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              <text>My husband and I go on early morning walks along the trail by our home in Plano, Texas.
The morning of the 10th many cargo planes were flying low on their approach into Dallas
For Worth International Aiport.  I remember feeling very fortunate that during my lifetime 
I had not had to see my father, brother, or a husband go off to war.  

After my early morning walk on the 11th I recall having very little energy so I had gone 
back to bed and didn't wake up until almost 10:00 am.  I notice my answering machine was
full and blinking.  There were progressively urgent messages from my husband.  I thought
it was another layoff until he said " . . . there is a lot going on in the world today,
you might want to turn on the t.v."

When I did . . . well, I just couldn't believe what I was seeing.  I feel to my knees, 
cried and screamed "Oh my GOD! They know not what they do!"  Another phone call broke me 
from the crying and it was two friends wanting to come over.  I work from home and am often
isolated so I welcomed the opportunity.  It was good to have friends with me during that
time.  One friend, Jane, is a pilot and I felt comforted by her explainations and what her
training entailed on forced cockpit entry.

I'm a longarm quilter; I finish quilts for people.  The quilt I loaded into my machine on the 10th
had the popular skyline fabric featured in it.  I found the twin towers and outlined them and
then simply put the date under the statue of liberty.  The customer was very glad I had thought 
to do that.  The thing is I didn't think, I just did it to preserve history.

Yesterday, September 11, 2002 I had a beautiful angel quilt that I loaded into my machine.  
It was of great comfort to quilt it while I listened to the names being read of each victim during
the ceremony.

I will never forget.  Allison C. Bayer, Plano, Texas</text>
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              <text>I was working in my office in Li?ge.  Around noon I received a sms-message from a friend that there was something completely going wrong in NY.  I immediately visited the CNN-website where I saw the first images of the attacked Twin Towers.  It was a feeling of unbelief, yes fantasy and fairytale that caught me, but when I saw the Towers fall down, I felt scared and frightened.  Brussels, our capital, is seen as the business and political centre of Europe, and I was afraid for another attack over there.  I've been to NY once, it was 3 years ago.  It was my first trip to the US and I was all by myself.  When I walked out of JFK airport, I felt powerful and very alive. It was a wonderful experience and for me it was ans still is the most beautiful and energetic city I ever went to.  Although the 11th of September has changed me and my thoughts, I am glad it has never changed my view on NY.

Take good care of yourself and your smile!</text>
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              <text>It was a little past 9:00am; there were 8-10 parents in attendance at our schools first PTA meeting for the year.  I was the President of the PTA at the time and had just started to tell everyone what a great year we would have.
We were so happy that this year was going to be very exciting for the children.

Someone?s cell phone rang; she answered it and started to say, "NO NO, IT'S A JOKE, IT CAN'T BE TRUE, OH MY GOD!" Everyone in the room was frozen in time as she told us that two planes hit the Trade Center.  

I thought my husband had just left Staten Island to go into the city to one of the hospitals.  I did not know which one, only that he was at a training course, near the Trade Centers.  

"I could not start to think about this now" I said to myself. I had to think of what had to be done to help the children and parents of my school.

Since most of my parents and students had family or friends that worked there, I told everyone to use the phone in my office to call loved ones.  While phone calls were being made I went to the Principal, to see what help she needed.  She told me she needed parents to help release the children to their parents who were now coming to the school.  Many of the parents live within walking distance from the school.  By 12:00 the school was almost empty, only a few children remained, my daughter being one of them.  

I called my mom and had her pickup Victoria to take her to my sister?s house, so I could try to find my husband.

After many hours of calling David's cell phone he picked up. He said he was fine but would not be home until around 10:00pm if he could get home.  David told me to pack 2 bags of rescue equipment so that we could go to the site and help with the search and rescue.  We both were former Police Department employees.  I packed the necessary items we would need to do the job that lay ahead of us.

David final got home.  We left for the Staten Island Yankee Stadium. That was where the police were waiting to go over to the site.  It was also to be an emergency morgue site (fortunately never needed).  

Since the ball field is just across the harbor from the Trade Center, I could see and smell the devastation of the attack.  I will always live with the memory of sitting there that night and watching the fires burn. The quietness of the night, no planes, no pedestrians, no laughter, only the lonely sirens of emergency vehicles and the humming of the generators on several of the refrigerated trailers. 

My thoughts were many, would there be another attack, where, when, what would I see when I went to the site. I imagined many things but none of it was even close to what I saw in the weeks that followed.  

By the morning of the 12th a small relief center was started, people were bringing clothes, food, and various supplies to the ball field.  A girl named Lynne was taking names and supplies in.  She asked me to take over for her; she was going to the site with some nurses.  

After many hours of logging in police, fire, nurses, doctors, and construction workers, who were taking the ferry to the site, I became the person people looked to for direction and leadership. 

Over the next few weeks I spent up to 20 hours a day at the relief center.  There were over 700 volunteers, who cooked meals for Ground Zero, the Landfill, Police and Fire stations, and the US Army.  These people not only cooked meals but made rescue packs for the workers at Ground Zero, (gloves, tee-shirts, respirators, socks, shoes, pants, water, etc.). The rescue workers would send wish lists to us and we would fill the order. If we did not have what they needed, I would get on the phone and call everyone I could think of to fill the orders.

I arranged for several golf carts for the transport of food, personnel, and supplies so that the trips on the ferry, to Ground Zero, and various other sites in Lower Manhattan could be made since many of the streets and sidewalks were impassable during the first days.

There are so many things I could say about what I saw at Ground Zero, but I would rather focus on the people and the acts of kindness that I experienced.  Each person that came though the relief center was special in his or her own way.
Like the little boy (5 yrs. old) who wanted to give a pair of leather gloves that he bought with his savings to a firefighter.  Or the 90+ women who wanted to help but could not cook, or do paperwork because of her poor eyesight so instead she offered to go to the store and buy staples for me.  She was gone for 3 hours.  When she came back she said she that did not have a car so she walked to the store and back.  The store was over a mile a way.  

It's these stories that I think of when I remember my days of and after September 11, 2001. 

I would like to thank all of the people that touched my life.
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              <text>I, as everyone else, will never forget that day. I was at work and received a phone call from my mother saying  planes had hit the world trade centers and the pentagon. I thought she must have been mistaken. But it was all too true. After hearing reports on the radio someone in the office turned on a television and we witnessed a horror I thought was never possible. The images sent a chill through me like I was frozen. Just thinking of the thousands of people who had died and were going to die just overwhelmed me. Though I didn't lose a loved one in the attacks my heart just sank for all those who had. Watching the images on tv, hearing the reports and seeing graphic pictures via email of people jumping to their deaths is forever in grained in my memory. Though some of my fears have diminished I still have an eerie feeling when I see a plane in the sky or when I think about what a beatiful calm day Sept. 11th began as. Through it all I just have to continue to thank God for his presence that day and everyday because so many more lives could have been lost. But through his grace and mercy and comfort we've managed to make it through this year and we will continue to make it with God's help. I just try to appreciate life more now by spending as much quality time as possible with family and friends and I pray that our country nor any other one will have to go through this ever again. This event in out lives will never be forgotten. America lets continue to be unified not just during this time of war but always. 



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              <text>9/11 

	On September eleventh I was in the seventh grade at Pennfield Middle School. I was in math class when I heard on the loudspeaker that there had been an attack on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. Nothing more was said that day about what I had heard on the loudspeaker, other than my social studies teacher, Mr. Bannak saying ?someone?s going to be bombed tonight.? When I heard this I didn?t know what to think other than some one had tried to bomb the three places and or walked into them with a gun and caused people to become shaken up. But nothing even close to the magnitude of what had happen that day a year ago had come to my mind. 
When I got home I did find out what had happened until my mom got home and I saw Peter Jennings on the news that night. The images of what happened that day will never be erased from my mind.
	Four planes had been deliberately crashed that day. Two planes had crashed into each of the World Trade Center buildings. Another crashed into the Pentagon and lastly another had run aground in Summerset Pennsylvania. These events have shaped this nation and my generation.   	
	People came together to help out in many different ways as possible. We became a nation of unity, not just liberty and justice. The president is more popular than ever before due to the events that happened and the correct political moves. I personally support his war on terrorism and hope that we succeed in deterring any future attacks against this nation. 
 	The attacks of September eleventh 2001 has changed me in a way I?m not quite sure I can describe. This has made a strong, determined nation out of America and we will succeed in our efforts against terrorism.                              	
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I saw the towers fall along w/ everyone else who was watching.The towers fell,the people,covered w/ all the dirst,ash,and other parts of the towers on them.It was like opening a 2 thousand year old tomb.My class were almost in tears,mostly in shock.I couldn't help because I wasn't old enough nor was I in New York.My class could not speak the rest of the day,and if they did,September 11th was the only thing on their mind,they couldn't help it,neither could I asking myself why could this have happened,what was the purpose.Osama Bin Laden was number one on my hit list but I couldn't have done anything to him. People of the United Sates came together,friends and families,friends and enemies.My thoughts and best wishes goes to the victims and the families of victims to the people of the September 11th attack</text>
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              <text>I always listen to the Tv as I'm getting ready for work. As I came from my bedroom into the living room I saw the first plane hit. I was so stunned that I just stood there staring at the picture in total dibelief. After a few minutes I had most of the story so I left for work I listened to the radio along the way to get as much information as I could. By this time I reached worked and went inside. I worked at a mall and therefore had no radio or tv inside about five minutes after I was in the door my assistant manager came running in and said "Did you hear a plane went into the WTC"
I told him that I had he ask if I had heard about the second one. This totally froze me. At this point I knew deep inside that we had been attacked and it wasn't just an accident like they thought at first. The one thing that went through my mind was how fast the second one had happened, I had only left my car radio five minutes earlier.
At that point a gentleman that had a stand in the middle of the mall turned on his tv. That was when I realized war was inevitable. Two more planes down and the Twin Towers had fallen. I had seen them only once when I was about eight so to see these landmarks fall was devistating. My thoughts then ran to my husband ,children, and family. They were all in the Dayton, Oh. and Fairborn,Oh. area which is where Wright Patterson Air Force Base is Located. Needless to say I began to panic. I called my husband first then the daycare where my children were, finding all safe I tried to keep things going. Finally at One o'clock they closed our mall. I ran home grabbed my babiesfound my husband , hugged them all, told them I loved them, and began to pray. I still wake up each morning scared to death to turn the tv on but scared to death not to. I pray often for those we lost,those we didn't, and those who knew no better. I say that they didn't know better, because they haved never known the FREEDOMS that we have. The FREEDOM that I enjoy in my daily I will never take for granted again, the FREEDOM to think for myself. Those that terrorized us on Sept.11, 2001 Unleashed not only the greatest country in world on them they unleahed every person in the world that wants to be free. Thank you for finally letting me get this on paper I have been grieving for a year now and did't realize it until I started typing. I cry now for the Stength Of My Country. Instead of for the Loss.</text>
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              <text>The morning of 9/11/01 was a special morning for my family. I had just found out that I was pregnant and the 11th was m first OB/GYN appointment to confirm my pregnancy.  That morning my husband and I woke up and began getting ready.  My older son, Michael turned on the televison looking for cartoons.  The TV was on our local NBC station and the Today show was on.  They has just began to report the plane hitting the first tower.  At this point it was speculated that it was probably just an accident, they were still unsure of what kind of plane ir was.  The story capitivated me so I convinced my son to keep it on that channel. My son and I left the room to go get him dressed as my husband was stepping out of the shower.   He asked what we were watching-I replied that it was the news.  He wanted to know what movie they were criticing. Just as I replied that it was real that a plane had hit the world trade center- he remarked that he has seen the plane hit.  I walked in the room and it began to become evident that another plane had hit the second tower.  It became clear then that we were under attack. We continued to go about our day.
We took our son to daycare and went out to lunch. At the resturant, the bar area was full-everyone's eyes glued to the TV's.  It was then that we heard of the plane in PA. It made me sick to my stomach-I lost any appitite that I had mustered up. It took everything I had that day at lunch to choke back the tears. My husband and I began to talk about how lucky we were to have what we do- our family and friends, but more importantly our freedom. The more we talked the more we realized that we truely do have something (our freedom) that people in other countries don't have or understand.
The doctors appointment was uneventful compared to the rest of the day- although it was the only relief we got from the attacks that day. It was confirmed that we were pregnant and everything looked fine.
The attack on our country has a way of bringing everyone together even in Columbus, OH.  As a family we made more effort to talk to each other and tell each other everyday how much we loved each other, we even attended church for the first time since Christmas-looking for comfort and some kind of explanation for how this tragic thing could have occured. This tragic event even had repercussions through the holidays.  Thanksgiving was about truely giving thanks for everything that we had. Christmas wasn't about the present but about family being together- and again being thankful that we could all be together.  
Now, it is one year later an as the anniversary approached I began to feel guilty-because not only was I lucky enough not to have personally known any of the individuals that lost their lives that day, I have something happy to remember that day. Not many people have something to be glad about on 9/11.  Beyond that I have a healthy baby boy to look at everyday and truely appreciate the gift of life, and what God has granted me. 
My heart goes out to anyone who experienced any kind of loss that day- be in family, friend, co-worker, aquaintance, neighbor, or any other affiliation.  My heart goes out to our country, for that day our freedom and independene was violated.  I am deeply angered at the indiviuals who planned, carried out, or had any part in the attacks that took place.  But, I find comfort in the knowledge that this county came together and this attack has done nothing but make us stronger as county.  And if they think that we will sit back and just take it they have another thing coming. Last but not least- I am thankful for the men and women in the military who are defending our country here or abroad- I belive that our county is forever indebted to them.  </text>
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              <text>Its been a long 5 years, and I've come to accept that I'll always tear up when there is a clip of that day on the news. 
There is a hole in my sky-the view from my balcony faces directly on lower Manhattan and the Towers were the highlight of that view, in rain, sun, storm and brilliant blue skies, like that day.
I get along ok, tho when the news replays those terrible times, it still hurts. 
We are all survivors in the US, but those of us who experienced the fear, the dread, the dust and the tears will never forget the day we weren't sure if we were gonna die.
Today, I haven't worked since Feb '02, I have down days and up days. My faith keeps me stronger than I realize sometimes, and I have a few scars as "souvenirs"-inside and out.  

...and I'm one who made it out!</text>
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              <text>This was sent by me on September 12 to those close to me.


To everyone who expressed concern and kind feelings in light of Tuesday's tragic events, thank you.  I am okay, having left Marsh, and the 96th floor of One World Trade Center less than two months ago for a position with 
Credit Suisse First Boston on 24th and Park.  Unfortunately, many friends and co-workers at Marsh are gone as our offices, covering the 94th through 
100th floors were the impact site on Tuesday.

Over the past two months I have often wondered why I left Marsh to come work at CSFB.  Why leave a position where I could show up at 8:30 AM and leave at 5:00 PM vs. working until 8PM?  Why leave an office 8 inches from the window 
that looks gloriously from the Southwest side of the 96th floor out to the Statue of Liberty (my uncle would often ask if the Statue was waving to me)? 

Why leave a company where I had earned the respect of colleagues and made so many close friends, that when I left I was told (with sincerity) to stay in touch and please leave work early at CSFB so I could be part of Marsh's 
softball?  Why did I leave a place that when my dad passed away on June 1,so many friends showed support by wearing black ribbons, winning against the best team in the league and giving me the game ball?

When dad died on June 1, I re-evaluated where I wanted to be in life.  An opportunity arose with CSFB and I accepted the position shortly thereafter (though I had battled with the decision for many days).  So I gave up the hours at Marsh, the day-to-day contact with people I cared so much about, gave up the window on the 96th floor facing the Statue of Liberty, gave up everything that seemed so right that I questioned why I was giving it up.

For the past two months,  literally 3 months to my last day at Marsh, I regretted the move and questioned whether I had made a proper decision to leave Marsh and come to CSFB.

On Tuesday, September 11 (precisely three months from my first day away from Marsh), it all changed.  15 minutes after the time that I would have entered the office, a plane, as part of a tragic, cowardly act by terrorists, flew past the vicinity of the Statue of Liberty and crashed through the 96th floor SW window, my window, and began the destruction against America and humanity.  Thousands of colleagues and scores of friends perished in this 
senseless incident that will affect the world forever.

Yesterday, my sister-in-law told me that I was saved because I had a guardian angel.  She did not have to tell me who it was.  I have been given an opportunity to go forward wuith life.  Many friends have not been so 
fortunate (I have included several of them, postumously in the address field).  My dad has protected me and given me the opportunity, to tell all of you how much I care about you, love you and cherish you for all that you have represented to my life.  I would encourage everyone to tell those who matter, how much you care.  Sadly, thousands will not have had the same opportunity and this could serve as a tribute to their memories.

Thanks again for meaning so much too me.  If I haven't taken enough time in the past to say so, please accept my sincere feelings now, and going forward.

Thank you for listening,
Mike

How do we make sense of this



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              <text>On September 11 of last year, the world changed and history was made. To me it seemed like an average day at first. on September 11 I was in school, attending my classes as usual, and I headed to my Science class. It was then that we were told a plane had crashed into the first World Trade Center building. At that point I thought that it was an accident, and everything was okay. The rest of the day went by, and I let the idea slip out of my head,

As I headed home, I started to remember what I heard and started to worry. I headed into my house, and as I went through the door, I noticed my dad was watching something on the television. My jaw dropped. As of that moment, my life changed drastically. I began to realize that the events weren't accidental. I stared blankly at the television, and my father told me exactly what happened. I soon realized how many lives were lost, and how innocent they were. A sense of rage came over me from within. At that moment, I took the time to realize hate, and how it kills worse than anything. People who had no reason to die were killed because of hatred. Hatred molded the terrorists minds into thinking that it was right to kill, and that justice was being served by killing. My whole life I have laughed at the idea of solving conflicts with words, but if anything could have been solved with words, I wish this would have. As I flashed back into reality, I asked myself why couldnt I have known sooner, so I could have taken my mind off of it and forgotten. Now I know that it wouldn't have mattered because, to this very day, I remember. September 11 changed me as a person drastically, and I definitely witnessed history.

My life has changed a lot since September 11. Since then I have gained a new sense of reality, and I have truly begun to realize how the world works. Some of the fellings I had have been turned inside out since that day. My feelings toward hate have definitely been altered. Now I can realize how hate works and what is accomplished from hate. I have, and forever will, be changed since September 11.

There are many things that should be remembered about September 11, such as the people who died and why they died. I also believe police and firefighters should be remembered on september 11, for their heroic efforts which helped tremendously on that dreadful day. Not only those who died should be remembered in our minds and hearts, but also those who are living today who survived the encounter. This is what I believe should be remembered on September 11.</text>
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              <text>I was sitting in my homeroom, talking to my friends, when we turned the T.V. on and all over the news was how a plane crashed into the WTC.  Right then, I really didn't think much of it.  I thought it was just a freak accident, because no one really knew any facts yet.  Once I went to second period, the facts started coming in, and everyone was shocked.  The whole swimming class was sitting in a little corner in front of a small T.V. next to the pool.  Then all of a sudden, another plane flew intothe second tower.  No one knew what to think.  A few minutes later we learned of an explosion at the Pentagon and that another plane had crashed into a field in Pennsylvania.  The whole classroom was in a panic, and some people were even crying.  It was total chaos in the school.  Then during lunch my mom came and picked me up from school.  Even though no one i knew was killed in the attacks, it still changed my life.  School security was tightened and airport security was tightened, too.  The terrorist attacks of 9-11 will always be a tragic day in American history, and will never be forgotten.</text>
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              <text>On the morning of sept 11 2001 i was getting my 2 daughters ready for school, it was a normal morning , of rushing around, me hollering at the kids to hurry and get ready so we would not be late again.  i dont usually have the television on in the front room because it distracts the kids from getting ready for school, but for some reason i had turned it on and had it on the today show.

i was sitting on the edge of the couch and i watched as they were covering the first incident still not sure what had actually happened.  some were saying it was a small plane and many were thinking it was an accident..some were saying it was a big plane and looked intentional...but as we all know now a few min. later the whole world knew what was happening.  gosh i cant tell you how upset i was...i held alot in till i took my children to school. i did not want them to worry. but as soon as i seen them walk in those doors it was released and i prayed all the way home.  i couldnt believe what was happening.  i think when i got home my husband had woke up and was watching it on tv and we just sat in silence for about 30 min.  but after all 3 of the attacks we called the school and got our kids out to be with us..i was so frightened that something else was going to happen.  from that day on our lives have changed..we are more alert with  our surroundings, more concious about what is going on around us, not just in our town but all over the world. but not so much that we only worry about this, we have to go on and try and live normal lives with out worrying when or how or even why, just believing in God and trusting He will prevail.  but i will tell you one thing it has not changed our hearts into believing what these terrorists want us to believe, because i know my God would not ask anyone to do what these people have done, they are cowards that had to sneak up on the american people to get a good hit...and the outcome of there attacks brought alot of people together and made alot of people stronger in there faith..i know my story doesnt hold a candle to many others who were directly affected by the attacks, but i just wanted to tell of how it affected one family in a small town !! thanks for letting me&gt;</text>
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              <text>I was at work, as many of us were, when my supervisor / manager came in and said "A plane's hit the world trade centre! Another one's crashed into the sea and a third is heading for Washington but they don't know where it is..."

This was 3:05pm, 10:05 in NYC.

After some initial confusion, he explained that all three jets had been hijacked but I had some difficulty in believing it all. "There's no way they'd let a plane even get close to Washington," I said "Because they'd shoot it down."

Anyway, my Mum is retired so I knew there was a fair chance she was at home. I called her up and could hear the TV in the background. I just asked if it was true and she said "yes, I was sitting here watching TV when they interrupted the broadcast and they're showing it live."

More than anything, I remember feeling the blood drain from my face. Shock doesn't even come close to describing it.

As Mum explained what had happened, I repeated the details out loud... one by one I could see people coming off the phones and just listening to me. There were about thirty people in the room at the time. I was working in a teacher supply agency at the time and 3-4pm is a critical time for sales since school will often rebook a teacher at this time. No one was interested though.

At that time, Mum had said one of the towers had collapsed but the other was still standing. This is my memory of it. She said no plane had crashed into the sea, two had hit the WTC and one had hit the Pentagon, which stunned me - I remember saying "but it must be the most heavily protected military installation in the world."

She also confirmed that one plane was still in the air but that they didn't seem to know where it was.

I came off the phone and must have told everyone in the room about three times what my Mum had told me... each time someone came off the phone I said it again. One of the guys sitting on another table came off the phone and called me over. Once again, I told him what had happened. He seemed interested in the Pentagon... about half an hour later I noticed he wasn't at his desk and I asked someone where he'd gone. That's when I found out his father was American and was in the US Navy - he worked in the Pentagon. He hadn't seen him in years. Fortunately, they confirmed a few days later that he was okay.

I had a 20 minute break at about 3:30pm. I went outside and sat in the car with the radio on. The rest of the day was surreal. We carried on with our work as normal, but all the time there was this awful feeling, a sense of shock, a thought at the back of your mind telling you that somehow it must all be a horrible and dreadful mistake. It just didn't seem to be happening.

Many times I thought of my friend, Susan Corso, who lives in New York. I wondered where she was, if she was okay. I knew I probably wouldn't be able to find out for days.

I drove home that evening with the radio on... I got home close to 6pm and switched the TV on and that's when the full horror of it all hit me. And I mean it hit me. I'm not ashamed to say I wept at the thought of what had happened, the sheer brutality of it all. I still weep now. I was apalled, sickened and stunned. I watched it all unfold in morbid, horrified fascination. I felt ashamed to be watching, as though I were some sick voyeur.

I sent emails to my friends in the US... my surrogate sister, Tomi, in Milwaukee, told me they had locked down the building, that no one was allowed in. People were allowed to go home if they wished to, but Tomi said she couldn't bear the thought of being at home with nothing to do and the TV showing nothing but the attacks. Her friend Michelle was pregnant and Tomi was worried for her as she refused to hear anything about it, afraid that it would reach the baby's ears.

I sent a simple, one line email to Susan - "Are you okay?" - a few days later, I got a brief reply confirming her safety and thanking me for my concern.

I remember talking on the phone to my Mum, honestly believing that we could be facing a third world war.

Later that night, I was in my regular chat room when a kid I knew in the UK came on. Not one for sensitivity and tact, he almost caused more bloodshed by saying it looked "cool" when the towers collapsed, like something out of a movie. I remember completely losing my cool and ranting "Maybe when you grow up you'll realise that up to 50,000 people may have died today."

I woke the next morning and had to remind myself of the previous day's events. It seemed like a dream, a nightmare. It just didn't seem possible that it had happened.

Around Halloween I spoke to Susan on the phone and she told me of the the deep effect it's had on the psyche of the city. People were afraid. Each time a plane flew quite low overhead, people panicked and cried. Susan lives just a few blocks from ground zero and she said when the wind blows, she had to have the air conditioning on. Each time she looked at the skyline, it was like being punched in the stomach.

Even now, I can't explain why it affected me so deeply. I didn't lose anyone in the attacks, I've never been to NYC and I can't say I have a special connection in any way to either that city, the World Trade Centre or Washington.

People say we should move on and of course we should. I think ahead to the future and I wonder where we're going. I believe that history will look back on the 20th and 21st centuries with a sense of stunned wonder at the harm we caused one another. People will read about our part in history and will be completely unable to comprehend all that has happened.

I hope, by that time, the human race will have learnt to embrace our differences, to celebrate the diversity of life on Earth, and not seek to destroy it.

The alternative does not bear thinking about. </text>
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              <text>What follows is the text of an email I sent to my family and friends on 9/21/2001, entitled "Where were you on September 11, 2001?"  At their request I gave my eyewitness account of the attack on the Pentagon.

We as a nation have just experienced what may be the most horrific event this generation will know.  For those who lived through it, this will surely be one of which people will ask, "Where were you on September 11, 2001?"  And we will all remember where we were and what we were doing that morning.

As for me, I was there, sitting in my car on the parking deck, less than 80 feet from the Mall entrance to the Pentagon.  My wife, a Col. In the Army National Guard Bureau, assigned to the Office of the Secretary of Defense, had her office in the "A" ring with a highly coveted window overlooking the inner courtyard.  I was there that morning to assist her in moving boxes since her office was due to be transferred to another building by the end of the week.

At about 8:15 a.m. we said good-bye to our two children, a thirteen year old daughter and seven year old son, whom we home school and left them to work on their assignments.  I expected to return within two hours, so I admonished my son to stay focused on his work so that we could get started on math class as soon as I got back.

I had been up very late the previous night making preparations for a family reunion I would host at our Fort Belvoir home on Saturday the 15th.  I was still very sleepy and had to slap myself a few rimes to stay awake.  I spent the whole drive in, trying to work out how I might squeeze in a nap, given the packed schedule I had for the day.

When we arrived at the Pentagon it took several minutes to get the van cleared through security at the River entrance ramp.  According to my temporary pass, we pulled in at 8:41 a.m. and swung the car around to the Mall side parking deck and slipping into one of the scarce visitor's slots near the entrance.  Between her walk to the "A" ring and the usual interruptions she gets, I knew I would have up to 30 minutes before my wife and her assistant, the "Gunny", would come out with the boxes.  That took care of the nap issue!

The morning air was crisp, clear, blue, not a cloud in the sky.  A pre-Autumn chill in the air made me keep the windows rolled up and it was easy to settle back and doze.  Eventually I spotted the Marine "gunny" from my wife's office pushing a large cartload of boxes through the doors.  I backed out of my parking space and pulled up to the base of the broad entrance steps.  Together we emptied the cart.  "I'll be a little while coming back with the second load," he said.  Just then my wife descended the stairs in a hurry and said, "I have to go back to my office for about ten minutes.  I have to write a couple of memos.  They've just hit the World Trade Center in New York and we don't know if there are other targets."

Over the years she has been stationed in the Pentagon, I had often complained of the low over flights permitted and that the METRO runs directly beneath the building.  I always imagined that when the attack did come, it would be a sudden rush of terrorists up the escalators from the subway.  So, I gave the Col. a kiss and said, "I don't know about other targets, but I would be more worried about THIS building."  As usual she dismissed the idea as ridiculous, "This is just a glorified office building full of bureaucrats; we're not worth the effort."  She dashed up the stairs and disappeared through the entrance, followed closely by the "gunny".

As the guards tend to get a little edgy when unofficial vehicles linger at the entrance, I moved the van back to the parking slot and settled back again to wait.  A few minutes later I sat bolt upright, my attention suddenly snapped back to the building, instantly aware of the ROAR of engines.  I could not see the source but I knew without doubt what was about to happen!  I can't explain how I knew what I could not see but time suddenly slowed to a crawl and I thought, "It's coming and it's going to hit."

The scene seemed to move almost in a series of still pictures, frame by frame, . . . Click! . . . Click! . . . Click!  The roar of the engines came to a sickening stop and there was a fraction of a moment when for me there was no sound in all the earth.  Then an oddly hushed THUD!  Debris sloshed over the roof and rained gently along the parking deck before me, like water from a child's wading pool, nothing big, all small pieces.  Then came the concussion; the ground shook; the building shook; and then the noise came back!  I looked up into the beautiful blue of the sky, filling now with an angry, boiling, swelling thing.  A black and blinding orange ball of pure hate rose to what seemed like two hundred feet in height and breadth above the Pentagon's central courtyard.  Then came the heat blast, like a concussion, only silent.  Through the glass I felt my skin begin to burn and for those few seconds I knew the face of Satan!

From where I sat I was positive it had hit the central courtyard.  Judging from the direction it came in, I knew it would have taken the whole "A" ring, passing through my wife's office on its way to the Offices of the Secretary of Defense.  Of course!  That would be the logical target!  Did Denise hear the roar as I did and look out the window?  There would be no time to run.  Did she see it?  Did she suffer?  These were the thoughts as my mind grappled with the conviction that my wife was now dead&gt;

I sprang from my car but realized I would not be allowed in the building.  I tried to climb on the parking deck wall as if that might help me see over the roof into the courtyard.  I ran mindlessly back to the car and dialed her office and let it ring 30 times, no answer.  I thought of our children at home on Fort Belvoir.  MY GOD!  MY GOD!  Are they bombing other military installations?  No, no, this was a plane, not a bomb.  Should I call the kids?  No, they should not be alone when they hear!  Have they heard?  No, no, the radio is going on and on about New York, old news; they don't know yet.  Thank You God!  I need to go to them!  I need to stay here!

I called Denise's sister at the Department of Education.  "I want you to go get the kids.  Get them off the installation!"  "I CAN'T," she screamed.  "I have to get my sister!"  I begged her to go to our children.  "YOU go get the kids," She screamed.  "I'm going to get my sister."  I tried to calm myself.  "You don't understand," I pleaded.  "There's no getting in and there is no getting out."  "I don't care, I WILL GET MY SISTER OUT OF THERE!"

I was no use.  Her primal instincts had kicked in.  There would be no reasoning with this woman.  I could not bring myself to say out loud to her, the certainty I felt in my heart that her sister was dead.  Finally I just had to let her go.

Try to call Aunt Jean.  She could get to the fort in 20 minutes if the roads weren't jammed yet!  "We are sorry but all circuits are busy.  Please try your call again later."  Ten agonizing minutes went by as I struggled to get word out to someone who could help.  Sirens all over now, yet no crowds pouring from the doors; only a few stragglers, coughing, brushing off plaster dust, trying to breathe.  Was it so devastating?  Are there more dead than alive?

Maybe she made it!  Maybe so!  Is it possible?  I grabbed a lady in a gray suit.  She was dazed and doubled over, trying to catch her breath.  "Did it hit the courtyard, did it hit the courtyard", I yelled as I shook her.  "I don't know.  What was it," she asked.  I told her it was a plane.  "Oh God!  If it hit the courtyard then they are all gone!"  "Did you know someone in there," she asked.  "Yes, yes I did," I said.  "My wife's office was on the courtyard side."  The woman gave me a sorrowful look and walked off.

Back in the car again, trying to get a line out, trying to adjust to my new status as a war widower with two children to raise.  I rest my forehead on the steering wheel and pray: "God be with me.  I need you with me now."  I look up through the windshield across the parking deck.  There is someone over there; a little black lady, searching, looking for someone.  She is wearing the green suit.  She turns in my direction . . . and I look into the face of an angel.  God, Oh God, it's her, unhurt, looking for me!

We ran for each other and embraced, just like in the movies.  I can't describe the joy and relief that rained down me, gently like the debris on the parking deck.  "Where were you when it hit," I cried.  I think I must have been the first to ask that question . . . "Where were you when . . ?"

Where was she?  She was in her office, after all, preparing her memos and worrying about her oldest son who lives in Manhattan.  She was distracted by a noise and glanced out her window in time to see Flight 77, on its final approach, drop below the horizon of the roofline of the newly renovated wedge directly across the courtyard from her.  There was no time to run, no time to warn, just time to watch in stunned horror as a second later it hit.  The fireball mushroomed before her as her thoughts now turned to her friends on the Army Staff side who had just moved into the new section.  Some of them were fellow Army Guard.  Collecting herself she moved quickly to the hall to alert unbelieving ears to evacuate the building.

. . . And my children at home?  They received a call from their Aunt Carrie about the "accident" at the World Trade Center, with a sly inquiry about the whereabouts of their mother.  They turned on the television just in time to watch the second plane hit Tower 2 and wonder at the fate of their brother in Manhattan.  Soon the New York coverage was interrupted with "Breaking News from the Pentagon."  The bone-chilling scream that escaped my daughter's lips as she collapsed to the floor brought a neighbor running from the house next door.  She knew her parents were dead.

We were not dead, of course, and on her way through the building to find me, Denise managed to slip a call out on her cell phone to tell the children she was safe and looking for me.

From the Mall parking deck we were evacuated down the grassy slope, past the heliport, to Washington Boulevard where police were hastily stringing tape around the site.  All of us glanced back, like Lot's wife, to the inferno raging near the heliport.  Fire and smoke, joy and relief, guilt and grief all swirled together as we watched the hungry flames.  I felt guilt and grief, knowing Denise was alive because others were dead and dying, while simultaneously I was feeling the joy.  It is done.  I can't change it.  She is alive and they are dead.  Ad now I stand in the middle of the highway and touch her and know that it is done.

A shout suddenly rises from the police line.  "RUN!  RUN!  ANOTHER PLANE HAS BEEN HIJACKED AND IS ON ITS WAY TO THE PENTAGON!"

I struggle with our bags and we begin to run.  Hundreds of us run, not crazed, but running for our lives down Washington Boulevard toward Rosslyn; the USA Today twin towers loom before; the Washington Monument, brilliant and tall in the sunlight, to our right across the Potomac.

People break between Denise and I, running.  I see only bits of her as the distance grows; now a calf, now a shoe, now a shoulder, like the little bits of debris back on the parking deck.  Focus on the pieces, I tell myself.  Don't let her slip away again!  My stomach drops.  I hear her shout, "TIMMY!"  She always calls me "Timothy" or "Tim," never "Timmy," unless in a panic.  I shout back through the crush, "I'm here!"  I drop back a few paces; find an opening and dash through, dropping in behind her.  "I'm here, here!"  She reaches back.  I grab her hand and I feel her skin again.  My joy returns.  If we are to die in the nest moments we at least have fair warning and we will be together.

After half a mile the pace slows.  We begin taking turns making calls on Denise's cell phone.  She calls Manhattan; circuits busy.  I call an aunt in Baltimore who was recovering from recent heart surgery.  I don't want her to worry.  I get through: "This is Sister Mary Lucy.  Please leave your name and number and I will return your call shortly."  I leave a hurried message.  Denise calls New York again; still no line.  She begins to take inventory of people, recognizing this one and that one.  "Did so and so get out? . . . Have you seen the guys from . . . ?"

I begin to notice things in the road; a gear here, a bolt there, a piece of creamy plastic something, a spiked silver metal disk I recognize as a hubcap blasted from its rim; nothing big, nothing big, all small gentle pieces.  No one leans over to touch or pick up.  It is a crime scene and all respect that.  We hear a rumor that the State Department was hit with a car bomb.  We don't know what happened to the other incoming plane.  People speculate it has been shot down.

On the bridge now, walking toward the Lincoln Memorial, I have time to start thinking silly thoughts, a healthy sign.  The Washington Monument still stands.  I think, "How beautiful the view is from the bridge; Arlington National and the smoldering Pentagon on the right, the Memorial and the Capitol on the left and the glassy river running calmly in between.  How can anything be calm?"  People walking from Washington, some running, adjusting uniforms pulled on in haste - young reservists running to the Pentagon to see how they could help, not waiting for the call.  God bless them!  I suddenly remember my mother-in-law, Lucinda and Richard, her son, who lie together in a grave across the boulevard from the attack site, in the back section of Arlington National Cemetery.  In my mind I see Lucinda reaching up from her grave, like the statue of "The Awakening" in Potomac Park, to grab that plane and pull it down.  "Oh no you DON'T," she would say.  "Not my baby!  Not today!"  Then she slipped gently back to her rest and the guilt returned for the other "babies" who died.  Still, I thanked Lucinda for giving her daughter to me twice.

We approach the Memorial.  Park Police on horseback direct us away.  The city is obviously closed, no buses, no subway, for it runs under the Pentagon.  Nothing to do but walk back to the Pentagon; try to get across to Pentagon City, somehow, and try to get home from there.  On the bridge again, we manage to get the kids on the phone.  "Daddy?"  "Yes, Baby Doll."  "I really thought you and Mommy were dead." She sobbed.  I paused, my heart breaking.  "I know, Baby, I know what you felt."

Another miracle, we get through to my sister-in-law.  Thank God.  If we can somehow get to her she can drive us home to the children.  Bad news, we are on opposite sides of the Pentagon.  We tell her to go on to get the kids.  We'll figure another way home.  More bad news, "What do you mean you don't have a car?"  It seems Carrie was true to her word.  She did make it to the Pentagon.  She even managed, beyond all odds, to get her car into South Parking where she ditched it and made her way toward the building, only to be dragged kicking and clawing from the South Entrance doors.  She was now, like us, trapped on foot!

I try Aunt Jean again - no circuits.  I try my sister in Columbia, Maryland and get through.  She reminds me that our nephew lives near the Fort, in Lorton, Va.  I reached him and within twenty minutes he was on his way to the kids.
We approach the Pentagon again, still on Washington Boulevard, on foot, as close as we are permitted to get.  After desperate hours of trying to get through to New York, we finally discover that my stepson was at home in his Manhattan apartment when the towers fell - sixty blocks away!

The three of us shared our joy over an open cell phone line; Michael in Manhattan, gazing ten floors below at the street jammed with people fleeing lower Manhattan, and us, standing on the highway watching the Pentagon burn.  And I think of an old nursery rhyme we used to sing as kids, except under my breath I sing new words: "Guilt, guilt go away.  Come again another day!"

You may wonder how we did make it home that night.  After trekking a couple of miles around the northern perimeter to the South side of the complex, we got on the only operating bus in sight.  My sister-in-law, Carrie, who happened to be aboard and had spotted her sister in the crowd a block away, was forcefully holding it in place for us.  She hollered and waved as she physically blocked the doors open.  "That's My Sister!  That's My Sister!"

The next morning, my wife and thousands of others rose before dawn.  They quietly pulled on their uniforms, white, blue, kaki and green.  Traveling by foot or by thumb, begging, borrowing and sharing rides, they arrived ON TIME at their desks and put in an honest day's work getting the nation's business done, while down the halls of their "glorified office building" still burned bright with flames.

Family members began to call.  "Are you still going to hold the family reunion on Saturday," they asked.  "YOU BET I AM," I replied.  "If we have to plan our lives around evil things, then we must submit ourselves completely to the power of evil.  I am not in a submissive mood."

Timothy Yingling,
Fort Belvoir, Virginia

P.S. 03/11/002

Several weeks after the attack, the remains of one of the victims were laid to rest after positive DNA identification.  Her name was Sandra Foster, "The Duchess" to her husband and stepsons.  She was the "baby" of one of our friends with whom we attended church for over two decades. For over twenty years Sandra worked as an civilian employee in the budget office of the Army Staff, which had, just days before the 11th, moved into their newly renovated suite.  

Sandra was incinerated when the fuselage of the plane passed through her office.  My children and I attended her services and burial.  By special order of the President, she was buried in the back section of Arlington National Cemetery, which overlooks the attack site at the Pentagon.  She lies 50 yards beyond my mother-in-law's gave.
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