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              <text>Like so many others I watched on a small tv at work and sat not beleiving that something like this could happen in our country.  So many times you take for granted that you will awake and do the same thing every day and see the same people.  I try not to do that any more.  When I find myslef doing that I stop and remember all of the people on 9/11/01 and how they must have thought they had plenty of tomorrows to do what they wanted to.  The greatest thing I can try to tell people is "truely live for today".  I thank God every day for for my husband Ken, my parents, his parents and all of our friends,all of our animals and for every minute He gives us on this earth.  </text>
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              <text>Where was I?  I was in a meeting at Knightdale, NC Town Hall.  Our staff meeting was finishing up and Shiela, at her desk, said, ?Rick called and said that a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center?.

My first thought was that a small propeller plane was off course, of course, had hit the building.  Then, immediately, expecting that it was a joke, or sick rumor, I asked if she if she was serious.  Was she certain it was the World Trade Center in New York?

?Yes, New York??she was on the phone now to Rick, ?He says it looks bad ? smoke coming out of the top of the building??.

I tried to get online, to one of the news sources online, CNN, WRAL?nothing.  New York Times, Hartford Courant, Washington Post, nothing?I couldn?t get any information, the internet was already jammed.

I called John?had he heard that the World Trade Center had been hit by an airplane?  

No, he hadn?t.  

?Do you have a TV??

?Yeah, hold on.?  

?What do you see??

A moment and silence, then, ?Wow.  There?s a big hole in the building.  It looks like a smoke stack.?  

John sounds like he can?t believe what he?s seeing.  I?m anxious now?I want to see too?what happened?  I think?a horrific air disaster is my first thought.  

I call over to Shiela to listen on the speakerphone.  

?What do you see, John?  Shiela?s here.? 

He returns with his observation that the building looks like a smokestack.  ?I can?t believe it.  This is really happening.  We were up there.?

Vivian, and Quentin, off to a meeting, pay scarce attention.

Sheila and I look at each other and know we want more information.

?Thanks, John? I say, prepared to hang up, 

?Wow, it looks terrible,? he says, 

?I got to go?

?I talk to you soon.  I love you.?

There?s a TV in the Town Hall Board Room?we try, but it?s not connected to an antenna.

Shiela says the Finance Department has a small TV and we head there.

There is, (thank goodness?), and we gather to watch the building with the gapping hole and it does, I think, like John said, looks like a huge smokestack.  

Gathered now around that tiny black and white TV, it?s incredibly quiet, except for a few ?oh my Gods?.
About 15 minutes after Shiela first said that something had hit the World Trade Center I see something that looks like a bird, albeit a big bird, fly across the screen from right to left, and then the second tower of the World Trade Center explodes. 

I look over at Shiela but I don?t know that she?s seen it.  We all know that something?s exploded because the news people are screaming.  ?Something?s exploded; there?s been another explosion at the World Trade Center!!!?

The next few minutes fade into disbelief and astonishment; is this an accident?  Is this an accident?!

CNN reports one of the planes is an American Airlines flight from Boston.  

I feel sick.  I go back upstairs to call my brothers.  My brothers? Peter and Paul both travel weekly from Boston.  Paul, especially, travels to New York.  I can?t reach them. 

I tried my cell phone again, and I reach my parents on Connecticut.  Dad answers.  

He and Mom, veterans of the Great Depression and World War 2, are watching on TV; they know what?s happening.  I ask my Dad if he knows if Paul and Peter are travelling today.  

As if in a dream, I hear my Mom crying in the background.

My Dad, whom I imagine from the tone of his voice is pale, says, "they think Peter is flying today to Los Angeles from Boston.?  Then, he says, "and Paul is traveling to San Francisco." 

I was actually relieved.  I can?t imagine that the flights are destined for California and innocently assumed that the flights have crashed into the World Trade Center were headed to New York.  

I tell my Dad that I will find out what I can as the thought of Pearl Harbor crosses my mind, and I say ?I love you? like I?ve never say it before, and hang up the phone.

I turn to Shiela and say, my Dad says that my brothers are flying out of Boston for Los Angeles and San Francisco but we don?t know for sure.  I think I remember saying, ?Those flights from Boston were headed to New York, so it?s probably OK??  

I?m not at all sure.

Shiela says that the Pentagon is on fire and the White House is being evacuated.

We run back downstairs to watch the small television.   There?s a report of a fire on the Mall ? and that the State Department has been bombed.  I think of George Washington University and the campus I love so much being in flames.  I can?t image what Joe and Tony are experiencing but I am immediately grateful that I live in Raleigh.

I take a break and go outside to smoke a cigarette.  

In retrospect, it?s certainly an understatement, but I think, ?What a fucking morning??  

I look up at a beautiful blue cloudless sky and imagine that hijacked planes are everywhere looking for targets.  

I polish off the cigarette and head inside to the join the numbers of people gathered around the tiny TV to hear CNN report that people are trying to figure out what is exactly going on; that ?several incidents have occurred? and that a ?major terrorist attack has occurred?.   Within an hour of the first attack, utterly unbelievably, the country comes to a halt.  

Progressively, like a deck of cards, airports across the country, from Boston to San Francisco close and 4000 passenger planes are ordered to land immediately at the closest air field.

CNN reports, ?All airports across the country and all bridges and tunnels into Manhattan are closed.?  

Now, we watch as the TV reports that the State Department, the Treasury Building and the Capitol are all on fire.

June 1, 2004

Almost three years after the day.  Since 9/11/01 the country continues to suffer from economic problems, security insecurities, and personal upheavals.  It?s fair to say that the world as we knew it no longer exists.  Perhaps the most likely explanation is that we, the US, were ill-prepared to deal with the demise of the Soviet Union. In retrospect, the counterbalance the Soviet Union afforded us had an almost calming effect on the state of world affairs.  Circumstances being what they are, I could never have imagined that we would be here, today, from the perspective of a young student in Washington, DC in 1987. 

When, and if, we are ever able to reflect personally and collectively upon 9/11/01 and the Iraq War of 2003 ? 2004, will we be able to find comfort?
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              <text>I am a 5th grade teacher in the Catholic school system. I didn't hear of the attacks until 11:00 A.M. I didn't have my classroom set on and was at school at the time. At first I was shocked and almost came to tear. My stomach just sunk. Then I thought of my students and how I would tell them. That thought gave me strength to turn and go back into my classroom. Right before lunch, I told them and we discussed it some. While they were at lunch, I turned on the set and got as much information as I could to share with them. I was very straight-forward with the class. That is the type of teacher and person I am. I also thought of my father and how he must have felt when he heard about Pearl Harbor. I was never afraid because I have faith in God and Country. I also needed to be there for my students. As the year has passed I have prayed for all the victims and there families. I have realized how important one's own family is. I also know that we all must go on with our lives and live the best way we can because if we do not, then the terrorists have won and the deaths are all in vain.
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              <text>I was unaware of the events occuring.  I dropped my four month old son at day care one my way to school.  When I arrived everyone was in tears.  I knew something wasn't right.  They informed me of what was happening.  I wanted to just take my son and go back home, bolt the doors shut and never come out again.
I resisted.  Instead I left and went to school.  While at school the intese condition got much worse.  I just had an empty feeling all day.  I was missing something.  I was missing my son and my husband.  I was missing my family.  I do not believe it has ever hurt me as much as it did that day to be away from my family.  I know everyone had to have felt this way.  This was a time when you needed family and friends.  You needed hope.
We still need hope!  I pray nothing like this ever occurs during my lifetime again.  It scares me to think about losing my family.  I feel the deepest sympathy for everyone's loss.</text>
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              <text>I'll never forget 9/11/01...a year ago today I was sitting
in traffic on the 405 freeway on my way to a class.
I was listening to my regular radio station and heard
what I thought was a really bad practical joke. 
I immediately called my husband at home in to see if what I
was hearing was actually true.  The confirmation from my
husband was horrifying.  He was explaining what was 
happening with the first plane hitting and then the second.  
My heart sank as tears streamed down my face thinking about
all of the lives lost.  

Of course, I couldn't fully picture the magnitude of what
was happening until I reached class where someone had turned
on the television.  Complete and utter disbelief and 
devastation.  

With family just 2 miles from the Trade Center, friends
in New York and a sister that flys frequently for business,
terror immediatley consummed me.  Trying to reach people
in New York was almost impossible.  Finally we reached
our family in New York and my sister, and found that they
were all safe from harms way, giving some relief.  My 
husband remembered that our friend (who normally lives in 
South Fallsburg, NY) was supposed to be at a retreat
in New York City somewhere near the Trade Center.  Fear
was ever present until we heard from her a few days later
and found that she had lost her sister-in-law in one of
the towers.  There was tremendous relief when we heard
from her and then sadness about the loss of her husband's
sister.  Although we did not know our friend's
sister-in-law, we felt a tremendous loss due to all of the
wonderful stories that we heard about their holidays
together.

Weeks went on and tears continued to flow, and still continue
flow, as stories are told.  Tears that cannot be controlled.
The heartbreak that is felt for all of the families that
lost friends and loved ones in this horrific tragedy is
very much at the surface and will be for many years to come.

The only positive thing that came from this tragedy is that
the people in the U.S. became more united.  People helping
other people and showing compassion that would not otherwise
be shown has been heartwarming.  

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            <description>Whether the contributor holds copyright to this item.</description>
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            <name>Created by Author</name>
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            <name>Described by Author</name>
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              <text>I was at work and watched the story develop via the radio mostly as teh Internet was so flooded with traffic trying to find out what was happening you couldn't log on to any news sites.  We were all sent home due to low work morale at that point and to be with our families.</text>
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                <text>156.77.100.117</text>
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            <description>Annotations to this item.</description>
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              <text>I didn't find out about the tragedies until around 10:00am while I was in class.  I was going to school at the Catholic University of America in DC.  My fiancee worked down in Virginia, though, not far from the Pentagon.  In fact, she had to go there for business a few times prior, so naturally I was worried and scared.  I was able to get a call through on my cell phone that day (one of the very few who could), and I was able to track her down.  She was alive and unharmed at work.  We were both scared, though.  It was a surreal scene on campus.  Being a commuter student, I didn't have a dorm room to go home to.  I wasn't about to brave the traffic, but lucky for us, the University set up several Commuter stations with TV's, beds, free dorm rooms, and even a free dinner.  I was hoping to sign up for the many blood drives around campus.  What was inspiring to see, though, was that every single bus to the hospital was full and all times throughout the day were taken.  Even the backup list was full.  It was truly amazing, the outpouring of emotion and helpfulness that abounded.  True, we weren't targeted specifically (our campus, that is), but each of us knew someone who was somehow affected.  Our campus hails a lot of students from the New York/New Jersey area, not to mention many more from DC, Maryland, and Virginia.  We lost a professor on one of the planes.  Several students lost family and friends in the Towers.  There was a quick mass setup in the Basilica that day for noon.  I didn't know where else to go, and though I haven't been a very religious man for a while, I had my roots in the Church and I knew I would be welcome there.  We were all a little frightened when we heard the roar of engines from inside the church.  We were afraid that the largest church on this shore would be a target, espcially a church in DC.  It was all too surreal.  I spent the night at a friend's house just off campus.  I don't remember how much I cried, if at all that day.  It was a very sobering day.  Truly too surreal for words.  May those who have died be at peace, those who survived find solace, and may we all learn something and benefit from the sacrifice of others.  </text>
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              <text>            
On The morning of September 11, 2001. I was standing at the 
bus stop with my Son, Daughter and Nephew.  As we were waiting
for the bus to arrive we saw a United Airlines plane flying 
extremely low above our house. My Nephew loves airplanes so I 
pointed it out to Him and the other children. " Look at the Airplane", 
I exclaimed. We were all staring at it and talking about how  low
it was flying. " Wow, I said I hope it's not in trouble" !
about 5 minutes later my children got on the bus and my Nephew and I
returned into the house. As soon as we got in the door my mother called 
and said; " Jennifer, get up here and look at this an airplane crashed
into one of the twin towers" We ran up to my mother's house and were
watching it on T.V. Then all of a sudden we saw another explosion.
" Oh, God... I said, Mom this isn't an accident". We watched for a
few more minutes, I was shaking I couldn't believe it. Who would do 
such a horrible thing. Then we started seeing how an airplane crashed
into the pentagon and how another had crashed into Pennsylvania and
heard the rumors that it was potentially headed for the White House. 
I panicked. I told my mom to watch Tyler (my nephew) as I went to
the various schools that my Children and my Niece were at 
picking them up one by one. I brought them all to my home where as
I suppose anyone would, I felt we were the safest. I didn't tell my
children until I we got home what happened, Telling them was one of
the hardest things to do. How do you explain something like that to
your family and still make them feel safe? It's impossible. When I 
told them what happened we all just started crying, you feel like
you've been violated, There's anger and helplessness, not to
mention the fear. My daughter completely panicked because her best
friends Father worked in the towers and she couldn't get through
to see if he was o.k. Two of my co-worker's ( a mother/ daughter)
lost their (husband/ father) in the WTC. Waiting to hear rather
or not he got out was pure agony. The feeling of helplessness 
was unbearable. Then There's the fear that we all felt. My family
dosen't live far from stewart Airport in Orange County so airplanes 
fly over our house all the time. Everytime (even to this day) when 
one goes over our home, My children come running in to me and I have 
to try and reassure them that it's o.k. I tell them that the good 
guys are up there watching over us and that I doubt
anything like that horrible day will ever happen again. 

I pray that none of the future generations will ever have to see anything
like this generation has.    
  
                               
                               
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              <text>I had just finished cleaning up the kitchen after getting my kids on the bus, and sat down for some coffee. When I turned on the television, I saw that a plane had crashed into the tower. I was shocked and upset. I watched for a few moments with my hand over my mouth in horror. I could not begin to understand how the people who were sitting at home seeing this on the television, all the while knowing that someone that they loved was in that tower.
I called my parents to let them know about it. I started off the conversation with a glib..."boy am I glad that I live in a small town with no tall buildings...." Not knowing yet that this was no accident.
As my mother turned on the television, we watched as the second plane plowed into the second tower. We knew that at this moment, our lives had taken yet another turn.  Terrorism had struck us where we live. No, not in the town we were in, but in our Country and our Hearts.
I remember silently praying for angels to protect the people who were still alive. For God to send comfort to the ones that were lost or hurting.
Finding out that the Pentagon was also hit was the news that made me feel so vulnerable
The tower began to fall, and all my hopes went with it. All too soon, the second tower fell.I had to hang up the phone with my Mother and sit there glued to the television.
I asorbed the horror, terror, and panic from the faces of the people who were running for their lives. Tears were streaming down my face. For the people who have died, for their families, for the United States, but most of all for the children. They will never know what it was like to grow up in a world without terrorism at their door step. How to board a plane without fearing for their lives. How open our borders used to be. I pray that they will not grow to hate anyone different than themselves....just because they are not sure if they are terrorist or not.
I drove to my childrens school to pick them up for the day. The principal asked me why I was taking them home. After all, she didn't think we were a target. I could not believe that she asked me that. I needed to hug my kids, to feel them, to know that they were alive and safe with me. I wanted to be the one to comfort them and try my best to explain what was going on.
Yes, it is a day that I will never forget, but it will bring mixed feelings.....Sorrow at the lives that were lost, Pride in how our country responded, Guilt for how some people looked at neighbors that they have know, and now don't trust because of their religion. Of course I will fell Anger....I am angry that people feel the need to kill others in the name of their "God"</text>
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              <text>     My classmates and I had just finished changing out of our gym uniforms, when we noticed that everyone was coming back only to sit in the bleachers of the gym after returning from the locker room.  Nobody knew what was going on, so we all just sat around, not paying any attention as to what was really happening.  Feeling like an eternity, I'm not sure how much time had really passed, an announcement was finally made over the PA system.  They were telling us that a bomb of some sort went off in the pentagon.  I was waiting for someone to pinch me, to wake me to get ready for school, but when nothing happened, I began to worry about my mother.  With only the knowledge that she worked in the pentagon, I had no idea which end of the building she worked at, let alone where "the bomb" had gone off. 
     The bell ending the period finally went off, and we were off to our next period.  It wasn't until I saw all of my friends wandering the halls with tears filling their eyes, that the reality really hit.  Immediately, I was realeased to the guidance office as soon as I entered my classroom.  As I was roaming the halls with a friend, we passed by a classroom with the t.v. on showing two extremely tall buildings in New York City.  The first plane had already hit, and I saw the second one, in replay, hitting the next building.  References then began being made to the pentagon, when I learned that no bomb had gone off in my mom's building.  I quickly made my way to the counselors, where it comforted me to see that I wasn't in this alone, although I wish nobody had to ever go through this at all.  Phone lines were down, so all attempts failed in trying to reach anybody's parents, friends, or relatives.  The end of the school day neared, and my best friend's mom showed up at the school to take me back to her house.  I had been informed that my parents were both okay, since my dad also worked downtown, and they would come get me as soon as possible.
     My parents finally showed up at the front door of the town house, my mother in tears, both relieved to see me.  I hurried into the car so we could go pick up my sister from her elementary school.  She had no idea what had happened to the extent that I did at the time, in which I am thankful so she wasn't frightened so much at such a young age.  She was just as happy to see them as I was when we finally reached her school, and we were off again, only to my house this time.
     That night, our t.v. was flooded with live broadcast and footage of the day in recap, all too much for me to handle.  Our phones had been ringing off the hook from friends and relatives to make sure my parents were okay.  I felt so helpless sitting there watching my mom cry all night.  I was only in eighth grade, what could I possibly say to make her feel any better? 
     September 11, 2003 was a day that will never be forgotten by anybody, but a day of which I hope never repeats itself again.  I realize today how fortunate I am to still have both of my parents with me, since many children aren't so lucky.  I look up to the men and women who lost their lives while trying to save others.  It is said that "everything happens for a reason", though I found it hard to see why this certain event took place.  No matter what the reason is, I can tell you one thing for sure.  America is stronger than ever, and I don't know about everyone else, but my faith is stronger than ever, and nothing, or anybody can come in between that. </text>
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On the morning of Tuesday, September 11, 2001, I felt groggy and badly-dressed.  Still nursing a hangover from the previous weekend's revelry down at my favorite (and soon-to-close) haunt, Wetlands Preserve, I made my way wearily to the subway station hear my bachelorette pad in Brooklyn, NYC, scarcely 15 minutes from what would soon become a smoldering wreck in the heart of one of my favorite parts of town.

I am a native New Yorker, and damn proud of it, if not more so since last September.  As the air cools here, now, at the end of Summer 2002, my skin registers the horror and misery of last Autumn and Winter, the souls of the dead wafting on every frosty breath of the living.  I was born in the Eastchester section of the Bronx, in November 1974, on the heels of war and scandal.  I became a Buddhist in June of 2001, finally settling into what I feel has always been a rather peaceful existence (at least regarding myself towards others).

My first visit to the top of the then-World's Tallest Building came just three years following its completion in 1973.  As a screeching toddler, I was served both the knowledge of my fear of heights, and my a lifelong fascination with architecture, ice cold.  I later spent my growing years on the outskirts of Queens (on the border in Nassau County), and earned writing and art degrees at university in Upstate, NY.  

Since graduating in 1996 (after witnessing the first attack on the Twin Towers from my Oswego, NY dorm room in my sophomore year, 1993), I have once again been proud to call NYC my home: for good,  for bad, and for worse.  I spent my first three years working in the world-renowned Avery Architectural and Fine Arts Library, of Columbia University.  Talk about 

Worse awaited us all that bright, beautiful morning, like a curled up panther, dark against concrete jungle soil.  Standing on the Manhattan-bound Q train platform, in one of the lushly sunlit, tree-lined outdoor subway gulches of Flatbush, a train approached the station.  I checked my watch habitually.  Commuter reflex.  The time was 8:48AM.  A ping rung out from the PA system:  

"Due to an incident at Cortlandt Street, there are delays in Manhattan-bound service..."

I, like any true New Yorker, used to be anywhere from moderately to completely numb, to the drone of subway announcements (in whichever various registrations of ear-bleeding volume).  Barring occasions involving the instant fear, upon hearing "your train" mentioned in the "lineup of doom," I was not normally one to tune in.  

At that moment, however, I tuned in.

Cortlandt Street, I thought.  World Trade Center, natch.  PATH Stations, shops, Century 21.  The nexus, I mused.  Still a little sleepy, the amazingly clear blue of the sun and sky stunned me into awareness.  The air was amazingly crisp and warm, and yet a little cool; a perfectly cloudless, late-summer morning.

A strange kind of adrenaline surged very slightly behind my eyes.  World Trade Center.  Something in me sharpened.

"...plane crash," I heard a fellow commuter say, as the endless second rang to a stop, the train doors jumping open to admit morning passengers.  I stepped on, not thinking.  I'd just heard someone, a pretty, petite woman wearing a denim skirt, and holding a mobile phone, "there's been a plane crash...a plane crashed into the World Trade Center..."

Looking back, I just wasn't thinking.  When you have to go to work, you go to work.  I suppose.  Now, after realizing I was risking my life for my job (in no short order), I have to come to terms with knowing that, under similar circumstances, I just might have done the same.  When I say "commuter's reflex," I am really talking reflex.  Thinking back to it now, it scares even me.  There was a weird synergy to the whole experience that lives in the map of my sensibilities.  

My destination that morning (as it had been since 4/18/2002) was just a shade off the corner of Park Avenue, across the street from the world-famous Four Seasons Hotel, in the crisp, beige gallery, run by a pair of  world-famous rare book dealers.  Their partner sold maps of great antiquity for the business, making it an altogether truly fascinating (and often frustrating) place to be employed.  Large, aged maps of the United States, and others even older of the Middle East (plated in gold), and Africa, on huge posts with fringed finials, hung on the walls.  Like any other morning, the moldy odor of ossifying Galileos and Keplers would waft in on the scent of gourmet coffee, from the machine I would fill each night, before departing on the downtown train, into Brooklyn.  

That night, I wouldn't return to the home I would barely recognize when I did, until 10:45PM.  I feel fortunate to have turned up in a friend's car, and relatively unharmed...at least in body.

The train pulled out of the station.  I felt a kind of pressure, again, behind my eyes, like something enormous was happening, just inches out of my grasp.  The mounting tension behind the statement, "Plane crash," began to slowly dawn on me.  The minutes seemed like hours, the train crawling laden with A.M. commuters, directly into the path of events of unknowable immensity.  The word leaked over the train like hot red ants, as people's phones received their last signals, before the train moved hapless into the tunnels beneath Brooklyn.

Atlantic Avenue, three stops later, people scurry nervously (yet resolute) through the open doors of the trains.  I stand in mute shock, not wanting to actually *go* anywhere, realizing for the first time in months that I could probably take the Q train to Union Square, and transfer there.  Beyond commuter automation, there is a certain survival instinct that surges, in such totally blank and fearful moments.  Under the tip of Manhattan is where I did not want to be, especially when rumors of some kind of wacky plane crash at WTC were involved.  I stayed on the Q train, finally, more than anything, to get a glimpse of what was going on.  I couldn't stand knowing that if something WAS going on, I would be trapped underground.

The train lumbered on to DeKalb Avenue.  Trying to think, to feel back to that moment, I remember a kind of white panic washing over me.  Like a blanket of winter snow, perhaps a premonition of the kind of scene that unfolded in the hours ensuing my trip over the Manhattan Bridge, the last time I saw the Twin Towers standing.  That morning will live and die with me.  I will live on bearing its remembrance, in my body and soul, for the protest of oppression, and the future of peace on this planet.   

The blanket of snow thickened.  My watch read 8:55AM.  I was experiencing a new morning route, by necessity, along with the increasing feeling that something was going horribly wrong.  The train crept at a snail's pace, relatively empty (presumably due to fearful detours, made by those horrified by the thought of going over the Bridge, when some kind of aircraft had crashed into Lower Manhattan).   The thought never occurred to me.  Like a lioness to her dying cubs, I chose to look on rather than avert my gaze, hawks descending to snatch the youth from the ground.  My native home is New York City.  There is indeed plenty of world to explore, but I've had to reckon with my love of my hometown, when things were at their ultimate worst last Fall.  It puts a shine to things, mere survival.  Galvanizing, it is.

The train pulled onto the span of the Manhattan Bridge.  I immediately moved to a window facing south, and literally pressed my forehead into the glass, as the lofts of DUMBO and the Jehovah's Witness Watchtower drifted past, as though in a dream, the copper-tinged clocktower of one of the rather more upscale loft buildings a crisp pistachio-green in the cloudless morning bright.  My stomach churned violently, anticipating what could only be the worst, considering the funereal pace of the train.  As the Financial District came into view, the train's windows passing the Bridge's first main anchor cable, I saw that a black stripe of smoke bisected the sapphire sky at a near-perpendicular angle, with its locus at the southeastern corner of the North Tower of WTC (WTC 1).  

The building was being eaten away by sheets of orange fire; it had been run through by what was obviously a large, gaping, airplane-sized hole near the corner at about the 80th floor.  I immediately began chanting the mantra of Avalokiteshvara (Tib. Chenrezig).  OM MANI PADME HUNG fell from my lips in a low, solemn dirgelike melody I'd learned at the previous year's "Change Your Mind" Day in Central Park (a yearly celebration of Buddhism and meditation).  People were very likely dying, suffering, burning, or dead very suddenly...this seemed horrifically clear.  It was the last time that day I would feel the pangs of such innocence.  I thought, still, beyond a doubt, that some accident, some freak wind, had waylaid a plane into the elaborately adorned Tower 1, it's smooth, grey facade belching black smoke into the clear blue sky.

The train proceeded into the tunnel.  A woman who caught the last cellular signal on her phone said, stunned, that a second plane had crashed into the second tower, the one which had, seconds ago, remained unharmed.

A man's voice somewhere on the train said, "Terrorists."  There was a dead calm.  The train moved silently, slowly forward, and did not stop at Canal Street, mere blocks from where Hell had taken up temporary residence.

By the time the train got to Union Square, hundreds of ashen, stricken commuters still rushed through the tunnels to their usual transfers.  I was one of them.  I had no clue what was happening above, only that I had somewhere to go, to be, a responsibility to my employers.  I don't remember the short ride to 59th Street.  But when I emerged from the Midtown Station, crossing Lexington Avenue near Bloomingdale's, I glanced downtown to see the signature of a nightmare bisecting the late summer sky.  Bewildered onlookers lined the sidewalk where an otherwise normal Manhattan Tuesday had ground to an astonishing halt.
There were few cars, little activity, and much confusion.

When I entered my office, near the corner of Park and 57th Street, across the street from the opulent Four Seasons Hotel, all was chaos.  Half the staff attempted to ignore what was happening, demanding the usual things from me such as office supplies and postage.  I couldn't concentrate. I scoured my computer's web browser for proof of what was underway a few miles south.  Freshly uploaded photos of bodies hurtling to their demise were already on a few news sites.  Even more crushing news came down the pike...the Pentagon, the United States center of defense, had also been hit.  A fourth hijacked plane (presumably en route to an unspecified landmark) crashed in a field outside Pittsburgh, PA.  Rumors abound...more planes, more destruction, all surely afoot.

Numb with shock, I wheeled around the office.  I didn't feel like a New Yorker, I felt like a raped child, confused and alone.  My officemates, staunch in their old-world academic rush to conquer all that man and nature could present, did not look sympathetically on my paralysis.  

Then, the unthinkable happened.  At about 10:20AM, my colleague, Margaret, told me that the radio had reported one of the towers collapsing.  Within a few minutes, the second tower collapsed as well.  Just like that, within an hour's time, thousands upon thousands of lives had been lost, but more than that, I had suddenly become a stranger in my own home.

Many hours later, much later after all my colleagues had fled for their respective homes, I was still in the office.  Partially scared to leave, and partially spun into a kind of obsessive fog, I finally made my way out into the afternoon, to the deeply disturbing calm of 57th Street.  No cars, no noise, few people...many if not all shops shut down completely, and the air smelling of burning metal and ash.  I stumbled half-blind to a market and bought myself my first meal of the day, a cheese sandwich.  I ate it on a granite ledge encircling a large midtown skyscraper.  I didn't taste the food, I didn't feel the sandwich in my hands.  I felt nothing.

I made my way downtown by way of the F train, one of the few trains running back to Brooklyn.  But I was on my way to the house of some friends, and decided to stop in Greenwich Village, to once again see if my eyes had not deceived me.  They had not.  At 4PM, stragglers were still making their way, dusty and bloodied, from the scene of a crime against humanity.  Filtration masks covered faces, black suits normally natty with early week freshness were sullied by hunks of plaster and the white of an unthinkable mass of ash.  Some wore one shoe, or no shoes...some were missing bags or briefcases, naked and vulnerable as they wandered through the street.  Looking back, I still don't know what happened, who to blame.  

And for weeks, and months thereafter, the smell of human remains, burned steel, and ash became the background aroma for all of our affairs.

Now, a year later, I still don't know what to think.  Today was a very windy day in New York City...my friend said it's because the dead are finally ready to come out and make themselves known.  Riding my bike down a major street, I was almost pushed into traffic by the strong gusts of wind.  I would not blame the dead if they were trying to call attention to themselves.  

I watched helplessly as thousands perished.  I felt too scared, too helpless, too angry, too confused, to do anything about it.  I think about myself, and my life, and the smallness of the trials I endured, in comparison to those who suffered disembowelment, dismemberment, smoke inhalation, plummeting to their deaths, or instant immolation, in the disaster that morning.  The media, whom I normally don't trust anyway, I now completely avoid, due to the instinctual feeling that I'm being lied to.  

But I've worked hard to stay alive, even against my own depression and malaise.  For the first time in a long time, in the months after 9/11, my will to live, to grow, and to improve, became much stronger.  Now, I've decided to start my own publicity business out of my home, and try to take my life out of the hands of anyone beside myself.  It's a tough call, a risky choice, but at least this way, I can be held accountable for my actions, one hundred percent.  It's proof that I am still alive, and I still have hope.  Maybe a year from now, it'll all be clearer what has happened, and what I've learned.  But for right now, I've learned to take care of myself a little bit better.  And that's not such a bad start.  One must love themselves truly and completely, before they can love another.

If I am to live with the enemy, I must realize the enemy inside me.  I realize with every day that passes that to be at home with oneself, and in accordance with the laws of nature, the truth, honesty and integrity of holy persons will be mine to savor, greater than any paycheck or false credential.  And with that, I'll live with honest thoughts and do the best I can, to come closer to my own center, in order to benefit the whole world.

May the wiser of us forgive us for our trespasses, and infuse us with the knowledge of peace.

"I see the states, across this big nation 
I see the laws made in Washington, D.C. 
I think of the ones I consider my favorites 
I think of the people that are working for me 

Some civil servants are just like my loved ones 
They work so hard and they try to be strong 
I'm a lucky guy to live in my building 
They own the buildings to help them along 

It's over there, it's over there 
My building has every convenience 
It's gonna make life easy for me 
It's gonna be easy to get things done 
I will relax along with my loved ones 

Loved ones, loved ones visit the building 
Take the highway, park and come up and see me 
I'll be working, working but if you come visit 
I'll put down what I'm doing, my friends are important 

I wouldn't worry 'bout 
I wouldn't worry about me 
Don't you worry 'bout me 
Don't you worry 'bout me."

--  Talking Heads, ?Don't Worry About the Government?

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              <text>We were sitting in math going over things we learned last year. Our principal came in and said that something horrible has happened. We brought the TV into the classroom and about one minute after we turned it on the second plane hit. My teacher started to cry because his brother was on a plane that morning. A half hour later we heard that his brother was in the plane that hit the second tower. The whole class started to cry because our teacher saw his brother fly into the tower. We held a memorial service in the schoolyard a week after on September 18. At the exact time the plane hit my teachers other brothers who are in the armed service played taps. It was very touching.</text>
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              <text>     My class and I went to an orientation at YSU and at 8:46 a.m. I had heard what happend as our teachers were telling us that there was an attack on the twin towers in New York City and a plane crash in P.A.  They turned on the t.v. and I watch the cries and pain the people went through that day.  It struck me like something I could never explain.  The pain that the families are going through is so intense.  I think every one has lost someone in their life, but to imagin loosing your whole family at once.  Most of the people even had time to call their families and tell them they love them.  I don't know if I could deal with the fact that I would be talking to someone that I love so much and not being able to do anything besides go and find them.  I know people would wish they could of done something.  I wish all the families to be strong, love each other, never forget the good times that you had together.  Always be thankful for what you have, you never no when it will be gone.  I will always give my heart to anyone who has lost someone that they love.  God Bless America!   </text>
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              <text>Where shall I begin. The morning of September 11,2001 Was one that I don't think myself, or anyone else will ever forget. I was working in my office in Tarrytown New York when I heard something on the radio stating there was an accident with one of the Twin Towers. A small plane had hit one of them. It really didn't sink in. I proceeded to go to the cafeteria for a cup of coffee. Walking into the cafeteria, there were people swarmed all over the television. I could barely believe my eyes. Seeing a plane coming from the right side of the T.V. screen and smashing into the other tower. My brain didn't really register what was happening. People were screaming and crying. There were people jumping out of the Towers. I ran into my office to tell everyone what was going on. My sister who works with me and my other co-workers went back to watch the horrific scene unfolding before our eyes. After about 2 hours everyone decided to take the rest of the day off and make sure all of our loved ones were safe. I felt so helpless. I wanted to do something, anything but didn't even know how.  I live in yonkers New York which is only 15 minutes from the city. My sister and I went to her house. I could normally see the city skyline from one of the roads close by. Smoke was all that I or anyone else could see that day and many days after. There are no words to describe the pain felt for the victims and their families. Someone very close to me lost her fiancee. My heart goes out to her and his family and all the thousands of other victims and families. New York and the rest of the country has come together like never before. The tears will never stop when I think of September 11,2001. The pain and anger will never subside but the love and memories of all the victims will bring peace in our hearts and strength to a country that will shine of freedom and liberty. I am proud to be an American. I will hold my flag high and never forget. God Bless America and God Bless the victims and there families of September 11,2001.</text>
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              <text>   The morning had begun just like any other, nothing much to worry about. When my store first got word of the first plane hitting the towers, there was concern, but most thought that it was just an accident. Perhaps a small plane with an untrained pilot, but that's all. Being in a mall, I walked down to the local electronics store to see what the news had about the accident, when I saw the second one hit. I was stunned. I found myself wondering if what I had just saw was real. I could hear the excitement and confusion in the reporters voices and the stunned looks on the faces of those who had joined me in the store and then I realized that it was real. Everyone stood quietly, watching the tvs, wondering what would happen next. 
   I ran back to my store and told everyone what had happened. Everyone stood in disbelief. We turned on the news channel on our store radio and listened in amazement. Then we heard about the Pentagon. Worry then set firmly into my mind. What was next? Then we knew. The first tower had fallen. I couldn't believe what I had heard. My mind flashed back to only a few years earlier when I had the chance to visit the towers. To see thier immense size, even being able to look down from the 78th floor. Which was pretty high by my standards. 
   I ran back to the electronics store and noticed the crowd had grown. It was then I saw the replay of the first collapse. Everything went numb. 
   Friends of mine who live in NY had always joked after the 1993 bombing what would happen if the towers ever fell. Unbelievably, we were now witnesses to the horrible answer. 
   Everyone around me spoke of hope that everyone got out. Some prayed. Most stared at the TV in disbelief. Then the second tower fell. Everything went silent. Suddenly for everyone, it was real. Information about the Pentagon, NY and a plane in Pennsylvania, all began to sink in. Word came over of flights being grounded. Businesses closing. Schools being let out. I then ran down the mall to tell everyone in the store to go home. I relayed as much information as I could as everyone grabed thier things and shuffled out. The mall was empty, not a single person could be seen. 
   As I raced home on Interstate 95, a section that is usually heavy with traffic, there was barely a car on the road. Signs were posted that the New Jersey turnpike was backed up for miles, New York (only just over 2 hours away) was virtually closed. As I listened to the radio, who was using the Emergency Broadcast signal (something I thought I would never hear used in my lifetime) I glanced into the sky and got chills as I noticed how empty it was. A section normally heavy with flights going to Philadelphia, was now empty.
   As I got to my home, I turned on the TV and watched the horror over and over again. Absolutely horrorified at what I was seeing. I prayed for those lost and for those who were going to help and I wondered how we could ever get past such a terrible event. 
   I watched the news long into the early morning hours, wondering how life would be the next day. How I could return to work with the images of the towers so vivid in my mind. As I returned to work in my mall, I was walking back to my store from the mall's coffee shop when, since there was virtually no one in the mall at the time, I heard the mall's radio system playing Billy Joel's "New York State of Mind." Suddenly it was all put in perspective. I paused for a moment, said a little prayer and went back to my store and proudly displayed our American flag over our front dry erase board which read: "We pray for those we have lost in the tragedy of September 11th and those who are risking thier lives to help. God Bless America." </text>
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              <text>  When we  were attacked on September 11, 01 I was in school doing a bus evacuation.  The bus drivers radio turned on.  The radio said that there was a terrorist attack going on.  I was confused when the bus driver told us a little about it and said that it wasn't anything big so it made me wonder.  One hour later, my mom dismissed me from school.  I went home, watched television and found out what realy happened when two planes flew into the two World Trade Centers and killed alot of people.
  My life has changed sice Septeber 11, 01.  My life has changed by making me feel bad about what happened to all of those people. Also it made me feel bad about Afganistans.  Also, it made me think that there are a lot of terrorists in the country,  and that another attack might happen.
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              <text>	It is hard to remember the way things were before September 11th 2001.  That day has completely changed the way we live, the way we act, and the way we think.  The strange thing is, I can remember exactly what I was doing that entire day.  September 11th started out like any other school day.  I went to English first block; we were starting the background information for The Crucible.  It seemed like the period was never going to end because that is the way English class normally is for me. Once the bell rang at 9:08 I went to my locker and then went to visit with some of my friends during break while trying to cram as much studying as I could for my next class.  
	As the bell rang for second block to begin I strolled into business law and said ?hi? to my teacher as I did everyday. Still everything seemed normal, except for the fact that I was dreading our first exam of the school year.  A little after class started a student walked in tardy and told us to turn the TV. on because a plane had crashed into the world trade center.  As my teacher turned on the television to CNN I was astonished by what was on the screen.  I could not believe my eyes, and at first I did not understand what was happening. The teacher ended up postponing our test and we watched CNN in amazement.  
	Right when I thought things were ok and we were going to begin doing some work we witnessed the plane crash into the pentagon. At that moment it really hit home what was happening.  A lot of my friends had parents who worked at the pentagon and one of my softball coaches who I had become very close to lived a few minutes from the pentagon.  All of the sudden two of the girls in my class burst into tears and asked to leave so she could call to see if her father was alright.  I just wanted to do something or comfort her but there was nothing I really could do.  Near the end of that period our principal came on the loudspeaker and told everyone what had happened.  He also decided to change one of our rules about the use of cell phones and said it was all right if we called our parents to check on them. 
	After that period ended I had lunch.  I remember walking to the cafeteria seeing so many other students in tears.  I felt lucky in a way that I knew nothing had happened to my family. At the same time I felt very sad for those of them who still did not know if things were all right.  The whole lunch period all we talked about at my table was what had been on the news.  We also predicted that something was going to happen the middle- eastern students in the school because there were a bunch of angry Americans walking around the halls. 
	When I got home I was relieved to see both of my parents at home and my mom had told me that she called my brother at college and everything was ok up there too. I remember watching the news the rest of the night and on to the next day.  We had the next day off from school and it was weird looking out the window and seeing the smoke that had been blown over from the fire at the pentagon.  Since that day things have changed tremendously for me.  Over the summer when I went to my softball tournaments there was a lot more airport security.  My mom was actually frisked both times we went to the airport this past summer. The country has also shown a lot more pride in America and we have all come together over the past year.  It is good to see that now, after the one-year anniversary we still are Proud to be an American!
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