is near Times Square. A Canadian firefighter was there in uniform and was handing out yellow ribbons. This firehouse lost their entire on-duty shift that was on at the time-15 firefighters. From there we went to Engine 1/Ladder 24. They lost some firemen from here...but they also lost the one FD Chaplain from here...he was a monk at the church across the street. They had actually had the services for him that morning....former Prez Clinton and Hillary were there...so I am sure had we got there earlier we could have seen them. We did see a busload of monks coming back from the burial. From there, we stopped at the NYPD's Manhattan Traffic Control Task Force the next block down from Eng. 1/Lad. 24..they lost a police officer from there. We talked to a couple of motorcycle cops before they left to do "messenger service" and then to an officer that was getting ready to head down to "Ground Zero" for patrol. He told us that the missing officer was last seen trying to carry a woman out just before the first tower collapsed. We made one more stop at a firehouse...Engine 3/Ladder 12.

We were heading down to Union Square when Randy's buddy called us...he had decided to go back to "Ground Zero" for another shift and wanted to know if we could meet him. So..we headed across Manhattan and then went south along the Eastside. We actually drove right by Union Square and it was packed.

We met up with Randy's buddy (name withheld to protect his ID for what I am about to write) down where the Wall Street Ferry is which is literally at the eastern side of Wall St. There was an "R & R" station set up there with an Outback Steakhouse feeding center at the location. He brought us up to speed on what had been going on. He told us that he was going to try and get us into "Ground Zero", but that he did not know if it would work or how close in we could actually get. When it was time to go we walked north a few blocks and turned eastward near the South St. Seaport. "The friend" handed me his fire helmet to carry through the line as I was wearing jeans and a denim shirt while Randy had what looked to be a firefighters uniform on. We passed by a large contingent of NYPD officers being briefed and then walked through a joint Nat. Guard/NYPD checkpoint-no one asked for our ID's, but the "friend" did motion to a cop that we were with him (as well as several FDNY firefighters). Once past this main checkpoint, Randy and I took our cameras back out-had put them away so as not to look like "tourists" walking in. We were walking on Fulton St. and as we walked closer we could see the gutted shell of what remains of #5 World Trade Center-it still stands but was completely gutted by fire.

We walked to Broadway where there is another series of checkpoints. Trinity Church is there...it sits catty-corner from the WTC complex. You might have seen photos of it...the cemetery sits facing the WTC and was covered by ash and papers that had been in the WTC and ended up there...blown by the smoke cloud caused by the collapse. We stayed around this area for a time...the firemen we were with had to collect their gear. We saw a shift change of rescuers...incl. some USAR firefighters from Fairfax Co. FD in Virginia. On the north side of Trinity Church is Vesey St. From there we could look down and see what was left of the collapsed #7 World Trade Center-just a large pile of twisted rubble. There was an FDNY tower ladder up in the air spraying water on the ruins. When everyone was ready-we walked through that checkpoint to Vesey and Church St.-we were now inside "Ground Zero". We were given dust masks to wear...then another one by a NYPD officer that told us this second one was better. We also passed by a box of plastic construction-type helmets and were told to pick one of those up each as well. ?One of the first things that our "guide" warned us of was actually very scary- One Liberty Plaza was damaged and is in danger of collapse. About an hour before we arrived, there was a scare and an evacuation took place as some noises were heard from the building. We were told that is we heard anything and saw people start to run that we were to turn and run as fast as we could and not to look back. They say that while people can look at the images on tv, they can't really understand the scope of the destruction without seeing it in person-they really can't. Looking south down Trinity, there is the burned out hulk of #5 WTC and just south of that #4 WTC-a burned out hulk partially collapsed on the south-end of it. There is also a section of Tower 2 visible on the end of it. That is on one side of the street....on the other is the Millennium Hotel-looking like someone took a shotgun and blasted the bottom half of it-there are so many holes. There is a dusty, burnt smell in the air...luckily the stench of so many buried bodies had not filled the air, but as I sit and now type this I am sure it has. There are numerous stations set up by the Salvation Army and the Red Cross as well as other organizations to feed/care for the rescue workers in this area, The streets are filled with firefighters, police officers, FBI agents, National Guard soldiers, and I am told some CIA people. Trucks are taking debris out..heavy equipment is being used to pick debris up. Randy and I take it all in...in somewhat shock that we actually made it this far in...in somewhat shock from seeing the devastation. There were some tents at the NE corner of what is left of #4 WTC and when I asked what they were I was told "probably a temp. morgue". We hung out there for a short time just taking it all in. From there we went back north a block to Barclay St. We stood on the NE corner of the the Federal Building there...looking down to what remained of #7 WTC.....just a huge pile of collapsed debris. The police officer at that checkpoint asked us if we wanted to go down and take a closer look...and we did. We now found ourselves standing next to a 3-4 story pile of rubble...so close that we were touching it. A NYPD Police Lieutenant with another officer came up to Randy and asked him where he was from..we thought we were busted....turns our they wanted us to take a photo of them. Since it was getting dark and only my camera has an on-camera flash-I did the honors. The Lt. gave me his home address for copies to be sent to. We took some more pics and then due to it getting to dark...we decided that it was time to go. We parted ways with our "guide" as he had to go find his team that he had come in with. Randy and I walked back over to where we had initially come in to "Ground Zero" and just stood there watching the activities for a time and then walked out to find his truck. It was a "ghost town" like feeling walking through the pretty much deserted streets of Lower Manhattan. The ride home was a lot more reserved that when we drove up...we had been at the unimaginable scene of death and destruction and it was weighing heavily upon us.

It is now the 21ts...it has taken me a number of sitting to get this all typed. As we all know...the missing and presumed dead now number over 6,000. It is hard to believe that I was actually there and harder to believe that for what I saw, the scene on the western side of where the WTC once stood is much worse. I have seen some of the aerial shots on tv and in the newspapers and it is just shocking.

I attened/photographed the funeral of FDNY Firefighter Louis Arena of Manhattan's Ladder Co. 5 on Staten Island 9/19. He died at the age of 27 and leaves behind a wife and two kids ages 3 and 4. He died trying to rescue a woman in a wheelchair. His entire company of 5 firemen were killed...and their fig destroyed by falling debris. I had been to the firehouse where Ladder 5 is quartered in 1994 to pay my respects after they had a fire where 3 other firemen had died. One of the other Ladder 5 members had funeral services that same morning, so F/F Arena's funeral started a bit late so as some of the firefighters as well as members of the FDNY Pipes and Drums could make it from one church to the other. Several companies of on-duty Staten Island firefighters were there also. Normally a funeral for a firefighter in NYC brings thousands of firefighters to stand in ranks and mourn the loss and the casket is carried on a firetruck. FDNY actually has fire trucks that are just used to transport the caskets of deceased firefighters, but due to the amount of deaths hearses are also being used. Also due to the ongoing rescue operation, the need to staff firehouses, etc. there were only a few hundred firefighters there. I had never seen the FDNY Pipes and Drums before (bagpipes and drums)-they marched in in front of the hearse when it was entering the area of St. Patrick's Roman Catholic Church playing "Amazing Grace". That is one song that can instantly bring a tear to my eye and hearing it played on bagpipes certainly did not help. The church bell chimed a mournful tune as the ranks of FDNY firefighters gave a hand salute while F/F Aerna's casket was removed from the hearse. I might add that the pallbearers were members of Ladder Co. 5 that had not been on duty that day. The service lasted about an hour. for close friends and family inside the church..and then the ranks of mourners reassembled outside as the casket was brought out while the pipes and drums played "Going Home". This is a scene that had already been done numerous times in the past week and will undoubtedly be replayed several hundred times more in the weeks to come.

It is a different world that we live in now...I fear that we have not seen the last of the bloodshed on our own soil let alone what our troops that are departing now will face. I am struck by one thing I heard a former head of the CIA I believe it was said while being interviewed on tv-the terrorists could have done more easily an attack with a smaller nuclear device or some sort of biological warfare than what they actually pulled off due to the coordination involved in highjacking 4 aircraft at the same time in different airports. I believe that there are still terrorists in our country just waiting for the other shoe to drop. A sad and scary thing to think-hope that I am wrong about that.

As most of you know...my wife and I are scheduled to take a delayed honeymoon in early-Nov involving flying down to Disney and going on their cruise. As of now we have not changed that plan inspite of what has happened, but will monitor what is going on and make changes accordingly.

I am including a link to a map that I found on-line that shows in-depth the buildings that were damaged/destroyed. Click here: CNN.com In-Depth Specials

Take care friends and family...God Bless you and God Bless us all!

Stacy