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              <text>As a homegrown American I have had a very difficult time dealing with the events of September eleventh. One way I have coped is by trying to find some understanding in this mess. 

It seems that most Americans have chosen to believe that the hijackers were brainwashed radical religious fundamentalist terrorists that hated Americans. After all the media has not labeled them anything but terrorists for more than a year now. We get terror alerts, are updated on the war on terror, see terror bills signed, look for terrorist cells, find out terrorist this, talk about terrorist that, and have the opportunity to watch news shows called ?The WAR on TERROR the HUNT for the KILLERS!? It is no wonder most Americans think the events of September eleventh were acted out to provoke terror. They did kill more than 3000 people and disable a major transportation network! So we proclaim them terrorists and we fight to stop them.

But can we think beyond this one scenario?

Another way to understand this situation is by trying to understand the hijackers themselves and their cause. It is difficult to understand people who have killed themselves and thousands of others for a cause, but it is important to try and find out why all this happened.

Let?s look at the facts, 4 planes, 2 towers, the Pentagon and almost the US capital. This translates as 4 bombs; two aimed at capitalism, one at US defense, and one at the US government. This is an obvious form of communication by Bin Laden and the hijackers, compounded with serious action against the United States, but it was not meant to be an attack against US citizens. After all it would have been easy to poison portions of the American food and or water supplies, hit nuclear power plants or dams, or to fly a plane into the Sears tower. Any of these actions would have been deemed an attack against American citizens or an act of terror, but these did not happen. 

The hijackers where not interested in killing innocent Americans. They were interested in communicating and were willing to pay the ultimate price for a cause they believed in which was to change how capitalism, US defense, and the US government controls many situations in the world. Unfortunately many of the individuals that worked in the World Trade Center and the Pentagon were integral parts of the entities that were being attacked.

Another reason I have a hard time categorizing the hijackers as terrorists, is because if this is true then all our friends and loved ones that died on September eleventh will have died in vain. As terrorist victims they unknowing gave there lives for nothing other than to be murdered by madmen. 

But this does not have to be the truth. These 3000 plus humans should be viewed as heroes, as true martyrs. Heroes whose sudden deaths helped changed the world for the better by having the United States and the world grow in understanding and act accordingly so the hatred and resentment toward America can be minimized therefore preventing, the need for more of these outrageous and painful acts. 

But now we come to the question. Did America really deserve what happened on September eleventh?

70-80 percent of people polled, in England, Germany, France, Spain, Italy, Russia, South America and even Canada believed that the US had it coming. This worldview should be enough to make all Americans think and consider deeply the actions of our nation before transforming ourselves into instant patriots. Our nations actions and our tax dollars provoked the events of September eleventh and this is something I am not proud of.

We must listen to the world and try to behave in ways that will not make us such a deserving target. We know now this is an issue of national security. 

An attack on Iraq will generate even more world hatred for the United States and guarantee future attacks against the US.

We shouldn?t be using our military might to remove governments and replace them with ones that will submit easier to the needs of our oil addiction while using the excuse that some madman might have weapons of mass destruction.

The truth is our nation?s oil addiction is the most massive weapon of mass destruction. Global warming is here and will get worse in the decades to come. Most of our world has acknowledged the need to act immediately by signing the Kyoto treaty, but the United States has not.

The United States is now aiming the ultimate weapon of mass destruction at the entire world and it is only a matter of time until the world aims back.

As Americans we must remember that our tax dollars are the fuel for our nation?s power and one real way to weaken the power of the United States is to destroy tax-paying Americans.

Less Americans alive = less Americans paying taxes = less money funding the US military.

Since the United States continues to behave in ways the rest of the world finds globally irresponsible American citizens are in serious danger. 

If the desire to weaken the United States exists then America and Americans are more likely to be attacked. As a nation we need to transform this desire by behaving differently. We need to listen, understand, and behave accordingly as a world partner before it is too late for America.
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              <text> I was in my classroom of 7th grade ESL students at Campbell Middle in Houston, Texas.  They were from many Latin American countries; such as Mexico, Venezuela, Columbia and also from China and Korea.

The office secretary walked in with a red slip in her hand and I immediately thought something was wrong within the school.  Her note read;  "A tower in New York has been struck by a plane".  My face must have reflected my confusion and dread.  A plane hitting a tower in N. Y. as horrible as the thought is, is a lot different from it being a deliberate act followed by another at the Pentagon; my students asked, "What's the matter?"  I said a plane has hit the towers in N. Y. City-but that is all I know."  

By mid -afternoon when I was continuing with Spanish Language classes, I had one young girl ask if I thought they would come and attack us and I assured her that it seemed to me they were attacking the government and the area where most of the government buildings are either located or are near.  I thought of the 2nd World War and how secure, at 7 years old, my parents and Pres. Roosevelt had made me feel.  We lisened to the news  and being raised in Corpus Christi, we heard the night practice flights, our black blinds drawn; found leaflets all over our yards in the mornings and then went off to school, Crossley Elementary, carrying our school bags and wearing dog tags with our family name on it.  It never occurred to us, me at least, that that dog tag was my I. D. in case war broke out.

I also remembered the "under the desks drills" and how my teachers never spoke to us about the war and I offered to walk my young charge to her next class, talking all the time about how our own little community of Cy-Fair was safe.  All the time with a lump in my throat and a terrified  feeling in my stomach. </text>
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              <text>It may seem like it didn't affect me as bad, since i'm on the COMPLETE other side of the country, but it did. When I woke up to get ready for school(i wake up before everyone else) i was worried about wether i should where the blue shiny pants or the low cut jeans. Then, my aunt called and said "drop what your doing and turn on the news" i did what she said and i could have sworn i was watching some movie! i turned it on right as they said "John, roll the tape again for all those people who just tuned in." they played a tape of the first tower coming down, that's when i just about fainted. mid fall they cut the tape off and said " braking news! the second tower has fallen! another plane has crashed into it!" then i figured out, this was live, really happening! they showed the towers falling, and the pentagon, at first they said it was an accident, probably a training pilot, but then they realized it was a terrorist attack. as i watched the buildings collapse on the screen i felt as if my heart was with them, because for the rest of the day, i didn't do anything, i sat in each of my classes, depressed. of course, i wasn't punished for not doing any work, pretty much the whole school was depressed. if you came to my school that day, you would have seen all these people just drooping and slowly walking to whichevere class they came to. i bet a slug could have beet us in a reace with how fast we went. But the one time we were feeling up and ready, was the pledge of alliegence. We stood tall and proud, said it loud, there was construction going on that day, and with how loud we shouted, it sounded like a fly buzzing around! so yes it affected the whole country just as bad as the people in New York, minus the death</text>
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     I had just gotten up on that morning, and went to turn on GOOD MORNING AMERICA ( wich I watch every morning,} when they interrupted the station with a news flash that one of of the world trade buildings had been hit by an jet plane  I stopped dead in my tracks to watch, when to my horror they showed the second tower being hit by another jet plane.  I was stunned, and not believing what I saw.  I said how could this be happening.  Who could do could so such a horrible thing not once but twice within minutes of each other. Then hearing about the jet crashing into the Pentegone and yet still another jet heading straight for the pentegone , but crashing in Pennsylvani was in my mind horrifying.  I was in a daze the rest of the day. To think of all the lives that were lost was just unbearable. I couldn't imagine what was going through the minds of the people who had love ones who were in those jets or in the twin towers that they would never see again.  As I watched the story unfold I thanked God that I did not have any loved ones on those jets or who worked at the twin towers, then I began to pray for all who were involved in this deadly diasaster, that people would find their loved ones alive and if they didn't that at lease they would have comfort in knowing that their loved ones did not die in vain.  They were victims of some cruel sadistic person, and never thought this could happen especially in the U.S., but now we know it can happen as it did.  So we should not only be ready as we are for another attack on the U.S., but we should be spiritually ready in our hearts.  We should be asking our selves "if we were to die today would we go to Heaven", and if we are not sure ask the Lord to come into our hearts, and forgive us for our sins.  If you don't know how to do this, then go to someone who does.  I know that going to my Lord and savior has gotten me through this last year.  Even though I am getting over what has happened on 9-11, I will never forget it, and I am still praying for all the loved ones who were left behind.  I also want to say to those loved ones  when you can't bear the pain anymore take comfort in knowing that Jesus is right beside you to ease that pain, and help you get on with your life.  May God give you peace and comfort as you go no with your lives.  Love a friend in Christ Judi</text>
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              <text>i went in to work earlie and all morning i was telling my co worker something didnt feel right like something was going to happen she asked if it was like something was going to happen to me or what and i said no something big something that is more then me or you i dont know but somethings not right an hour later the report came over the radio that the first tower was hit the feeling was gone and all i could think was it was a terrorist and i told my co worker she said no maybe it was an accident some freak accident i said no no somethings not right theres no way then the second tower was hit and it was confurmed terrorists imeadiatly i got worried about my friend in collage in new york and wondered how far away was his collage from there i only had an hour left of work then i could call his family and see then they started talking about sending military out and i thought no my brother is in the marines whats going to happen will he be shipped out will he be sent to new york were was he now  would he be able to call me befor he left a million and one question ran through my mind what was going to happen next i had to fight to keep from crying then i left to come home and alot of other employees were leaving muttering iv got to go get my kids i rushed home to see if my boyfriends mom had got her to younger kids from school she had so i called my half sister and asked if she had heard from my brother she said no we called eachother on and off untill 9 that night for three days i sat up late untill1 am waiting on a call from my brother i wouldnt eat and work was unbearable not knowing if he had called while i was gone finally he called and said he was staying on the base in washington state they werent going to ship him out yet we talked about things like if he was who to call to find out and and who to call and tell them he was getting shipped out and all it still feels like it was yester day that it happened the stress and worrie and the confusion i was mad scared and upset hurt and saddened by it all in the same moment how could some one do something like that the people who lost loved ones the ones who lost there lives doing there job trying to help others then the children . then i thought how sad it was that it took something like this to make people be kinder and more respectfull of others and stand as one . it shouldnt have taken something as horable as that to make people look at what is really important and care for one another as they should have all along. those people who died shouldnt have had to die to be heros or to be honored they were heros to there children to others and it shouldnt have taken that to make people realize that each life is precious and meaning full and that every living thing should have some sort of respect even those dogs that died from the rescue teams they gave there lifes to help try to find another life befor time was to late. people need to open there eyes and realize how short life really is.</text>
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              <text>I had just woken up and turned on the TV, I was those pictures, the fire, the smoke, the hole in the frist tower.
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Bless all those who lost their lives in NYC, DC and on PENN.
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              <text>On 9/11/01 I was at school sitting in class like any ordinary day.  One on my instructors came in the room and informed us on what had happened.  Looking around the room you could just see the terror on everybodies face.  One of the students stood up and starting yelling that her husband worked in the towers, and she quickly left the room.  About 10 minutes later we we told that the school would be closing due to the attacks.  People where running all over the place trying to make there way to the parking lot.  They had TV's in the hallways where we some people where gathered around, that is where I saw the first tower collapses and knew that we were really in trouble.  I finally made it to my car and turned on the radio.  Sheer terror came over me and I began to think about all of my friends that worked in the city.  I continued to listening to the radio as I waited in line trying to get out of the parking lot, which seemed like forever.  I will never forget the way that I felt that day and the looks on peoples faces around me.  Nobody really knew what to do or how to deal with this, we all just knew that we needed to be home and near our families.  Looking back on the day now 9/11/02 the same feelings have come over me, this is something that no American will ever forget!</text>
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              <text>As I drove to work this morning, the memories of that unforgettable day, came flooding back to me.  I listened to the radio, not my usual station, but one commemorating this Day of Remembrance.  I heard the bagpipes as the procession approached Ground Zero.  I looked at my clock as it counted down the minutes to exact moment one year ago that the first plane hit the World Trade Building.  The tears swelled in my eyes as I observed the one minute of silence. My cell phone rang, I ignored it.  A minute or so later, it rang again.  It was my husband.  He called to say that he was thinking about what had happened last September 11th, and wanted to just tell me that he loves me and that he is grateful to have me in his life.  It reminded me of a cell phone call I had heard about that occurred during these acts of terrorism.  It was a call from a man on one of the planes that crashed.  He spoke with an operator moments before his death, and wanted her to tell his wife that he loved her.  She did.  I was lucky enough to hear it straight from my husband?s own voice this morning.

I received a phone call at 9am the morning of September 11th from my mother-in-law in tears.  ?Go get the kids from school, they?re attacking the United States, turn on the TV.?  I raced to the television and immediately sat down when I saw the smoke pouring out of the World Trade Building.  I called a neighborhood friend and told her to turn on her television.  She and I sat on the phone in silence for a few moments.  The second plane hit.  ?Will you go to the school to pick up Sarah, my car is in the shop?? I asked her.  She replied, ?Absolutely, I?m going to get Paulie too.?  A few minutes later, she showed up with my daughter and hers.  She then left her daughter with me and went to pick up her son from another school.  In the meantime, I sent the two little girls off to play with my 2-year-old son, so I could keep posted on what was happening.  My oldest daughter, 12, was home sick that day, and watched with me.  I had no answers for her. The fear built inside of me as I heard of additional planes still in the air.  Are we at war?  Where will they strike next?  Should I be afraid?  I called my husband who worked as an electrician at a large stadium being built.  By the time I could get a hold of anyone at the stadium, the workers were already being sent home.  My friend showed up with her son, and we continued to watch in horror as we heard reports of the other 2 planes crashing down.  We were holding back the tears for the sake of the children feeling safe, but we were afraid ourselves.  Would they try to hit the Nuclear Power Station just a few miles from our home?  All I wanted was my family near me.  My husband walked in the door, I greeted him with a hug.  I was relieved to have him home. They were all here, and safe.

I called my father who is a Boston Police Officer to see if he had any additional information.  He told me that no one was being allowed in or out of the Police Station for security reasons.  ?I don?t know what is going on, or even what?s going to happen, but I want to tell you that I love you?, I said.  ?I love you too.  It?ll be okay.? He replied.

I spent the rest of the day feeling sad, scared, and overwhelmed.  That night, I tucked my children into bed, kissed them, and savored how sweet they smelled.  I thought of the thousands of parents who lost their children that day, young and old alike.  I thought about the courageous hero?s that gave their life to save others.  I did not know any of these people personally, but at the same time, the loss feels very personal.  I look at the victims of September 11th list of names every so often and look over the photos, details of each of their lives and about the loved ones left behind.  

This morning I left an electric candle glowing in my window.  I will never forget.

I believe that one year ago today we all became one family.    
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              <text>My freshman year had just gotten under way,  and I was settling into my routine when disaster struck. I was unaware that anything had happened until I walked into my second period Biology class. The teacher, Mr. Fevergeon, had a saddened look on his face when he pointed to the television hanging on the wall and told us the news. Everyone seemed to think it was an accident until all of the sudden a second plane hit. Everyone sort of froze and the room fell silent. The teacher told us that this was without a doubt "An act of war." 

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              <text>On the morning of September 11, 2001, I was driving to the middle school where I taught. As I drove up the 215, I was listening to the local Christian radio station that just plays music, no commercials, no news, just good music. As I was getting lost in my thoughts of another day, the D.J. came on between songs and informed us listeners that a plane had struck the WTC. In my mind I was saddened; however, I thought it must be a navigational error.
	As I entered the parking area I heard the D.J. say another plan had hit the towers. I called my wife before I got out of my car and told her ?We, America is under attack!? Being she taught at a later school than I, she had not heard any news of the event. She turned on the television to get the news.
	When I left my car I saw a few other teachers in the parking lot scurrying to their classrooms to get any news they could. I did the same. I turned on the television to see gray smoke pour out of the towers. I was to go on yard duty that morning, but I skipped it to stay in my room and see what was happening.
	Being in a school, we had to make some decisions pretty fast about how we were going to handle this day. Were we going to shield the students and not talk about it, or were we going to face it. Our principal made the decision to face it. Our televisions were on all day. 
	 When my students entered my classroom they were silent as they watched the television. They were greeted with the first tower falling. As the day waned and we watched more and more of the events un-fold, I was looking for the right words to dismiss my students. I ended the day with this:
?Students- welcome to history. Every generation has its photographic memory. My parents can tell you what they were doing when President Kennedy was shot. I remember sitting in front of the television in fifth grade, in Mrs. Paulsen?s room, as we watched the Challenger burst into flames. You, your generation just experienced your moment. You will never forget.?

	When I got home, the conversation was short and heavy. It was so strange to be in a country that was under attack. 
The week and weekend that followed we became media junkies. Our friends came over and we watched CNN and Fox News Channel. We had our computers connected to the internet looking for any type of information. We prayed and hoped for survivors to be found, and we were secretly crushed when no-one was found. 
The day, the weekend, the memory, will never be forgotten.
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              <text>Hello, My name is Robbie Rodriguez of 93.3 WFLS Radio. I'm a graduate of George Mason University.
I remember September 11th like it was yesterday. I was at home in the early morning hours- I prepared my books and completed the final touches to
a report I needed to hand in for a class. At the time I did not have my television on, nor did I turn on my radio. I just jumped in my vehicle to make my way to
the Manassas Campus. I turned on my car radio and tuned into the station I work for. I was shocked to hear what I heard. At first, I felt it was a sick joke. I thought my co-worker was playing a weird story or a bit.
I couldn't believe it. I started running up and down the dial. It was the same story on all the radio stations. I hit the gas, I needed to get to Mason's student lounge. I needed to get to a tv set to confirm these news reports.
I pulled into the parking lot and ran into the building; everyone was crowded around the tv. I was so amazed at what I saw. I was very angry, very sad and confused.
I am a native New Yorker, this attack really hit home. I wanted to do something, but felt helpless.

Being a former United States Marine, I felt a sense of anger and a sense of responsibility to assist my country. I could not believe how this could have happened. How could a group of attackers have taken four planes. Someone was not doing their job.
This can not happen again, we can not let these types of criminal events to occur. We all have to be proactive to combat these types of threats.I now feel a greater passion for what this country stands for. I have a great education. I hold a B.S. in Administration of Justice from GMU, I hope to utilize this education to defend and protect my country.

God bless us all!

Robbie Rodriguez
GMU Alumni 2002
On Air Personality 93.3 WFlS    </text>
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              <text>When  the   september 11th  attacks  happened   I  couldnt believe  it! I  was sitting  in  my fifth  period  class at  school  and I  looked  up  at  the   tv  and  I  saw  planes crashing into  buildings I  really  didnt  think nothing  of it! I   just   thought  that  it  was  somewhere  else   not so  close  to  martinsburg! I  NEVER thought  that  something  like  that  would  happen  at least  not  here   anyways! Everyone  that  died  in  the 9/11  attacks I  send my  regards  to  their  loved  ones  that  they  left  behind! Thank you   for  your  time!
                                        With  love always
                                           amanda</text>
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              <text>September 11, 2001 still stands out in my memory like it was just yesterday. All of the emotions that myself and everyone around me encountered were terrifying. I woke up to the phone ringing with my mother screaming for me to turn on the television. She kept saying, "This isn't good. This can NOT be good!" I didn't even believe what was happening. All I could think was that there was some mistake with all of this. I literally had to pry myself off of the couch and away from the television to go to work. The atmosphere at the Jacksonville Landing was very somber. We gave free food and beverages away all day long. Several bomb threats were reported in the vacinity and eventually we shut down for the day. Every single person's attitude was consoling and loving. I have never seen so many strong, grown adults cry in my life, but it was like we were all feeling the same pain and shock. And the only good thing that had come out of that day was the "togetherness" that the whole world showed.

I have recently visited the World Trade Center Site and was one of the first people to take the Path Train when it reopened. It was exciting, but all I could think of was the lives lost there. It was a very eerie feeling. But at least I can say that whatever is decided to fill that void in the city will more beautiful, more precious and more meaningful than anything that ever stood there to begin with.

My heart goes out to every single person that this tradgedy affected. I pray everyday to never encounter something like this again.

Also to the Military fighting in Iraq. You are so brave. Jesse Gene and the 1484th, I love you!
GOD BLESS AMERICA!</text>
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              <text>September 11th. I was vacationing with my family, and at the current moment we were in the middle of the Thames river taking a tour cruise, viewing all of London's famed waterfront buildings, bridges, and the occasional ship. The time was around 3:00 pm, when people on the tour boat began telling me how sorry they were about what had happened in New York. Now to give you a better idea, I was wearing my usual garb of wrangler jeans, cowboy boots, jean jacket and stetson hat. Also a small Canadian flag imbedded in the middle of the hat, as I am Canadian. After several questions bantered about back and forth, we were able to learn that a plane had crashed into the world trade centre, but that was about all that was known from the people on board the tour boat. Upon returning to our hotel rooms and watching the footage on the t.v. we were just stunned and shocked. To say we were nervous about continuing our vacation on to France was an understatement. But in the end we did, and the people we stayed with made sure we saw all the war cemeteries, the D-Day landing beaches, Dieppe, and most importantly, people who were actually there at the the time, and their own stories. Getting back home was I disappointed in how Canada reacted to the events as they unfolded from then on? Yes. Still am, and feel slightly ashamed for every boneheaded remark that comes from the "superior" uppity people in the more dense population areas. That being said, my country, right.....or wrong. Just my thoughts.</text>
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              <text>I was at work and sitting at my desk when a friend of mine came to my office door and said a plane just crashed into the World Trade Center.  I was shocked, of course, but at that time I assumed it was another airplane with mechanical problems and it was just a terrible accident.  A few minutes later, the same friend told me that another plane had crashed into another World Trade Center tower.  That was when the entire world realized this was no accident.  I remember feeling such a deeply pervading sense of sadness and shock and I also felt a strong need to talk to my children.  My son, Justin, was living and working near Denver, CO and my daughter, Megan, was a sophomore in college at Black Hills State University in Spearfish, SD.  I talked via telephone with both of these children several times that day.  It was a great comfort to me and also to them.  I also have a son, Owen, who was a sophomore in high school.  I wanted him close to me, too, on that terrible day, but I knew he was O.K. in school.  When he came home, he called me and told me how very disappointed and upset he was due to the fact that their study hall monitor would not allow the high school students to watch any of the events on television that morning.  He was disappointed because he felt he had missed out on seeing a very important part of our country's history-in-the-making because a stubborn teacher wouldn't deviate from the regular school curriculum - not even for this.  It was an extremely unfortunate decision for that teacher to make.

To this day, barely a day goes by when I don't think about the victims of terror on that horrible day.  My family's prayers go out to each and every one of the victims and their surviving families.  I have to say, though, that I  have a special place in my heart for the passengers on the flight that went down in Pennsylvania.  Those men and women are our country's greatest heroes!  God Bless them all and God Bless YOU all!

Mary Jo Mohr</text>
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              <text>It was my last week on the job as a Detective in the Lewes Police Department.  I was accepting a new job as the head of the Criminal Investigations Unit in another police department and was completing tasks in preparation for the move.  I was on my way to the office when I heard of the
attack on the World Trade Center over my car radio.  I contacted two of the patrol officers via police radio to ascertain if they had heard about the attack.  The three of us met in the office and turned on the television...mere moments before the second plane hit the towers.  

As I watched the towers burning and the people jumping from the towers, a feeling began to grow inside of me and something told me that the towers were going to fall.  As a police officer and a volunteer firefighter, I feared for the safety of my colleagues as they rushed into the towers
to help those trapped inside.  A short time later, the news station reported the attack on the Pentagon, followed shortly thereafter by the report of a fourth plane that crashed in Pennsylvania.  The officers and I stood in disbelief of what was happening.  Then, suddenly the first tower gave way and came crashing to the ground.  I couldn't believe what I was seeing and I openly wept for my colleagues and the people whose lives were undoubtedly lost.  I stood motionless and glued to the television for the next two hours, watching over and over the replay of the second planes hitting the towers and their ultimate collapse.  

I forced myself to walk away from the television and went to my office.  I turned the radio on so that I could continue to hear the news and tried to focus on my work.  I couldn't focus on anything and sat looking out the window.  I called my fianc? several times throughout the morning to talk to her and we shared the news as we heard updates.  Then, shortly after noon, I heard the Governor of the State of Delaware announcing that a contingent of firefighters, EMS personnel and paramedics from Delaware were being sent to New York City to assist in the search for those who were missing.  With out a second thought, I called the firehouse to see who was going from our company.  I spoke to the Chief, told him to have the guys grab my bunker gear, and I would meet the firefighters at the scheduled rendezvous point for deployment to New York.  I contacted my boss and the City Manager and told them I was going to New York.  I had to ask permission to leave my unmarked cruiser in a neighboring jurisdiction where the firefighters were meeting and without hesitation they granted approval and bid me a safe journey.  

Prior to leaving the office, I called my fianc? and told her I was going to New York and asked her to pack me a bag with enough clothes to last me four or five days.  She started crying and asked me if I was sure I wanted to go.  She knew I wanted to be there and, despite her concern,
she never asked me not to go.  Finally, I called my new boss and told him that I was heading to New York.  I told him that I might not be able to report for my first day on the new job as had been planned.  He was extremely supportive and told me it would be waiting for me when I got
back.  I met my fianc? thirty minutes later on the way to the rendezvous point.  I gave her my service weapons and told her to lock them up at home.  She gave me my gear bag, we hugged each other and said a short prayer.  She kissed me goodbye and then I was gone.  Looking back on it now, I don't know how she managed the drive back home, let alone the wait for my return.  

I drove as fast as I safely could to get to the rendezvous point.  When I arrived, there were over seventy firefighters, EMS personnel, and paramedics, along with twenty-three ambulances ready to go.  Of those making the trip, over 95% of us were volunteers who dropped what we were doing, left our families, and raced to New York to render aid.  We drove the entire distance with our emergency lights on, led and followed by Troopers from the Delaware State Police.  Along the route, people were waving to us, honking their car horns, and flashing their headlights.  Along the way, my mother and my brothers called me on my cell phone; all of them crying.  They
wished me well, told me how proud of me they were, and told me to be safe.  I thanked them for their thoughts, but told them it had nothing to do with pride.  Like so many, I wanted to do something to help and when the opportunity arose, I jumped at the chance without a second thought.  Looking back, I suppose I was somewhat selfish to make those decisions without asking my fianc?, but I just had to go!  The trip took a little more than four hours; during the ride, I used the time to reflect on what I had witnessed earlier that day and tried to mentally
prepare myself for the physical and emotional challenges that would lie ahead.  

When we arrived in New York, we were directed to a staging area to await the arrival of an FBI agent who would take us into Meadowlands Stadium.  The stadium was set up as a staging area for responding emergency personnel.  We parked along the New Jersey Turnpike awaiting our escort.  We climbed out of our ambulances and looked across the Hudson River.  The skyline was lit up with a strange glow and we could see smoke billowing from ground zero, drifting
across Manhattan and the river as far as we could see. 

We stood there in awe and disbelief. 

When the FBI agent arrived, he spoke to the Delaware State Troopers and then escorted our caravan to the entrance of Meadowlands Stadium.  When we arrived, there was another waiting period.  Then without any word, we were told to regroup, climb back into our vehicles, and turn back South on the turnpike.  We thought we were being taken to another location.  However, fifteen minutes into the ride, the organizer of our contingent advised everyone via radio that we were not going to be needed and directed us to head back to Delaware.  Needless to say, we were dumfounded and there were a lot of unanswered questions.  Later, the caravan met at a rest stop on the turnpike where the organizer told us that we had been sent home because the mission had been changed from a rescue to a recovery effort.  We were told that they had so many volunteers firefighter and emergency personnel from neighboring jurisdictions and States that they had to start turning people away.  

I understood, but I was extremely angry.  I wanted to do something, ANYTHING, to feel that we were helping.  I would have stayed there for days, even weeks just to help in some way.  We offered to help with food preparation and shuttling supplies to the rescuers.  But there were so
many people that came out to volunteer, they had to turn people away.  I guess in some ways it was good that they had the volunteers, but I was upset that I wouldn't be one of them.  I guess in many ways I was being selfish, but it was the only way that I felt I could cope with the
devastation.  

It was a very long ride home that night.  On the way to New York, there was a lot of talk among us and several of us talked to others over the EMS radio.  On the way home however, NOBODY said a word.  We rode in silence, listening to the radio for any news updates.  I arrived home around
3am, woke my fianc? to tell her I was home, and sat watching the news replay the day's events.  I finally fell off to sleep around 7am and slept only for a few hours before being awoken by nightmares.  In my mind, I kept seeing the plane hit the tower, people jumping from the building knowing they would not survive, and the towers crumbling.  I thought of the people who died on the airplane in Pennsylvania trying to protect others from being harmed or killed.  And, I thought of my colleagues, none of whom I knew personally, who died trying to save others.  

In the days and months that followed, I gave blood and organized a fund drive to raise monetary donations for the trust fund, but I still felt an emptiness inside.  I talked with my friends who are police officers and firefighters and together we all got through it and we became a whole lot closer.  On the one year anniversary of 9-11, I drove two hours to a blood bank where the Delaware Fraternal Order of Police had organized a blood drive to benefit the blood bank in New York.  Eighty-five police officers came out that day to give blood.  Later in the day, I had a tattoo scribed into my arm to remember and honor the fallen heroes of that day.  I wanted the tattoo so that every day, when I woke up and got into the shower and every night as I prepared for bed, I'd see it and remember what happened.  I'd think of the heroes who gave their lives trying to save others and the loved ones they left behind.  I'd commit myself to making a positive influence in the lives of the people I serve, both as a police officer and a firefighter.  The tattoo depicts the twin towers as the
number eleven in "9-11-2001".  The "9-11-2001" is surrounded by smoke that billows upward.  Rising up out of the smoke is a Phoenix and on it's chest are the emblems of the National Law Enforcement Officer's Memorial and the National Fallen Firefighters Memorial.  Above the emblems the words, "Honoring Our Nations Heroes" is inscribed.  It is a design that I came up with and worked on for several months following 9-11.  In addition, I wrote a poem detailing my thoughts and feelings that followed the tragic events of that day.   

Little did I know how my life and that of my fianc??s would change.  Our son, who is also a volunteer firefighter, is a soldier in the Army and was stationed in Louisiana.  Six months after 9-11, he was deployed to Kuwait where he spent nine months in the desert.  His unit came home in December and we saw him for five days during this past Christmas.  When he returned to base following Christmas, he was unexpectedly re-deployed to Kuwait and is now sitting in
the desert somewhere outside Iraq.  We had not spoken to him in three months, but he called and spoke to us for fifteen minutes on the telephone earlier this week.  While we were elated to hear from him, we still fear for his safety and his safe return.  He told me during the telephone
conversation that he was given a choice to be on the front line or to take a support role further behind the front.  He chose to take the front line so his buddies would be safer in the support role.  Once again, I find myself wanting to do something, ANYTHING!  I'd gladly take his place if they'd let me.  

On behalf of my fianc?, the mother of a United States Soldier, our thoughts and prayers continue to go out to the families who lost loved ones on 9-11.  And, to those serving in our military, we continue to pray for your safe and expeditious return.  God Bless America and it's Heroes! </text>
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