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              <text>Like millions of other moms, I was just sitting down to enjoy a cup of coffee after the children had boarded the bus.  That was my morning ritual; kids up, out the door, a cup of coffee and the Today Show.  I remember watching as they cut away to the footage of the first tower that was hit and listening to the news commentators as they tried to make sense of what happened.  I remember one saying that there must be a problem at the airport, something wrong with the air traffic control.  But we all knew in our gut that no pilot could make such an error.  And then the second plane hit and we had to face the fact that we were under attack.  As time was marked that day by the other catastrophies, I just remember being numb, but scared.  I grieve for all those who were lost that day but I grieve the most for the thousands of children who lost their innocence.  I pray this day will make all of us stronger and more grateful for the blessings which God has granted us in this great country.  I pray for God's guidance in the days to come.</text>
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              <text>I was sitting in my living room with my husband watching the Broncos play Monday Night Football for the first time in their new stadium.  I've been psychically sensitive my entire life, so I've become accustomed to paying attention when I begin to feel emotions that aren't my own.  As I sat on the sofa, I started to feel uneasy...very agitated.  As I began to concentrate on the emotion, I found myself standing in front of what was a desk in an office...to my right seemed to be some sort of hallway...with a low wall...maybe around the right side of my desk area.  Directly in front of the desk was a large, circular pillar...cement in nature, I belive.  I found myself raising my right arm to keep the ceiling tiles from falling in on me.  As I did so, I noticed what I was wearing.  On my right arm was a men's dark blue or black suit with a white shirt sleeve extending beyond the jacket sleeve at my wrist.  My right shirt sleeve had a cufflink.  The hair on my right arm and hand was dark brown or black.  My attention turned beyond my desk.  There were other pillars diagonal to the pillar in front of my desk.  Beyond my desk, I saw many computer terminal desks with low-walled cubicle style desks..I want to say the cubicles were beige in color.  Beyond the desks, was a wall of glass windows, large and square panes of glass that extended up to the ceiling.  The architecture of the office seemed to be at an angle...all of it...even the wall with the windows if that makes sense.  I continued to turn to look to my left where I saw people running from the windows. I remember seeing armong the group, a tall, African-American woman in what I remember as a black and beige skirt and blouse.  Black with large, beige flowers.  At the exact moment, I said to myself (whoever I was there with) "We're all going to die".  I can't tell you how deeply it hurts me every time I recall this premonition.  I felt the absolute surrender to the inevitable.  When I came out of my "trance" or whatever, my husband looked at me and said, "What now?".  I related to him what I saw and felt. I had no idea where it came from.  I've had other premonitions in the past, but nothing like this.  When I got up the next morning and watched live as the second plane hit, I realized what I saw.  I'm sitting here crying and shaking because I have no control over this.  I've never been to New York.  I took particular note of what I was wearing because I am an early-fourties wife and mother.  I've wondered if anyone else (I'm sure there has to be someone) who had the same experience.  Please let me know if you have any info on where this office may have been located.  I can draw a picture of it easier than I can describe it, but I hope you get the idea. Thanks, and not just to those of us still here.  Thank you to whomever it was that allowed me a glimpse of there final moments.  Blessings to all.  Any info anyone has re: resources that can help me with this would be appreciated.  Charmaine.</text>
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              <text>On September 11, 2001 I was at work and a co-worker told me that a plan hit the towers.  She later told me that another plan hit the Pentagon. It took me a moment before I realized that my cousins worked at the Pentagon. I immediately started calling my family members. We weren't able to find out anything until that evening. My cousin and his wife both worked at the Pentagon. He was a Major in the Army, and she is a Captain in the Air Force. My cousins wife worked on the opposite side from where the plan hit. My cousin was standing right outside the door of the room where the plan hit waiting to go to a meeting. My family and I waited a week until the next tuesday, and it was confirmed that my cousins body was found and he was dead. Everything seemed as if it wasn't real. Somedays it still feels that way. My cousin and his wife had a daughter and his wife was pregnant with a little a boy, and she had him in January of 2002. I miss him everyday.</text>
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              <text>I woke up that morning as I did every morning with my 8 month old daughter.  We ate breakfast and sat down to watch her favorite childrens television program.  When I turned on the television I was astonished to see what I saw.  It was a live shot of the World Trade Center, and they were both on fire.  I sat in complete awe while my daughter played at my feet.  I watched as the first building fell, and a feeling came over me that I have never experienced before.  I just saw on live television hundreds of people lose their lives.  I immediately phoned my own mother and broke the horrible news to her as reports were coming in that "something" hit the Pentagon.  My heart sunk.  America's might had just been hit.  There was no telling when it was going to end, what else was going to happen.  And it didn't stop, there was one more plane that crashed in a field.  And all they showed over and over again were the images of the planes flying through the buildings.  I couldn't get those images out of my head for days.  When I would go to bed at night they would play over and over in my mind.  I live close to the airport and was terribly afraid of airplanes for a long time after.  I decided that being close to an airport was not a good idea, so I left.  It was eerily silent as I drove.  People everywhere were in a daze.  The gas stations were lined with cars waiting to get gas.  There was some rumor that gas prices were going to go through the roof.  I couldn't believe that people were so concerned about gas prices after what had just happened.  I was stopped at an intersection listening to news radio when I looked over at the car beside me.  It was a woman and she looked right back at me and shook her head and held up her hands as if to say, what is going on?  I just shook my head back.  That night my husband and I got out our dusty bible and began reading again and we prayed.  It was an unbelievable day that I will never ever forget.</text>
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              <text>I just sent my son off to first grade and about 1 hour later my cousin called and told me to turn on the news that a jet hit the WTC.  While watching in disbelief another hit the second one.  Then the announcement of the Pentagon and the other jet crashing.  I was stunned to say the least and thankful that all I love were okay and near.  I thought of the people in the planes and the buildings and said a prayer.  While I watched the towers crumble I was completely breathless. 
We all think how mighty those buildings were and we were saddened by their demise.  The greatest loss of course is the lives that were lost.  I am so thankful that my God was with each and every person so they were not alone.
I am thrilled that those people did not die in vane because this country was so seperated and those people brought us all back together and to God.  I love seeing God Bless America on bumpers, building, billboards, etc.
I am so glad we have a President like Mr. Bush and I have every confidence in him.
The people that took over the plane and gave their lives to save so many others are true heros.
May Jesus Christ be with each family and friend that lost so much that day and ease the pain. </text>
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              <text>I am a service advisor at a car dealer. We were all watching the attacks on TV when a customer came in to pick up his car.He was shaking as we watched the horrors unfold. He told me that he wanted to pick up his car the night before but I had advised him to pick it up the next morning and not rush to the dealer from work. He told me he was working on the 84th floor of the tower and was supposed to be there that morning. Had I not told him to come in the morning and not the previous evening he surly would have perished! The next week he brought his wife in to meet me. She hugged me and thanked me for saving her husbands' life. We were all crying for the emotions had overswept us. </text>
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              <text>On September 11, 2001 I was in 2nd period gym class when
 I heard about the first world trade center collapsed 
from a plane crashing into it.  I didn't really believe
 it at first because I thought people were just making it
 up to scare us.  When I entered 4th period Studio Art I
 found out that it was true and the second world trade 
center had collapsed.  During 4th period we watched the 
news the whole class period and found out some more 
information.  I found out that another plane crashed 
into the Pentagon in Washington D.C.  I was in total 
shock of that because I didn't expect the terrorists to 
do such a horrible thing.  When I found out that this 
was a terrorist attack I didn't really know what that 
was because I never heard of terrorists before.  When 
I heard that the Pentagon was partly destroyed I was 
kind of glad that it didn't get all the way knocked 
down.  Next period was 5th and I thought things were 
going to get better.  Well they didn't get better 
because there was a bunch of suicide bombers all over
 the United States waiting to blow up everybody and 
everything around them.  That I think was the worst 
that a person could ever do; give up their life for 
something they believe in.   In my eyes that is very 
pathetic.  The next period was lunch and I was already
 in a bad mood about all that happened, so I wasn't
really in the mood to watch the news in lunch because 
I was afraid I might get sick to my stomach from seeing 
all the dead and blooding bodies.  There was a bunch of 
people that were being carried away that were dead or 
wounded from jumping or just walking along the building. 
 There was one issue that really made me think.  
There was this little boy that just seen his mother and
 then five minutes later, she died in the World Trade
 Center, the second building.   He was crying because 
he didn't know where his mother was and couldn't find 
his dad.  He found out a little later that his dad also 
died while walking along the sides of the World Trade
 Centers.  He was later sent to live with his 
grandparents.  That issue took all my lunch period and 
I moved on to 7th period, which is Earth Science.  
We watched CNN the whole class period.  I learned that 
the person who did this was Osama Bin Laden.  He is the 
worst terrorist that could ever live.  I heard him 
make a speech about what happened two hours ago, which
 he denied doing anything.  When I looked at his face 
I knew he had a great part in this horrific event. 
 I was trying to hold tears in when they showed all the
 victims.  The end of 7th period was nearly approaching 
the end and I didn't want it to end because I was just
 getting into it.  But, I was glad because as soon as 
I got in 8th period that it was we watched.  In the 
middle of 8th period we had a moment of silence to 
pray for the family of the victims.  We then continued 
to watch the news, nothing really new happened during 
that period and onto 9th period.  They kept on showing
 the collapsing of the WTC's and the crashing of the 
pentagon.  Later that evening I went to my friends 
house and watched President Bush make a public speech 
to issue the public that we might be entering a war.  
People were really scared of what was going to happen 
after that.  At about ten o'clock the U.S made is first
 attack on Afghanistan, which blew up the entire country.
  On September 11, 2001 was the worst day of my entire 
life.</text>
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              <text>September 6, 2001

Well, its almost 8 AM now, so I guess I'm going to head down to the cafeteria to get some coffee.   So now I'm back and enjoying the Starbucks breakfast blend coffee.  It is pretty good stuff.  Went yesterday and met Sid, Woody, and Kenneth for lunch at that sushi buffet bar place Sid was talking about at the beach.  It was damn good.  And cheap, too.  It was nice to enjoy their company, and Woody even helped me out with an algebra problem that I couldn't figure out as part of the precourse work for this FIRRM class I'm going to next week.

Oh yeah, I need to talk about my long Labor-Day weekend down in the Outer Banks.  First off, after an epic struggle with Taisia, I won out, and we departed Richmond at 5:45 AM Friday morning.  There was virtually no traffic for the majority of the ride down there, and we did so well time-wise that we decided to stop for breakfast.  Since I was on vacation, I cast aside my strict eating regimen, and dove into a breakfast consisting of buttermilk pancakes, scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, and a buttermilk biscuit.  It was glorious.

That evening, after picking up Sid and Heidi, we headed to my favorite place down there of all times, Owen's.  We had a feast fit for royalty, seafood of all types and description, served to us by a very pleasant waiter with a kind face and great smile.  The food was absolutely magnificent.  I being out of practice with such large quantities, left that establishment quite a bit slower than I had entered.  Afterwards, Taisia and I retired early, before the others arrived.  In the morning, as usual, we awoke quite early, well before anyone else.  Taisia ran out and picked us up some dreadful coffee from the Texaco station, and we sat out on the deck and relaxed at the shore.  Then we finally met the others for the first time, Mike, Robyn, and Doug.  Mike is about 35, a couple inches taller than me, and built like a sherman tank.  He has a cool face, that makes him look like he is a chronic wiseass, but he doesn't come across that way at all.  Robyn is very cute, and has a waif-like body and short hair, which suits her.  Doug is tall and of a medium build, with a face you just like right off the bat.  Right away I knew we were going to hit it off with this group of folks.

During the day, despite the mediocre weather, we headed to a beach for some swimming and fishing.  That evening we ate at Sid's place, the 1587 club in Manteo.  The food was stellar, and the company was extremely enjoyable.  After dinner we walked down to a small dock with a patio out behind the restaurant, and we watched fish eat various creatures from the surface of the water.  We had a lot of laughs and carried on a great deal, but fortunately no one was around to be disturbed.  When we got home we sat around and talked before going to bed.

Sunday's weather was greatly improved, and the day was spent on the beach for the most part.  After returning from dinner, we all played Taboo with the homemade cards that Heidi had created.  They all were of a sexual nature, which was pretty funny and added an interesting flavor to the Taboo concept.  We really had a blast playing that game, and by the time we had tired of it, we decided to continue the fun with Guesstures, which is a modernized version of charades.  We had even more fun playing that, and stayed up until the wee hours of the morning laughing and carrying on.  I'm glad to say that the guys kicked the girls asses in both games, by the way.

Monday morning came so quickly, and soon we were saying goodbye to our new friends, as they headed out immediately after the checkout time.  Taisia and I, and Sid and Heidi stayed for the majority of the day, going back to the same beach we had been before, which was state park land.  The beach was stunning, with no manmade structures whatsoever to mar the landscape, except the bathroom and shower facility off at the far end of the parking area, so courteously provided by the National Park Service.

We laid out, and swam, and sunned, until about 3 PM, and then we showered, changed, and left the beach for the last time, lamentably.  We went to Goombays for our last meal in the Outer Banks, and we gorged ourselves on various and sundry seafood items.  I had a crabcake sandwich with fries that were out of this world, and we also had an appetizer of breaded and fried scallops that were killer.  We all shared a couple of desserts that were pretty kickass, too.  Then the time came to take Sid and Heidi back to First Flight airport, where we saw them off, and then headed on the road ourselves.  Oh it was such a good time, I'm still lamenting the expiration of it.

We hit it off so well with the 3 new people, and Mike and Robyn invited us to go out on their boat with them this Saturday.  Mike is big into wakeboarding, and I'm really looking forward to going with them.  I hope the weather cooperates.

So, that gets the weekend events up to speed.  This Tuesday marked my first day in the IT department.  I moved my things from 12 to 13, and am settled in nicely up here.  I've been meeting people while also preparing for this class next week.  I have a fair amount of stuff to cover still, so I am going to wrap up this journal entry now.

September 7, 2001

Its Friday, Yay!  I am not happy to be here on a Friday but I guess that is the price you pay for having a 4-day weekend.  We're on for boating with Mike and Robyn tomorrow around noon, and that also is cause for celebration.  I am looking forward to doing that, and it looks like the weather is supposed to be good.  This Sunday I'm leaving for NYC and the FIRRM class.  I am both pleased and a little wistful to be finally going back out on the road.

So lately what's new?  I worked on Tyson's brakes the other day, replacing the drum shoes in the back for $40.  I think I undercharged him, but that's okay.  I'll have a customer for life, or as long as I want him anyway.  I wish I could line up some more people to work on their cars, because it is good money.  And tax free.  And easy, for that matter.

At any rate, I need to get busy working on this precourse shit.  I'll report back sometime next week.  Or maybe the week after that.  I must remember to take this computer home with me, and to pick up my train tickets before I leave here.  I'm going to do that right now.

September 11, 2001

Well, today began exactly like yesterday, but I'm sad to say that it didn't progress with the same tranquility as the previous day.  I'm in New York City attending the FIRRM class as part of my commissioning process, and up until 9:10 AM today that was exactly what was happening.  I was sitting in class, trying to pay attention to the teacher, and follow the concepts he was presenting, which dealt with the term structure of interest rates.  As I was looking out the window from time to time, I noticed that a lot of papers were falling from the sky past the windows.  I remember thinking that it was probably a bunch of newspapers that had fallen off a rooftop or something.

Then there was a loud boom, like a muffled crash or explosion, and my world, my being, will never be the same again.  Looking outside, hordes of people were moving quickly in the same direction, towards the southern part of Manhattan.  The class left their seats and pressed against the window, and then we all left the building en masse for the street.  It was baffling at first to see virtually everyone moving in the same direction with panicked looks, and anguish on many faces.  Then I heard someone say that an airplane had hit the World Trade Center.

I don't know what happened inside of me, but I just began walking towards the Trade Center buildings, against the flow of literally thousands of people.  I had to tuck myself in, and take the brunt of several impacts, as people trying to flee bumped into me.  But I continued onward, and within a few minutes I was looking at the twin towers, each with a gaping hole in them and blackened floors, and black smoke and flames billowing out of them.  The scene on the streets was chaos, and the emergency personnel were too stunned to pay any attention to the few people like me that were moving closer to the carnage.

Eventually I wound up standing next to a building for shelter from the pieces of wreckage that continued to rain down, and I stood and looked at the buildings burn.  Once I was ushered away, I headed down to the next block and cut over and moved back towards the towers.  Heading down one street, I began to notice strange-looking debris all over the ground, and on cars, and draped across fruit in fruit-stands.  Dimly, from somewhere deep within the recesses of my mind I knew these were human remains, but my brain didn't want to comprehend it, and instead I told myself it was damaged fruit.  In fact, it was all so badly mangled and in such small pieces that you couldn't really identify what any of it was.

Intermingled with these mangled bits of what I was trying to tell myself were fruit, were other items, flotation devices from aircraft, and pieces of fuselage, and a mangled cell phone, and bits of clothing, and shoes.  All sorts of various items were strewn about everywhere.  A limousine parked on the side of the road had a metal rod impaled through its hood and engine compartment.  That was a sobering sign, as I was standing on the street next to it, unprotected.

I wound up standing next to a guy in a suit who was trying to use his cell phone, and I told him it was useless, as I'd been trying to dial different numbers all along with no success.  We then chatted a bit, and he informed me that a second plane had hit the other building, and that it was a terrorist attack.  He asked me something that I can't remember now, and I wound up telling him that I was unfamiliar with the area, as I was visiting from Richmond VA.  He gave a dry laugh and said "welcome to New York."  He said his name was Rich.  I shook his hand.  It seemed like the appropriate thing to do, I guess.  What is appropriate when the world is exploding around you?

As we were talking, he looked up and said "oh no, another one jumped."  And I looked up and watched a man falling backwards through the air, close enough for me to see his white shirt and tie, and black shoes.  He was motionless and in a backwards sitting position.  And he just fell and fell, it seemed like forever that he dropped through space.  I watched him, frozen in horror, right up until he passed out of my sight behind part of the structure, and then there was an amazingly loud crash, perhaps he landed on a car, I'm not sure.  I looked down at the ground, stunned and in disbelief, and that's when I saw the first recognizable item on the ground; a human foot.

Rich asked me if I thought the buildings could possibly collapse, and I said that I didn't think it was possible, and I mentioned the time that a U.S. bomber had flown into the Empire State Building.  And in fact the twin towers didn't look like they were weakened, although several floors were burning badly on each side of them.

I really can't remember what I did for the next several minutes, I just looked around at the carnage, spotting more grisly remains, and pieces of aircraft, and personal effects, and the like.  Then a group of firefighters passed by us, heading towards the building, and I remember looking into some of their faces, and wanting to tell them to be careful.  I was looking up the street away from the twin towers, and I saw Rich and another guy who had been talking a little bit suddenly look terror-stricken, as they apparently were watching another jumper fall through the air.  The sound of the impact was so shocking, and Rich actually grabbed the other guy for support, and said "oh my God, he landed on a firefighter."  I turned around and saw the group of firefighters dragging the two away, the jumper in a deep blue pinstriped suit, and the firefighter who had been struck by him.  The jumper's body moved in impossibly pliable ways, and I watched, transfixed, as they dragged them both past me.

Eventually some security person directed us away from there, and I walked through the building nearest to me, and back out onto the street and up to another vantage point.  I kept looking at people, and the towers, and trying to call someone on my phone, and just generally trying to cope with everything I was observing.  Then the unimaginable happened.  With a deep rumble and an explosion, I saw the top floors of the building drop down, almost in slow motion.  I stood transfixed, as the structure dropped down upon the lower levels, imploding and careening towards the ground.  Then the survival center in my brain began shouting the alert for me to run, run for my life.  I ran down the street, my legs pumping as fast as they could, dimly aware of both the people running in terror in front of me, and out of my side vision someone who had fallen down on my left side.  I was next to a building, and I headed for the corner of it, throwing my head over my left shoulder, I gave a quick glimpse of Armageddon coming down the street behind me, pieces of the building, debris, and a massive cloud of dark gray smoke.  I hung a left, and the pieces of building blasted past where I had been just milliseconds before, like a runaway freight train.

I dove around the corner of the building and underneath a steel door that was just inches from closing, behind another guy and a cop.  I'll never forget as long as I live the sight of all the cops who had previously been trying to maintain order and keep people safe, suddenly all running at top speed away from me and the carnage.

Inside the building, the air was clogged with debris, you could barely see or breathe.  The young squat cop immediately shifted from being afraid and running for his life, to concerned about the welfare of all of the people now in his realm of responsibility.  He asked if anyone was hurt, and ushered us towards a tiny office in the back of the building.  Two garage attendants offered us water at a small sink, and provided us with shirts to put over our mouths and noses to breathe through.  Outside it was black as night, you can't imagine the depth of the darkness.  Then, after a few minutes I guess, the young cop was talking on his radio and said that we had to evacuate that building, our refuge.  I again got that scared feeling, like we were in imminent danger of the structure collapsing.  We got our breathing cloths in place, and proceeded out into hell.  The black had given way to a dense gray, and the air was still chokingly thick with debris.

We made our way to a deli where others were huddled, and inside we got more water, and I set about cutting up my breathing shirt with a large knife, to give to others that were without.  People were frantically grabbing for the pieces I was cutting, not even mindful of the large and very sharp knife I was using.  I had to keep warning them to please be careful and watch out while I was cutting.  I couldn't cut and tear fast enough.  After a few minutes one of the cops said we had to get out of there too.  They instructed us to take as many bottles of water as we could carry.  I stood there, with a bottle of water in my pants pocket, and dumping one into my eyes, and the young cop next to me was grabbing bottles, and he turned to me and said "its like we're looting the place."  Then we left and headed out onto the street again.  While walking, people were just coming up to me and asking if I needed water, if I was okay, everyone just seemed to be pulling together in this mutual moment of need.  Finally I wound up at the entrance to the Brooklyn Tunnel.  Cops were telling people either to go into the tunnel or to head towards South Street Seaport.  I decided to try the tunnel, since that's where my sisters' place was anyway.

The tunnel didn't provide much refuge from the debris, I found to my dismay.  I kept the breathing cloth pressed over my mouth and nose and forged ahead, walking on the catwalk, just above the sea of abandoned cars.  At some point I came to a crossover to the other tunnel, and I ducked inside to see if it was clear on the other side.  The air was just as thick with debris in the other tunnel, but inside that crossover I took my first clear breaths since the collapse-apparently this area was part of the air-handling system within the tunnel.  Daylight was streaming in from somewhere above, and without even consciously thinking about it, I knelt on the floor of that tiny room, and thanked God for watching over my dumb ass.  I enjoyed a few more clean breaths of air, and then emerged from the crossover and continued.  I walked on and on, seeing few people along the way.  I gave one of the people my water bottle, for him to take a drink from, and we continued walking together.  Finally we got to where the cars ended, and from there we walked in the roadway.  Ultimately, I ran into a bunch of detectives, in suits, and I walked with them, while the other people that I had been with got on a bus that was slowly backing its way out of the tunnel.  While walking with the detectives, a cop drove up and we all piled in.  He drove us the rest of the way out of the tunnel, and then left us at the mouth of it.  I walked slowly towards the toll plaza, and then the overwhelming feelings began to flood in, and my emotions crashed upon me, interspersed with brief footage inside my head of what I had observed just a short while before.  I wept as I walked, and two kind policemen came up to me and comforted me, and gave me a bottle of juice, and talked with me for a while.  Their looks of concern, kind words, and hands on my shoulders helped me to calm down a little, and I gave them my information, and then asked them how to get to fourth and Pacific.  They gave me directions, and some more words of comfort, and then I headed out for the last leg of my journey.

Walking along Atlantic, I turned around as I heard a car approach, and two Spanish guys pulled up and asked me if I was okay.  I said that I was and I asked if they could give me a ride.  They told me to hop in.  As we drove, the driver told me he was headed to the 59th street bridge, to pick up his wife.  He said he'd drop me off before he turned.  They said something about how we were all going to have to pull together now.  They took me about a mile and a half, and then dropped me off, and wished me luck.

Then I walked for blocks and blocks, pausing every so often to look over my shoulder at the huge pall of smoke that was rising above Manhattan.  It was surreal in Brooklyn, because no one here really knew what had just happened in such close proximity to where they were.  People were just going about their business, for the most part, talking, laughing, making phone calls, walking along the street.  None of them knew what had just transpired a short way across the river.  I walked, and wept periodically, not paying much attention to the people on the street, and they not paying me any mind as well.  Finally I made it to Fee's apartment, where I now sit, trying to comprehend what has happened.  Watching it on T.V. is just making it more unbelievable.  I've seen footage of the second plane hitting the building, and I've seen footage of the buildings collapsing, but I still cannot fully grasp it all.  I keep feeling like I'm going to wake up from it, and it will all be a nightmare.  The human remains, the personal effects, the pieces from the aircraft, the guy falling, the panic in the streets, the buildings collapsing, it will all just be a nightmare.  I wish I could wake up from this.

September 17, 2001

Well, that last journal entry was something else, wasn't it?  The further away it gets, the less real it all seems.  That journal entry made it virtually unedited onto the front page of the Richmond Times-Dispatch.  Since that time, I've been working at wrapping my mind around all that I've seen and heard, but I haven't been very successful.  After showering and changing in Fee's apartment, I was shocked at how normal and unruffled I was.  I came out of the ordeal completely unscathed, and that has added to my disbelief of the whole situation.

I've received dozens of phone calls and emails from people asking if I was okay, complimenting me on the story, and just generally reaching out.  From meetings, to work, and even just random people like Taisia's work, everyone has been wishing me well.

The time that has transpired between that Tuesday and today is somewhat of a blur.  I've been having a hard time remembering what day it is, and what I've been doing, and my sense of time has been skewed as well.  I haven't done anything for my employer since last Tuesday at 9:15 AM either.  But that hasn't bothered me too much in the whole of scheme of things.

Well, I'll try and do a recap of events after I returned to Fee's apartment.  My step-cousin Schuyler came over, after he learned from Fee what I had been through, and that I was alone at her place.  I can't tell you how wonderful it was to see a familiar face at the door, after all that had happened.  We hugged, and it just felt so good-I'm so grateful to him for having done that for me, walking across the Manhattan bridge and coming to see me.  We talked for a while, and I recounted the story to him, and he graciously listened even though I'm sure it pained him to have to hear it.  Then we watched the television together in silence for the most part, both flabbergasted at what we were seeing.  After the initial shock wore off, we talked some more, of what exactly I can't remember, but it was all dealing with the days' events, of course.  I think that will be mostly what I talk about for a long time to come.

Eventually we decided to try and find something to eat.  We walked down some streets in Brooklyn, and on the way to a neighborhood with some restaurants, I found a charred piece of paper on the sidewalk.  It had blown there all the way from Manhattan.  It had writing on it that was related to some real estate court case.  Maybe it was from one of the many doomed law offices that once occupied the WTC.

We finally found a place to eat, with seats inside and outside, and the front of the place was opened up because it was so nice outside.  You could smell hints of the fire everywhere, and not the warm and cozy smell of a fireplace, but the unsettling smell of a bad fire, a structural fire.  It was unnerving.  But people were there and eating, in fact the place was mobbed with diners, all chatting and eating, albeit in a somewhat subdued fashion.  We ordered some food, and we sat and talked.  When the food arrived, we both ate voraciously, I'm ashamed to admit.  I discovered I was famished, despite everything that I had seen, heard, and experienced.

After returning to the apartment, we found Fee and Brian sitting on the railing waiting for us.  They had called while we were there, to let us know they had found a way out of Manhattan on a subway.  So we went inside and continued talking.  Eventually, Schuyler left, and so did Brian, and Fee and I stayed up watching the news and talking.

I went to bed fully expecting not to be able to sleep, or to be plagued by awful incarnations of the horrors I had witnessed.  Again I am ashamed to admit that I was not so burdened.  I slept soundly, and until quite late for me, almost 9 AM.  Upon awaking, I can't remember what I did, or at least I can't differentiate what I did on that day versus what I did for the remaining mornings I was in NYC.  Drank coffee, watched the news, ate something, talked to Fee.  It was all the same for the rest of my time there, I think. 

Thursday arrived both quickly and not fast enough.  Fee and I got on a subway after having some coffee and something to eat.  A bagel I think.  Then we went to Penn Station, where I got my ticket transferred and then Fee and I went to a Dunkin Donuts place to hang out until the anointed time.

Parting company with Stinky after so much time together and so many tragedies' shared was hard.  We hugged and told each other that we loved the other, and then I walked down the escalator towards the gate.  I helped a lady who was hauling a tremendous amount of luggage, and helped her stow it in the overhead rack, and we sat together.  Her name was Daisy, and we talked a great deal on the ride home.  She bought me lunch, and it was nice to have her as company for the trip.  She said she was going to mail me copies of the New York newspapers that I had failed to be able to get copies of.

I'm so relieved to say that the train ride was uneventful.  I made it back to Richmond right on schedule, at 4:30 PM.  Taisia was waiting for me, with a homemade sign welcoming me back.  It was really nice to see her.  She had a bouquet of flowers for me, and we hugged and kissed, and then she took me home.  Home.  I couldn't believe it.  Just as I had left it, even the lawn didn't look like it had grown a bit since I'd last mowed it.  Nothing had changed here, not one single thing.  No indication here of what had happened a few hundred miles away.  Events that threaten to change the entire planet.

Since coming home, I've talked to and seen so many of my friends.  Yesterday, Sunday, I went dirtbike riding with the whole gang of racers, minus Steve Sumner.  Almost the whole old roadrace team, Tim, Steve Shoul, Me, Scott Nelson, and Bobb Seitz.  It was great to see them all.  We went to a motocross track down in Sussex county, about an hour south.  I took Taisia's CR, after having raised it back up to its normal height the night before.

The day was stunningly beautiful, the weather was absolutely pristine, and there were tons of people there.  The track was not too terribly challenging, which was good considering how lousy a dirt rider I am.  The CR ran great, and I had a pretty good time flailing about on the track, although I was one of the slowest ones out there.  I managed to get the bike up in the air pretty good a few times, which was a lot of fun.  I crashed a couple times, but nothing too bad, and I'm not hurting that much today, although I am a bit sore.  It was a nice diversion, even though the horrors were never far from my conscious thought.

Watching the little kids ride around the track was the best part, I think.  Those little shavers were so great, doing their darndest to make it around the track.  And when they'd crash, unless they got stuck under the bike, they would jump right up, and pick up their bike, and hop back on, and kick it back running and off they'd go!  I almost began crying just watching them, because it brought me so much happiness, but at the same time I have this unbelievable weight on my chest all the time.  Everywhere I go, everything I do, all the time, it is like my soul is weeping uncontrollably.  I talked with friends, reminisced about old times, made jokes and did my standard routine, and had everybody laughing, but inside my soul was weeping.  I just can't stop it.  And so rarely do I show it outwardly.  Every now and then it bubbles to the surface, but for the most part it is just inward.

So here I am today, Monday, September 17, 2001 and I am going out in the canoe on the James tomorrow.  I really should call work now, but it is too late.  I guess I'll just have to be sure to call sometime tomorrow morning.  I'm planning on going back to work Wednesday, and making the rounds for the rest of the week.  That way, I'll only have to do that sort of thing for 3 days, and then I can go out on the road the following week and be completely anonymous.  So I'm going to take tomorrow as my last mental health day, and then I am going to try and get back into a normal routine.

I was just thinking about a picture I saw in the paper.  President Bush and NYC Mayor Rudolph Giulianni were together, and Rudy was looking like he was going to break down and cry, and Bush was looking into his eyes, and had his hand on the side of Rudy's head.  It was very touching.  Rudy has been such a pillar of strength for the city, and I think Bush is rising to the challenge on behalf of the nation, too.

I still haven't progressed to the stage of wanting revenge yet.  I know we need to do something, but I'm still not ready to jump on the bandwagon of people crying for vengeance.  I don't have the thirst for us to go over and do what I saw done to human beings in NYC this past Tuesday.

So there you have it, getting things just about up-to-date in the old journal.  Who would have ever thought that a piece of this journal would be front-page news?  Life is crazy sometimes, I guess.  It is only ten to nine right now, but I am already so tired and anxiously looking forward to going to bed.  I wonder if this is the night where it all comes back.


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              <text>September 11, 2001, was going to be a great day for me.  It was my 27th birthday and I had found out just 6 days before that I was finaly pregnant with the child I had tried for nearly a year to conceive.  I woke up feeling great and stopped to pick up some treats for my coworkers to celebrate my birthday.  I was in the breakroom reading a book, waiting for my shift to start when someone popped in and told me that two planes had just flown in to the World Trade Center.  I said, "Two?  How did that happen?"  He replied, "It wasn't an accident."

The rest of the day was spent with the TV on in our library's lobby.  For many patrons, coming in to the library was the first they heard of the tragedy.  Some simple stood and watched.  Some hopped on the internet to see what else they could learn.  Many talked, some sad, some angry, all hurt and confused.  It was a long day.

For me, I was torn.  Part of me was mad that such a thing could happen, let alone on my birthday.  Part of me wondered just what kind of world I was bringing a child in to.  Part of me was comforted by the knowledge that even as so many lives were lost, a new one was growing inside of me.  In a way, I was already healing.  Later, when I heard of all the pregnant wives of men lost in the attack, I wondered if their babies gave them strength to carry on, or were a constant reminder of what they'd lost.

Now, a year later, as I turn 28, I look at my beautiful, healthy, happy 4 month old boy, and I know that life does indeed go on.  I also realize just how blessed I am, and I thank God for all he has given me and this wonderful nation we live in.</text>
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The day when we were attacked shocked the entire USA. People now care for each other even more than before. People now think of the people that were horribly killed during the incident. Almost everyone was changed after the Twin Towers collapsed, including me.
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              <text>My father immigrated to the United States from Russia as a small boy.  He and his family worked hard, he eventually married and enlisted during World War II.  He had passed away 10 years before the attack on 9/11/01, but his love and respect for our nation never waivered and he had passed those feelings along to my sister and I.  When the attacks came, my feelings were those of disbelief and sickness. When I came home from work, our flag was put out and stayed there lit for weeks. I still feel moments of great sadness that this could happen on our home soil, but we, as a nation of immigrants, still feel an overwhelming pride in the fact we do stand tall and will face any adversity as it comes.  God bless us all.

Linda Kaufman Hass
Des Moines, Iowa</text>
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              <text>I was a junior at Providence College but my home is Brentwood, Long Island.  My first class on Tuesdays was Histology at 9:30.  Since it was only the second week of school, I was still getting up early and watching the news before class.  On the morning of the 11th, I had gotten distracted by a news story online - U2 had announced that tickets for their fall US tour were going on sale that Saturday.  I was searching the internet, trying to find out what time the tickets were going on sale when my brother imed me with simply "Did you hear?"  My brother being a U2 fan also, I thought he was maybe referring to that.  Then he imed me "Two planes just hit the twin towers."  I ran into my living room, put on the tv and just stared in utter and complete shock.  I tried calling home but all the lines to NY were busy.  It wasn't until close to noon that I was able to get through (a cousin came online and I had him call my dad and had my dad call me in RI).  My dad used to work across the street from the towers, I grew up going to the 60th floor of 1 Chase Manhattan Plaza and getting a sense that I could almost touch the buildings.  He said to me, "Tara, I have two pieces of bad news for you.  Mark Rosen is missing and so is Danny's dad."  Mark worked for Sandler O'Neil on the 104th floor of the south tower.  65 other employees of Sandler O'Neil died that September morning.  Danny's father is a NYC firefighter who was never actually missing, just couldn't get in touch with home after the towers collapsed.  The next few days were just so hard.  I brought my cell phone to every class, had it right out on my desk, waiting for the miracle phone call that Mark was found.  The call never came.  I was a eucharistic minister at Mark Rosen's memorial service at home on Long Island on September 28th.  His wife Patti spoke, his daughter Amanda read a poem.  It was beautiful.  One year later, is it really one year later?  The pain is so strong, but I didn't cry yesterday.  I had cried so much this past year, there didn't seem to be any tears left for me.  There's a beautiful quote from President Bush that he said on the 3 month anniversary of the attacks: "For those of us who lived through these events, the only marker we'll ever need is the tick of a clock on the 46th minute on the 8th hour of the 11th day. We'll remember where we were and how we felt. We'll remember the dead and what we owe them. We'll remember what we lost and what we found."  To the 2,801 victims of the Twin Towers, the 40 victims of Flight 93, and the over 180 victims at the Pentagon, your candle has burnt out long before your legend ever will.  I love and miss you Mark Rosen!</text>
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              <text>   I was traveling down the road and heard I heard it on the radio. I could not believe my ears. So, when I arrived at home I tuned in to the television and saw it for the first time. I watched as the towers fell that morning, plus the reinactment of the planes going in the towers. Then I saw the pentagon. I began to cry. Watching all those people run with blood on their faces and bodies. The dust was horrible. All these emotions hit me first came sorrow,then shock,anger,hopelessness,then came the patriot in me. I stood tall for one moment then I knew that we as a nation would unite and be as one.They may have destroyed our cities but they can not destroy our American spirit or heart.
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              <text>I almost didn't write this because I thought to myself, who am I to add such a trivial story to others who had been right there?  Who lost someone?  Or injured themselves?  Who am I?  But, I read one story from Georgia, far enough away and realized that despite the distance, I am an American and a soldier in the United States Army.  I, too, was deeply affected by the tragical events because I love my country and don't want to see anyone in it hurt.
   On that sad and extremely vunerable morning, I awoke without any knowledge of what was going on.  I lay in my bed, not wanting to get up.  After our pt session, I was tired and feeling a bit lazy.  But, time waited for no one.  Especially  not me.  I got dressed and went outside to find our parking lots practically deserted which was unusual, because parking was limited and on a normal day, any occupant would've had to fight for one.  Not on the morning of 9/11.  I also took note of the orange cones blocking the entrances/exits and the soldiers in kevlar and lbe's armed with M16s standing guard beside them.  I felt something tighten in my chest as I began to grow increasingly confused.  What happened, I begin to finally wonder.  I didn't have cable and couldn't get a good hip hop station in rural Ft. Huachuca, so I almost never listened to my stereo, except for cds.  That was my first regret.
   I watched as the guards turned a car away that had been trying to enter and the driver got mad at them.  I watched the incident in a daze then returned to my room to call my friend and let him know that my car was trapped so I couldn't get to work and could he please pick me up.
   Then, I asked what was going on and due to his astonishment, he replied in anger.
   "You don't know?!"
   "Apparently not or I wouldn't have asked," I snapped back.  Why couldn't he just answer me?
   "The Twin Towers were hit?"
   My heart jumped because I knew it was something bad, but how bad, I didn't know.  "What?  What are those?  Hit with what?"  The questions came all at once.  What was going on and I felt lost.  I knew that I had no control and neither did anyone else.
   I heard his deep sigh of disbelief. "You don't know what the Twin Towers are?  God!"  Then, he told me.
    Then, I felt myself growing angrier by the moment.  I just wanted my questions answered and now!  "It's not my fault that I'm not from New York!  Why should I know what they are?!"  And I hung up on him, knowing that I wasn't going to get anywhere with him or his attitude.
   I went to my car and drove to the exit.  The guard let me out with a little wave and I drove to my office at Greely Hall, the second biggest building in the U.S. Government, I was once told.  "Mini Pentagon", the girl had told me.  The back exit was blocked off with a high fence and no one was in the front parking lot.  I did a u-turn in the street and headed to DENTAC, my original unit.  When I arrived, they let me in.  No one else was there but military.  I didn't ask too many questions since I should already have known everything but I was arriving late too work.
   The lobby's t.v. was on and I fell into a seat and didn't move for hours, mesmerized by what was happening.  Then, it dawned on me a little while after finding out about the Pentagon that my family was close by in Manassas, VA.  I begin to worry about everyone that I could think of that might have been involved.  My sister, who was also in the Army, overseas in Italy; my parents and my Mom's boyfriend, who all worked near airports or D.C.  I began frantically making phone calls but couldn't get in touch with my parents or my little brother.  My sister didn't answer her home phone either and I sat back down in my same seat, in a daze.  
   My NCO's begin joking with me because I couldn't move from the screen.  I was devastated that we could actually be attacked by anyone.  We were the United States of America.  How dare anyone do this to us?  I hated every foreigner and wanted to know why they hated us so much.  I wanted to retaliate.  When I finally got through to my dad, he said that he wanted to come back in over this and he later sent me an email about trading in his suit and tie for the Army greens.  I was a true military brat as well as a soldier.  Both of my parents had served in the Army as well as my aunt, uncle, sister and my cousin who was stationed in Maryland.
   Throughout everything, I forgot that I was supposed to get pinned that day too.  I was getting promoted to Private First Class(PFC).  But, like so many other planned things, it didn't happen.
   My country got a wake up call but I'm sad to say that not much has changed and I wasn't very affected physically besides the fact that I had to park a good half mile from my barracks, had to pull guard duty 24-7 around the clinic and didn't get promoted on the planned date.  Alot of soldiers that I am stationed with, though, started deploying out and the fort began to look empty.  I was sad for them but proud that we were doing something.
   Now, it's September 10, 2002, a year later and it feels like 9/11 occurred just yesterday.  I'll pray tonite that nothing will happen and if the terroists try, that we'll be ready for them because we won't stand down.
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              <text>Justin Tokotch                                                                                                   per.5
5/23/02                                                                                                              9/11

The Day America Went Into Shock

I was in school in Miss Kersch's room third period working on science when I saw the replay of the first  jumbo jet hitting the World Trade Center tower. I then saw the second tower get hit by another jumbo jet. The Pentagon was hit about 20 minutes after the second tower was hit. I saw people running from the Pentagon plus the World Trade Center and the people were screaming. There was fire coming out of the buildings. I saw people jumping out of the buildings. A cloud of smoke came up and when the cloud cleared the people where shocked that one of the Twin Tower's was no longer standing in the sky. The tower landed on the ground in a pile of rubble. It shocked the nation that the Twin Tower's were gone. I was shocked that the Twin Towers were gone. There were a lot of people that died in that fatal attack that the terrorist groups organized. Many innocent people lost their lives September 11th, 2001.  Our economy was hurt after the attack too. After a few weeks people where still in shock. For a while some students did not come to school after that. September 11th did not bother me that much because I did not know any one that died.  To a lot people September 11th meant a great deal too.
 I feel very sorry for the friends and family that lost people in that fatal attack. People said that we should kill the people that did it to us. It is not right that this happened to us. I heard people ask if the Somerset Power Plant was going to get hit. I heard people ask if Niagara Falls was going to get hit.
I reacted by telling people that we should blow up all of Afghanistan when I heard that the Taliban was behind the attack on the Twin Towers. Many people agree with me. President Bush sent over some of the Army and Navy to take care of the Taliban. The Taliban is a group of people that are associated with Osama bin Laden. When I heard that the United State was going into war I thought that it would go on for a long time.
The terrorist attack did not affect me much, because I did not know anyone that was killed in that fatal attack. I did not care of anything that happened because I was to worried that I might have got kill if the Somerset Power Plant got hit. Their was a lot of confusion after that attacked on the United States.   











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              <text>We are a Nation of multiple ethnicities but having one cause- Freedom.

May the tragic events of September 11th remind us that there are everday hereoes amongst us all.  Regardless of race, creed, or color- many sacrificed their lives for the benefit of those here today.  </text>
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              <text>When I first heard of the attack I was doing what alot of other people were doing that moring. Getting my daughter ready for school. As we were getting into the our van and backing out my daughter was talking a mile a minute like every morning. I will never forget what I said to her, I was listening to our local radio station and half listen to my daughter. When I heard on the radio that we have been attacked I yelled at my daughter to SHUT-UP it really scared her she is 7. I just started to cry. Not sure if I should send her to school or not. After a moment I mad the choose to try and make this a regular day and sent her to school. What a day to remember my daughter still remembers when mom told her to shut-up. That is not a word we are allowed to use in our house. I will never forget.  </text>
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              <elementText elementTextId="184952">
                <text>born-digital</text>
              </elementText>
            </elementTextContainer>
          </element>
          <element elementId="57">
            <name>Media Type</name>
            <description>The media type of this item.</description>
            <elementTextContainer>
              <elementText elementTextId="184953">
                <text>story</text>
              </elementText>
            </elementTextContainer>
          </element>
          <element elementId="59">
            <name>Created by Author</name>
            <description>Whether the author created this item.</description>
            <elementTextContainer>
              <elementText elementTextId="184954">
                <text>yes</text>
              </elementText>
            </elementTextContainer>
          </element>
          <element elementId="60">
            <name>Described by Author</name>
            <description>Whether the description of this item was submitted by the author.</description>
            <elementTextContainer>
              <elementText elementTextId="184955">
                <text>no</text>
              </elementText>
            </elementTextContainer>
          </element>
          <element elementId="61">
            <name>Date Entered</name>
            <description>The date this item was entered into the archive.</description>
            <elementTextContainer>
              <elementText elementTextId="184956">
                <text>2002-09-11</text>
              </elementText>
            </elementTextContainer>
          </element>
          <element elementId="62">
            <name>IP Address</name>
            <description>The IP address of the device used to submit the item.</description>
            <elementTextContainer>
              <elementText elementTextId="184957">
                <text>65.166.14.136</text>
              </elementText>
            </elementTextContainer>
          </element>
        </elementContainer>
      </elementSet>
    </elementSetContainer>
  </item>
</itemContainer>
