story5711.xml

story5711.xml

born-digital

story

yes

no

2002-09-11

I was out on my morning run. I had just returned home before my husband was leaving for work. I'll never forget the expression on his face when I walked through the door. He was sitting on the couch, putting his shoes on, having just turned off the TV. I knew nothing of the incident, yet. The only words he said as he walked out the door for work, were, "I love you so much, honey." I remember asking him if he was OK, and he said yes, and put his head down. He never mentioned a word of it to me, he said because he did not want to worry and alarm me. I didn't find out until about 6:50 am. (mountain time), when the phone rang. It was my supervisor, needing me to teach an aerobics class for her. She immediately went into this panicked tirade of "didn't you hear, the WTC was bombed, airplanes flew into the towers!!" I thought she was joking. I didn't even fully understand at first. I remember her voice being particularly panicked. Her husband is from Lebanon, and she told me of some real concerns she had for her family's safety. When I finally got the nerve to turn on the TV, all I could do was drop to the floor in disbelief, utter an "Oh my dear, God" and sob uncontrollably. All I could think of were the innocent, unsuspecting lives instantly lost. I immediately thought of my husband, my daughter. I was thankful that my daughter was only 1 1/2, and couldn't grasp it all yet. I phoned my husband, told him I loved him. I could hear the despair in his voice. I spent the rest of the day in an absolute daze, as I am sure many of us did. I couldn't function, work, nothing. All I could do was repeatedly look at the TV, hoping that someone would tell us this was a horrible prank. And I felt this way for several days, even weeks. I cried alot. I remember waking up the next day, hoping the terrible "dream" was over. I remember the eerie quietness of the air traffic pattern. We live 10 min. from the airport. I was in utter disbelief that our country could actually be shut down! I remember thinking, "just how can we, as a nation, ever be the same?" I don't think we will ever be, in a sense. But I really want to believe that this horrific tragedy has somehow lightened our hearts, drawn us closer together, and in a very backwards way, helped us all to understand better the human heart and what suffering is all about. I wish for all peace, love and kindness.

Sincerely,

Helen Falco-Utz