VTMBH Article: Body
Coming out to my parents was one of the hardest things Ive ever had to go through. I found myself constantly struggling to ignore my feelings, hoping that my attraction to women would somehow disappear or fade away. By the time I reached the age of 14, I realized that my feelings were not going away, and so I began the difficult process of accepting my sexuality and learning to be comfortable with myself.
Around the same time that I was dealing with this major personal transition, my family was going through a major transition as well. My mother, fed up with the many struggles associated with trying to raise a family in the middle of the Bronx, decided to relocate in search of a better quality of life for our family. We left the home that I had lived in since I was born and moved to Savannah, Georgia.
The move was particularly hard for me because it left me struggling with the issue of my sexuality in a completely new environment. One of the hardest things for me to deal with during this time was the fact that I didnt have anyone to talk to about the changes I was going through. I desperately needed to speak to someone, but I was not yet ready to talk to my immediate family. So I began to write.
Before leaving New York, I confessed to my aunt, who is also gay, that I thought I might be attracted to women. She responded by asking me to first think about how I felt, and how long I felt the way I did, and then to spend time writing all of my feelings down. So I started writing a letter in which I tried to explain my deepest feelings. In my letters to my aunt I was able to deal with all of my complicated feelings. I often wrote to her describing my emotional state, talking about how much I missed the city, my extended family and friends. Other times I just wrote about the female I was most attracted to at the time. For a long time, writing was the only way I was able to express all that was going on with me, and it helped me feel good about myself.
After about six months in Savannah, I began to feel comfortable enough to go out with my first girlfriend. I was happy to finally feel a real connection with someone, happy to have someone in my life who I could talk openly and honestly with. I was able to be free and that kept me sane.
Once we moved back to New York after a two year stay down south, I knew I had to tell my mom, before someone else in my family did. For some reason I thought telling my mother would be easier than telling my dad . I was wrong.
My mom pulled me in her room one night and said to me, Your aunt was in the middle of telling me something about you before you walked in the house. I sat in the room with my mom for a long time before I said a word. I finally said, Ma, please dont be angry with me, but this is mad hard. I spilled the beans. Ma, I dont like boys. You mad at me? Did you know I was going to say this? She didnt take it seriously. Ill remind you of this ten years from now, she responded. So I said, Yeah, and youre gonna say, Aisha, you were right. She gave me a kiss and that was that.
For a long time she never even mentioned it. For several years she hated the fact that I had girlfriends and she could not understand why I wanted her to meet them. I hurt me but I still had to live my life and be happy because no one else was going to live it for me. That was four years ago. My mom has since opened up tremendously. Shes as comfortable as I am and is able to openly talk about it with me and others.
Talking to my Dad, on the other hand was a bit easier because I had already gotten over my confession jitters by telling my Mom. One night, he took me for a ride as he had obviously gotten a tip from one of my helpful relatives. He got straight to the point and asked me the big question, Are you into women? And I simply responded, Yeah.
He had a few concerns as to whether or not my other gay family members or he had any influence on my decision. I reassured him by letting him know that Im totally a leader, an independent thinker and absolutely no one can influence me to the point that I decide to become a lesbian. He, of all people, definitely played no part in my decision. I had to also make the point that I love men; I just have no sexual attraction to them at all. After this very open and honest conversation, he asked to meet the older women I was dealing with at the time. Soon afterwards, he spoke to her to make sure his baby was in safe hands and that was that.
Writing this article has been a major breakthrough for me. I finally had the chance to articulate what Ive gone through as a gay teen. This story has allowed me to remember my struggles and to truly be grateful for my progress. This is the first time in six years that Ive written about coming out. I had to do a lot of back tracking and when I say a lot, I mean a lot of reminiscing, which struck many emotions and helped me build an even greater appreciation for my parents and family.
I mentioned my parents because not many gay teens are as lucky as I was. A lot of peoples stories are way more drastic and tragic than mine. While my mom and I managed to rebuild our close bond with very little effort, many teens may never be able to do that. Many mother and daughter relationships have and will be lost forever. My Dad and I managed to grow and build into the tight bond we have today. Despite his personal and religious beliefs, he loves me as his firstborn and he will always love me as his baby girl.
Im lucky! Or shall I say, I am truly blessed. Because in such a hateful world, overly populated with leeches who feed on ignorance constantly to suck ones self-esteem and self-confidence, love from family is crucial. Without the love of the majority of my family, including my eight siblings, especially the eldest, whose opinion I respect very much, I probably wouldnt have turned out to be the strong, beautiful, confident, outgoing person I am today. Peace.
Around the same time that I was dealing with this major personal transition, my family was going through a major transition as well. My mother, fed up with the many struggles associated with trying to raise a family in the middle of the Bronx, decided to relocate in search of a better quality of life for our family. We left the home that I had lived in since I was born and moved to Savannah, Georgia.
The move was particularly hard for me because it left me struggling with the issue of my sexuality in a completely new environment. One of the hardest things for me to deal with during this time was the fact that I didnt have anyone to talk to about the changes I was going through. I desperately needed to speak to someone, but I was not yet ready to talk to my immediate family. So I began to write.
Before leaving New York, I confessed to my aunt, who is also gay, that I thought I might be attracted to women. She responded by asking me to first think about how I felt, and how long I felt the way I did, and then to spend time writing all of my feelings down. So I started writing a letter in which I tried to explain my deepest feelings. In my letters to my aunt I was able to deal with all of my complicated feelings. I often wrote to her describing my emotional state, talking about how much I missed the city, my extended family and friends. Other times I just wrote about the female I was most attracted to at the time. For a long time, writing was the only way I was able to express all that was going on with me, and it helped me feel good about myself.
After about six months in Savannah, I began to feel comfortable enough to go out with my first girlfriend. I was happy to finally feel a real connection with someone, happy to have someone in my life who I could talk openly and honestly with. I was able to be free and that kept me sane.
Once we moved back to New York after a two year stay down south, I knew I had to tell my mom, before someone else in my family did. For some reason I thought telling my mother would be easier than telling my dad . I was wrong.
My mom pulled me in her room one night and said to me, Your aunt was in the middle of telling me something about you before you walked in the house. I sat in the room with my mom for a long time before I said a word. I finally said, Ma, please dont be angry with me, but this is mad hard. I spilled the beans. Ma, I dont like boys. You mad at me? Did you know I was going to say this? She didnt take it seriously. Ill remind you of this ten years from now, she responded. So I said, Yeah, and youre gonna say, Aisha, you were right. She gave me a kiss and that was that.
For a long time she never even mentioned it. For several years she hated the fact that I had girlfriends and she could not understand why I wanted her to meet them. I hurt me but I still had to live my life and be happy because no one else was going to live it for me. That was four years ago. My mom has since opened up tremendously. Shes as comfortable as I am and is able to openly talk about it with me and others.
Talking to my Dad, on the other hand was a bit easier because I had already gotten over my confession jitters by telling my Mom. One night, he took me for a ride as he had obviously gotten a tip from one of my helpful relatives. He got straight to the point and asked me the big question, Are you into women? And I simply responded, Yeah.
He had a few concerns as to whether or not my other gay family members or he had any influence on my decision. I reassured him by letting him know that Im totally a leader, an independent thinker and absolutely no one can influence me to the point that I decide to become a lesbian. He, of all people, definitely played no part in my decision. I had to also make the point that I love men; I just have no sexual attraction to them at all. After this very open and honest conversation, he asked to meet the older women I was dealing with at the time. Soon afterwards, he spoke to her to make sure his baby was in safe hands and that was that.
Writing this article has been a major breakthrough for me. I finally had the chance to articulate what Ive gone through as a gay teen. This story has allowed me to remember my struggles and to truly be grateful for my progress. This is the first time in six years that Ive written about coming out. I had to do a lot of back tracking and when I say a lot, I mean a lot of reminiscing, which struck many emotions and helped me build an even greater appreciation for my parents and family.
I mentioned my parents because not many gay teens are as lucky as I was. A lot of peoples stories are way more drastic and tragic than mine. While my mom and I managed to rebuild our close bond with very little effort, many teens may never be able to do that. Many mother and daughter relationships have and will be lost forever. My Dad and I managed to grow and build into the tight bond we have today. Despite his personal and religious beliefs, he loves me as his firstborn and he will always love me as his baby girl.
Im lucky! Or shall I say, I am truly blessed. Because in such a hateful world, overly populated with leeches who feed on ignorance constantly to suck ones self-esteem and self-confidence, love from family is crucial. Without the love of the majority of my family, including my eight siblings, especially the eldest, whose opinion I respect very much, I probably wouldnt have turned out to be the strong, beautiful, confident, outgoing person I am today. Peace.