story469.xml

story469.xml

born-digital

story

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no

2002-04-26

"Mourning While Accused"

I was at my desk at the US EPA on the morning of September
11. Word had just gotten out that the World Trade Center
was attacked, and that the EPA might evacuate. Once the
Pentagon was also struck, the EPA decided to evacuate all
employees.

For me the tragedy was doubly painful: I was
simulaneously mourning and accused. A native of Oklahoma,
I recalled the reaction to the Oklahoma City bombing.
Muslims in Oklahoma lived in fear until Timothy McVeigh
was caught. My mosque was vandalized, and nearby mosques
sustained gunfire.

I joined the sea of people who took the Metro that day, while
some preferred to walk because of rumors that the Metro
could be a target.

As I entered the Metro, a well-intentioned gentleman advised
me to remove the head-scarf I wear as a Muslim woman. "No,"
I told him. He asked me if I knew what happened, and told
me that crazy people might attack me. "Yes," I said, "I work
in a federal building, but I will not remove my scarf out of
fear. I revere God and God alone."

Before entering, a Muslim man approached me. "Sister, you
shouldn't travel alone dressed like that." Probably not,
I thought, but what other option did I have? That day, the
Metro was more crowded than I had ever seen it during rush
hour, yet I noticed several hesitated to sit next to me,
until finally someone did. Had I suddenly become dangerous?

When I left, I ran into a stranger who cursed at me then
screamed, "I'd hate to be you!" For the next several days,
I felt I lived in two worlds. One comprised of my family and
friends with whom I could share my horror at the loss of
innocent life, including my own Professor Leslie. The other
world consisted of strangers who stared at me in anger and
disgust, as if I had somehow been an accomplice.

For weeks, I hesitated over whether to smile or stay grim-faced, as
either seemed equally ill-received. If I smiled, strangers
might consider me happy for what had happened. If I did not,
I could be guilty or threatening.

I continue to pray for justice and compassion everywhere. As did
Martin Luther King, Jr., I dream of a day when Muslim
will not be judged by their appearance but by the content
of their character.