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              <text>It was early morning and I was about to leave to San Francisco to my Dr appt. Then there was my 15 yr old son who had left school to come clear across town on the bus to warn me about "9/11". I had been on the computer and he could not reach me and he wanted to stop me from going to S.F. because he was afraid for me. I did explain to him I would be okay. 

Once I got to San Franciso, it just looked like a ghost town, nothing I had ever witnessed before. I was walking up a main street where the Cable Cars run all day. I will never forget the stores all shut down on what would normally be a busy weekday in the big City. Then I began to see young people coming out of places like St. Francis Hotel by Union Square. They were crying so badly. I just felt so many there and elsewhere were crying because perhaps they had family they were waiting for that could have been on one of those planes.  I do know some of these people did not look like they were crying so hard because of anything else.  It was just sad, there was an overall feeling of despair, lonliness, doubt, and sadness just permeated the air in that big city. That day it truly looked like a different place, one I've not seen before.  It was most evident that a catastrophic event had indeed taken place just minutes earlier. An errie day in San Francisco that I will never forget. 

I sit here in my home with my son and listen to the day on television being devoted to '9/11' and it all comes right back to me, just as if it had happened yesterday.  Truly a sad day for America.  My heart will forever go out to those who died and those who lost someone and a most special place for the firefighters of NEW YORK.  There is something almost magical about them all. God Bless Every Person Touched By This Event of September 11, 2001.</text>
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              <text>I was walking in to my second hour class on September eleventh and the first thing I noticed that was strange was that are teacher, who would normally tell us the day before that he was playing a movie that week, was trying to get the TV to work. I looked at another student next to me and asked what happened. they said an airplane had hit a building. I then had an image in my mind of a 2 seated plane accidentally crashing into a miasma. I couldn?t think of any other logical reason for him to be showing us this on TV. When I saw the twin towers, one of them smoking badly on TV, I could only describe it as tunnel vision. as if the hole room around me got darker.  In what I can only describe as shock, I looked at my teacher, and back at the TV. He repeated what he had herd about what had happened. He also mentioned that it must have been a horrible accident. But things got a lot worst. I stood there watching the towers live, as another airplane hit the building.  That right there had to be one of the worst 911 related things I have ever seen.  I watched as one of the towers collapse, live, as the second one fell into a gigantic ball of dust along side its twin. When I found out that an airplane had hit the pentagon, I thought the world would quickly slip in to world war 3. I knew that smaller events had started wars, like assassinations of some people, so surely the assassination of 3,000 people or more would not be good for public relations. I thought that if this act of terrorism was ever blamed on another country, we would surely go to war with them, and there alliys. but some how this did not compare to what I felt when I saw HBOs special on the event. This one clip just kills me. I will never forget it, as I will never forget 9/11. It was not only horrible seeing the second tower collapse from the street level, but the things the man holding or standing by the camera said.

I didn?t know what to think. I still don?t know what to think.  Should I be angry? Should we, AMERICANS be angry? 
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              <text>As I look back and remember 9/11 what comes to my mind the most is looking at my 2 month old son and being so frightened for his future.  What had happened to the world I knew, the safety I felt, the security of being an AMERICAN?! 
That morning I had been busy playing with my son and a little girl I babysat for.  I had turned on the TV to put a movie in for her and I saw a picture of a skyscraper on fire but thought nothing of it after all nothing that horrible could ever happen in our country.  Five minutes later my husband came home and asked if I had heard what had happened.  I said I had seen something on The Today Show but what was it about when he told me I think I was in shock because I really didn't feel anything.  I took Abby outside and we blew bubbles and laughed and played.  A little while leater her dad came and took her so i could go over to the chapel on campus with my husband.  I can remember walking over to chapel and looking up at the gorgeous blue sky and the eerieness of the silence.  We live 10 minutes from TF green airport.  I prayed with all my heart that day.  Not just for our country but for OUR world.  I praised the Lord for the freedom I have in Him.  I praised Him for the peace I have in HIM.  The world seemed to be falling apart around us and yet when you looked and saw the unity in our nation, the love in our people you saw Him.  </text>
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              <text>I was traveling on business and was in Tampa FL.  I live in Northern Virginia.  When the first plane hit and we heard about it we went to a TV, saw the images, and thought it had to be an accident.  We went back to work.  When we heard about the second plane, we knew it could not be an accident.  Someone found a radio and we put that in our room and tried to work while listening to every news flash.  Needless to say we did not get a lot of actual work done.  When the Pentagon was hit I immediately called my Father-in-Law to check on my Mother-in-Law since she works there frequently.  Luckily she was OK.  Several others in my group had relatives in Virginia and DC and we were all very lucky that no lost anyone.

After several days of waiting for the airpoirts to open, I finally drove home with a co-worker.  The hotel we stopped in was overwhelmed since they usually have very slow weekly traffic.  The hotel was soon full and meal service was very slow since they only had 2 servers and 1 cook on duty.  The talk in the hotel and dining room was all about 9-11.  Several people were trying to get back to FL and were in New York when it happened.

Oddly enough the mood of the travelers was very upbeat.  I guess releif at being alive.</text>
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              <text>September 11, 2001 didn't start out as a normal morning. I was in a Washington DC suburb.

My partner of 13 years and I had just split and my best friend was having surgery that morning, for what we feared to be cancer. I had stayed with he and his family in Bowie, Maryland the night before and we arrived at Doctor's at around 7:30 a.m. for his surgery prep. We were all nervous, knowing that day we would learn his fate. We sat in the waiting room, watching a morning news show (cbs, nbc, fox? ... that part is still a blur). I was trying to concentrate on the show, but my mind kept wandering to my friend and my own recent loss. The nurse came out and said we could come back with my friend until he was ready for surgery. At that time I looked up at the television and there were already cameras on the first tower. People were saying that a small plane had hit the tower. I thought of the bomber that hit the Empire State Building back during WWII, but was a bit puzzled. I knew that New York was covered in fog back then and it was an unusually clear day that day. Nonetheless, I told myself it was just an accident. As I walked in to the pre-surgical ward my thoughts turned to my friend. We told him that there appeared to be a fire in one of the towers of the World Trade Center. Since he was already upset about the impending surgery, we changed the subject to lighter things. It seemed that it was taking so long, so I went back out into the waiting room for a cup of coffee. As I walked into the waiting room people gasped as the second plane struck. I thought, surely, there must be some mistake. I went out to get my coffee and tried to call my office in Hagerstown, Maryland for messages. My cell phone was not working, so I used a pay telephone in the lobby. Having found no messages, I went back into the waiting room. A lady sitting there looked at me and said that one of the towers had collapsed. I passed it off as rumor ? my mind just wouldn?t believe that such a thing could happen. I had been in those buildings dozens of times on business and had stayed at the Vista Hotel at the base of the towers on numerous occasions. There was just NO way that it could be true! As I had stood at the base of the towers I had been amazed at their strength. They just COULD NOT fall. 

The next few minutes are really a blur. I know someone mentioned that a plane had hit the Pentagon and that bombs were going off around DC. I went back in to see my friend off to surgery. At that point he was groggy and there was no conversation of the carnage unraveling on television. I went back out to the waiting room just as the second tower fell ? As I watched it wasn?t disbelief ? it was as if my mind just WOULDN?T believe it. They re-ran footage of the first tower going down. It was all so surreal. I know now that I was, to a certain extent, in a state of shock.

Finally, after what seemed like an hour (probably minutes in reality) it all began to sink in. I knew that my ex worked in the District and often traveled around the area of the Pentagon. I grabbed my cell phone and went outside. I was struck at how beautiful the weather was. My mind kept telling me ?Look at that clear blue sky ? there is nothing happening ? this is just a dream?. I even remember consciously pinching myself, in hopes that I would wake up and it would all prove to be a figment of my rather vivid imagination. 

By this time there were doctors, nurses, attendants all outside trying to make calls on their cell phones. We all stood there, occasionally glancing at each other but not saying a word. All their faces had no expression. Since my service was still not working, I went back inside and borrowed the cell phones from my friend?s wife and his dad. I had three cell phones, trying to contact my ex. I finally got through to find him in a complete panic. He was stuck on the Virginia side of the Washington beltway and was terrified of the next attack. He told me to go to an ATM, take out as much money as it would give me and fill up my car with gas. I spent sometime calming him down and decided that his advise had some merit. 

By this time my friend was in surgery, so I grabbed his wife and we went in search of a gas station. The roads were eerily empty and peaceful in contrast to the horror and panic I was feeling (although trying to hide). We searched for what seemed like miles for a gas station and finally found one ? next to a bank with an ATM. While she pumped the gas I took out money. I vividly remember standing at the ATM machine and starting to panic. Tears began to stream down my face. I was shaking so much I couldn?t get my secret number right. This was NOT the time to lose my card in a machine, I told myself. I finally got my money, took a deep breath and went back to my car. My friend?s wife and I got in the car and started back to the hospital. It occurred to me that we hadn?t even turned on the radio on the way over. I turned on the radio and, silently, we traveled back to the hospital, all the while hearing about the horror that was taking place; some only a few miles from us.

Guards had put up barriers around the entrance from which he had exited. I didn?t think twice about driving around them. The guard looked at me and just nodded. My panic was beginning to turn into determination and, much to my surprise, anger. We went back into the waiting room. Some people had tears in their eyes. Aside form the occasional gasp, the room was silent. There were everyday announcements being made over the hospital speaker system, which seemed to mock what was going on around us. We all just watched as they replayed footage, some of it showing people dropping from the towers. I was just numb. 

The doctor finally came out and said the surgery had gone well, but that he was 90% sure that he had removed a cancerous mass. My mind was, at that point, in an entire state of confusion. Mayor Juliani put it best later when he said that ?it was more than we could bear?.

My friend came out of surgery and we were escorted back to the post-surgical section. They had a television set up and my friend was sitting alone, crying. I went to him, thinking that he was upset at what he saw on television. It turns out he was just suffering the effects of the anesthesia. He had no idea what was going on. He looked at me through his teary eyes and asked ?was it cancer??. For a fleeting moment I thought ?there are people dying by the thousands out there; is it REALLY important???. But I composed myself and told him that it was likely so. We both began to weep. As I was holding him I could tell he was watching the television and that it was starting to sink in with him. The next few hours are just a blur. My mind has chosen to archive that time.

My real reason for my writing is something which occurred on the way home to Bowie, Maryland. We had put my friend in the car and were on our way home. My friend began to yell that he was going to be sick and asked me to pull over. We were in a residential area and I kept looking for somewhere ?secluded?. It became obvious that I didn?t have the luxury of time to find a place and I pulled into someone?s front yard. As my friend regurgitated, two people came out of the front door. I thought surely they would be aggravated, thinking perhaps that he was a drunk, messing up their front yard. To my amazement one of them put their hand on my friend?s shoulder and the husband put a hand on my shoulder. I explained to them that he had just had surgery. They smiled and said ?we all need to stick together now. God bless America?. I knew at that moment that everything was going to be OK. I have never had such a feeling of solidarity in all my life. I will never forget those wonderful people and how they, along with the events of that day, have changed my life forever. 

Thank you for the opportunity to share this.
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              <text>I was in my office.  I heard my receptionist say "oh, my God?"  I was not overly concerned because Shirley is always saying "Oh, my God?" when someone is out and not feeling well - good news or bad.  The next thing I knew someone said "a plane hit the World Trade Center."  At first we kind of thought it was accidental - a small plane off course or something.  Then, the other plane hit and televisions went on in two of our conference rooms.  About ten of us were just watching in silence the replays of both planes hitting the towers.  No one was really talking we were all too stunned.  I called my sister to make sure she was okay.  About 10:30 our managing partner closed the office.  As I walked to So. Station in Boston to catch the commuter rail train home, people were walking zombie-like along the streets of downtown Boston.  I could help but look up at the tall buildings surrounding me and thinking of those in the twin towers and of the possibility of attacks in Boston.  It was all so surreal.  I went home and waited for my two daughters to get home from school and we just watched television together.  In the following days and weeks, I put flags on my house and car and lit candles and attended planned and impromptu services and ceremonies.  In my small town south of Boston, a few people gathered in front of the town hall on Friday - Sept. 14 with candles and flags.  Within an hour there were several hundred people including my two daughters and myself (who were driving by and saw the group) were walking through the center of town waving flags and carrying candles and chanting "USA" and  then all went back to the town hall and began singing patriotic songs - it made us feel like we were doing something.  That Sunday there was an interfaith service at our high school - hundreds and hundreds of people brought there own candles and, wearing red white and blue shirts and sweaters, we sang and listened to prayers from all races and religions.  What a wonderful and strong country we are and through all the horror and sadness we only grew stronger and more determined to preserve our freedom and way of life.  As I sit at my computer on September 11, 2002 unable to do much but read stories of all the heroes on that day - those that died tragically and unexpectedly, the heroes on Flight 93 who may have saved hundreds or thousands of lives, and the countless firefighters, police and rescue workers, all I can say is may God Bless You All and God Bless America!!     </text>
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              <text>My wife and I had just arisen and received a frantic call form our younger daughter in Westlake, CA telling us to turn on the TV and asking "Dad, what is going on?

We thought it was a movie or some kind of computer generated image until we saw our local newscasters crying on the air.

We were riveted to the TV for the next 3 days completely amazed at the destruction and trying to figure who could have done such a cowardly thing.  Since we are in the flight path to John Wayne Airport the silence was absolutely defeaning for a week.  When we heard a helicopter overhead late in the week everyone jumped up and ran outside to discover it was only a police helicopter.

On a personal note Linda Frost  - a daughter of a co-worker of my older daughter - was on the plane from Boston enroute CA when it crashed into the tower. Our prayers go out to her parents and brother as well as all the others victim's families.  My family will never forget the images, the terrible day or people who lost their lives.  

Let's Roll!!
The La Cascia family - Tustin, CA</text>
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              <text>I had just finished getting dressed in my running attire, and was in the process of getting my almost 5 year old girl ready for preschool, and my 2-year old twin girls ready for daycare when my husband called me from work and told me that we have been attacked and to turn on the TV.  I thought he was joking, but immediately turned on the TV just as the first tower was collapsing.  I couldn't beleive it!  My husband and I visited NYC was when I was 6 months pregnant with my 5 year old.  I had been to NYC many times when I was young, but 5 years ago was the first time I had been in the WTC.  As I sat on the Bed with my 5 year old I cried, she asked me why are you crying mommy?  I tried to explain what happened so as not to scare her, but help her understand.  I told her many people have lost their lives, and have gone to heaven.  She looked at me and said its ok mommy they are now with god and god does make new people everyday.  I knew she didn't fully understand, but it didn't matter, she's only 5 and when she get's older she will.  We didn't have an American flag, thought I had been planning on getting one.  I drove around for hours that day looking for a flag to no avail.  So my daughter and I made one.  It hung on our window for the whole year.  I had to take it down but will save it forever to show her what we did to show our LOVE for AMERICA and that WE will NEVER FORGET!!!  I had just quit work a month before to take care of my girls.  If I hadn't done it before 9-11 I would have done so afterwards.  I realized how important it is to spend time with loved ones, for we never know how long we have together.  One year has passed I had plans to visit the Here is NY photography exhibit from 911, but my daughter ended up getting her hand smashed in the car door when I was dropping her off at Kindergarten.  So I ended up spending the morning at the Dr.s office with her instead.  For the past year (and more so the last few days) I have been thinking about the wives who lost their husbands, the children who lost a parent.  But my daughter's accident reminded me though it is important to remember what has happened it is more important to live today and spend every moment you can with the one's you love!!!</text>
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              <text>I remember the Principal coming on after the first plane hit saying not to panic and to go on with normal activities, and none of us had any idea what he was talking about, seeing as we had been ther since 7 that morning.  My director went in her office to turn on the news to find out what was going on.  She came back and asked us all to sit down in a circle so she could give us an update and at about that time the second plane hit the south tower.  I remember feeling totally confused about the whole thing because no one really knew what was going on.  When we it was time to change we turned the radio on the news stations so we could find out accurate information.  We knew it was terrorists and we knew it was an attack on the united states.  
What infuriated me was not being able or allowed to watch TV.  We had to go on with the day as if it was "normal."  Teachers had to pretend that didn't want to watch it and students remained clueless and uninformed.  That day was historic, important, and emotional, yet we weren't able to watch it happen through the TV.  We pretended like everything was ok but it wasn't.
That afternoon I came home to find my mom croutched by the TV with tears running down her face.  I finally got to see the footage of the planes destroying the towers and the debri and the horrified people running for their lives.  It was important to me to be able to see that and know what had happened and how it had happened.  
Since that day I have been amazed to see the patriotism and brotherly love American's have come to display.  NOthing has ever brought this nation closer in my life time, and I'm so fortunate to have not lost a family member or friend, but I feel we have all lost something.  We lost our since of security and we lost fellow citizens, however we gained back the proud spirit of America that was lost among the generations.
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              <text>     I was in the comfort of my home.  I had just sent my 13 year old son, Eric , off to school.  I was extra tried that morning so I decided to try to catch some sleep but could not.  I then got up form bed and turned on Good Morning America adn sat back to watch it for a short time.  It was just after the first plane hit and Ihad thohgt that a it was an accident.  Was it plane trouble, had the plane been driven in the wrong dierection?  Those were the thoughts that wnet though my head .... never did the thought of terorism come to me.  Not here, not in my country, I was safe and those that I share this land with were too!  As I watched and felt the grief of those people in the tower and in the plane, the second plane hit and then it was reproted about the other two planes.  We had been attacked ... it was crystal clear at that point.  the first thing I wanted was my son and my daughter, Courtney who was at her university on the other side of the state,  at home so that I could protect them.  The feeling I had next surprised me more than anything, I wanted my mother.  She is no longer alive but I needed her.  The overwelming need for her comfort was still there and I now understand  that bond a mother has with her child more than ever now.   Next, I thought of my sister who would have been flying that day into Baltimore/Washington Airport.  I called my brother-in-law to check to see where she was and he did not even know of the horror that was going on that morning.  I was thankful to hear that my sister was safe would not be on a plane that day after all.  I also had fearful thoughts for my niece who is a missionary in the Middle East.  I am still concerned for her.  About then I decide that I was not going to "grab" my childern and huddle in a corner scared to do anything.  I am not going to change my life, I will not let them win.  I thought and still do feel that the best way of fighting back is to go on happy and enjoying life and being thankful and proud to be an American!   All during this time I said countless prays, for my family, friends, the nation, the world.  I continue to do so today, praying that we can be safe and free.       </text>
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              <text>I was getting dressed in my bedroom watching the Today Show when the local NBC station broke in to say that a plane had just hit the World Trade Center.  I sat there in disbelief. I thought about everyone I knew and tried to think if anyone or their spouses worked there. Fortunately, I couldn't think of any. I called my husband who worked in midtown and told him what had happened. Over the next few hours the phone lines were busy and I could not get through to him. Thankfully, he was able to call me and let me know that he would leave the city as soon as they re-opened Grand Central Station.  I sat and held my 5 month old daughter and waited frantically until my husband came through the door early that afternoon.  I was so happy to see him and knew that so many people would not get to have that same experience.  I was so grateful. Over the next day or so, I heard about some people that I knew who died in the World Trade Center. Although I didn't known any of them well and some were just friends of friends, it was still a shock to know that they were gone. In the days that followed, there was a visable difference in the attitudes and actions of most New Yorkers. People seemed more tolerant and patient. It was nice to see everyone coming together and realizing what is really important in life. </text>
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              <text>I went to work the same way I always did.  My friend Luisa dropped me and her brother in law, Sergio, off on Liberty St &amp; West St.  I walked Sergio to Tower II, and then continued on to my building.  Normally I walk past my building to stop and get coffee, but for some reason I walked right in.  I was at my desk by 7:30 AM.  My friend Dennis called me about 8:15 (very unusual, he usually doesn't call untill 11:00am)and for some reason I couldn't get him off the phone.  I kept saying, "let me go, I need my coffee", but he just kept talking.  All of a sudden we heard the first plane hit.  Dennis worked on the 6th flr and I on the 13th.  I asked him what that noise was.  He said, it's an explosion, get out of the building.  I turned to the windows and saw balls of fire and debris.  I grabbed my bag and went outside.  I couldn't believe what I was seeing.  I ran to the side of my building to use the payphone.  I called Sergios wife and sister in law to see if anyone heard from him.  At that point no one knew anything.  I ran back to West St and watched the tower burning.  We were standing in the middle of West St looking up when all of a sudden we heard the second plane fly over, swing around, and fly right into Tower II.  There was no doubt this was an act of terrorism.  As we were watching the buildings burn we saw people standing at the window frames waving hankerchiefs.  I felt like I wanted to help them, but I couldn't.  One by one I watched them fall.  It was horrifying.  I tried then to get to a phone to call my husband.  I had to keep walking north to find a phone.  Finally the kind people that owned a photoshop let us use the phone.  I spoke to someone who works with my husband, but I couldn't speak to him personally.  While walking through the streets to try and find my friends and coworkers, I witnessed terrible sights.
Something made me stay.  People were running North, but I kept walking South.  When the first Tower fell I just stood there in disbelief.  Others ran past me.  It was like I was in a bubble.  Days later a friend asked me what it sounded like when the towers came down?  My answer, "Silence".  Finally about 12:00 I decided to walk North.  I was heading for another Verizon Office on Varick St.  As I walked up a side street I heard someone calling my name.  It was a coworker of mine, she had been injured, trampled by people fleeing.  She was sitting at a trucking garage and said the people would let me use the phone.  They were very kind and gave me water and a private office to call my husband in.  I finally got him. My husband Tony told me the only bridge open to pedestrians at that point was the 59th St Bridge.  He works in Queens, so that's when I decided what to do.  I walked my friend to the Varick st office.  We both made calls to our families.  She said she wanted to stay and sit it out.  I was focused on getting to Tony.  I began my walk with so many others, all with the same goal. I finally made the 3 mile walk (in heels) to Queens.  When I got over the Bridge, this woman I met called him on her cell phone and told him where to find me. When I saw his car I jumped into his arms and we cried.
We still did not know if our friend and neighbor Sergio was safe.  We got home and along with Sergios family, sat outside and waited.  About 8pm we turned and saw Sergio walking up the street.  We all ran to him and hugged and kissed him.
Now it's 12 months later.  I haven't forgotten a thing about 9/11/01.  Evrything is clear in my mind.  I am sure it is something I will never forget.
My office has been relocated to Brooklyn.  I want to go back to the West St office.  She stood tall for us, while other buildings were coming down around us.  I need to be there too.
I feel if we don't live our lives as we once did; it means they won!</text>
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              <text>I remember arriving to the church where I work as a secretary.  It was almost immediately after arriving I began to receive numerous calls on the twin towers disaster.  Our pastor was conducting a funeral, ironically, of a member, a pillar, of our church.  When he arrived to the church he immediatley hooked a television set up so we may watch the events taking place.

My mother called me and choking back tears asked me if I had heard.  

I cried and prayed that day off an on all day.  I prayed for those who lost their lives, their families, our country, our president and for those who did these terrible things.

Our pastor left the church open all day and evening for those who wanted to come for solice and to pray. 

Upon arriving home that afternoon, my husband, daughter and I gathered in the livingroom and began to talk about the events.  As many teens, she had questions and we tried to answer them as best we knew how.  We told her to pray for all that were involved and to remember that in that morning time all those victims got up just like we did and went to their normal routines, but never got to come home.

We prayed that they were in heaven, a better place and that someday they would see their families again there.

A year has gone by and still the events are so clear as if they happened yesterday.  My heart still breaks and my prayers still go for those who lost their lives, their loved ones, this country, our president and those who did these terrible things.</text>
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              <text>I feel as though I were chosen to witness history on September 11th, because this was my first trip to New York, and I was there just long enough to witness the tragedy unfold.  I originally went to visit a friend, and I arrived in town on Saturday, the 8th.  I remember looking out the plane window at the towers.  Of course at the time, my attention was not directly on them.  For me and everyone else in New York, they were just there as they had been for decades.  
   My friend had to return to work at the start of the week, so I spent Monday night in a hotel in Manhattan.  My flight was to leave the next day, Tuesday, a few hours after my noon checkout time.  September 11th arrived and caught me by surprise.  About ten minutes to 9:00 a.m., I was awakened by a squad of sirens rolling down the streets below.  I got up and went to the bathroom, and noticed more sirens rushing by, honking and chirping with an ominous urgency.  I ran to the window and pulled open the shades.  There was a thick, solid black plume of smoke drifting across the skyline, and I traced it back until it disappeared around the other side of my hotel.  Whatever was burning was big, and somewhere behind my field of vision.
   I ran to the elevators, out the lobby and into the streets where I met dozens of people crowding in the streets, crying and dialing cell phones.  Not being a native New Yorker, I didn't speak just yet to anyone, but rather listened as I speed walked around the hotel facade.
Talk was of a horrible accident.  Something about a plane hitting tower 1 of the trade center.  As I rounded the corner, I saw a horrific sight.  Two monolith grey towers standing guard over the city, and one of them had been mortally wounded, very high up.  People said it just happened.  I didn't hear a boom, so I was totally lost.  But the reality was, one of the famous twin towers was on fire, bad.  I walked closer slowly, hoping to see a better view of things.  More fire vehicles and now FBI cars were flying down the street.  I wished I could call someone back home in Houston, but I had no phone.  
   Just as that thought occurred, I looked back up at the burning tower right as another plane flew in at full throttle.  I heard the fans on the engines growling up with thrust right before it struck the second tower.  There was silence, and then a loud boom!  Bright orange flame spewed horizontally from the tower's midsection, and a rain of burning debris fell for blocks around, mostly to the right of where I was.  I was now in total panic, and I went into a numb state.  It was so strange looking.  So big, so intense.  The air began to reek of kerosene, and I started having difficulty moving around in the crowd of onlookers.
I felt chaos around me for the first time ever.  I watched and watched as the fire progressed, and then a huge shifting of steel caught the attention of everyone in the area.  Then a gradual rumble followed, and got louder.  The bass was too loud for any stereo to reproduce.  Tower 2 disappeared into a mushroom cloud of grey and black smoke.  Everyone ran, so I ran too.  Not sure where, just running with the flow.  Eventually, we stopped, and someone in a jogging suit shoved me into a clothing store with a bunch of others.  Fortunately, the debris cloud slowed down by the time it reached the store.  It seemed a lot closer when you were looking at the towers.  Everyone went back outside to watch, including me, and after a good while, the second tower (tower 1) fell, fanning out a mushroom cloud of dust and debris.  I figured if the first wave missed us, the second wave wouldn't.  But fortunately, the wind was in our favor, and most of the thick debris didn't make it to where I was.  Needless to say, I didn't get to fly home that day, but my friend allowed me to stay with him for another three days.  There were so many things that could have kept me from seeing the events of 9/11, but fate chose me among many others to witness this generation's Pearl Harbor.</text>
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              <text>September 11th, 2001 was a day that started much like any other for me. I live in Los Angeles so the day and barely begun when I first heard the news that something terrible had happened in New York.  It was somewhere between 6:45 and 7:00 AM and I was on my drive to work.  I was listening to the Howard Stern show and the members of the show were explaining that the World Trade Center was on fire.  There was a tremendous amount of confusion and very little information was available at the time.  My first reaction was that this was some type of radio show "bit".  I turned the channels to see what the local Los Angeles DJ's were saying.  To my surprise, there was no mention of the events that were unfolding in New York.  It must be a prank I thought to myself.  If this was some type of joke it certainly wasn't funny.  I continued flipping through the channels and finally the news started to break on our local stations.  This was no joke, it was an act of terrorism.

I was almost at work by this time so I continued on my morning drive to the office.  Upon arriving, I turned on the radio and continued to listen to the tragic events of the day.  I quickly phoned my wife who worked at USC University Hospital at the time.  She was still at home with my daughter and had been watching the towers burn on television.  The hospital and my daughter's daycare facility were located fairly close to downtown Los Angeles and we were both afraid of some type of attack on our city as well.  We both figured that it would be much safer to stay at home that day.  Along with everybody else in the world, we were glued to the television that night.  Even today, it's hard to believe what happened and to come to terms with the grief suffered by those who lost loved ones. I've been to Manhattan on several occasions but never since Sept 11,2001.  I sometimes wonder if visiting would be therapeutic in some way.   

So why am I sitting here typing this letter more than 2 years later?  I was very fortunate that I didn't personally know anybody that perished on that day but 9/11 has still changed my world forever.  I think that in some way it's changed all of us.  We are constantly reminded whenever we go to the airport but it's sometimes much more subtle.

Yesterday I took my daughter and my son, who wasn't born at the time of the attacks, to Disneyland.  As I sat waiting for my daughter to come off one of the rides with her uncle, I started to think about were I was.  I'm sitting at Disneyland, the self proclaimed "Happiest Place on Earth".  Than I began to worry a little bit.  Would terrorists attack Disneyland as a symbolic gesture against America.  Are we safe here?  The sad truth is that our country lost so much on that day and we will never be the same.  We lost our innocence and I don't think that we will ever be able to get it back.  Fortunately, we gained something as well.  The actions of the people in New York were an inspiration to us all.  Amid the loss, buried beneath the ruble, we rediscovered American pride.  We must never forget those that were murdered that day and the families that had their worlds changed forever.
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              <text>     September eleventh must have been one of he most horrific days this country has ever experienced.  Everybody at school was talking about what was going on, but nobody really new what happened.  One person would say, "One plane hit both World Trade Towers, one hit the Pentagon, and one is flying around!"  Another person would say, "One hit Tower 1, one hit Tower 2 and one might hit the Pentagon!"  The teachers wouldn't turn on the television and watch what happened while we were there; but, then, they would leave when we left class to go watch it.  It was a very confusing day until the pricapal came on the intercom and told us the true story. 
     As soon as I got home I ran upstairs , dropped my stuff (not caring where it landed), and ran to the television where my dad was sitting and watching the news.  I saw the same pictures over and over.  I saw the planes hitting the towers, people covered in blood and dust, both towers crumbling, and people being carried away in stretchers.  The real shocker was watching people in another country celebrating with parades, laughing, and holding up signs.  I felt sad and mad at the same time.
     My life changed after September eleventh attacks.  I feel like the country is more vulnerable than I had thought.  I also feel bad for the innocent victims and the firefighters who died on September eleventh.
     In some ways, my life didn't change.  I didn't lose anyone in my family on September eleventh (about which I feel very lucky).  My life didn't change because I carried on my life like normal.
     September 11, 2002 should be remembered for years to come.  When terrorist come and kill thousands of people of all different nationalities, you can't just blow it off.  You should remember the firefighters, officers, and people who  risked their lives for others.  The people lost on the crashed flight in Pennsylvania should also be remembered for their bravery.  They risked their lives to stop the killing of many more.  We should remember those who were in the World Trade Towers and lived for all they went through.  The workers in the Pentagon should be remembered.  We should also remember the people on the planes who died on September eleventh. 
     This story tells how I witnessed September eleventh.  It tells how my life changed and did not change, and what should be rememberedabout that day.  September 11, 2002 was a sad day in American history and maybe in the history of other countries.  It should be remembered for years to come.
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              <text>The Devastation of the United States Nation

The devastation of the United States nationOften makes me wonder about God`s creation.The plane crashes of the World Trades Centers, Pentagon,And a plane that landed in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.We have no understanding where these planes were landing,And why thousands of Americans are not still standing.We now have a hole in the earth for which we can`t place any dirt.As I sit here and cry it is like I actually died,But my soul is still yet alive.When, what, where, and how the hell was this nation burned to damnation?When I think about the planes that never made it to their final destinations
Because of a complication I begin to wonder about the situations the families of the
Americans who were killed in the plane crashes feel about this terrible deal.No one will ever understand why a clan of men did this terrible act out of indecency.In my last words of this poem I will say to each and everyone around the world, from nation to nation, from heart to heart, and to Blacks, Whites, Arabs, Chinese, Japanese, Iranians, Indians, Mexicans, and to people of all races we must take a stand and stop hurting each other. Love your neighbor. Our sisters and brothers died in that plane crash. They may have not been blood related, but in Christ eyes we are all sisters in brothers. So, take a stand and hold each others hands and tell each other how much you love each other. There is no love like God`s love. "Love Your Brother and Sister, don`t Hurt Your Brother and Sister."</text>
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              <text>I work for Empire Blue Cross Blue Shield, which was located in the North Tower at the World Trade Center.  Though I was not there on 9/11/01, I had written the account below for a departmental archive.

Tuesday, 9/11/01 

I was up at 6:30 AM.  The breakout sessions for the Blue Cross Blue Shield Association Contact Center Conference, being held in Westminster, Colorado, would be starting at 9:00. Learning my lesson from the day before, I wanted to get an early start so I could stake my claim at the breakfast buffet before the hoards of attendees ravished the spread.

My hotel room had a breathtaking view of the Rocky Mountains, and I couldn?t help but gaze from my balcony at the majestic backdrop these mountains provided at this early hour.  I had spent some time hiking and camping in these very same mountains back in the day, when I drove out with my friend Warren, who was starting college at the University of Boulder that fall.   I remembered waking up one morning and all around our campsite were deer, carefully walking about looking for food.  I scrambled for a camera, but the deer quickly departed before I could take a picture.  

As I recalled this until-then forgotten memory, I was thinking that the world is a beautiful place.  Sure, there were problems and injustices, but just then looking at this amazing scene, all which seemed insignificant.  I pulled myself away from the balcony and took a shower.  

As I was toweling off, I heard my phone ring.  ?It?s very early to be getting a call?, I thought as I made my way to the phone. My wife Mary Ann was on the line.  She frantically told me that something happened at the World Trade Center, some type of explosion or fire.  I immediately turned on the television and switched to CNN.  When I saw the North Tower engulfed in flames, it seemed surreal, like a scene from some bad ?70?s disaster movie.  I couldn?t find any words to say.  Immediately, I thought of my co-workers.   I started to panic.  They were located primarily on the 30th floor.  The flames seemed to be towards the top of the tower, but looking at the TV, I couldn?t tell how near or far the 30th floor was to the fire.  At that moment, I saw something traveling towards the South Tower and exploding.  At first I was confused ? maybe they were replaying the video from the first explosion.  It was then that it was discovered that not one, but two planes had crashed into the towers.  It didn?t seem possible that two planes could mistakenly crash into these buildings.  The news then indicated that a third plane had crashed into the Pentagon and a fourth had crashed somewhere in Pennsylvania.

?We?re under attack? I finally managed to say. 
?Thank God you?re over there? Mary Ann kept repeating.  

Things at the school where she teaches were starting to get crazy.  Frightened parents were showing up wanting to pull their kids out of school, kids who had parents at the World Trade Center were frantic and needed support, so she had to get off the phone.  

?Thank God you?re over there?? That sentence really made its impact after I hung up the phone.  If it were not for a last-minute decision by management to send me to this conference, I would have been there.   Again, my thoughts went out to my co-workers.  ?Did everyone get out safely??  That question was running through my mind the whole time I sat and watched the Towers burning.  It then occurred to me that my family didn?t know I was on this trip, and would probably think that I was at work.  I tried calling my mother, but the lines into New York were busy.  I called my father who lives in Pennsylvania.  

?Dad, I?m OK.  I?m in Colorado on business?.
?Oh my God! Thank God you?re over there?, he said.

I asked him to try and call mom and my sisters to let them know.  It was then I realized that my sister Ginny lives in Battery Park City, which is right near the World Trade Center.

?Ginny is OK? my father said.  ?She was at work in midtown.  She?s with your mom.? Ginny?s husband Rich was out of town.   He also told me that Kim, my other sister, was in Delaware on business.

My father works for a company that is based in Loveland, Colorado.  He said if I needed anything to contact them right away.  

I then spent the rest of the day watching the around-the-clock news coverage and making phone calls, trying to get a hold of anyone at Empire that could tell me what was going on.  My calls to Albany went unanswered.  I left a rambling Phonemail message for John in our Melville office, asking him if he had any news, then forgetting to leave him my number at the hotel.   My cell phone, besides getting poor reception, was unreachable due to it having a NYC area code.  There was no reaching any number in the city or the boroughs.

I never felt so helpless in my life.  ?If only I was there, maybe I could have helped somebody out?, was a thought that was in my mind constantly.  But another, more distressing thought that would not desist was, ?Why was I spared??   This thought is the one that tortured me.  The guilt I was feeling was so deep I thought I would succumb to its depths.  For some strange reason, I had it in my mind that if I just stayed glued to the television set, that that would somehow insure the safety of not only my co-workers, but also the other occupants of the buildings.  This thinking began to change when the coverage of the attack started showing people, faced with the ferocious heat and smoke from the burning fire, choosing instead to jump to their death. 

 My feelings were a virtual mish-mash of incredulity, horror, revulsion, sadness, anger and guilt.  The guilt intensified the more I watched these horrible scenes.  The fact that I couldn?t reach anyone in Empire made things even worse.   I had absolutely no idea what had befallen the people I had worked with for the past two and a half years.  I kept telling myself,  ?They were low enough in the tower; they would certainly have been able to get out?.

It was about this time that the South Tower came crashing down.  Now I was numb.  ?How could this be happening?? I was asking myself.  I tried to comprehend the impact such a collapse would have, and I started crying.  It was just too overwhelming.  I fell to my knees and started praying to God that He would be merciful, that most of the people were not at work yet when the planes first crashed, and that whoever was there was able to get out safely.  I knew this was fantasy, however, I needed to hold on to this thought for my own sanity.

Eventually, I could not stay in my room any longer. After I had watched the North Tower fall for what seemed like fifty times, I ventured outside to get something to eat.  It was purely out of habit, simply a reason to get out of my room.  I ended up leaving half of my lunch uneaten.  

I went back to the hotel and ran into some of the other conference attendees.  The workshops had been cancelled, so many of the people were just milling around the lobby.  They knew I was from Empire, and also knew that Empire was located at the World Trade Center, so they were very concerned and asked if I knew anything.  Their words seemed slowed and garbled, but somehow I understood what they were asking.  I told them I had been unsuccessful in contacting anyone from another office for news.  They were sympathetic, but I didn?t want to be around any other people.  I hurriedly excused myself and sought out a nearby payphone to continue my contact attempts.

I finally got a hold of Ina in our Albany office.

?Ina, can you tell me what?s going on?? I practically screamed.  It was 4:00 MST.

?OK, OK, everyone in Mike?s shop is accounted for?.  

I started rattling off names ? Joe, Art, Brendan, Tony, Paul, Jackie, Shalom?the list went on and on.  Ina very patiently told me that they were all OK.

I started to breathe a little easier.  ?What about the rest of the company?  Is anyone else missing??

?Well, there are still some people who haven?t checked in yet.  We have a toll-free number set up for this, and a group of CSR?s who are calling employees to make sure they?re safe?.

Seeing people leaping to their death was heavy enough ? now this news hit much closer to home.  I didn?t know what to say.

?You still there?? she asked.

?Yeah?.

Ina told me not to worry, that people had been calling in all day, and that the missing list was shrinking by the hour.  I thanked her and hung up.  Knowing that my co-workers were safe gave was a relief, but I still felt shitty twenty different ways.  The ever-present guilt was gnawing away at me.


Wednesday, 9/12/01

I don?t know how, but I made it through the night.  I woke up the next morning; the conference was officially over and I was supposed to be flying back to New York that afternoon.  However, all the airports in the United States were closed indefinitely.  The governor of Colorado held a press conference and stated that Denver International may not be open until Saturday at the earliest.  

Saturday???  There was absolutely no way I was going to wait around until then.  I felt the undeniable need to get back to New York as soon as possible.  I asked Mary Ann if she could get any information from Amtrak.  She waited on the phone for almost an hour before she hung up in exasperation.  It was at that moment when I decided I was going to take the rental car and drive back.  I had made the drive before when I helped Warren move out to Boulder, and my father had made this trek numerous times for work. 

I called Avis and told them that instead of returning the car that day at DIA, I would be returning it in New York.  The agent didn?t sound surprised at all, but she informed me that all the bridges and tunnels into New York had been closed.  

?I?ll worry about that when I get there? I said.

I called Mary Ann and told her my plans.  She was not thrilled with the idea of me driving 2000-plus miles by myself.  Additionally, she was torn between her wanting me with her, and wanting me to be safe by staying in Colorado.  However, when she heard that I had made up my mind to return, she didn?t fight me.

I packed my suitcase and was exiting the elevator when I ran into the same two attendees I had seen the day before.  They saw my suitcase and asked how I was getting back.

?I?m taking my rental and driving?.

?By yourself?? they asked in unison.

I couldn?t understand why people thought this was such a strange idea.  It seemed perfectly reasonable to me.  I had the radio to keep me company, and I would stop for coffee if I felt myself getting drowsy.  Simple.

The driving was actually very therapeutic.  After feeling so damn helpless for the last 24 hours, I finally felt that I had some modicum of control.

The whole way back I listened to the local National Public Radio station.  They were covering all the news conferences and were providing updates 24 hours.  I was struck by the patriotism I saw driving cross-country.  It was then I realized that this attack had affected everyone in the nation.  


I still grapple to this day with the guilt I felt last 9/11 at not being at the World Trade Center, especially when I see that some of my co-workers are still living the nightmare.  I keep telling myself that things happen for a reason.  It was not my fault I wasn?t there.  I have no control over these things.  Most of the time it helps, sometimes it doesn?t.   It seems harder to accept now that the anniversary of the attack is upon us.  It seems to have kicked up a lot of feelings that I had thought were resolved.  Hopefully, with time and by sharing with others, I will be able to finally come to terms with this guilt, and perhaps come to know the reason why I was not supposed to be there that fateful day.
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