story9574.xml

story9574.xml

born-digital

story

yes

no

2003-09-10

September 11 began for me like i'm sure it did for everyone else, a beautiful ~ clear morning. I was sitting in my living room watching the news preparing my "to do list" as the reports went to a live shot of the 1st Tower with the black smoke billowing from the huge hole....I sat in utter amazement, almost spellbound. Then as they were discussing all the "possibilities" and how with the skies being so clear that morning an accident seemed unlikely "unless there was a mechanical malfunction" when the 2nd plane came into view and slammed into the 2nd tower. There was no misunderstanding now what was happening, America was Under Attack~! I immediately called my Grandmother, who was 88yrs old at the time, she too was seeing this unfold live on the tv. My grandfather was in the Navy when Pearl Harbor was attacked, her twin sons had served in Korea and Vietnam. I'll never forget her words to me "I didn't think that I would live to see anything like Pearl Harbor again, but as terrible as that was, they are attacking everyday people, not military targets, until a lot of changes take place America will never again be safe. We have been ignoring warnings of this thinking no one would attack us at home, maybe now people will wake up".
I couldn't agree more with her words. I was heartbroken, tears flowed freely from my eyes for hours as I watched in utter disbelief and horror as the Pentagon was hit, and then Flight 93 went down in PA. I thought of my husband, at work, where we couldn't reach each other til his shift was finished. At that moment all I wanted was to hear his voice. My need to hear his reassuring voice was just a glimpse of how thousands of family members, friends, and loved ones were feeling. I thought of how the people on the first plane must have thought they would be flown to some small country - held for a few hours - negotiations would be done and they would be fine. But those on the other planes knew different. I thought of how they must have felt, all the things that crossed their minds of stuff they wished they had said to loved ones, or maybe they had said something in anger that they didn't get a chance to apologize for...My heart was aching and remembering my own tragedies and the pain and hurt i have dealt with, knowing that each and every person lost their families would be dealing with a tragedy of epic proportions in full sight of the world. I lost my mother in an accidental shooting when i was five years old. I was standing right beside her at the time. Then 10yrs ago i lost my stepmother and father in a murder/suicide. I was pictured on the front page of our local newspaper and our story was the lead story on the news. Which was devastating. My heart went out to each family member that had lost someone that day. I have suffered traumatic loss, it is never easy, but my story was gone from the news after a day or so, this story plays and replays and will continue too for years and years. Many of the families that lost loved ones their children or grandchildren will read about 9-11 in their history books. But there are a great number of similarities between my loss and those lost on 9-11. It was unexpected. No forewarning. No second chances. Everything was fine one minute and devastated the next. Also, my life is divided in two distinct sections. There is the part before the murder/suicide ~ and the after. Just as those who lost someone 9-11, their lives will be divided as well. Cause everything changes. And everything revolves around the event. 9-11 changed me too. Even though i was hundreds of miles from the nearest attack area, in the mountains of Tennessee. The way I live my day to day life has changed. I evaluate things more today. I also make sure that everyday I tell those around me how much i love them, and how much they mean to me. At 33, i think quite often about my own mortality. My husband and I have discussed our "final arrangements" and how we want things to be, etc, something we had never done and probably wouldn't have done prior to 9-11. It puts everything into perspective. It made us realize how small we really are. That no matter how large and beautiful and strong our buildings are we are not shielded from harm. We were thrilled to see and hear God being discussed, prayers in public, etc., We feel sure that no one would sue if they knew that their children's teacher had them pray during the attacks. Patriotism was everywhere. Flags were everywhere. The United States was United. Atleast for awhile. My greatest fear is that the further we get from the actual day of the attacks, people will begin to forget just how terrible it really was. I fear we'll go back instead of forward.
I pray daily for comfort to come to those who suffered so much that day and in the days since. I pray for our country and our leaders. I also pray for our enemies, that they will find a peace within themselves and realize that killing innocent people - participating in terrorist attacks will never bring them the happiness & peace they so desperately are seeking.
God Bless America. God Bless the World.