story5866.xml

story5866.xml

born-digital

story

yes

no

2002-09-12

At that specific day we were preparing for my husband's interview for a new job.
It was a very usual morning with a lot of anxiety of new and better opportunity for him,
just maybe sun is were very bright, and wind was light - it was a perfect day. I dropped
my four daughters to school and went back home to pick up some other necessary tings, and
in a moment we were leaving to Manhattan.
The all what I was thinking about - it is my husband's future in the new company.
I was praying for him, that he could get that position. In over daily routines we are watching
TV every morning, but on this morning we were in such a rush, that we couldn't even think about
it. When we got on the road going toward subway one of our friends called us back and asked,
"Where are you going guys?"
We said: "To Manhattan".
"Don't you watch the news?" He replayed
"No, we didn't had a time today. What happened?" we asked him.
He pointed toward Downtown and said: "Look the Twin Towers is on fire. The flight crashed in it"
We couldn't believe in what he said. It was really unbelievable.
We got back to our house and got on the roof of our building to see with our own eyes.
But there was instead of Twin Towers a black cloud of smoke. We came back to the apartment and what
I remember next - we were staring on TV in sinless that was going forever. At that time South Tower
started to collapse. It was a shock which one wouldn't go away so easy. At that time I realize that
someone else needs my prayers more than my husband.
At this moment I forgot everyone around me because what I was seeing on TV was looking very
unreal to me, and I was praying that as much us possible people could get out from there a life. Than I
felt, like somebody pushed me, and said: "Kids.". "Oh my God, kids!" replayed I, "My kids!" I rushed to
school to pick them up, because I didn't know what to expect else. I just wanted to hold them tied next
to me?
Since that moment we were froze next to TV, trying to catch every single news, every single moment.
We were counting every single one pulled from the ruble a life and praying to see more. But it looked
like God wasn't looking toward those who were berried under the World Trade Center. But those who were
pulled out from there were born for second time.
Since that day I wanted to cry, but my eyes didn't let me; me eyes wanted to sleep, but my memory
didn't let me; I wanted to talk, but my mouth didn't let me. It felt like I was death my self. I lost
interest in things which I was enjoying not so long a go, I lost interest in life it self. And only
thinking of my kids helped me to get around.
Over the past year I went only few times to Manhattan and only because I had to take my guests
up there, and I was bursting in tears. And after a year I still feel the same way, as at that day, or
maybe worse. Still I can't go to Downtown, because I feel the pain of those who died up there and of
those who they left behind them. I can't watch the news anymore because every single word about World
Trade Center makes the tears to come out from my eyes. I feel so exhausted and depressed. I feel sorry
for my kids because every single day they see me crying, and every single day I have to explain to them,
that it is OK for mommy to cry. But it hurts me more when they seat next to me and cry too.
No one from people who I know was hurt in that tragedy, but I feel like some one close to me
died up there. I never expected myself to react this way on this tragedy, and I witnessed it only trough
the TV, so I can't stop thinking about the people who were there when it happened. I really want to step
over this pain and go back to my normal life, but I am not sure, that ever I will be able to do it.