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              <text>I remember waking up to the radio saying that something was on fire. It didn't quite register what they were talking about, for I was thinking about the hotel that they were to blow up in a few days at the DFW airport. I got out of bed and turned on the radio. Thats when we saw what was happening. I just kept thinking, "Oh my God, what happened?" Thats when the other plane hit the secound tower. I called my mother in California to talk to her about this, for she is in the Air Force, to find out if she knew anything. She didn't, not yet. It was saying over the news that all airlines were shut down, but they weren't sure for how long. I was to fly out that day to go back to California. My fiance and I just watched tv all day long to keep upo with what was happening. It was devistating to see all this distruction on american soil. This was something that I thought could never happen to us here, NOT in the US. I lived over seas for the war in '90 and that wasn't as hard to understand as this was. Then the towers fell. It was something out of a horror movie, seeing people running for there lives, not knowing if they were going to live or die. It was scary for me, I can't even imagine what it was like for those poor people. I finally flew back to California on the 17th. I was so glad to see my daughter and mother. You never realize how precious life is till something like this happens.</text>
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              <text>I was on vacation that week from work.When I got home from taking my son to school i turned the tv on.I thought it was a accident when the first plane hit.But I knew different when the second plane hit.The first thing I done was to call my future wife and tell her at work.I was worried about her hearing it on the radio and not seeing any pictures of this tragic events unfolding before our very eyes.I then prayed for all people in the twin towers;in Washington D.C. and in Penn.It will be a day we never forget.                         David &amp; Dianna Kunkel</text>
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              <text>I was sitting in my home office working,I turned on the the today show and they had stated a plane had crashed into one of the towers, such disbelive onsuch a clear and sunny day and then with disbelive a 2nd plane came into view and smashed into the 2nd tower,I then knew what was going on. I 1st had teres in my eyes then anger. all those inasint people. The 1st thing i tought was 10s of thousands of people would be killed from the towers falling down.Thow the # of people that did die on that day was large, it could have been so much more. God bless all the people that gave there lives on that day it truly shows what AMERICANS are made of ( good people ).I will never forget that day and I will remind myself and my 3 year old son on what happened that day, them people will always be rembered in my eyes and my sons. GOD BLESS AMERICA and all of those that live here.</text>
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              <text>Family Assistance Center for Flight 93

John D. Weaver

September 11th began as just another day for most Americans.  Things changed quickly, though, as a hideous terrorist plot began to unfold.  I was in my office at Northampton County Mental Health that morning, helping several other staff members complete a physical office move that had begun the day before.  We were positioning desks, file cabinets, and other pieces of office furniture.  Someone got word that there had been a plane crash into the World Trade Center in NY City and my coworkers scrambled to get our TV set working to see the news.  I simply keep moving furniture.

Before too long the office was buzzing as a second plane crashed into the second Tower, and one hit the Pentagon, and another had crashed in western PA.  Most work came to a standstill as more and more coworkers were watching the news or were trying to contact family members and friends.  I kept doing what I could to complete the office move.

My office mates kept passing by and telling me headlines that seemed more and more surreal as events unfolded and the towers began to collapse.  Some may have though it odd that I kept working on my tasks for the day.  Others knew I'd already taken a phone call from the Red Cross, placing me on alert to travel wherever I was needed, as soon as my destination could be determined.  I have been a disaster relief volunteer for over 10 years and I am a member of ARC's Aviation Incident Response (AIR) Team.  Our role is to support family members and everyone else involved in the rescue/recovery process when such incidents occur.  Until I was dispatched, continuing the physical activity of the office move was something concrete I could do to help my own office staff as much as I could, before I left the area.

By noon our County offices were closed.  I went home and packed, finally watching some TV coverage as I did so.  Folks in the disaster services field plan for "worst case" scenarios and yet no one imagined this could happen.  By the time my kids got home from school, I'd gotten my assignment.  I was to drive to the Johnstown area to support the relief operation for the families of those lost on United Flight 93 - the "heroes" flight on which the passengers managed to stop the terrorists before they reached their intended target.
	
For the next 12 days, I served as the Coordinator of the Family Assistance Center (FAC).  The FAC is a "safe haven" spot where family members can come together and share their thoughts, feelings, and memories with one another.  There they can also talk to mental health workers and members of the clergy, doing so in a secured place designed to protect their privacy.  Many prefer avoid the media, lawyers, and any others who might further victimize them at a time when they are quite vulnerable.  We were fortunate to have a marvelous facility ? the Seven Springs Resort ? available to us.  It offered nature?s beauty and serenity to all who came.  
	
On September 12th my team met with several of the 75 or so family representatives from United Airlines who had been assigned to help operate the FAC and care for the families.  The United people were under incredible stress.  The whole airline industry clearly had suffered a major loss and, for United, the impact was pushing the company in the direction of laying off personnel to assure continued operation.  Many United workers were first timers, who had gotten there more quickly than their luggage, and who had to fear this would be their last assignment with the company.  Nevertheless, they were great people who performed very well throughout our time together.  Part of our DMH role here was to support them in their efforts.  
	
Our primary role is to organize family member visits to the crash site and these are usually followed by a multi-faith memorial service.  Most surviving family members need to visit the site - a visit that helps them accept their loss and begin to move forward with their suddenly altered lives.  Disasters (and other traumatic life events) will always change us, but they need not damage us.  Our work in disaster relief is based upon the fact that people are incredibly strong and resilient.  Each of us builds character as we work our way though events such as these.  Gradually the victims retake control of their lives and shift from feeling like victims to feeling like survivors.  
	
The fact that air travel was temporarily halted following the events of 9/11 made this assignment more difficult logistically than most airline incidents.  Initially, it was quite hard for distant family members and friends to get to the area.  Some small groups came quickly, by car, bus, and limo.  Many people from far-off areas had to wait till air travel resumed.  With arrivals so spread out over time, a decision was made to offer two major site visits/memorial services, rather than one big one.  We held the first on Monday, September 17th and the second on Thursday, September 20.  Because some families arrived early and others came and went in between these two dates, several other personal site visits were also held.  ARC DMH personnel accompanied each group.
	
For those few folks who had gotten in to town quickly, we arranged bus transportation and secure, priority seating for a candle-light memorial service held in the town of Sommerset, PA on, September 14th (Friday evening).  This spontaneous event was the local community?s response to President Bush?s call for observance of a National Day of Prayer.  Those who attended were extremely gratified by the local outpouring of support, compassion, and prayers from the estimated 3000 people who turned out for the event.

Over the 12-day assignment we served about 500 family members and close friends of those lost on Flight 93.  Helping us serve them were the warm wishes and prayers of people all over the world.  We received a marvelous array of flowers, cards, banners, gift baskets, comfort kits, and letters of support.  These things were all placed on display in the large dining room that we were using as the FAC?s central gathering place.  Especially helpful were the touching messages from innocent children, some of whom attend a school that was near the crash site.  These things all gave great comfort to the families and, when we closed the FAC, these items became part of the permanent memorial to those brave souls who lost their lives while protecting the lives of others. 

We kept the FAC open and staffed on a 24-hour per day basis, throughout the time family members were in residence.  That way, whenever someone might be having trouble sleeping or might need company, they were welcome to stop in.  Beverages and light snacks were always available.  On the two days that the major site visits/memorial services were held, a full brunch was also served, followed by orientation sessions (briefing everyone on the rest of those days? events).  Typically there will be daily briefings held at a FAC, offering news from representatives of the National Transportation Safety Board detailing progress on the investigation and on recovery efforts.  Here, it was a criminal investigation headed up by the FBI and things were being handled with greater secrecy.   Daily briefings are always a good idea because they tend to facilitate group bonding and peer support.
Without the daily briefings to draw people into our FAC gathering room, we had to be creative in getting people to make their first visit.  We solved the problem through use of a greeting station in the hotel lobby.  Team members took turns sitting with United family representatives just inside the front door of the hotel.  Families were welcomed, given photo ID, and then escorted to their rooms.  During that process, we told them about the FAC and, when ready, we offered to escort them there as well.  Greeting people in this way worked so well that we reversed the process and operated a departure station at the same spot, as people were leaving. 

In addition to ARC DMH, Spiritual Care, Health Services representatives and th folks from United Airlines, three other organizations had representatives available within the FAC.  These were the FBI?s Victim Assistance Program, the Pennsylvania Office of Victim Assistance, and the Keystone Crisis Intervention Team (individuals with training through the National Organization of Victim Assistance).  The first two groups offered educational information and support for those who wanted to seek victim compensation funds.  The third served as my team of childcare workers, to assist families with therapeutic play and babysitting needs.  Ordinarily the childcare services would be provided by the ARC CAIR Team (Childcare AIR), but with transportation disrupted we were unable to get anyone from our team and I ended up needing to substitute these folks who had already had child abuse and criminal background checks done.

Many of my nine-member DMH team members were new to disaster relief work and they did not have mass casualty experience.  To orient them to their role, I offered them two bits of simple advice.  The first is: 

LESS IS MORE (KEEP IT SIMPLE).  Obey this fundamental premise:

There is nothing you can say or do that will quickly end the shock, ease the pain, or make survivors feel better?
But there are lots of things you can say or do that can make them feel (or act) worse!

Examples: I know what you?re going through.   or   Everything is going to be fine.
(Either comment may seem innocent enough, yet often results in an angry response.)

Passive Listening is often the best approach ? use attentive silence and keep responses to a minimum.  Overreaction is counterproductive to cathartic ventilation. There is a concept in communication known as Rehearsal Drop ? basically a point in conversation where the listener?s listening ends and his or her formation of a question or response begins.  By speaking too much, responding too quickly, or falling into any of the other nervous interviewing patterns he or she displayed at the beginning of his/her counseling career, the novice or nervous DMH worker often shoots himself or herself in the foot.  
	
The second bit of advice I offered the team members was: HOW DO YOU FEEL? (DON?T ASK!).  When the surviving family members and friends are ready to talk, there is no way to avoid getting their feelings.  Still, I frequently see well-meaning, novice DMH people try to begin their conversations with the quintessential question, How do you feel? (or some similarly intrusive variant that goes straight for victims?/survivors? gut feelings).  Following any disaster, hundreds of well-meaning, untrained volunteers can be found hitting on survivors with that same question.  Someone who is only available to serve for a short time is often impatient ? wanting to make something meaningful happen during his or her short time on the job.  Then they can feel good about what they did, write an article, etc.  
	
How do you feel? is often perceived to be the stereotypic psychobabble that TV and movies use as shorthand for all MH counseling.  It is also the same bluntly intrusive question many media representatives use to get their 15-30 second sound bites of traumatized people in pain.  Avoid it! There is no need to go directly after the feelings in any counseling situation, let alone one as sensitive as sudden death scenarios.  Once you begin opening up a dialogue about the facts, the feelings will follow, without you ever needing to ask for them.  
	
Many times the most helpful things that DMH workers do are also the most basic.  For instance, one family came to the FAC with a large poster board.  Each family member also brought his or her favorite photos of the person they?d lost.  Their simple plan was to create a small photo-mural to leave at the site.  I asked them if they wanted to also write anything between the photos and, when they said yes, I got them a permanent marker to use for the notes.  Similarly, we found many people were commenting on how much the vast collection of banners, letters, flowers, and stuffed animals meant to them.  We began offering disposable cameras to them, so that they could have something to keep and to share with others who could not be there with them.      
	
My experiences with mass casualty incidents always sadden me (something that generally hits us as we end our work) and this was no exception.  In fact, this one was worse for me than usual.  It seemed like we had done two air incidents in a row, because we had separately served two large groups, barely sending the first home when the second was arriving.  We had also done several other private site visits and memorial services, before and between the big ones, rather than just doing one big one as is more typically the case in an air incident.  

Whatever the reason, I cried off and on during my tour of duty, especially tearing-up as our caravans of buses would pass saluting police officers along our motorcade route to the site visits/memorial services.  I also cried off and on all the way home, a five-hour drive, as I returned home from western PA.  Both of those things are very typical for me.  What was different, though, was that for several days thereafter, I found myself having what I've joking dubbed "random acts of crying" triggered by certain songs, pictures, or news reports.  That ran its course but, as I sat down on October 5th to write some reflections on the experiences at the FAC, I found I was tearing up again.  I had chosen to write about my experiences as a way to pass my time while on a bus ride to NY City.  I had at that point had two weeks rest and I was on my way to join the larger, ongoing ARC operation for the World Trade Center.  
	
Disaster work gives people an interesting perspective on life.  For instance, when someone works as many major disasters as I have, some of the pettiness of day-to-day activities of living can be more easily ignored and it's easier to keep focused on what's important.  During times of tragedy, one thing that is very important is support - support from family members, support from friends, support from communities of faith, and support from others who care enough to share something of themselves when people are in need.
	
I'm truly privileged to be able to help out as I do when terrible things like this happen.  Others may think me a bit strange (or crazy) to give up my time and volunteer as I do.  The fact is, the most rewarding moments of my professional career have all come to me as an unintended and unexpected result of my volunteer work with ARC.
	
As my bus approached NY in the morning mist, I could see the altered skyline at the southern end of that great city.  I found myself thinking about the 1000s of people who never got to say goodbye to their loved ones - people who never got to finish living out their dreams.  Some of them also may never have experienced the joy of helping others who needed help in a time of crisis.  Please try to let go of any animosity you harbor toward others and avoid putting off showing loved ones you care.  Life is too precious a commodity to squander.  As the events of 9/11 have shown us, it can be taken from us in an instant.  Also, if you are not already doing so, please share some of your time, talents, and treasure helping others.  This will, in turn, allow you to get back far more than you will give.
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              <text>The first plane flew right over me as I was walking in to work. I remember thinking that it must have left from LaGuardia but had a mechanical problem and couldn't gain altitude. I hoped that it would climb or it might clip a building.

When I got into work it had just hit, and I thought it was an accident. I called my wife and told her to put on CNN because events like this don't happen often. After the second one hit, and we heard about the Pentagon, I knew we were under attack. We lost communication with the outside world and were physically sealed off. We knew nothing about what was going on, even though we were right there. Rumors started to fly around, and then panic set in, and there was no news to set us straight except for WCBS radio, and even that came in poorly. We didn't know when it would stop, or who was attacking us, or what really happend to the Twin Towers. It was strange: I could see it all from my window and not understand a bit of it. People in San Francisco knew more about it than me.

I finally ended up walking back home to New Jersey, because I wasn't going to spend another minute on that island. I really just wanted to get home to my wife and son, more than anything else.</text>
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              <text>This is part of an e-mail I wrote and sent a couple of days after September 11.

I hope you understand.  I have been talking about this for more than two days.  There were so many calls and e-mails.  I came in and composed an e-mail for everyone that I hadn't actually talked to.  I am worn out.

Over the past two days I have received a lot of telephone calls and e-mails.  My family and I appreciate your prayers and concern.  My prayers go out to all of those who have lost family, friends and co-workers.  

I left home early on Tuesday to vote in the Primary and to get to the office in time for a 10 am meeting. Five colleagues and I had a 4 pm flight to Atlanta that afternoon.  All that know me, know that I usually don't leave home before 10 a.m.  As I drove toward the Midtown Tunnel, I heard that a plane hit the WTC.  I thought it was a small plane that had lost it's way or gotten in trouble.  I immediately dialed (using my cell phone) my sister who works there and left her a voice message.  Next, I called my daughter who had gotten back earlier that morning (after midnight)  from a Mexican vacation that involved travel from LA via Dallas to NYC, asking her to try to reach my sister and to try to learn which building had been hit.  I also called Barbara, my co-worker, who was already at work, and asked her to go online to CNN to try to determine which building had been hit.  I didn't know at the time which building my sister worked in.  It turned out she worked in Building 6.  As I drove toward the tunnel, I pulled up alongside someone from the fire department and asked him which building?  He said that he didn't know, only that there was a fire.  My cell phone stopped working.  As I drove along the expressway, I could see the two towers clearly.  Both were on fire.  Continuing to listen to the radio reports, I learned that it was an act of terrorism and that another plane crashed into the other tower.  About 1/2 mile before the tunnel's entrance traffic stopped.  We sat in our cars and watched the buildings burn and emergency personnel and vehicles speed to Manhattan using the express lane.  As traffic began to move, the radio announced that one of the towers collapsed.  My view was obstructed at that point, so I didn't see it happen.  They turned us around at the tunnel entrance.  I wasn't too keen on going through the tunnel at that point anyway.  I quickly drove back home.  When I got home, I had 9 telephone messages.  The first was from my sister, crying and panicked, saying that there was a bomb in the building and that they were trapped and couldn't get out.  I cannot express the terror that I felt.  I began praying, asking the Lord not to let that  message be the last time I heard my sister's voice.  The messages continued to play and the 5th message, which came approximately an hour after the first one, was from my sister saying that she had gotten out and was taking the bridge (walking) home.  Two and a half hours later, she still wasn't home.  At one point we thought maybe she had gotten out and was hit by fallen debris.  As it turns out she had gone to the hospital and was treated and given medication for trauma.  

I cannot tell you how grateful I am for family, friends, co-workers and colleagues.  Today is my first day back in the office.  Many people called the office to inquire about my and my sister's well-being.  The worst part was not knowing and feeling helpless. The telephones weren't working.   I am so glad that I wasn't home when my sister's first call came in.  I don't think I would have been able to survive that hour until she could call and say that she was alright.  I cannot even imagine the pain of the families that still don't know what happened to their loved ones.

I have spent the last two days glued to the television set.  I know this is more than you ever wanted to know, but I had to get it out.  Life is so precious.  The things I was bitching and moaning about on Monday were so, so immaterial on Tuesday. I am feeling a sense of loss.  I cannot explain why.

This e-mail is for you only and is not to be distributed.
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Sep 11- Sep 21, 2001</text>
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              <text>I am an Administrative Assistant for Stoddard County 911 Services, in Dexter, Missouri.  I was excited about the day because it was National 911 Day.  We were going to celebrate the day and honor the dispatchers through out the county with gift certificates to a local restaurant and present each Department with a vegetable tray.
When I arrived at work everyone was gathered in the kitchen area around the TV in disbelief.  I quickly acquired that feeling of disbelief.  I immediately wanted to gather all my chickens into my nest at home, but of course life goes on and I was unable to do that.  Instead I prayed to my God and the God that founded this great country that he would hold those victims and families in his arms and love and comfort them as only he could do.
I called my husband, Dale, he was at home, he is a Sgt. for the Missouri State Highway Patrol, I called my son, Justin, who was attending Union University at Jackson, TN, and I chatted on MSN with my other son, Kenneth, who was attending High School, and I called my best friend, Thea, who's son is at West Point.  I gathered them all close to my heart.
Then with a feeling that I needed to do something, went and purchased bottle water and emergency neccessities for the office,just in case something happened here.  
I delivered our 911 gifts to the different departments 
in the county, not with celebration, but with appreciation of their duties.
Today, we are not celebrating 911 Day here but recognizing the Heroes of our Country, the ones that gave their lives and the emergency personnel that gave everything they had to rescue those that were victims. We have not a clue what New York went through, but our prayers were with them and still are.
I think it is sad that we turned to God when we have tragedy, but we soon forget who gets us through it and put him aside like he doesn't matter.  And he is there waiting with out stretched arms for us return to them.  He loved us so much that he sacrificed his son for the human race, and the human race is so fast to forget who brought this Nation this far.  God forgive us!</text>
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              <text>Copyright 2002 by:
Pamela Manch? Pearce
P.O. Box 1848
New York, New York 10021
(212) 879-7935 Phone/fax
Pamela. Pearce @att.net





				THE WOMEN IN THE WING CHAIR


On September 11th at 9:00 AM my husband, Barry, was on the phone engineering his mother, Eleanor?s move into a Connecticut nursing home the next day. Actually, he was dealing with her furniture.  Always that furniture.   I remember thinking ?I can?t wait until all this is over,? as I rushed past him to answer our second phone.


My friend, Sharon, was crying on the other end, stuttering, gulping for air.  ?What is it, what is it?? I pressed.  I thought of an accident ?her son, her husband.


?They?hit the World Trade Center again?. with planes.  Turn on the TV.?  I hung up and, as I raced passed my husband, I heard the words,  ?the wing chair, be extra careful with it?it would be awful if you damaged it.?


I watched the screen and thought it was a joke as I saw the towers?one smoking, one with a plane slicing through it, bursting into blood-red flames.  A joke until I heard the announcer?s voice.  I ran into the dining room.  ?She?s taking the Federal dresser with her. The original brasses are irreplaceable,? Barry said into the receiver.  It sounded so insane to me--furniture.  I pulled on his arm, hysterical, blurting ?Get off, get off.  The World Trade Center?s been attacked.? It didn?t register with him.  He was listening carefully to the mover.  Barry looked at me and hissed,  ?This is an important call. We don?t move these pieces every day, and I want it done right. What?s the problem??  I repeated, louder, ?The World Trade Center?s been attacked.?  He muttered ?I?ll call you right back,? and he ended his call.


By the time we stood together in front of the TV, news of the Pentagon attack was being announced, even as we watched the smoking towers, mesmerized.    Outside our apartment fire trucks and ambulances, sirens blaring, raced downtown.


?We have to get out of here NOW!? my husband announced. Fearing the city might be locked down any minute, he killed our plan for an evening drive to Eleanor?s Guilford apartment.  ? I?m going to the garage.  I?ll meet you down stairs in 15 minutes.?  Panicked, sure our apartment would be destroyed, I raced around?grabbing folders of writing, a wedding picture, a baby picture of my husband, another of my parents, my



good jewelry, water.  A mad scramble of stuff thrown into a canvas tote.  I pushed the two cats into their travel bags, and a sack of their food and stuffed mice into my own.


As everyone else, we were stunned by the attacks.  And with terror surging in our minds and bellies, we wrestled with our arrangement to move my mother-in-law, Eleanor, the next day.  She didn?t want to go, she loved her apartment, but she needed more help.  She?d confided that over and over in our nightly phone calls.  The waiting list at the nursing home in Old Saybrook was at least a year; her spot could only be held for another 24 hours.  We had to grab it.  So my husband insisted we stick to the plan, even if it meant leaving New York in a rush, traveling bridges and highways while highjacked planes were still flying around.

 
 We made it, and we escorted Eleanor to Old Saybrook.  She was nervous but didn?t show it, her back straight, her eyes alive.  I was especially proud to be in the same family as this dignified ?Yankee Empress,? impeccable as ever in a pale pink blouse, pearls and lace-up oxfords that matched her taupe skirt as I wheeled her to her new room past residents in fuzzy sweat suits and wrinkled housecoats and slippers.   I squeezed her shoulder and she instantly covered my hand with hers as we neared room 219, her new home.  Inside were the Federal dresser, wide frame pine mirror and Hepplewhite nightstand were in place to greet her like old friends. They had been with her for 70 years.   Her half of the room?elegant right down to the Queen Anne footstool and flame-stitched easy chair?proved that nothing could deny this 95 year-old the pleasure of her most-cherished furniture.

 
Soon after I met my husband in l993, I learned about his family?s passion for their furniture.  Early American had never been my taste.  A standing joke between us is Barry?s dream of living in a Shaker room and mine in Marie Antoinette?s lingerie drawer.  Early American furniture always reminded me of suburbia in the ?50?s and ?60?s, with all those fakes--those eagle-topped toilet paper holders and waste- paper baskets shaped like drums. One of my aunts was mad for the stuff:  ball fringe hung from the edge of every curtain, and patriotic red-white-and blue was everywhere, including a canopy on the baby?s crib.  I hated those matching maple bedroom sets my cousins had while I was growing up--the ones advertised in the color section of the Sunday papers as ?5 pieces for $199.00, box spring and mattresses not included.? I despised those austere hooked rugs and sexless beds with tight covers.


But what my husband inherited is, like him, the real thing.  In the l930?s, when his parents visited relatives in Vermont and they picked-up then unfashionable pieces at lawn sales.  They liked the clean lines and fine wood, frequently hidden beneath layers of cheap white paint.  My late father- in- law lovingly refinished their finds in his basement workshop, gently stripping thick, alligatored paint from various furniture, including a Hepplewhite chest and a museum-quality tavern table that may have been used to sort laundry or hold pots next to a stove.  In keeping with their love of Colonial antiques, Barry?s parents bought the David Hale house in Glastonbury, Connecticut.  A cousin of patriot Nathan (?I regret that I have but one life to lose??) Hale had built the house in 1760 where my husband grew up. The furniture fit perfectly and was frequently photographed for glossy magazine features on historic Connecticut homes.


The more I learned about Barry?s furniture, the more interested I became.  I grew to love our single-plank blanket chest and elegant dining room chairs, painted with a feather brush to simulate grain at a time when the American Revolution was an idea discussed in secret.    

 
But, it wasn?t until the attack on the World Trade Center that I really began to appreciate the history of these objects.


 	The next week, still shaken, we returned to Guilford, to pack up Eleanor?s abandoned apartment. It felt strange to be there without her to greet us. There was no kettle whistling an invitation to tea, and no homemade cookies from her rose- printed tin. And the fragrance of her lily-of-the-valley cologne, an integral part of her welcoming embraces, was now just a faint scent on the clothes left behind in her closets.

  
  Alone while Barry went to the truck, I surveyed what was left.  Did we want to keep the wing chair after all?  I had never liked it; it was too big.  You could barely see the person sitting in it except from the front. To me, the mustard and olive upholstery was ugly.  Save it?  Or drag it across the room to the Salvation Army pile?

  
            Exhausted, I sat in the massive chair for just a moment.  I grabbed the arms with 
my hands, pressed myself into the strong support of the back, allowed the wings to 
shelter my head.  For the first time since September 11th, I cried.


 	I felt safe after 10 days, after 10 sleepless nights. Waiting for my bed to rock 
from a bomb blast; waiting for poisoned gas to seep under the doors, choking me to
death; listening to sirens on the street; counting their number and figuring their direction; dreaming again of the fireball on the South Tower; and waking early to see it again and again.


But in the chair I felt safe.  Not just physically safe, but safe in the knowledge that
I am not the first woman to feel afraid. Not the first woman whose life has been 
catapulted from the everyday dangers of life?s--accidents, illness, and nature-- into the 
disorder of enemies outside the house:  everywhere, hidden, enraged.  I sensed that the 
chair had a history of women in danger, sitting in it.  Not women on battlefields, but in
domestic places, surrounded by uncertainty, risk, violence, and war.  I felt the presence of 
other women who once were here, afraid.  Just as I was now afraid.


I can imagine a woman seated here, in the relative calm before the Revolution, just after she had slid closed the wood-paneled Indian shutters, which were the size of doors.   Listening for the enemy?the crack of every twig, the call of every bird: ominous.  Waiting in the chair, trembling inside.  Listening.  Praying to live.  Praying for the strength of her house, the safety of her children.  Her heartbeat ticking time until night became morning and she left the chair to open the Indian shutters and begin another day of life.


Eleanor and her new husband Charlie bought the wing chair at an auction in the mid-1930?s.   I envision them driving around the New England countryside, newlyweds, with it all before them:  peace and prosperity.  Feathering their nest, Eleanor chose upholstery fabric to go with her new braided wool rug.  Little did she know that she would occupy that chair through years of personal heartbreak, the grim tightness of a depression, and the dark, dark hours of WWII.  Seated in this chair she knitted endless pairs of socks, as the world she had counted on became one of hospital ships full of injured men, and black - rimmed letters and funerals held without bodies.


	I have always been somewhat American, but not as much as my first-generation parents would have liked. They wanted very much for me to be an ?All American Girl,? but I rebelled against their plans by embracing European ideas and culture. I distained the brashness of Americans and what I saw as their lack of history.  Rather, I looked across the Atlantic as if my spiritual home was there.   Now, I am choosing to be an American.


	My ancestors are all lost to me. Left behind in France and England as my grandparent?s stomachs clutched in steerage, in ships sliding into the huge ocean toward the hugeness of AMERICA.


	There are no family portraits in paint or words for my reference. No legendary great, great aunt Adele, who survived the German takeover of France in l871.  No stories passed down of an English ancestor named Mary Elizabeth, remembered for burying the family silver on the northland as marauding Scots set fire to cottages and barns.  There are no family tales of danger and survival to help me.   I now look to those American women who went before me and who lived through dangerous times with courage. I draw strength from them.


	I understand Eleanor and her furniture, at last.  Her Early American furniture is her ancestral portrait and her personal coat-of-arms.  And now, the wing chair is these things for me, as I learn from the courageous American Women who went before, showing me how to survive, how to be strong and brave. And that I am not the first woman to be afraid when enemies are outside my house. 

			######


     
 


	







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              <text>That tuesday morning I was in nutrition class here in Ryerson University in Toronto Canada and one of my classmates came into class and was just talking about how a plane crashed into the World Trade Center, I had just thought that it was a serious accident where a small aircraft hit the tower, but then another teacher came into class later on and said that the US "is under attack and the World Trade Center &amp; Pentagon were hit".  The whole school was shut down and I guess everyone was let out early from work and everyone packed in the subways. Police were present everywhere, in the subways and on the streets since my school was near the business district and near the CN Tower. 
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              <text>September 11th, 2001 ~ is exactly one week after my sixtieth birthday. I was sitting at my computer at home, as is usual, and my husband phoned from his car. "Turn on the TV" he commanded. "An airplane has crashed into the World Trade Center!" I cried "Oh, my God". On TV, I saw the second plane explode into the other tower and I knew it was war. I cannot remember if I tried to find my children immediately or if it was after the Pentagon attack. My oldest son is at home in Herndon, so I feel he is as safe as are we in Springfield, but Jamey is downtown, in the capital city. How would he be able to come home to Virginia, as the bridges would surely be closed? His wife's skills are required at the hospital to attend to casualties expected from the Pentagon, so I feel he needs to be with his children. Rumors are flying about other attacks on the government. Although my earnest prayers are with my compatriots who came into harm's way this September morning by attending to their usual business, I want to know my family is safe. What is to come? It is an unsettled time. My homeland attacked just thirteen miles away; I never imagined seeing the Pentagon under siege!

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              <text>	September 11 started out a normal day for all of us at Barker Central School.  It was a beautiful sunny day, definitely not the type of day that anyone would expect tragedy to occur.  I had gotten up that morning not even thinking about my day.  I got on the bus and went to school just like every day not a care in the world.
	At school everything seemed to be normal but it wasn't it was like America was sitting on a time bomb that was about to be detonated.  Third period, chorus was when I first realized what was happening.  When I walked into the classroom my teacher asked if I had heard what was going on.  When I said that I didn't he then directed my attention to the TV.  I sank into a seat by my best friend and focused on the TV.  I watched the replays of planes hitting two buildings then as one of the two buildings collapsed.  It took me a few minutes to place the two buildings.  When I finally understood it was the World Trade Centers I was shocked.  Terrorists had attacked America, not just America but New York State.  The state that I live in! Through out the day more stories spilled in about another plane hitting the pentagon and then the rumor about a car bomb.  I was horrified to think that some terrorist could get through our security and kill innocent people.
	My life changed that day.  I have always been patriotic and this event just made me more so, but it disgusted me to think that it would take a tragedy such as this to make people realize what their country means to them.  America has many rights that other countries could never even dream about.  Not to long ago immigrants would call America the land of opportunity.
	President Bush has the right idea when he said that America would not fall only get stronger.  Americans have pride in their country and no one can ever take that away, not the British in 1776, not when our country was divided and definitely not some Arab terrorists.
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              <text>I was driving to work that beutiful, sunny, September morning from my home in Alexandria to Falls Church, Virginia.  I had left late...around 8:40am as I had to go to a work-related dinner that evening.  I always have the radio on in the car, and this morning was no exception.  I was amazed when the announcer broke in to report that a twin engine plane had hit the World Trade Center in New York.  Having grown up in the shadows of New York City in Fair Lawn, NJ, I immediately thought of people back home, but I really wasn't panicked.  Honestly, I didn't really know what a twin engine plane was, and thought that a sightseeing plane had accidentally hit the tower.  I proceeded to work.  The building I work in is a large medical center, and we have several television sets in the lobby and waiting rooms, all tuned to CNN.  I was immediately struck how everyone seemed to be huddled around the sets, and I could make out the CNN captions "Plane hits WTC".  Again, the severity of the situation somehow escaped me, and I went up to my office.  Several minutes passed, and my phone rang.  It was my father, audibly upset.  He works in Jersey City, next to Liberty State Park, and directly across the Hudson River from the WTC.  "Did you hear about the planes?", he asked me.  "Planes?  I thought there was only one," I said, panic now starting to set in.  "I saw the second one hit," he recalled, obviously shaken.  I could hear the anxiety in his voice.  I could also hear the PA system in his building in the background.  It seemed that people did not know what to do...stay, or go home.  While still on the phone with him, my other line rang.  "Dad, stay put.  Let me get this other line."  I put him on hold, and picked up the other line.  It was my mother.  "Dominique is at the World Trade Center today."  I'll never forget those words.  Dominique, the lively 27 year old daughter of my mother's closest friend and coworker Barbara was in the worst possible place that morning.  She didn't even normally work there.  But, she had a training meeting for her company Marsh that morning.  Barbara was trying to call her on her cell phone, without success.  After a brief conversation with my mother, I went back to my father.  Details get blurry, but I think I told him about Dominique and he told me he was heading home.  I remember going out into the waiting room with coworkers to watch the events unfold on CNN.  Watching the buildings fall, I sobbed audibly.  I paced the hallways, telling people that my friend Dominique was there, and that no one had heard from her yet.  Somewhere in the middle of all of this, the Pentagon got hit.  We then started hearing all sorts of rumors...a car bomb at the State Department...an explosion at the FAA headquarters...it was awful.  Management at my facility were having emergency meetings.  Because I work in the healthcare field, they were looking for volunteers to go to local hospitals to assist as needed.  I called my supervisor.  I needed to go home.  Driving home was surreal.  Cars and people were clogging the streets.  I could see the smoke from the Pentagon fire while driving home.  I couldn't seem to get in touch with my uncle who works at the Navy Annex across from the Pentagon, so I drove to my aunt's office and learned he was okay.  Police roadblocks were everywhere.  I made it home, and shared stories with my neighbor who had been in DC that morning for a meeting.  My friends Jay and Chuck brought there cats over, and stayed with me that whole day and night.  Their apartment is in Pentagon City, and they took some pictures of the Pentagon from their aprtment windows. We watched the news most of the afternoon, in between calls to my family back home in NJ.  Remarkably, I was able to get through most of the time.  My cell phone was useless.  No news about Dominique.  "What if she's dead?" I cried to my mother.  "Don't say that.  We're not going there" she replied.  At about 6pm, we decided we needed to take a break from the news, and walked to a nearby shopping center to get dinner.  It was eerie...stores all had handwritten signs in the windows "Closed due to emergency."  Starbucks was closed.  The grocery store was closed.  We did find a little restaurant and choked down some food.  Strangers talked to one another and tried to digest what was happening. Some had gone to give blood, only to have been turned away...too many volunteers, they were told.  We went back home, and I frantically checked my messages...no word on Dominique.  By then, the phone lines were all jammed, and I couldn't get through.  After a restless night, the phone rang at 5am.  I picked up to hear my mother sobbing uncontrollably.  I could barely understand her.  Still no word.  And reality was sinking in.  Dominique was missing. And, as we would learn officially many months later when they were able to identify some of her remains, our dear friend Dominique Pandolfo lost her life at the World Trade Center, September 11, 2001.</text>
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