story10744.xml

story10744.xml

born-digital

story

yes

no

2004-08-10

Today is 8/10/04. I now work on 54th and 3rd, the last 2 weeks have brought back alot of memories of 9/11/01 because of the recent terror plots, especially the one at the Citigroup building, which is right next door to where I work.

On 9/11/01, I was working at 4 NY Plaza on Water St. I had just graduated college in May and was living at home with my parents in Westchester. So, I was commuting everyday back and forth via the Metro North and the 4/5 subway line. That day at the Croton-Harmon train station, The train that I normally take was cancelled. It was already 5 min latel. I was all the way down by where the front of the train would have arrived. If you know Grand Central, to be in the front is the best because you get out the quickest and beat everyone else that gets off the train and heads for the subways. Well, that day being in front was the worst. A woman comes over the loud speaker and says "the only train to get on is coming on the next ramp over in less than a minute." I knew that the train she was referring to was the one that is coming from Poughipsee(can't spell), so you know its gonna be packed. Basically, I had to run to the stairs and cross on the bridge to the next track. I luckily made it on the train and had to stand packed in it with so many people for an hour. In my head, I was saying how this day could really not get any worse. I'll call this part of my morning "Round 1".

"Round 2" I finally arrive at Grand Central. That day was extremely hot and humid. For some idiotic reason I decide to wear black pants and a blue sweater. An outfit that is much better suited for fall. Anyway I get out of the train and start to head for the 4/5 subway line downtown. I'm already pissed that I'm late. Its probably 8:15. I liked to get to my job before 8:30. I was working at JP Morgan Chase, where my job was all about overtime so the earlier I got in the better. Needless to say by 8:15 I'm usually already on a subway. As I'm walking to the subway, the ENTIRE HEEL of my shoe comes off. I couldn't believe it. How could this be happening. So instead of stopping, I decided to keep walking and i'll figure it out on the subway. I had my gym bag with me, so once on the subway I put on my sneakers. A guy next to me goes "that sucks". I was like tell me about it. Now that I have my sneakers on, my next step is to figure out what I was going to do about my footwear. I couldn't go to work with no shoes. I remembered when I was interviewing at Lehman Brothers at the World Financial Center there was a bunch of shoe stores. I decided I'll get off at the Fulton St. stop, which is where you would get off to go to the WTC. Don't ask me why I got off there. Still till this day it makes no sense. Now in my head I've already told myself that its okay that I'm not at work by 8:30am, but I have to get there by 9am, so I better do this quick. I get off and I'm so panicked and pissed. I see a shoe store I run in and buy a pair of shoes.

*Something I have to note right now is that I cannot remember the name of the store I went to. Its a big chain, and my mind is going blank, which on 9/11 is exactly what happened. At one point I could not even remember my own telephone number.*

Anyway, Its now probably around 8:40-8:45ish. I get back on the subway and then get off at my stop Bowling Green. I exit the subway to see a bunch of Fire trucks and ambulance trying to get up the packed street to go North. Again in my head all I kept saying "what now, this can't get much worse, its not even 9am." I then see confetti kind of stuff coming down. I didn't even care at this point. I was so pissed, I ignored it and walked into my building. I get in, I'm telling my friend about my day, when one guy I work with is on the Bloomberg machine and said that some plane hit one of the world trade center towers. We all pictured a little prop plane, some idiot crashed it. My dad was working in World Trade Center 7, so I decided to call him and see if he knew what was going on. He didn't answer. For some reason my body was already shaking and I couldn't get it to stop. I didn't think it was anything big, but my body was not feeling right. I didn't really smoke cigarettes, but I tell my friend I need one. So we go down stairs and have a cigarette and another girl I work with comes running to the building pale white and said a huge plane just hit the tower. I was like "oh yeah we heard about that" and she was like, "no another". Now I'm freaked. I now think of my father. I go back up to my desk and have 5 new messages. All from friends that work in midtown, not my father. I couldn't get through the messages fast enough. I call my dad again. Still nothing...i'm getting really F****ing nervous. People are calling me. Not to be rude, but no one I needed to be talking to at that time. Friends that wanted to see if I was okay because I worked downtown. I knew I was, so I just kept saying don't call me right now I need to get in touch with my Dad. I call my mom at the school she works at and the secretary lady was like, "she's in the nurse's office". My heart dropped. I thought the worst had happened. I thought that she already found out my Dad was hurt or something. I started hysterical crying and looked up to see 3 co-workers who I hardly knew at that time staring at me. I wanted to get out of my office so quick. My sister calls me from midtown to see if I'm alright and I'm like "what's going on?" she's like, "I dont know." I asked her if she's spoken to our Father and she said no. Now I'm freaking. My other line then rings and its my Brother. He's like I'm coming to get you. I was like you work in midtown. He said, "No, I work on John St. (across from the Trade Center)". I asked if he spoke to our dad, and he said, "yes". I felt relieved. He said that he was leaving his building and was going to the car and that he wanted myself and my brother to meet him there.

*Another little side note about my brother. He's changed jobs so many times since he's graduated college its impossible to know where he's working. He had just started that job on 9/10. Needless to say, he stayed at that job for only a few months.*

While on the phone now with my brother and sister who I have conferenced in. I'm telling my brother to just go home. To tell you the truth I wanted off Manhattan and wanted my family to just run and be safe. Meeting up sounded so hard and scary. It meant that I had to go up by the WTC in order to get to my dad's car, and I just wanted to run into the river and swim to Brooklyn. My brother refused and said he promised our father that he'd come down to me and get me and then us 3 will meet up where ever we could with the car. My brother gets off the phone, and me and my sister stay on and are talking. I was so scared to be by myself. I didn't trust anyone I worked with and just kept feeling so alone. I had no functioning skills at this point. My memory was gone. I could hardly talk. I always thought that if I was in a panic situation, I would rise to the occassion. The exact opposite happened. I was a panic mess. It was the scariest feeling to be losing so much control of yourself. I just wanted to be on drugs or in a mental institution. In my head that whole day, I kept thinking about what I was going to be like if I did survive. Where could I live. No where seemed safe.

"Round 3" My Dad calls me. I conference my sister. Were all talking and I'm begging him to go home. He's now at his car and is by a phone at the garage. I write down the number. It was chicken scratch. Not readable, and not usable. He said he will meet my brother and I wherever he can. Just keep calling the number and let him know where we are. Then the 1st tower falls. My dad sees it all. I've never heard such horror in my father's voice. As the building is falling it goes south by me. My building is shaking as my father is yelling "oh my god, oh my god". I look out of my cubicle and see a huge dark cloud of "death" coming full speed to my building. Our lights are flickering, I'm yelling, my sister is yelling on 48th and 8th (underneath her desk). Now my dad is getting nervous about my brother and where he is, because he knew that he was in the street coming to get me. I just wanted this to end. I'm now hearing that the pentagon is hit. I turn to someone is listening to me on the phone and I say, "are we under attack". And she said, "yes, we are". I then get a call on my other line a few minutes later from the security and its my brother and he's in the lobby. I go back to my other line and tell my dad and sister, that my brother's here and I'm going to go down. They are now evacuating my building. They have everyone in the hallway. And the elevators are shut off. I turn to someone and say, " I have to get downstairs, my brother's down there, where are the stairs". He points to the door. I think to myself how I don't want to go by myself, and then make the decision to just go. I'm so scared because when I shut the door behind me and checked it again it was locked. I run down the stairs and make it to the bottom. I go to open the door, no clue where I am, and ITS LOCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!! I start yelling and banging on the door. I'm so scared because I didn't know if anyone was there. Some one hears me and comes to the door and says to whoever they're with, "there's someone behind the door." I'm like, "Let me out". The woman says, " I have to find someone with a key don't move." A few minutes later a security guard comes and unlocks the door. I realized, the door I had chosen let me out at the mail room. I don't think I thanked anyone, I was kind of embarrased. I just ran to the lobby. I get there and see my brother. I felt safer but now I was scared to leave my building.

"Round 4" I turn to my brother and said " I need drugs, or am I on them already." He was like, "You need to stay calm because I'm freaking out.' I told him the tower fell and he said he didn't know what it was. Everyone started yelling, "run its a bomb, they're shooting" so he just ran. I told him I was scared to leave right now because outside was a huge black cloud of sout and crap. People were coming into my building completely covered. It didn't look safe to even breathe. I said I have Dad's number. As everyone knows cell phones did not work that day, so we go to the pay phones and I take the # out of my pocket. Could not read it at all. I had my sister's number and called her and she was on the phone with my Dad so she gave him the phone number to the pay phone to call. We told him that we were going to wait a little till the smoke and stuff cleared because we could not leave yet. We, well my brother rewrites the number to where he is. We wait about a whole 5 minutes and decided to just go. My brother actually took 2 t-shirts from his job before he left. I guess he is a genious. So we each take one and head out with them over our mouth and nose. We start to walk along water st. with a huge crowd, like an exodus. People are crying, others almost look like they're strolling. Then someone yells, "bomb" and a huge black cloud of "death" again came right at us. This was the second tower that fell. My brother didn't want to run like last time, but I did. We ran a block and then went into a garage where people were getting hosed off. At the garage they let us use the phone there and we called my dad again. Again we begged him to leave and he said to just keep walking north and call when we get to where he can drive. We walked up to Houston and then went back to the west side. My dad picked us up and we drove up to westchester with no traffic. I got home about 3pm. I walked in to see my mom and our neighbor. I hugged them both and went to my room and cried.

Round #5 I am dealing alot better with 9/11/01, but I have been changed by it. I will never have the innocence I once had. I'm so much more scared and panicked of the unthinkable, because I believe now that the unthinkable is possible.