story111.xml

story111.xml

born-digital

story

yes

no

2002-03-01

I am a Public Defender. On September 11, I was, and
did, start my first murder trial. I left my office, a short
walk from the courthouse, just after 9AM. As usual, I had
my radio on the local news station, WBZ. As I was leaving,
an announcer said there was an unusual sight in NYC - a
plane had hit one of the Towers, and it was smoking. They
kind of made light of it - it appeared to have been a small
plane. I went to court, and we began to get the case going. During a break, I left the courtroom, and saw ashen faces and persons huddled around a few radios. They said both Towers were hit, that Boston flights were missing, that a bomb had gone off outside the State Dept, and there was smoke from the Pentagon and, I believe, the Capital. And a Tower was gone. I told the secretary who told me this that that was impossible - a skyscraper doesn't fall because of a plane. The radio confirmed all of this (much of it later not true). The DA heard the same radio, and told me he was worried b/c a friend of his was flying that day out of Logan. I also got word that an attorney in my office had just been told her dad was on a flight out of Logan to California. Thankfully, both were OK (I remember Susan getting the call from her dad in Buffalo, where his flight was forced down.) But another attorney in our office, from Marblehead, would learn soon that she lost several friends.
The Judge came into the room with the radio to get some
papers, and heard for the first time the news. Here was 2
lawyers trying a major case, and a judge trying to do his
job - we had to get back to work. So we did. At the next
break, the news was stark - there was no WJC anymore.
At that point, we heard that other courthouses were
shutting down, but we were still up. I marveled that
anyone would think some county court would be a target,
but public buildings were closing everywhere. Bill the DA
and I did our openings with all this news in the back of
our minds. Thankfully, the Judge realized going on was
pointless. I explained to my client, who would lose the
rest of his life later that week, what had happened. He
had converted to Islam in jail, but it was I, not him, who
wondered if that would hurt him - he couldn't even take in
what had happened. Since his conversion was not evident,
we decided it should not matter. The Judge stopped the
trial for the day, telling the Jury, who had not idea, that
a horrific tragedy had struck us, that the judge and
attorneys would be unable to continue, and to prepare
themselves.
And so I finally went home to see the extent of what
had occurred, and to cry. But the case continued the next
day, and through the next week. As a reult, I got my news
at night, while trying to concentrate on the case. My main
reminder was looking out my window, which was in Logan's
flight path, and never seeing a plane except high-flying
fighters and larger jets. I had never seen the sky like
that. (And I remember seeing my first commercial jet when
they opened the airports again.)
When it was over, I went about my business. But my
colleagues and friends noticed that I was very
short-tempered. I knew that in fact the tears I had held
through the trial were screaming to get out. With every
story of a missing fireman, policeman, or citizen, I would
choke up. Finally, someone explained to me that I had
never had that chance to mource during the tragedy, and it
was coming out now. Funny thing is, even today, March 1,
2002, when I see some family member still looking for
something to bring home, I tear up. I believe in the end
we all do have not just a national consciousness that
allows us to cry for our nation, but a human consciousness
that goes beyond borders. I hope that we are able to cry
the same tears for the innocent Afghans, and other nations,
that have and will also suffer because of this inability by
some to feel for others.