story6138.xml
Title
story6138.xml
Source
born-digital
Media Type
story
Date Entered
2002-09-12
911DA Story: Story
Title: I Can Never Forget
I am writing this so I never forget what happened and what I felt on September 11, 2001 and have felt since that day. I was no where close to New York City, The Pentagon or the field in Pennsylvania, but I was very frightened as most Americans about the tragedies we faced and experienced.
Being a member of the ?MTV Generation? and ?Generation X,? I cannot remember any event that touched me before 9/11/01 other than the Challenger space shuttle disaster. I was in 6th grade at the time and we used to watch the lift-off of each shuttle. I remember sitting there and staring at the television in awe. My parents and I visited Cape Canaveral some time after the disaster and I was taken back by the memorial there. That was one of my first memories of really being touched at a memorial. Later I would visit the memorials in D.C. and feel the same pain.
Prior generations have dealt with many tragedies that touched their lives and brought our nation together. Before 9/11/01, I never dreamed I would see the day that I would share the same pain they did during WWI, WWII, Vietnam, assassinations of John and Robert Kennedy, etc. That day I was sitting far from NYC, The Pentagon, and the field in PA. I was just starting out my day in little Youngstown, Ohio. My coworker had received a call from a client about 10 minutes before everything began. Then we heard her say ?What, Oh My God!!!? The client had been watching the news and was relaying the information about the first plane crash into the World Trade Center. We thought it was an accident. She continued to talk to the client a little about business and a little about the news. Next thing I know she is saying ?You?re kidding, Oh My God!!!? They had finished their business and the client wanted to get off the line, as did my coworker. She was telling us what was going on and we quickly went to our lunchroom to turn on the news. We could hardly believe our eyes. My first thought was just utter confusion and how could this be happening. My next immediate thought was ?I have to get to my children, I cannot be here.? My oldest was in Kindergarten until 2:20 and my youngest was at my parents? house. We did not know if our office was going to close, but I just had to get out of there. I knew Youngstown was not going to be a target of any kind of terrorism, but I needed them by my side. I don?t think I have ever been so afraid of them being away from me. I knew I could not go rushing into school and take out my child. I hoped he would learn the news from me. He is very sensitive to the news and we have to limit what we watch because he has a very vivid imagination. Thank goodness the teachers did not tell the children what had happened. They wanted the parents to discuss it with them.
I called my husband at his office. He knew what was going on but could not leave. We were both in shock I think. I then called my father to check on him and my youngest son. He said he just could not believe it. I told him I thought and hoped our office was closing and that I would be there soon. It was probably 10:00. We were still running back and forth to the TV in the lunchroom. Then the word came we could go home. It was about 11:30. I couldn?t wait to go. I was looking toward the sky to see if any planes were flying. I could not believe the fear I felt. I picked up Zachary at my parents? house and just held him. We watched the news some more and then it was finally time to pick up Brian from school. I couldn?t wait to get there. Everyone there was talking about what was happening as we waited for our little ones. When Brian came out, we got in to the car and he immediately asked me what was going on. He was told by some kids in the bathroom that 2 cars crashed in front of the school and the people died. I did not know what to say. We fly at least once a year and he cannot be afraid to fly. I had to think of the right thing to say. I had to tell him the truth and I knew we could not watch the news with him because it was just too frightening and I never want him to be scared of living here. I finally told him this; ?Some very bad people took over some planes and crashed them far from our house into some buildings and a field. They were very bad people from another country who don?t like America.? I was on the verge of tears as I told him this. He asked, ?Mommy, why do people have to be so mean to each other?? I said, ?I don?t know honey, they just don?t have love in their hearts and don?t believe in God.? He was just completely puzzled and then asked if the soldiers and police were going to get them. I told him that yes our soldiers and police would do everything they could to find the bad men who did this. He asked me if people died and I said yes that many people died. At this point, I think we were both in tears. We said a prayer that day (and most days since) for everyone who died and who lost friends and relatives in NYC, PA and Washington. In the following days, he would ask every now and then if they caught the bad guys. I would tell him they were going to get the bad guys, then when the troops started to deploy to Afghanistan, I told him the soldiers were going to get the bad men. He was very happy about that.
When the FAA finally allowed planes back into our skies, I remember the first time I saw one flying overhead. I was driving to work and saw the line in the sky from the fuel. Goosebumps formed on my arms and legs and I felt a little fear from the few days before. I just stared at it, watching the direction it took to get it?s passengers to their destinations and wondering what was going on inside; hoping it was just a routine flight. We found out that the plane that crashed in Pennsylvania flew directly over Youngstown, so that added to our already intense nightmare. It took a while for me not to notice the planes above other than to point them out to my children, like I used to do. They just love watching them and flying. My parents flew to Florida one month to the day of 9/11. My mother was very determined not to let some insane ?yahoo? terrorist ruin her traveling. I really respect her for this. She is a very strong lady and believes that when it is your ?time? you go. I was of course hesitant about them flying, but wanted them to go just to prove in some way no one could tell us how to live our lives! After all, we live in and believe in the ?Land of the Free? not the land of the oppressed!
During the weeks and months that went by, I could not keep my eyes off the news. I never really watched the news before and now I found that I was consumed with it as much of America was. Even now, almost exactly a year later, I have to see the news each day. I was still in shock and a little stressed for a while after 9/11. I questioned why I had brought children into a world like this. Would there be more attacks, how would I explain that to Brian? I would always hear of fighting and bombing in war torn countries far away and knew I lived in a great country. Now I was afraid my country would become like the others. It was more not knowing what would be next that frightened me. I was almost scared to turn on the news for fear of what I would see or hear.
My husband was in the Army Reserves and was honorably discharged in November 2000. This was due to my urging. When Brian was only 4 months old, my husband was sent to Germany for 4 months. This was a very difficult time in my life and now with 2 children, I never wanted to experience that feeling again. I just did not want to lose him, so I asked him to take the option to leave rather then reenlist. After 9/11, I was so thankful to not have a husband in the services. The soldier in him wanted to go though. He felt it was his duty. I would ask him if he wanted to go and he would tell me no, but I knew somewhere inside a part of him did. I could not be more thankful of our decision in 2000. I would be very proud of him if he did go to Afghanistan, but would never want him to see the sights of war. I know many change after seeing those things and would hate for him to experience it. He is technically a Veteran, but he tells me he does not feel he should be considered one since he did not fight for his country. I tell him that just signing his name on a paper with the willingness and understanding that he could die for his country and fellow man, to preserve our freedom, is very honorable and enough to call yourself a Veteran.
With the first anniversary, I feel this urge to visit New York and pay my respects to all those who lost their lives. I salute all of the heroes of that horrible day and the soldiers in Afghanistan and pray for the loss too many had to experience. May God Bless all of us and May God Bless America!
I am writing this so I never forget what happened and what I felt on September 11, 2001 and have felt since that day. I was no where close to New York City, The Pentagon or the field in Pennsylvania, but I was very frightened as most Americans about the tragedies we faced and experienced.
Being a member of the ?MTV Generation? and ?Generation X,? I cannot remember any event that touched me before 9/11/01 other than the Challenger space shuttle disaster. I was in 6th grade at the time and we used to watch the lift-off of each shuttle. I remember sitting there and staring at the television in awe. My parents and I visited Cape Canaveral some time after the disaster and I was taken back by the memorial there. That was one of my first memories of really being touched at a memorial. Later I would visit the memorials in D.C. and feel the same pain.
Prior generations have dealt with many tragedies that touched their lives and brought our nation together. Before 9/11/01, I never dreamed I would see the day that I would share the same pain they did during WWI, WWII, Vietnam, assassinations of John and Robert Kennedy, etc. That day I was sitting far from NYC, The Pentagon, and the field in PA. I was just starting out my day in little Youngstown, Ohio. My coworker had received a call from a client about 10 minutes before everything began. Then we heard her say ?What, Oh My God!!!? The client had been watching the news and was relaying the information about the first plane crash into the World Trade Center. We thought it was an accident. She continued to talk to the client a little about business and a little about the news. Next thing I know she is saying ?You?re kidding, Oh My God!!!? They had finished their business and the client wanted to get off the line, as did my coworker. She was telling us what was going on and we quickly went to our lunchroom to turn on the news. We could hardly believe our eyes. My first thought was just utter confusion and how could this be happening. My next immediate thought was ?I have to get to my children, I cannot be here.? My oldest was in Kindergarten until 2:20 and my youngest was at my parents? house. We did not know if our office was going to close, but I just had to get out of there. I knew Youngstown was not going to be a target of any kind of terrorism, but I needed them by my side. I don?t think I have ever been so afraid of them being away from me. I knew I could not go rushing into school and take out my child. I hoped he would learn the news from me. He is very sensitive to the news and we have to limit what we watch because he has a very vivid imagination. Thank goodness the teachers did not tell the children what had happened. They wanted the parents to discuss it with them.
I called my husband at his office. He knew what was going on but could not leave. We were both in shock I think. I then called my father to check on him and my youngest son. He said he just could not believe it. I told him I thought and hoped our office was closing and that I would be there soon. It was probably 10:00. We were still running back and forth to the TV in the lunchroom. Then the word came we could go home. It was about 11:30. I couldn?t wait to go. I was looking toward the sky to see if any planes were flying. I could not believe the fear I felt. I picked up Zachary at my parents? house and just held him. We watched the news some more and then it was finally time to pick up Brian from school. I couldn?t wait to get there. Everyone there was talking about what was happening as we waited for our little ones. When Brian came out, we got in to the car and he immediately asked me what was going on. He was told by some kids in the bathroom that 2 cars crashed in front of the school and the people died. I did not know what to say. We fly at least once a year and he cannot be afraid to fly. I had to think of the right thing to say. I had to tell him the truth and I knew we could not watch the news with him because it was just too frightening and I never want him to be scared of living here. I finally told him this; ?Some very bad people took over some planes and crashed them far from our house into some buildings and a field. They were very bad people from another country who don?t like America.? I was on the verge of tears as I told him this. He asked, ?Mommy, why do people have to be so mean to each other?? I said, ?I don?t know honey, they just don?t have love in their hearts and don?t believe in God.? He was just completely puzzled and then asked if the soldiers and police were going to get them. I told him that yes our soldiers and police would do everything they could to find the bad men who did this. He asked me if people died and I said yes that many people died. At this point, I think we were both in tears. We said a prayer that day (and most days since) for everyone who died and who lost friends and relatives in NYC, PA and Washington. In the following days, he would ask every now and then if they caught the bad guys. I would tell him they were going to get the bad guys, then when the troops started to deploy to Afghanistan, I told him the soldiers were going to get the bad men. He was very happy about that.
When the FAA finally allowed planes back into our skies, I remember the first time I saw one flying overhead. I was driving to work and saw the line in the sky from the fuel. Goosebumps formed on my arms and legs and I felt a little fear from the few days before. I just stared at it, watching the direction it took to get it?s passengers to their destinations and wondering what was going on inside; hoping it was just a routine flight. We found out that the plane that crashed in Pennsylvania flew directly over Youngstown, so that added to our already intense nightmare. It took a while for me not to notice the planes above other than to point them out to my children, like I used to do. They just love watching them and flying. My parents flew to Florida one month to the day of 9/11. My mother was very determined not to let some insane ?yahoo? terrorist ruin her traveling. I really respect her for this. She is a very strong lady and believes that when it is your ?time? you go. I was of course hesitant about them flying, but wanted them to go just to prove in some way no one could tell us how to live our lives! After all, we live in and believe in the ?Land of the Free? not the land of the oppressed!
During the weeks and months that went by, I could not keep my eyes off the news. I never really watched the news before and now I found that I was consumed with it as much of America was. Even now, almost exactly a year later, I have to see the news each day. I was still in shock and a little stressed for a while after 9/11. I questioned why I had brought children into a world like this. Would there be more attacks, how would I explain that to Brian? I would always hear of fighting and bombing in war torn countries far away and knew I lived in a great country. Now I was afraid my country would become like the others. It was more not knowing what would be next that frightened me. I was almost scared to turn on the news for fear of what I would see or hear.
My husband was in the Army Reserves and was honorably discharged in November 2000. This was due to my urging. When Brian was only 4 months old, my husband was sent to Germany for 4 months. This was a very difficult time in my life and now with 2 children, I never wanted to experience that feeling again. I just did not want to lose him, so I asked him to take the option to leave rather then reenlist. After 9/11, I was so thankful to not have a husband in the services. The soldier in him wanted to go though. He felt it was his duty. I would ask him if he wanted to go and he would tell me no, but I knew somewhere inside a part of him did. I could not be more thankful of our decision in 2000. I would be very proud of him if he did go to Afghanistan, but would never want him to see the sights of war. I know many change after seeing those things and would hate for him to experience it. He is technically a Veteran, but he tells me he does not feel he should be considered one since he did not fight for his country. I tell him that just signing his name on a paper with the willingness and understanding that he could die for his country and fellow man, to preserve our freedom, is very honorable and enough to call yourself a Veteran.
With the first anniversary, I feel this urge to visit New York and pay my respects to all those who lost their lives. I salute all of the heroes of that horrible day and the soldiers in Afghanistan and pray for the loss too many had to experience. May God Bless all of us and May God Bless America!
Collection
Citation
“story6138.xml,” September 11 Digital Archive, accessed January 9, 2025, https://911digitalarchive.org/items/show/10555.